Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & South London, & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 151 Saturday 6^th May until Friday 12^th May 2017.

I am fully aware that I exist at probably the greatest period in all of humanity.  That I walk around with amazingly thin technology, which can answer everything and anything I want to know, with technology like this even I appear to be a genius.  Information is absorbed by the poor excuse for grey matter in my skull which is instantly forgotten, resulting in exercising my fingers to retype the question.

   Feeling relaxed after a great session of Ariel Yoga. 

My favourite piece of technology if you were to ask me (pause for you to ask me).  Would be Voyager 1 & 2 launched by NASA in 1977 (I remember it well).  Those plucky spacecraft’s are still working while speeding out of our solar system and sending back valuable data.  Voyager 1 is responsible for my favourite picture “the pale blue dot“.  All of humanity past and present, everything that humans have ever know and taken for granted is seen as a tiny insignificant pale blue dot a pixel wide.

 This was taken by Voyager 1 on 14 February 1990 from a distance of 3.7 billion mile.  Earth is the dot half way up the brown band on the right. (C) NASA 1990. 

Technology hasn’t been my friend this week.  I listen to podcasts, watched TV and write this shiz on a tablet produced by a company that has a name which makes them sound like a piece of fruit.  Of course I have an understanding how a machine so thin works, this is because it’s filled with very small ants that run around on treadmills making the images move on the screen, or at least I think that’s how it works.  Most of the week as I have wondered around London feeling lost due to being unemployed, a disembodied female transatlantic voice has constantly disturbed me saying she can’t help because ‘I’m not connected to the Internet.  The more I have heard the voice the more annoyed I got and the more I found myself swearing and muttering under my breath hoping that will make things better, which of course it didn’t.

  A film crew were filming at the pool.  I haven’t seen a Lolly Pop Lady for a long time.

I did pop in to a shop in which all the staff wore ear pieces as if they were members of the US secret service.  As the expert was telling me have I thought of using a pair of headphones, I found my mind wondering.  What are they all listening to, are they all wired to the cloud and are being told what to say; maybe this really is the future.  I’m not an expert, but I suspect that headphones have nothing to do with this annoying voice appearing in my head.  The nice expert helped save all my rubbish and reset the factory settings, fingers crossed that the voice won’t bother me again.  If that doesn’t work I’ll change my medication.

  Up the Elephant round the castle.

And Now For Something Completely Different….(or maybe not).

  London Bridge and Essex.

This week I have been applying for jobs which is not a quick thing to do.  In prehistoric day’s all I used to have to do was fill in an application form on paper or online, maybe also send in a CV.  But now there are questionnaire’s and test’s where for instance you have to say “most likely to do“, “least likely to do” about multiple scenario.  It took me an hour and a half to fill in one application for a job that paid just above minimum wage for a multi-million pound entertainment company.  Very early next morning I received notification that I didn’t fit the criteria.  I suspect my application didn’t go near a human being.  Maybe computers are really taking over the world.

 I saw this van and thought of Darth Vader..

Because I was in the thicko at school when computers arrived in the early 80s they wouldn’t allow us near them.  The closest I got was looking through the window and watching the clever kids skiving off from real learning.  My best friend would spend hours in his bedroom typing line after line on his ZX81, loading cassette with programs for games that looked terrible even then.  I’m a huge sci-fi fan and love fantasy computers, but real life ones have never compared, if I’m honest until recently they just bored me.  I suspect it’s a little late to really fully understand them; I’ll sit back and let the tiny Ants inside continue to aid and entertain me.

  Loving street art.

I’ll keep applying for work, filling in stupid questionnaires and hoping that a real life, living and breathing organic entity might see my application and think “she might be worth try”.

 Look up you don’t know what you might be missing.

And In Other News….

  Went for an audition fingers crossed.

Helped take my niece to gymnastics.  All of the children went upstairs, but the noise from above sounded like a heard of baby Elephants stamping around having fun.  All the parents and caregivers sat bored staring at tablets and phones wishing they were somewhere else.

 Writing this Shiz.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “Are There Fascists Next Door”, (TX: 08/05/17).  “Born To Kill”, (S1, ep 3 & ep 4).  “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”, (S4, ep 6 to 11).  “Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope”, (S1, ep 2).  “Click”, (TX: 29/04 & 06/05/17).  “Dara & Ed’s Road To Mandalay”, (ep 1).  “Doctor Who”, (S36/S10, ep 4).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S53, ep3).  “Loaded”, (S1, ep 1).  “Locked Up (Vis a Vis)”, (S2, ep 11 to 19).  “Morocco To Timbuktu: An Arabian Adventure”, (S1, ep 1).  “Murder In Successville”, (S3, ep 4).  “Our Friend Victoria”, (S1, ep5 & ep 6).  “Panarama: What Facebook Knows About You”, (TX: 08/05/17).  “Tea With Mrs C”, (05/05/17).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S21,  ep 5).  “The Island With Bear Grylls”, (S4, ep 3).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 8).  “The Truth About Sleep”, (TX: 11/05/17).     

