Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 107 Saturday 2nd July until Thursday 7th July 2016.
Its July, normally I have been in flip flops for months. Not this year, due to it being a wet summer and because last year I spent a couple of days slipping and sliding around London I decided to wear something more substantial. A few months ago I bought a cheap pair of plimsolls, there is however one problem. Over the last couple of weeks as it’s got a little warmer there has been a smell that has followed me. I’ll cut to the chase; it’s the shoes that smell not actually me. However this is not the first time this has happened.
Many years ago my beloved hamster died, he was such a sweet little friend who of course slept all day and come out for fun after dark. I would be in bed and could hear him rushing around his cage in what sounded like hob nail boots. He never forgave me for one evening when MOZ and I were going out; he stood there holding on to the bars as if to say “You’re going out now, it’s time to play”. Where am I going with this story? After he passed away he was put on ice in a coffee jar and stored in the bottom of the freezer. While waiting to lay him to rest MOZ mum commented about a smell saying “I loved that hamster, but he has to go”. We needed to act; this is when we discovered that the strange musty smell was not coming my dear departed friend, but my shoes. He was buried in the garden where he remains today never to be blamed again for any foul smells.
Last year I lived at my sisters for a while in a lovely leafy fragrant part of Surrey, but I brought the whole area down with cheap shoes and trainers. Her porch developed that strange odour, which had to be explained whenever anyone visited. I ended up putting my shoes outside in the garden so I could slip them on before I left to get on the bike to cycle to work. You know things are bad when your 1 ½ year old nephew screws his noes up when he looks at you. There was one night when I got locked out of the house after cycling home in the rain and I had to sleep in the porch (I didn’t want to knock and wake the children up). I made myself comfy and tried to sleep as best I could. But the whiff from the cheap trainers that I had foolishly bought made that night uncomfortable and memorable (or was that because I had to have a wee in the garden at 3am near the shed).
I need to invest in more expensive and better quality shoes I admit, it’s my fault for going cheap but when you see that you can buy two pairs for the price of one I suspect very few people will say no. In my swimming bag I carry a small can of deodorant; I find that a quick discreet spray of chemical freshness makes the bad odour go away. This make me chuckle to myself as once I have sprayed the shoes it looks like a moment from a bad 1970s comedy where someone has been hit by lightning as the deodorant smokes out of the shoe to pollute the air conditioned atmosphere.
I read recently that the hole in the ozone layer was healing; I hope that it doesn’t open again due to the amount of extra deodorant I am using. There are products that I invested in, the shares of certain foot care companies I suspect went through the roof as I purchased all kinds of powders and potions and sprays, guess what nothing really worked.
I really have to stress that I do have clean feet, it’s the shoes (honest) and I hope that by talking about this others will feel that they can come out and talk in public about this terrible affliction. Maybe we should start a support group for suffers.
In other news…..
Sitting on the bus, I could smell stale booze and fags, I later found out that the man behind me was leaning forward and breathing in to my hair I did jump in the shower as soon as I got home. Got pushed on to a packed train by a small woman behind me on the platform, a man looked at me who I fall on to, I just had to say “I was pushed”. Spent a couple of days in bed ill, which is why this has been an even worse week for this So-Called Blog.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have been watching: “Black Books”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 2). “Forces of Nature with Brian Cox”, (eps 1). “Horizon: Now The Chips Are Down (77/78)”, (BBC, 31/03/78). “How They Dug The Victoria Line”, (BBC, 03/03/1969). “I.T Crowd”, (Season 3, eps 5 & 6 & Season 4, eps 1 to 6 & 2013 special 2013). “I.T Crowd (US Pilot)”. “Magnifica 70”, (Season 1, eps 3). “Man Down”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 3). “Matt Berry Does…”, (eps 3, Summer Holidays, eps 4, Ghosts, eps 5 Happy New Year). “Murder in Successville”, (Season 2, eps 4). “Power Monkeys”, (Season 1, eps 6). “Reverse Engineers”, (eps 1 to 4). “Star Trek: Day of the Dove”, (Season 3, eps 7). “The Golden Girls”. (Season 2, eps 22 to 24 & Season 3, eps 1). “The Insider: 2 Reggie Yates In The Mexican Drug war”. “The Invisibles”, (Season 1, eps 1). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 4). “The Last Leg: Goes Down Under”, (eps 1 & 2). “The Living and the Dead”, (Season 1,eps 4). “The Mrs Merton Show”, (Season 1, eps 1).
This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (02, 03, 04/07/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (06/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (01,04, 05, 06/07/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Whole show)”, (07/07/16) “Morrissey”, “The Smiths”, “The Doors”, “Fat Boy Slim”, “Ladyhawke”, “Manson”, “Arcade Fire”, “The Libertine”, “Florence and the Machine”.