Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South & East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 111, Saturday 30th July until Friday 5th August 2016.

This week’s ramble was composed while travelling on the train and written on the back of “The Amended Gatwick Express and Southern Timetable”.  After the pitiful service that myself and others have suffered recently courtesy of “Southern” it’s the least they can do but supply me with paper to write this shit on.

 Thanks to “Southern” for scrap paper to write this weeks Blog.

Weekly I never know how personal to be, do you really want to read about how boring life in London is, or should I spice it up and make out that everything is wonderfully sparkly…… No I’ll just tell you how it is.

 I just wanted to eat this BB-8 cake up in one go. 

This week I’ve had a bad tummy and a Migraine, that’s how interesting it’s been.  A bad tummy is never pleasant, but this week it’s actually helped with my wedding diet (don’t worry the internet dating thing hasn’t resulted in a ceremony that my mum needs a hat, it’s one of my sisters getting wedded).  As a result I have lost 5lbs, I really can’t say what part of me I’ve lost because there is still enough of a gut to suck in every day.

 A rather nice random tattoo of the week spotted on the tube.

I have a theory about the recent weight loss.  It’s not been a great summer in London, but I find it’s warm and slightly humid which has meant I sleep with a window open.  I’ve watched every episode of The X-files, so I know that the “Greys” like to abduct sleeping humans, probe them before returning them peacefully back in there beds.  Their technology really must be amazing, forget the fact that they have traveled through interstellar space, the void to reach Earth. What’s amazing is how they managed to lift my bulk off the bed out through a small first floor window and up into their craft, probe me and fit me with a temporary imaginary gastric band before returning me to bed.  I say this because at the moment I’m really not hungry, I am the first to put my hand up to a large portion of chips with salt and vinegar, tommy sauce eaten with a small wooden spork (a cross between a fork and a spoon).  But this week I wouldn’t have even been able to look at a spud let alone splash Tomato sauce on everything.  As I mentioned earlier I’ve really suffered with a bad tummy in the last seven days……. Maybe I won’t go in to the unpleasant details, just leave it to your imagination.

  These art installations will be in the Tate next year.

Another side effect of the abduction has been a migraine.  I have learnt over time that if I wake up in the middle of the night (as a rule I never sleep well, and I don’t blame the aliens for that) with a bad head, I usually spend the rest of the day with a throbber.  This particular morning the alarm went off and sure enough my left temple hurt.  I spent an hour travelling on public transport trying to zone out the rhythm of the train and the constant public address announcements that bombard passengers these days.  Once at work I managed an hour before I had to rush to the loo to drive the porcelain bus. Putting my head down a local government lav before 9am while keeping hair and a dangling ID lanyard out of the trail of vomit is not easy.  An hour later I was laying down in a dark room in the quiet of my sister house, I say quiet as they were on holiday.  Cutting a long story short the migraine has lasted for 2 days now (there are still traces while writing this ramble, maybe this is making it worse).

  Travelling with a throbbing head, it felt like it was going to burst.

When I have a headache like this just moving, for example leaning over bending down hurts.  In fact my head actually feels empty.  This won’t come as a surprise to anyone that really knows me; they will tell you that my head is empty of anything useful or important.  But that’s for another week I think. When a migraine lasts for this long its only “normal” to worry that there might be something really wrong in there, or could this be a sign that a Brain is finally growing filling the empty cavity of my skull.  I had a recommendation of an over the counter drug that I hope will do the trick.

 Emmmm, drugs.

In conclusion it’s been a week of shit and headaches, those aliens are responsible for a lot, maybe I should close the bedroom window in future.

In other news…..

  A narrow gauge railway next to the BR line, bet it’s time keeping is better.

Almost tripped MOZ on a flight of stairs at “Chadwell Heath” station, because I saw a narrow gauge track in the garden of the next door.  MOZ almost tripped me up when she spotted a 5p on the floor, I’m just glad we don’t have ½ pence’s anymore that’s would have been a really cheap trip.  While writing an e-mail at work I typed “arse” instead of “are” only noticing at the very last minute (that was close).  I have noticed how a lot of people are walking while swinging both arms, could this be a new exercise craze.

  Licky Ice Cream fun.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching:  “Andromeda”, (Season 3, eps 10).  “Fleabag”, (Season 1, eps 3).  “Man Down”, Season 3, eps 4).  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work experience”, (Season 6, eps 4).  ).  “Robot Wars”, (2016, eps 2).  “Skins”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 9) (Season 2, eps 1 to 3).  “Stargate SG1”, (Season 5, eps 20).  “The Out-Laws”, (Season 1, eps 2 & 3).  “The Secret Agent”, (Season 1, eps 2 & 3).  “Wasted”, (Season 1, eps 3).           

 This week I have mainly been listening to  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (28/07, 01/08, 02/08/16).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (28/07, 29/07, 01/08, 02/08, 03/08/16).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (03/08/16).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (28/07/16).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (02/08/16).   ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (30/07, 05/08/16).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (eps 10, 27/11 & eps 11, 23/12 & eps 12 25/12/2015).  “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (24/11, 17/11, 12/11, 06/11, 28/10, 23/10, 30/09, 23/09, 03/09, 27/08, 18/07/15).    “Morrissey”, “White Stripes”, “Ting Tings”, “Royal Blood”, “Depeche Mode”, “Ash”, “Warpaint”, “First Aid Club”, “Ladyhawke”.

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Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East & North London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 110 Friday 23^rd July until Friday 29^th July 2016.

Summer is the time of the year when lovers are out and about in plain view.  Birds, Dogs sniffing each other’s arses and of course humans in love can be seen everywhere.  It’s the humans that remind me I am a middle aged singleton who needs a love life.

   Spotted on the train and tube this week.

I have been single since late in the last century, it’s been so long I don’t really know that I would even know what to do on a date. In fact thinking about it, I’ve lived on my own for so long I am possibly to set in my ways. A couple of years ago I dipped my little toe in to the internet dating pool, that’s right I signed up to a website and hoped for the best.  I did actually meet two women; one is still a friend.  The dates were fun but not a success; one highlight was to an art exhibition at the Barbican. A low point was going to the Proms at the Royal Albert Hall.  When you see the Proms on TV there are crowds of smartly dressed people enjoying the music, with the front row pretending to conduct.  This was a 4 hr opera in Italian.  I’m not an opera fan and don’t speak Italian, in retrospect it was a long boring afternoon which didn’t even result in a snog or a grope.