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (01/05 no3, 05/05, 09/05, 10/05/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus Extra)”, (04/05/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (04/05, 05/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (11/05/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (05/05, 06/05, 12/05/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 150, 10/05/17). “Strange Times”, (ep  202, 14/11/16) (ep 201, 11/11/16) (ep 200, 04/11/16) (ep 199, 30/10/16) (ep 198, 20/10/16) (ep 197, 07/10/16) (ep 196, 30/09/16) (ep 195, 23/09/16) (ep 194 & ep 193, 16/09/16) ( ep 192, 02/09/16) (ep 191, 30/08/16) (ep 190, 26/08/16).  “Strange Times, ExratCRAP”, (ep 36, 17/09/16).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 43, 11/05/17).  “The Chattering Classes”, (ep 32, 26/05/16) (ep 36, 07/05/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 14, 11/05/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 22, 06/05/17) “Morrissey”, “The B52’s”,  “Kasabian”,  “Blondie”,  “Gorillaz”,  ”Muse”, “Deee-Lite“,  “Placebo”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & Central London, Essex & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 150 Saturday 29^thApril until Friday 5^thMay 2017.

This is the 150th So-Called Blog, even I can’t believe I have written this shiz every week.  The reason I decided to celebrate now, is just in case I don’t make it to week 200.

     , Pics from last weekend, with MOZ, SAZ and Sigrida drunk in Soho and on the tube.

There are two reasons I write this rubbish weekly.  One, in the future my niece and nephews will be able to read about what they’re mad fat aunty got up to while they were young.  Plus they will see pictures of themselves which in most cases makes them look like the responsible human sitting next to their aunty who is gurning like a loon.  And Two, if I’m lucky to live to a great age sitting in a nursing home slumped in front of daytime TV in a puddle of my own filth.  My niece and nephews might be able to find time in there busy schedules to visit and read some of this shiz to me, which might spark a memory and relieve me from the hell of daytime TV for a few moments.

   Returning to Tofo Mozambique the place i feel happy in.

My thinking behind this week was to have a look back at some of the pictures of people and memories over these last 150 weeks.  Last week when I was uploading the blog for week 149 I noticed that I was running out of space which stores the pictures on the blog site.  After thinking about this for a couple of moments, I made the easy decision to delete a number of old images.

   Bob Marley trousers were cheap and didnt last.  The sign said it all. Tiny Frogs everywhere.

It was only after I had posted the blog that I noticed a problem.  The lovely banner picture taken in Mozambique looking towards the city of Maxixe with a beautiful sunset in the background had been replaced.  Instead there was a picture which I didn’t recognise, that’s when the penny dropped.  I quickly looked back at the Blog archive and sure enough all the pictures that I had deleted had been removed from the actual weekly posts.  This really has annoyed me and as my poor suffering best friend Aunty MOZ has pointed out using the words of the great Vic and Bob “You wouldn’t let it lie!!“.

   Liquid Dive Adventures.  The beach i walked to work on.  The hut i called home home.

As a result of my computer incompetence I cannot now present pictures going back to week 1.  But I can still show nice images going back a couple of years, pictures that mean a lot and tell the story of this Mid-Life Crisis that I am continuing to go through.

   MOZ, Claire and RAC.

All I can say is THANK YOU for reading this rubbish, I do look at the stats and it does make me happy to see that people have clicked and had a peep from all over the world.  I realise this ramble doesn’t mean very much in the grand scheme of life, but it helps make me feel creative.

   One of these munchkins better come read this shiz to me in the future when i am in a care home.

  Cheers Mum.  Moira playing hide and seek.  Penny, Bonn and Lee podcasting on the Thames.

   X-ray of my left foot.  WB and my Croydon ID pass.  Introducing Anoodle to the world of Doctor Who.

   Swans in Regents Park.  My sisters wedding location.  Somewhere in Surrey.

   My sisters hen do.  Rogers and the gang at Croydon Council.  I’m being an adult.

Let’s hope that next week 151 will be more interesting.

