Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East & North London (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 110 Friday 23rd July until Friday 29th July 2016.
Summer is the time of the year when lovers are out and about in plain view. Birds, Dogs sniffing each other’s arses and of course humans in love can be seen everywhere. It’s the humans that remind me I am a middle aged singleton who needs a love life.
I have been single since late in the last century, it’s been so long I don’t really know that I would even know what to do on a date. In fact thinking about it, I’ve lived on my own for so long I am possibly to set in my ways. A couple of years ago I dipped my little toe in to the internet dating pool, that’s right I signed up to a website and hoped for the best. I did actually meet two women; one is still a friend. The dates were fun but not a success; one highlight was to an art exhibition at the Barbican. A low point was going to the Proms at the Royal Albert Hall. When you see the Proms on TV there are crowds of smartly dressed people enjoying the music, with the front row pretending to conduct. This was a 4 hr opera in Italian. I’m not an opera fan and don’t speak Italian, in retrospect it was a long boring afternoon which didn’t even result in a snog or a grope.
Recently when drunk I signed up to a couple of dating websites. To fully take advantage of their service you have to pay, I haven’t done this yet so I have the basic package. I keep getting e-mails telling me that this woman or that woman likes my profile. I suppose I’m going to have to spend a few pounds to really stand a chance of organising a date.
They say “a picture is worth a thousand words” most dating profiles are a couple of hundred. When I see a picture I wonder how up to date it is, and is the profile truthful. I half expect various words to start flashing with the word “LIER” next to them.
I was completely truthful with mine, here is a sample.
Height: 5ft 6inc.
Weight: 8 Stone.
Work: Company Executive
Hobbies: fine dining, expensive travel, philosophy, participating in competitive sports, reading the classics.
Your profile picture is the calling card that people see first, so it needs to be good and get them hooked. How about using one taken a year ago in Mozambique, but would that be lying.
Of course I told the truth in my profile, even though i learnt a long time ago that being honest doesn’t improve life. Oh, I did actually use a picture from a year ago……
Let’s see what happens over the coming weeks and months, will some woman be silly enough to actually want to go out with me, only time will tell. In the meantime I’m hoping that the wet summer continues this is because the lovers cover up or hide under a huge umbrella or maybe just stay in bed. Me, I’m not bitter…..
And now for something completely different…..
Who said Facebook didn’t tell you anything good, recently it mentioned to me that I had not seen a friend in a year. We quickly arranged to meet up in Croydon. There are not many people who can say they had a lovely evening in Croydon without visiting the local A&E and/or staying in the Police station for the night. Once we had met up it turned out we had been waiting for each other just 50 metres apart both wondering “where is she”. Claire we must meet up again before Facebook reminds us.
In other news…..
While walking in Hampstead Heath coming to the corner of a gravel path MOZ looked at me and said “I’m a rebel I’m going to walk on the grass”, I looked at her and said “were on Hampstead heath, it’s all grass”. I am a Starbucks junkie, but the drink tastes even better when you have built up enough stars (and spent a wad) for a free drink. That free bucket of surgery gloop is just the best drink ever. Smelling deep heat in the office, it’s a slightly comforting smell…. Ok just me then.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have been watching: “Avatard: Comedy Blaps”, (Season 1, eps 1 & 2). “Fleabag”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox: The Pale Blue Dot”, (eps 4). “IT Crowd”, (Season 3, eps 4). “Man Down”, Season 3, eps 3). “Rhod Gilbert’s Work experience”, (Season 6, eps 2 & 3). ). “Movies & Megastars: Ellen DeGeneres on Finding Dory”. “Mrs Brown’s Boys, Live”. “Quantum of Solace”. (2009). “Robot Wars”, (2016, eps 1). “Suicide Squad”, (Comic Con trailer). “Star Trek Beyond”, (2016). “The Adam and Joe Show”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 3). “The Batman Lego Movie”, (Comic Con trailer). “The Joy of Data”, (eps 1). “The Out-Laws”, (Season 1, eps 1). “The Secret Agent”, (Season 1, eps 1). “Wasted”, (Season 1, eps 1 & 2). “Wonder Woman”, (Comic Con trailer).
This week I have mainly been listening to: “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (10/03, 04/03, 16/02. 26/01, 19/01, 12/01/16) (30/12, 18/12, 07/12, 02/12, 26/11/15). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (20/07, 21/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (21/07, 22/07, 25/07, 26/07, 27/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (28/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (26/07/16). ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (23/07, 29/07/16). “Morrissey”, “The Chemical Brothers”, “Underworld”, “The Prodigy”, “Black Grape”, “two Door Cinema Club”, “Kate Nash.