 If I get a date i’ll take her here…

Recently when drunk I signed up to a couple of dating websites.  To fully take advantage of their service you have to pay, I haven’t done this yet so I have the basic package.  I keep getting e-mails telling me that this woman or that woman likes my profile.  I suppose I’m going to have to spend a few pounds to really stand a chance of organising a date.

  I really enjoyed the new film lots, next Finding Dory I think.

They say “a picture is worth a thousand words” most dating profiles are a couple of hundred.  When I see a picture I wonder how up to date it is, and is the profile truthful. I half expect various words to start flashing with the word “LIER” next to them.

I was completely truthful with mine, here is a sample.

Age: 32-34.

Height: 5ft 6inc.

Weight: 8 Stone.

Build: Athletic.

Work: Company Executive

Hobbies: fine dining, expensive travel, philosophy, participating in competitive sports, reading the classics.

Your profile picture is the calling card that people see first, so it needs to be good and get them hooked. How about using one taken a year ago in Mozambique, but would that be lying.

Of course I told the truth in my profile, even though i learnt a long time ago that being honest doesn’t improve life. Oh, I did actually use a picture from a year ago……

 Nuff said….

Let’s see what happens over the coming weeks and months, will some woman be silly enough to actually want to go out with me, only time will tell. In the meantime I’m hoping that the wet summer continues this is because the lovers cover up or hide under a huge umbrella or maybe just stay in bed.  Me, I’m not bitter…..

And now for something completely different…..

 It was lovely meeting up with the Hamster again.

Who said Facebook didn’t tell you anything good, recently it mentioned to me that I had not seen a friend in a year.  We quickly arranged to meet up in Croydon.  There are not many people who can say they had a lovely evening in Croydon without visiting the local A&E and/or staying in the Police station for the night.  Once we had met up it turned out we had been waiting for each other just 50 metres apart both wondering “where is she”.  Claire we must meet up again before Facebook reminds us.

In other news…..

   What else is there to do in North London on a sunny day.

While walking in Hampstead Heath coming to the corner of a gravel path MOZ looked at me and said “I’m a rebel I’m going to walk on the grass”, I looked at her and said “were on Hampstead heath, it’s all grass”. I am a Starbucks junkie, but the drink tastes even better when you have built up enough stars (and spent a wad) for a free drink. That free bucket of surgery gloop is just the best drink ever. Smelling deep heat in the office, it’s a slightly comforting smell…. Ok just me then.

 Enjoying that new Vodka Starbucks Frappe.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: “Avatard: Comedy Blaps”, (Season 1, eps 1 & 2). “Fleabag”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox: The Pale Blue Dot”, (eps 4). “IT Crowd”, (Season 3, eps 4). “Man Down”, Season 3, eps 3). “Rhod Gilbert’s Work experience”, (Season 6, eps 2 & 3). ). “Movies & Megastars: Ellen DeGeneres on Finding Dory”. “Mrs Brown’s Boys, Live”. “Quantum of Solace”. (2009). “Robot Wars”, (2016, eps 1). “Suicide Squad”, (Comic Con trailer). “Star Trek Beyond”, (2016). “The Adam and Joe Show”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 3). “The Batman Lego Movie”, (Comic Con trailer). “The Joy of Data”, (eps 1). “The Out-Laws”, (Season 1, eps 1). “The Secret Agent”, (Season 1, eps 1). “Wasted”, (Season 1, eps 1 & 2). “Wonder Woman”, (Comic Con trailer).        

 This week I have mainly been listening to: “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (10/03, 04/03, 16/02. 26/01, 19/01, 12/01/16) (30/12, 18/12, 07/12, 02/12, 26/11/15). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (20/07, 21/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (21/07, 22/07, 25/07, 26/07, 27/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (28/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (26/07/16). ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (23/07, 29/07/16). “Morrissey”, “The Chemical Brothers”, “Underworld”, “The Prodigy”, “Black Grape”, “two Door Cinema Club”, “Kate Nash.

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Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 109 Friday 16^th July until Friday 22^nd July 2016.

Queuing is a very British thing; we seem to queue for everything and anything, it’s part of our culture.  I think that it’s a natural process inside us all, a little like a baby bird who just knows what to do once out of the egg.  I realise that human babies don’t queue but I suspect they would if they could for their milk.

   Knickers to you madam.

Queuing is what we do, it a national past time along with complaining about the weather.  It’s only a matter of time before it becomes an Olympic sport which we would win every single medal available.  Our “Queuing Team” would be the best in the world, at least there is little chance of a doping scandal and if there was then we would be really screwed.

 We were told…

Scroll through the hundreds of TV channels available you will see programmes about every topic.  It won’t be long until there is a programme about queuing, it would appear on a channel about three quarters of the way down the listings near the adult ones.  The programme could be called “Brits who love to queue” this would lead to a second series “Brits who want to keep queuing”.  As with everything on TV these days there would be a celebrity version featuring washed up z-list celebs and reality TV zombies.

   Me before and after the Hen Do…. I was broken.

I was once in Canada travelling on the Trans Canadian railway for 5 days from Toronto to Vancouver (and back again).  I remember walking in to the buffet car behind a women, I asked if this was the queue.  She looked at me with a puzzled frown.  In Canada they didn’t use the word queue, I had to think quickly and say “line” (of course I’m not saying they don’t use the word it was just that person who really didn’t know it).

 Quite normal Hen behaviour I believe.

Some of the worst queuing happens around public transport, when a train arrives the queue scatters and all etiquette goes out of the window as people crowd around the doors.  This causes a problem as people who are trying to get off have to squeeze through the idiots attempting to climb on at the same time.  I really want to tap them on the shoulder and say that they would get on the train quicker if they stayed in the queue and let everyone off first.  But if I did that I would probably get a black eye or worse.  Yes its times like this I get “Queue Rage”.