 Writing this shiz.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 7).  “Acquitted”, (S1, ep 3).  “Britain’s Nuclear Bomb: The Inside Story”, (TX: 03/05/17).  “Born To Kill”, (S1, ep 2).  “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”, (S3, ep 20 to ep 22) (S4, ep 1 to ep 5).  “Bucket”, (S1, ep 4).  “Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope”, (S1, ep 1).  “Climaxed: Quicikes”, (S1, ep 6).  “Doctor Who”, (S36/S10, ep 2 & ep 3).  “Horizon: Dancing in The Dark – The End Of Physics?”, (2014/15, ep 10).  “Horizon: Why Did I Go Mad”, (TX: 02/05/17).  “Locked Up (Vis a Vis)”, (S2, ep 1 to 10).  “Murder In Successville”, (S3, ep 3).  “Our Friend Victoria”, (ep 4).  “Panarama: Trump’s First 100 Day’s”, (TX: 24/04/17).  “Susie Dent’s Guide To Swearing”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S21,  ep 4).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Golden Girls”, (S3, ep 15 to ep 19).  “Timeshift. The Nation’s Railways: The Golden Age Of British Rail”, (S14, ep 15).   

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (01/05/17 x 3).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (02/05, 03/05/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (04/05/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (29/04).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 149: pt 1 & pt 2, 03/05/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 39, 05/05/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 222, 29/04/17) (ep 214, 27/02/17) (ep 213, 18/02/17) (ep 212, 10/02/17) (ep 211, 09/02/17) ( ep 210, 02/02/17) (ep 209, 28/01/17) (ep 208, 20/01/17) (ep 207, 13/01/17) (ep 206, 07/01/17) (ep 205, 30/12/16) (2016 Crimbo Special, 25/12/16) (ep 204, 16/12/16) (ep 203, 09/12/16).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 42, 04/05/17).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 5, 05/05/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 21, 30/04/17) “Morrissey”, “Queen”,  “Kylie”,  “The XX”,  “Pizzicato Five”,  ”Kate Bush”, “Elbow“,  “The B-52s”,  “The Verve”, “ELO”, “Cat Stevens”, “George Harrision”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Hertfordshire & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 149 Saturday 22^ndApril 2017 until Friday 28^thApril 2017.

This week I really want to thank “London Midland” for their excellent train service to Watford, Hertfordshire.  A fast, smooth journey that was more importantly FREE.  Due to an electrical problem at London Euston I couldn’t touch in at the ticket gate.  Once in Watford passengers were ushered through ticket barriers being told not to touch out, this journey really was free.  Going home later that night a little drunk it was exactly the same.  There is very little in life especially in “London Town” that’s free, I spend more on travel than anything else, so a free “chuff chuff” ride is never to be sniffed at.

   Fun in Hertfordshire.

The last time I visited my brother and his lovely family “up north” about a month ago ended messily.  The night before my glass was magically refilled over and over, it really was a relaxed evening with family.  On Saturday morning just before I left I enjoyed a bright red beetroot smoothie.  Paul then drove me to the station which was really nice because the walk is only about 10 minutes, but being very hungover a lift was most appreciated.

   Nico drawing what i looked like on Saturday morning, Leo’s not sure that i am a responsible adult. 

It was during this drive that everything went wrong, the beetroot smoothie sloshed around my swollen alcohol engorged stomach making me feel ill.  Paul brought the car to a stop as if he was doing a driving test when the examiner had tapped the dashboard with a clipboard indicating that he wanted a quick controlled emergency stop.  I opened the door quickly and started to decorate the pavement of Hertfordshire a deep beetroot red colour.  Paul made the decision to take me back to his house, this was when I decided to pay tribute to the late great John Hurt by recreating his most memorable scene from “Alien”, you know the one.  Within a fraction of a second the white interior of the car became beetroot red.  The brightly coloured vomit was everywhere on everything and all over me.  Once back at his home I felt worse not because my very young nephews stood wondering what terrible accident had occurred, but I discovered that the car belonged to my sister-in-law Sigrida.

   Sign’s of the week.

This is not the first time that I have embarrassed myself in public as a result of drink.  My poor sister SAZ has at least on three different occasions over the last 15 years had to strip me naked and put me in the bath.  During the late 80s early 90s I would regularly meet a friend JUZ, during those evenings we would drink a lot of very cheap cider while listening to Morrissey, Smiths or watching marathons of Monty Python, Red Dwarf or Doctor Who.  I have many fond memories of JUZ, the things we did and the places we went.  Unfortunately there are a number that still trouble me.  Such as running up the stairs in the middle of the night with a hand over mouth desperately trying to make it to the loo.  This was when a chunky liquid started to squirt from between my fingers leaving a sticky dripping trail down the walls.  Another time that I am definitely not proud of, is rushing into his kitchen as I knew I’d never make it upstairs.  I was sick all over a week’s worth of cups, saucers and cutlery.  Then there was the time I walked home a journey of about 40 mins on a sunny Saturday morning with a terrible headache and dried vomit all over my black t-shirt.  Yes I was that loser you see staggering home at the weekend covered in their own puke.

