Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 105 Saturday 18th June until Friday 24 th June 2016.
And what a summer it’s been so far, only joking. This last week included the longest day, the summer solstice. I had images of druids, hippies and other robed types at Stonehenge dripping wet while trying to spot the sun rising out of the cloud and rain.
So far the summer has been a wash out, forecasting the weather is not easy even with the supercomputers the Met Office claim to have. I wonder if they really just send a junior forecaster up on to the roof to check Pine Cones Seaweed and other old wife tale ways of predicting the weather. Another way I like to imagine them forecasting the weather is with the help of a dart board. On the board are pieces of paper with different types of weather printed on them, they forecast by throwing a dart.
I am certain that June used to be warmer, dare I say hot when I was young. Global warming is real and is changing everything. I carry my brolly all round all year these days, yes I know I sound silly but I have learned to be prepared. The Sci-fi fan inside me likes to think I am carrying a lightsaber or a sonic screwdriver instead of grubby slightly broken pink M&S umbrella. Recently London has been really wet, but still warm and humid. I probably look a real twonk with my bare arms and cropped trousers, though the flip flops have been put away as I find there just to slippery on wet floors. Everyone else is still dressed for winter in fleeces and other warm clothes; I am always looking for others like me a little out of place. There really doesn’t appear to be the traditional seasons anymore, or am I just an old fart…..
And now for something completely different……
I love to swim, but I have a problem something I need to own up to, I suffer from “Pool Rage”. I am a boring swimmer I like to go up and down as fast as I can while trying to remember how many lengths I have completed. At the moment I am doing 30, 50 metre lengths usually 3 times a week. The problem is the other people in the same lane, who fall in to various categories…
Ice Bergs These are usually large people who just float around never really making much of an effort to swim to the other side. I call them Ice Bergs because you can only see a small part of them on the surface.
Floaters Imagine a watery traffic jam of slow swimmers floating in each other’s wake, and I’m stuck behind them. I try to overtake when there is space, however if there is another group coming the other way I end up just floating along with them until I can get past. Sometimes I have to cut a length short so I can get in front of them.
Limpets These people hug the ends of the pool and never seem to really actually do any swimming, if they do venture out into the deep they only go a few metres before coming back again and getting in my way. Limpets don’t make any effort to move even slightly out of the way when I get to the end of a length.
Ducks You usually find these in pairs, chatting about last night’s “EastEnders”, “there meal for one” or “who’s doing who at work”. Why not have this chat in one of the many coffee shops, instead of bobbing up and down in the local pool.
Otters Romantic couples, they make me sick (yes I’m bitter). They swim together being all loving and playful just getting in the way of old geeky lonely saddos like me who are there to just swim.
Tadploes Children in the adult pool, just being annoying when they have a whole pool to themselves. Nuff said…..
I need a large pool of my own, so I better start doing the lotto or get published.
In other news…..
Sitting at my desk, when my phone come alive with a woman’s voice saying “hello” a number of times. I had not dialled out and it didn’t ring in, very strange. While rushing home one afternoon, I saw one school boy with a 3 inch knife facing off a group of school boys all of in the middle of a main road. A random brave man got in-between the boys to calm things down. Lost a prong on my plastic folk while eating porridge I didn’t have a spoon), I had to eat carefully afterwards. I hope life can get back to normal now the EU referendum is over, even if I think the result was the wrong one.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have been watching: “City In The Sky”, (Season 1, eps 3). Clangers”, (Season 1, eps 48 to 52). “Eurotrash”, (2016). “James May At The Edge Off Space”. “Have I Got A Bit More News For You”, (Season 51, eps 8 & 9). “Heartless”, (Season 1, eps 5 to 8). “I.T Crowd”, (Season 1, eps 1 to 5). “Independence Day”, (1996). “The Last Leg”, (Season 8, eps 2). “Magnifica 70”, (Season 1, eps 2). “Murder In Successville”, (Season 2, eps 2). “New Blood: Case 2”, (part 1). “Pocket Monkeys”, (eps 3 & 4). “Stargazing Live: The Spacewalk”, (Season 6, eps 4). “Stargazing Live, Tim Peake Special 1: Blast Off Live”. “Star Trek: DS9” (Season 1, eps 6). ”The Graham Norton Show”, (Season 19, eps14).
This week I have mainly been listening to: ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17 & 18 & 24/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (22/06/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (23/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (17, 20 to 23/06/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights Extra)”, (17/06). “The Queer Life”, (eps 89). “Morrissey”, “Frank Sidebottom”, “Jimi Hendrix”, “Portishead”, “Catfish and the Bottlemen”, “Christine and the Queens”, “New Order”, ”The Who”, “The Buzzcocks”, “The Velvet Underground”.