   This week I learned to make Vodka Jellies…

Last weekend it was my sister’s Hen Do (more on that soon).  Once MOZ and I arrived at Victoria station our hearts sank when we saw the queue snaking round and round a roped off area but everyone was queuing waiting their turn.  However as we got very close to the front a tall thin pretty woman climbed under the barrier, she mesmerised a man with her smile and walked up to a free counter.  Everyone was being very English; and didn’t say a word, however everyone was suffering from “Queue Rage”.  In conclusion, if you don’t want to queue just smile sexily at a man and you will jump to the front of the queue.

And now for something completely different…..

  All of us squeezed in to the VIP area in the local club, I enjoyed the Cocktails.

As previously mentioned it was my sisters Hen Do last weekend, a lovely chance to meet old friends and make new ones.  I’ve never been on a Hen night before, I can report that there were straws in the shape of willies, hen sashes (my sister wouldn’t wear them) and a huge inflatable penis in the garden.  The drink flowed (our Vodka jelly shots went down well), laughter could be heard all around the house. Many of us had facials, massages and our hair braided.  In the evening we were V.I.P’s (I’ve never been a V.I.P) in a small local club, I have a feeling that the roped off area is normally the drag queen stage it was tiny and in the corner.  The wine was terrible, they could have served vinegar which would have tasted better, however I did like the cocktails.  Didn’t go to bed spent the night wrapped in a blanket chatting and listening to the birds waking up.  It really was a lovely way to celebrate my sisters up and coming wedding.  There are two highlights. On Sunday morning MOZ was trying to deflate the large inflatable penis by leaning on it, she fell off.  Then bumping in to my cousin and a friend at the train station, they were on the wrong platform.  I couldn’t let them go to Reading could I.

In other news…..

 Searching for Duckling on the 5th floor, mum and 8 babies all safe and sound.

On the hottest day of the year, there was a Duck and 9 Ducklings wondering around the roof garden at work.  We called in a man who spent a number of hours trying to catch them.  Mum and 8 of the ducklings were captured quite easily, but there’s always one troublemaker in any group, number 9 hide in the tall grass and wouldn’t come out.  But the duckling wasn’t as clever as he though and was caught when mum made a noise calling for the lost baby.  They have been rehomed in a local park with lots of water.  The roof garden is a wild place so it was a safe place for mum to nest and incubate her eggs, but being on the 5^th floor it’s really not a great place for ducklings.

 Stratford was busy on Friday evening, luckily I was going to the pool away from the crowds.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching:  “Black Books”, (Season 1, eps 5 to 6) (Season 2, eps 1 to 6). “Brexageddon?!”. “Fleabag”, (Season 1, eps 1). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox: The Moth and the Flame”, (eps 3). “Man Down”, Season 3, eps 2). “Murder in Successville”, (Season 2, eps 6). “New Blood: Case 3”, (Season 1, part 1). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 6). “The Living and the Dead”, (Season 1, eps 6).  

 This week I have mainly been listening to: “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (20/07/16) (28/4, 18/4, 14/04/16) (22/03, 15/3, 10/03/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (13/7, 20/7, 19/7, 18/7, 15/7, 14/7, 13/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (20/07/16). ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (15/7, 16/7, 22/07/16). “Morrissey”, “The Smiths”, “Radiohead”, “Pulp”, “Inspiral Carpets”, “two Door Cinema Club”, “Verve”, “Nirvana”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 108 Friday 8^th July until Friday 15^th July 2016.

I want to talk about “Manspreading”. A phenomenon that you see more and more here in the UK, I know people are getting bigger round the waist and you would think that this is the reason for Manspreading.  But I don’t think that’s true. I get the impression that when men are travelling daily on the tube, train, bus or tram they feel the need to spread out as much as possible. They need to sit taking up as much space as they can. I like to think there trying to show there superiority. The man with the wider spread is the alpha male. I don’t know this for sure but I suspect there all trying to outdo each other.

 Manspreading, a daily site on London’s transport.

I wonder if they have to sit like that, maybe if they have their legs closed they become weaker (a little like Samson after his hair is cut).  Of course there could be science involved, maybe it’s all to do with air flow (that conjures an imagine of men in wind tunnels having jets of air blasted at them while white coated scientist stroke their chins in agreement).  Maybe the lack of air flowing to the “Man jewels” (a scientific term) could have an effect on their masculinity.  Could it be that there is less “Man fizzing” in that area if they don’t spread out, the bigger the fizz the more excitement they feel rushing through there veins.  Then again I could be completely wrong, it might just be the way they have learned to sit.

 Enjoying Ice Cream at Grandma’s house.

This week I was recently squashed between two men early morning on the train, both appeared to be spreading as much as possible. I sat there in between them in a space that seemed to be getting smaller with each station that the train stopped at. Of course I didn’t want to accidently intrude in to their space which meant I had to keep shuffle my bags around on my lap and on the floor. The most important thing was I didn’t get in the way of their spread off. If they were they trying to impress me, they were barking up the wrong tree.

  Friends I met week.

Everywhere you look in this modern age, Manspreading would seem to be a real problem on public transport. Transport operators are trying to squeeze more and more people on to their services and you have men trying to take up as much space as possible. I think this is the start of a fight back. The sisters need to rise up and push those manly hairy knees back together to allow everyone the same amount of space on their daily journey in cattle class.

   Enjoying champagne with Catherine and SAZ.

And now for something different…..

Monday morning I was so tired (after a lovely weekend “up north getting my hair cut and seeing mum). I spent the whole morning feeling totally worn out.  There were times when I realised that I was just staring blankly at my computer which normally stares blankly at me. I honestly could have just fallen asleep even with the noise of the office around me.

 Spotted a random tattoo of the week (And you think mine are bad).

I decided to have a nap at lunchtime, but where.  I didn’t want to rest my head on my desk , I couldn’t go up to the canteen because there were people trying to eat their lunch and the last thing they needed was a mad fat woman snoring on the corner.

  Spotted at Westfield this week a pretty bird.  The Hawk wasn’t bad either.

I work on the 5th floor of a 12 floor building?  The office looks directly out on to a roof garden.  There is no pretty lawn with colourful flowers; it’s a wild haven, an untended place that bees, butterfly’s and other small creatures enjoy.  Larger visitors such as pigeons and seagulls also enjoy this man made patch of wilderness above sea level.  It might not be pretty and would never win an award at the Chelsea flower show but I really like it. That lunchtime nap did me the world of good, I sat on the bench with my eyes closed while listening to a funny podcast and had a snooze. I think I should do this more often, remembering to set an alarm just in case. I’m not sure that my managers would be impressed if I overslept.

In other news…..

 In Rochester for Racs Bday.

Trying to spot the Red Arrows a number of miles away with limited view in between houses at the end of my mums road while my 4 year old niece sat on my shoulders.  A colleague singing Queen “find me somebody to love” before 9am.  Trying to turn my vest top around in public after swimming (I had it on backwards). Visited Rochester with MOZ and Rachel (it was Racs bday) we saw a couple of mobility scooters pass by. On the back of these was written “Beauty” the other had “Beast”.

 Recreating the end credits of The Bill.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: “Adventures in Babysitting”, (1987). “Black Books”, (Season 1, eps 4). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox: Somewhere in Spacetime”, (eps 2). “Horizon: Who’s Afraid of a Big Black Hole”, (2009/10 eps 4). “Man Down”, (Season 1, eps 4 to 6) (Crimbo 2013) (Crimbo 2014) (Season 2, eps 1 to 6) (Season 3, eps 1). “Murder in Successville”, (Season 2, eps 5). “RED”, (2010). “Rhod Gilbert’s: Work Experience”, (Season 6, eps 1). “The Clangers”, (eps 39). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 5). “The Sky at Night”, (eps 762). “Trainspotting Live”, (eps 1 to 3).

 This week I have mainly been listening to: “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (28/04/16)(19, 23/05/16) (07, 14, 21/06/16) (05/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO”, (Extra), (07, 08,11/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (08, 09, 11, 12, 13/07/16). Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Whole show)”, (14/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (14/07/16).   “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (13/07/16). ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (08, 09/07/16). “Morrissey”, “The Smiths”, “Sultans of Ping F.C”, “Bastille”, “Kasabian”, “Baby Bird”, “MGMT”, “The Stones Roses”, “The Monkees”, “Erasure”, “Natalie Imbruglia”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 107 Saturday 2^nd July until Thursday 7^th July 2016.

Its July, normally I have been in flip flops for months.  Not this year, due to it being a wet summer and because last year I spent a couple of days slipping and sliding around London I decided to wear something more substantial.  A few months ago I bought a cheap pair of plimsolls, there is however one problem.  Over the last couple of weeks as it’s got a little warmer there has been a smell that has followed me.  I’ll cut to the chase; it’s the shoes that smell not actually me.  However this is not the first time this has happened.

 You cant beat London’s great style.

Many years ago my beloved hamster died, he was such a sweet little friend who of course slept all day and come out for fun after dark.  I would be in bed and could hear him rushing around his cage in what sounded like hob nail boots.  He never forgave me for one evening when MOZ and I were going out; he stood there holding on to the bars as if to say “You’re going out now, it’s time to play”.  Where am I going with this story?   After he passed away he was put on ice in a coffee jar and stored in the bottom of the freezer. While waiting to lay him to rest MOZ mum commented about a smell saying “I loved that hamster, but he has to go”.  We needed to act; this is when we discovered that the strange musty smell was not coming my dear departed friend, but my shoes.  He was buried in the garden where he remains today never to be blamed again for any foul smells.

 A drink and a good book.

Last year I lived at my sisters for a while in a lovely leafy fragrant part of Surrey, but I brought the whole area down with cheap shoes and trainers.  Her porch developed that strange odour, which had to be explained whenever anyone visited.  I ended up putting my shoes outside in the garden so I could slip them on before I left to get on the bike to cycle to work.  You know things are bad when your 1 ½ year old nephew screws his noes up when he looks at you.  There was one night when I got locked out of the house after cycling home in the rain and I had to sleep in the porch (I didn’t want to knock and wake the children up).  I made myself comfy and tried to sleep as best I could.  But the whiff from the cheap trainers that I had foolishly bought made that night uncomfortable and memorable (or was that because I had to have a wee in the garden at 3am near the shed).

  The current culprit.  Giving them a little spray, and choking on fumes.

I need to invest in more expensive and better quality shoes I admit, it’s my fault for going cheap but when you see that you can buy two pairs for the price of one I suspect very few people will say no.  In my swimming bag I carry a small can of deodorant; I find that a quick discreet spray of chemical freshness makes the bad odour go away.  This make me chuckle to myself as once I have sprayed the shoes it looks like a moment from a bad 1970s comedy where someone has been hit by lightning as the deodorant smokes out of the shoe to pollute the air conditioned atmosphere.

 Seen today in Croydon.

I read recently that the hole in the ozone layer was healing; I hope that it doesn’t open again due to the amount of extra deodorant I am using.  There are products that I invested in, the shares of certain foot care companies I suspect went through the roof as I purchased all kinds of powders and potions and sprays, guess what nothing really worked.

  Summer has not been great, but its always nice to see blooms.

I really have to stress that I do have clean feet, it’s the shoes (honest) and I hope that by talking about this others will feel that they can come out and talk in public about this terrible affliction.  Maybe we should start a support group for suffers.

 A post swim Ice Tea, and a T-shirt I wish was my size.

In other news…..

Sitting on the bus, I could smell stale booze and fags, I later found out that the man behind me was leaning forward and breathing in to my hair  I did jump in the shower as soon as I got home.  Got pushed on to a packed train by a small woman behind me on the platform, a man looked at me who I fall on to, I just had to say “I was pushed”.  Spent a couple of days in bed ill, which is why this has been an even worse week for this So-Called Blog.

 Yes i’m ill.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: “Black Books”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 2). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox”, (eps 1). “Horizon: Now The Chips Are Down (77/78)”, (BBC, 31/03/78). “How They Dug The Victoria Line”, (BBC, 03/03/1969). “I.T Crowd”, (Season 3, eps 5 & 6 & Season 4, eps 1 to 6 & 2013 special 2013). “I.T Crowd (US Pilot)”. “Magnifica 70”, (Season 1, eps 3). “Man Down”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 3). “Matt Berry Does…”, (eps 3, Summer Holidays, eps 4, Ghosts, eps 5 Happy New Year). “Murder in Successville”, (Season 2, eps 4). “Power Monkeys”, (Season 1, eps 6). “Reverse Engineers”, (eps 1 to 4). “Star Trek: Day of the Dove”, (Season 3, eps 7). “The Golden Girls”. (Season 2, eps 22 to 24 & Season 3, eps 1). “The Insider: 2 Reggie Yates In The Mexican Drug war”. “The Invisibles”, (Season 1, eps 1). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 4). “The Last Leg: Goes Down Under”, (eps 1 & 2). “The Living and the Dead”, (Season 1,eps 4). “The Mrs Merton Show”, (Season 1, eps 1). 

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (02, 03, 04/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (06/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (01,04, 05, 06/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Whole show)”, (07/07/16) “Morrissey”, “The Smiths”, “The Doors”, “Fat Boy Slim”, “Ladyhawke”, “Manson”, “Arcade Fire”, “The Libertine”, “Florence and the Machine”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 106 Saturday 25^th June until Friday 1^st July 2016.

The internet died last weekend, this was due to a large storm with some spectacular thunder and lightning directly overhead at one point. But it will never be as awesome as storms I witnessed in Mozziebeak or South Africa, but for the UK and during the day this was a good one.  As a result of this natural free show the internet decide to give in and stop working for pretty much the whole weekend.  Why, is still a mystery it could have been a flood or an electrical fault. But I like to think that it was because of a squirrel that hid in a hole to keep out of the rain and was scared of the thunder. I have this image of the squirrel being terrified of the thunder so it chewed through a cable, the cable that brings the internet to where I live.

 Picture from the IT Crowd, Jen holding “The Internet”.

There is a wonderful moment in the British comedy series “IT Crowd” when Jen is introduced to a small black box with a little red light on the top and told “This is the Internet”.  Of course it was a joke.  But in reality the internet too many of us is a small black box with various flickering lights on it, it certainly is where I live.  To see that box sitting in the corner of the room completely dark was a strange experience, I really wanted to pick it up and shake it holding it to my ear just to make sure that there wasn’t a sign of life.  Being a first aider it did cross my mind that maybe I could jump start the dead LEDs by pumping the metal casing with my clenched fists.

 Fighting for my space on the tube.

That little black box really is the gateway to all human knowledge, how they squeeze all that knowledge down a tiny cable is beyond me.  Maybe the internet would lose its magic if I did know how it worked.  Everything you want to know can be access through that small piece of hardware.  For example if you want to know what the small sheaf around the end of a shoelace “an aiglet” is, or how the interaction of subatomic particles effect your daily life. All this and much, much more can be answered because of that small black box happily blinking away to itself in the corner of the room.

 I really was not impressed with this man.

Not having the internet all weekend meant I had to do other things, like talk to people. Yes I had a number of conversations not about anything in particular it was just to give myself something to do.  I even thought about looking for a board game or a pack of cards, but I didn’t.  Maybe every house should have a box with a glass cover that you break in an emergency to access a bored game or cards just in case the internet goes down again, which it will at some time in the future.

  Fuel of the Future exhibition in Stratford, loving the eco cars.

For the whole weekend I kept looking at various devices just in case the internet had returned.  I realised that I was looking every few minutes at one point, hoping that the little bars at the top of the screen had reappeared.  There was always disappointment when I saw that I didn’t have contact with the world.

 All excited about her first school uniform.   

I realise I have become a slave to the internet; I check Facebook regularly only reading a few of the random posts that my eyes see.  There are a number of other sites I visit once or twice a day, which if I think about it only get updated a couple of times a week.  So being cut off from the net was actually a good thing, it meant I had times to do other things more meaningful things.

Part of the Somme Commemoration project, young men like this appeared all over the UK.

I’m not going to lie I was very relived early Monday morning after I have got up to get ready to work. And I discovered the internet had returned, the little black box was flashing and blinking happily to its self, first thought “what have I missed on Facebook”, I hadn’t missed much…..

 Cards handed out by voluntary participants dressed as soldiers, remembering those who died 100 years ago.

In other news…..

I normally use the stairs 5 flights up and down at work, only using the lift when I’m in a hurry. The time I decided to use it the damn thing because I was in a hurry it stopped at every floor. Saw a baby bird that had been flattened, squashed on the pavement, I couldn’t leave it there I managed to pick it up and put it in bushes on the green across the road, very sad. Came across a group of young men dressed in WWI outfits who were part of a national Somme commemoration project. It really brought it home how young the men who died were when I saw these young lads.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: “A Midsummers Nights Dream”, (BBC 30/05/16). “Game of Thrones”, (Seasomn 6, eps 1 to 2). “Glastonbury 2016”, (BBC). “I.T Crowd”, (Season 1, eps 6 & Season 2, eps 1 to 6 & Season 3, eps 1 to 4). “Inside Porton Down: Britain Secret Weapons Research Facility”. “Magnifica 70”, (Season 1, eps 3). “Murder In Successville”, (Season 2, eps 3). “New Blood: Case 2”, (part 2). “Power Monkeys”, (Season 1, eps 5).  “Reggie Yates in a Texan Jail”.  “The last leg In, Last leg Out”, (Season 8, eps 3). ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps15). “The Living and the Dead”, (Season 1,eps 1 to 3).  

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (25 & 26/06/16 & 01/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (2806/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (24, 27 to 30/06/16). “Morrissey”, “The Doors”, “Fat Boy Slim”, “Ladyhawke”, “Manson”, “Arcade Fire”, “The Libertines”, “Florence and the Machine”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 105 Saturday 18^th June until Friday 24 ^th June 2016.

And what a summer it’s been so far, only joking. This last week included the longest day, the summer solstice. I had images of druids, hippies and other robed types at Stonehenge dripping wet while trying to spot the sun rising out of the cloud and rain.

 Summer, what summer.

So far the summer has been a wash out, forecasting the weather is not easy even with the supercomputers the Met Office claim to have. I wonder if they really just send a junior forecaster up on to the roof to check Pine Cones Seaweed and other old wife tale ways of predicting the weather. Another way I like to imagine them forecasting the weather is with the help of a dart board. On the board are pieces of paper with different types of weather printed on them, they forecast by throwing a dart.

 The rains good for the flowers, I suppose.

I am certain that June used to be warmer, dare I say hot when I was young. Global warming is real and is changing everything. I carry my brolly all round all year these days, yes I know I sound silly but I have learned to be prepared. The Sci-fi fan inside me likes to think I am carrying a lightsaber or a sonic screwdriver instead of grubby slightly broken pink M&S umbrella. Recently London has been really wet, but still warm and humid. I probably look a real twonk with my bare arms and cropped trousers, though the flip flops have been put away as I find there just to slippery on wet floors. Everyone else is still dressed for winter in fleeces and other warm clothes; I am always looking for others like me a little out of place. There really doesn’t appear to be the traditional seasons anymore, or am I just an old fart…..

 This is a brekkie I would like to have….

And now for something completely different……

I love to swim, but I have a problem something I need to own up to, I suffer from “Pool Rage”. I am a boring swimmer I like to go up and down as fast as I can while trying to remember how many lengths I have completed. At the moment I am doing 30, 50 metre lengths usually 3 times a week. The problem is the other people in the same lane, who fall in to various categories…

 Post swimming treat.

Ice Bergs These are usually large people who just float around never really making much of an effort to swim to the other side. I call them Ice Bergs because you can only see a small part of them on the surface.

Floaters Imagine a watery traffic jam of slow swimmers floating in each other’s wake, and I’m stuck behind them. I try to overtake when there is space, however if there is another group coming the other way I end up just floating along with them until I can get past. Sometimes I have to cut a length short so I can get in front of them.

Limpets These people hug the ends of the pool and never seem to really actually do any swimming, if they do venture out into the deep they only go a few metres before coming back again and getting in my way. Limpets don’t make any effort to move even slightly out of the way when I get to the end of a length.

Ducks You usually find these in pairs, chatting about last night’s “EastEnders”, “there meal for one” or “who’s doing who at work”. Why not have this chat in one of the many coffee shops, instead of bobbing up and down in the local pool.

Otters Romantic couples, they make me sick (yes I’m bitter). They swim together being all loving and playful just getting in the way of old geeky lonely saddos like me who are there to just swim.

Tadploes Children in the adult pool, just being annoying when they have a whole pool to themselves. Nuff said…..

 Another lovely June summers day in London.

I need a large pool of my own, so I better start doing the lotto or get published.

In other news…..

 That’s the back of one of my eyes, had an eye test all ok.

Sitting at my desk, when my phone come alive with a woman’s voice saying “hello” a number of times. I had not dialled out and it didn’t ring in, very strange. While rushing home one afternoon, I saw one school boy with a 3 inch knife facing off a group of school boys all of in the middle of a main road. A random brave man got in-between the boys to calm things down. Lost a prong on my plastic folk while eating porridge I didn’t have a spoon), I had to eat carefully afterwards. I hope life can get back to normal now the EU referendum is over, even if I think the result was the wrong one.

 Jesse could be Clarkson junior.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: “City In The Sky”, (Season 1, eps 3). Clangers”, (Season 1, eps 48 to 52). “Eurotrash”, (2016). “James May At The Edge Off Space”. “Have I Got A Bit More News For You”, (Season 51, eps 8 & 9). “Heartless”, (Season 1, eps 5 to 8). “I.T Crowd”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 5). “Independence Day”, (1996). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 2). “Magnifica 70”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Murder In Successville”, (Season 2, eps 2). “New Blood: Case 2”, (part 1). “Pocket Monkeys”, (eps 3 & 4). “Stargazing Live: The Spacewalk”, (Season 6, eps 4). “Stargazing Live, Tim Peake Special 1: Blast Off Live”. “Star Trek: DS9” (Season 1, eps 6). ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps14).             

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17 & 18 & 24/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (22/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (23/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (17, 20 to 23/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights Extra)”, (17/06). “The Queer Life”, (eps 89). “Morrissey”, “Frank Sidebottom”, “Jimi Hendrix”, “Portishead”, “Catfish and the Bottlemen”, “Christine and the Queens”, “New Order”, ”The Who”, “The Buzzcocks”, “The Velvet Underground”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 104 Saturday 11^th June until Friday 17^th June 2016.

Recently I heard on the news that 60% of Brits are classed as obese, I think were the fattest people in Europe, were very good at eating.  Seriously everywhere you look waistlines are getting bigger.  Scientist say it’s a simple matter of taking in a certain number of calories and then using them up during the day.  Of course it’s not that easy for most normal people.

About 10 years ago I started to go to the gym and swim regularly none of which comes naturally to me.  A lot of the time I have to work through a mental mind barrier just to keep going.  My old gym had small TV’s in the running machines so I was able to entertain myself with classic repeats of Top Gear and other comedies as I fought the urge to give up.  I did lose a little weight and toned up but I never became that goddess I thought I should.  This lead to cycling, I loved to race down the roads listening to music in one ear (yes it’s not clever I know) while I traveling under my own steam.

 I’m thinking of signing up for the afternoon drinking lessons, I enjoy learning.

I’m not competitive but I took part in a number of 5 and 10k Race for Life and Triathlons.  I only ever wanted to beat “MY” previous time, it didn’t matter how many others passed me.  The swim and the cycle sections were the easy bit’s, it was the final 5k run that was the tough part.  I have kept all of the various t-shirts and medals I got given at the end of these events (everyone got these by the way, we were all winners).

 Everything is bigger in Stratford.

But I’m getting old.  Over the last year I’ve noticed that my knees were making sound’s they didn’t use to.  As time has gone on these sounds have lot louder so much so I can’t bare to listen to them anymore.  There have been knee issues in the family so I’m expecting one day to have to have bionic ones.  Because of this I have not run for over 6 months now, I just don’t think I should risk it.  I’ve been to the Dr had some blood tests and will get results soon; I’m hoping I will be able to at least do some light jogging soon.

 I helped pay for that.

The London 2012 Olympic pool is not far from where I am living so I have started to go swimming a number of times a week.  It’s been great getting back in the water, at the moment I’m doing 30 lengths of 50 metres each visit.

 Moira playing hide and seek while we were waiting for our meal.

The most important thing is that I lose a few pounds for my sister’s wedding in August and feel a little fitter which might mean I’ll feel more positive about who and what I am. Something I will never be is thin and skinny I don’t fool myself I know I will always be big. It’s a constant struggle, yes I love a bucket of Starbucks and other crap like most people, but I do try to eat carefully.  I really don’t want to just be another fat statistic, another one of the 60% of the UK population who are getting larger.

 Look carefully, mum is quiet on the nest.

In other news…..

 This Starbucks is trying to escape, its alive.

MOZ nearly flushing herself down the loo due to throwing her scarf over her shoulder and setting off the auto flush.  Being charged £1.20 after I tapped in and out at the same station I didn’t travel anywhere.  Found a pigeon nest at West Croydon station on top of an advertising hording.  Heard someone talking about washing there babydolls, I don’t think they were talking about the childs doll “tiny tears”.  I tasted Savlon accidently.

 I think we know what her fave programme is.  I want that top.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps13). “Upstart Crow:”, (Season 1, eps 6). “Kabul Kitchen”, (Season 2, eps 9 to 12 ). “The Clangers”, (Season 1, eps 42 to 47). “Springwatch”, (2016, eps 9 to 12). “Springwatch Upsprung”, (2016, eps 11 to 15). “Springwatch LIVE Webcams” (BBC website). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 1 ). “Horrid Henry”, (2011). “Iron Man”, (2008). “The Wizard Of OZ”, (1938). “Power Monkeys”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Horizon: Man On Mars: Mission To The Red Planet”, (2013/14, eps 7). “Horizon Special: Tim Peake: How To Be An Astronaut”. “The Sky At Night”, (eps 761, 12/06/16). “City In The Sky”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Murder In Successville”, (Season 2, eps 1).

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (11 & 12/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (15/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (16/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (09,13 to 15/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights Extra)”, (15/06). “The Queer Life”, (eps 88). “Morrissey”, “B52’s”, “Pixies”, “REM”, “P.J.Harvey”, “Florance And The Machine”, “Red Hot Chilli Peppers”, Catfish And The Bottleman”, “The Stone Roses”, “Blink 182”, “The White Stripes”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South & East London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 103 Saturday 4^th June until Friday 10^th June 2016.

I really couldn’t think of what to write this week. I could moan about hating what I do Monday to Friday, about trying to find a seat on packed trains. I could moan about wishing I was in love.  No this week I want to talk about something much more in important, my nephews and niece.

 Anaia and Nico, Mum and Leo.

I have three nephews in no special order Leo, Jesse and Nico and one beautiful niece Anaia. I don’t have children and have never felt a loss or an empty feeling that I don’t have little ones of my own.  But these last 4 yrs I have had the time of my life.  The beauty of being an Aunty is I get to look after the kids for a few hours, a day or a night here and there and then hand them back to mum and dad afterwards.

 Double trouble Anaia and me, Jesse being just handsome.

I have fed, changed nappies, played lots, jumped on trampolines, put to bed, read stories, bathed, help potty trained and wipe bums.  In a small way I have sampled all the amazing things that a parent does.  I don’t get to see all of them all as much as I would like, but I follow what there up to from info from their parents.  There are a couple I get to spend a huge amount of time with, in fact I’ve known my niece since day one.

  Ohhhh visual effects, or are you drunk.

All of them have such a special place in my heart, whether I see them regularly or just now and then.  They make me feel young and want to carry on. I say that as everyday life appears to get tougher and I don’t mind admitting that I often give up in my heart and actually want to just really give up. But I can’t because there are little people that appear to like Aunty Dee Dee and want her to be around.  So when things are tough I try to remember the good things in life which include my little friends. When a four year old calls you her “best friend” and clings to you like a limpet I feel that makes everything worth it.

 London chutney.

I want to be a hands on Aunty, I want the four of them to know that they can ask me anything anytime.  If they can’t speak to mummy and daddy and they can’t get hold of granny and granddad or there grandma then I will always be there for them.

 Cake and Larger Shandy in town with a mate.

I really didn’t have much to say this week, but I burst with pride when I think and talk about the children. As I have said before I write this so that one day the little ones will read all about what they’re mad fat Aunty got up to when they were young.  They also might want to spend a few minutes of their very busy lives sitting with me while holding their nose due to the smell of my piss and poo while reading some of these adventures like I read to them before bed.

And now for something different…..

Do you ever have that feeling that everything is against you from the start. One morning I woke up with a shock and found the alarm was off and I was 15 minutes late.  I made the tube and got a seat, at Barking I thought I would change on to a fast British Rail train but found that was 7 mins away.  I managed to get back on the tube train that I had just vacated, but by now I had to stand.  Making it to the Jubilee line I got a surprise by getting a seat, I forced my way off the train and stood there on the platform a little confused while looking at the station name. I had got off one stop early.  Once again I managed to squeeze back on the train and travel to my correct station.  As I bounding up a flight of stairs at my final connection I could see my last train just chugging in, I had made it by the skin of my teeth and my constant stupidity.

 In deepest darkest Essex on a sunny day.

In other news…..

Last week I had a boil on my leg during the weekend, I lanced it myself, DIY medical treatment is not always a good idea.  Spending time in the sun in deepest darkest Essex with my mate which was slightly spoiled by an adult on a tiny (very small) motorbike (his feet were skimming the tarmac with his knees up by his chest) rushing along pavements and the road. I won’t lie I did think if he came off it would teach him a lession.  During the week I heard a colleague say while on the phone “Glad you have all the ducks in a row” that made me smile.  I had a squeaky mouse one day at a different desk.

  Home made medical DIY, lance it yourself I did.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 Possibly my fave picture of my niece ever from last year.

This week I have been watching: ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps12). “Upstart Crow:”, (Season 1, eps 5). “In The Club”, (Season 2, eps 6). “Kabul Kitchen”, (Season 2, eps 4 to 8). “The Clangers”, (Season 1, eps 38 to 41). “Springwatch”, (2016, eps 4 to 8). “Springwatch Upsprung”, (2016, eps 5 to 10). “Springwatch LIVE Webcams” (BBC website). “Heartless”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 4), “New Blood”, (Season 1, Case 1, Part 1 to 3). “Power Monkeys”, (Season 1, eps 1). “Horizon: Why Are We Getting So Fat”, (2015/16, eps 11). “Magnifica”, (Season 1, eps 1). “Hay Festival: Caitlin Moran”. “Hay Festival: Susan Calman”, “City In The Sky”, (Season 1, eps 1).

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (03 & 04/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (08/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (09/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (03 & 06 to 08/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights Extra)”, (02 & 03/06/16). “The Queer Life”, (eps 87). “Morrissey”, “Richard Ashcroft”, “Tom Odel”, “Bare Naked Ladies”, “Jamie T”, “Bombay Bicycle Club”, “Black Grape”, “Half Man Half Biscuit”, “LCD Soundsystem”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East & North London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 102 Saturday 28^t May until 3^rd June 2016.

 Our best look.

Everywhere you look there are people that are good at things, people who are talented.  I like to walk through St Pancreas station dodging people with suitcases who have just got off the Eurostar who are intent on snagging your ankles with their cases as they pass.  While walking through the station I like to watch and listen to people playing the piano.

 Nice music in a busy train station.

Dotted all through the station are pianos that anyone can use, it’s always better when the person can play of course.  Making a lovely noise out of an inanimate object is a talent.  Last year I heard a guy playing the theme from Mission Impossible I was in a book shop at the time, I just stopped and listened.

 Go on have a tinkle at St P’s…

Dancing, singing, play an instrument, being able to plumbing in your own taps or wire your electrics are all talents. Even a dancing dog on TV is talented (No I don’t watch those kinds of progs but I have heard there are talented pooches out there).  I think deep down I am a little envious of anyone with a talent, yes even possibly jealous of dancing animals that entertain millions.

 Have you ever written your name on a cushion, I have.

I can draw and paint a little, I can scuba dive but none of these I would call a talent.  I can tell you all about Council Tax legislation but I try to only use this information between Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. The rest of the time I try to vent all that knowledge out of my head.  When I was in Mozziebeak I completely forget about Council Tax, the scary thing is how easily the information returned once I start working in an office again.  I am sure there is a saying somewhere “once a revenues officer always a revenues officer”.

 One of these is my best friend since 1980, the other was an evening meal.

I have a geeky knowledge about Doctor Who and other sci-fi TV and films but this will never help me through life.  There is nothing talented about knowing which planet a creature came from or how the Doctor managed to save an entire civilisation with just a toothpick and an old holey shoe.  I suppose I could win Mastermind but that’s not going to improve mine or anyone else’s life, anyway I think all you win a large ugly glass thing which will only gather dust.

 I met Kurt this week. 

Creative people give up a lot to be successful and of course only a small number of all those actually go on to big things.  I would like to think that the others know that they bring a smile to people’s faces which can lift a person’s heart by them demonstrating their talent.

 The weather was very windy, but I bet the view over the O2 was still impressive.

Something I enjoy is swimming, but thats not a talent.  I love being in the water in fact since I returned from Mozziebeak I have not been near water (as in swimming, I mean).  I made a decision this week that I would start to swim regularly again.  I have wanted to for a while but really couldn’t face the local Council pool. Last weekend I visited the Olympic park in East London which of course has a large pool; I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before.  Even though I paid a lot in taxes to contribute to it being built I still have to pay to get in, but if I get to exercise and feel a little less stressed then it’s worth it.  I’m planning on going 2 to 3 times a week; I also need to lose a few pounds for my sister’s wedding in August so I am hoping this will help.  I know that swimming is a talent for champions but for a lardy arse like me it’s just something to do to relieve the pressure of everyday life especially Monday to Friday work life.

 Still a little wet after my swim in Stratford after work.

I would love to be able to say I was good at something, that I had a talent but I can’t.  I suppose not everyone can be a musician, a singer, a magician, plumb your own taps or be a dancing dog.  But at my great age I would have thought I could say I was good at something, hopefully there is still time..

In other news…..

In other news Happy bday to my brother on 29th May.  Saw girls in what appeared to be school uniform buying fags in a famous newsagent.  Some people still have smoking breaks in this day and age; I might have to restart to see if I can have them as well. Helped a very drunk old man that had fallen in the road with his trousers round his ankles carrying a bag of chips, Thomas was in a state but didn’t want help. As well as MOZ and I helping him a woman called Nicky who happened to work for the Police stopped.  Nicky walk with him down the road just to make sure he was ok. Saw a man in Croydon wearing a very large and shiny chain around his neck, he was either the major or a old fat rapper.

 MOZ dressed for Summer 2016, on 3 June 2016.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have been watching: ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps11). “Have I Got News For You”, (Season 51, eps 9). “Upstart Crow:”, (Season 1, eps 4). “In The Club”, (Season 2, eps 5). “Pure Evil”, (Season 1, eps 12 to 13). “Kabul Kitchen”, (Season 1, eps 6 to 12 & Season 2, eps 1 to 3). “Locked Up”, (Season 1, eps 11 to 16). “The Clangers”, (Season 1, eps 33 to 37 ). “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous”, (2005). “Springwatch”, (2016, eps 1 to 3). “Springwatch Upsprung”, (2016, eps 1 to 4). “Springwatch LIVE Webcams” (BBC website). “Top Gear”, (Season 23, eps 1), “Extra Gear”, (Season 1, eps1).

This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (28/05/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (01/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (02/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (26, 27, 30/05/16 & 01, 02/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights Extra)”, (26/05/16). “The Queer Life”, (eps 86). “Morrissey”, “Richard Ashcroft”, “Gorillza”, “Muse”, “Primal Scream”, “The XX”, “Julian Cope”, “Mansion”, “Noel Gahhagher’s High Flying Birds”, “Jamie T”, “The Clash”, Kaiser Chief”, “MGMT”..