   A little glamour in Dagenham. 

Don’t get me wrong I like a drink, but the older I get the more I am realising that alcohol isn’t working for me the way it used to.  I just don’t get that funny, fuzzy, fizzy feeling that I did years ago.  Nowadays I just feel ill and spend days recovering hating myself.

 The Jbomb and his twin.

While I was travelling up to Watford enjoying my free train ride I knew that I had to be on my best behaviour.  I didn’t want my two nephews seeing me in that state again.  I’m supposed to be a responsible adult that their parents can trust, while they’re the children should be covered in their own mess.  Maybe now it’s time to re-evaluate how I live my life.

  I do adult things.

This week I really want to say I’m sorry to JUZ, SAZ, Paul, nephews Nico and Leo and my mum who was not impressed at her eldest recent behaviour?  But most of all I am sorry to Sigrida, it won’t happen again.  I hope.

 Tart.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 Writing this Shiz.

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 5).  “Acquitted”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Blue Peter”, (TX: 04/11/74).  “Born To Kill”, (S1, ep 1).  “Bucket”, (S1, ep 3).  “Click”, (TX: 22/04/17).  “Doctor Who”, (S26/S1, ep1)(S36/S10, ep 1, ep 2).  “Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol2”, (2017).  “Have I Got A Bit More News For You”, (S53, ep 1).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S53, ep 2).  “Hospital People”, (S1, ep 1).  “Horizon: ADHD And Me With Rory Bremner”, (TX: 25/04/17).  “Horizon: Seeing Stars”, (2011/12, ep 2).  “I Was Born on One Born”, (ep 1 & ep 2).  “Inside The Tube: Going Underground”, (S1, ep 3).  “Man Made Planet: Earth From Space”, (TX: 22/04/17).  “Murder In Successville”, (S3, ep 2).  “Our Friend Victoria”, (ep 3).  “Sex, Lies And Love Bites: The Agony Aunts Story”, (TX: 10/03/15).  “Star Trek”, (S2, ep 2).  “The China Syndrome”, (1979).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S21, ep 3).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 6).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 13).  “The Moon”, (TX: 27/02/06).  “The Sky At Night: 60^th Anniversary”, (TX: 23/04/17).  “The Sun”, (TX: 06/03/06).  “The Tube: Going Underground”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8).  “Timeshift. The Ladybird Book Story: The Bugs That Got Britain Reading”, (S13, ep 5).  “Top Cat: Begins”, (2015).  “Top Gear”, (S24, ep 7).  “Top Gear: Extra Gear”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Golden Girls”, (S3, ep 10 to ep 14).    

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (20/04 x 2).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (20/04, 21/04, 24/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (27/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (22/04, 28/04/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 18, 11/02/15) (ep 29, 01/04/15) (ep 148, 26/04/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 38, 28/04/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 215 & ep 216, 03/03/17)(ep 217, 10/03/17)(ep 218, 17/03/17)(ep 219, 01/04/17) (ep 220, 10/04/17)(ep 221, 15/04/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 41, 27/04/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 13, 27/04/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 20, 21/04/17).  “Morrissey”, “Des’ree”,  “Whitney Houston”,  “The Pet Shop Boys”,  “Suede”,  ”Pulp”, “Echobelly“,  “Sixpence None The Richer”,  “The Manic Street Preachers”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North London,  & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 148 Saturday 15^thApril 2017 until Friday 21^stApril 2017.

Easter back holiday weekend is a glorious 4 day festival of chocolate.  The real joy of Easter as an adult is the extra days off work; any chance to bunk off is always a bonus.  However this Easter will be remembered for a different reason.  By the end of the bank holiday every muscle in my lardy body ached.

  Were on a road trip.

Aunty MOZ and myself took my 5 year old niece ice skating.  This was the first time I have taken her around London on trains, tubes and sitting on the top deck at the front of a London bus.  Believe it or not I can actually ice skate, I can’t do tricks, but I can stay standing on a couple of thin metal blades without breaking the ice.  In the early 80s my class of fellow thickos at school were taken weekly to Streatham Ice Rink.  I suspect this was a ploy to get us out of the way so that the clever kids could have the school to themselves.  One of my lasting memories has nothing to do with skating or ice.  Everyone was sat on the bus after a damn good skive which is really what the lesson was about.  The driver put his foot on the accelerator and the entire back window; the emergency exit fell out on to the road.  In the words of the great Shaggy “it wasn’t me“.

   Pre skating fun.

For 2 ½ hours Aunty MOZ and I dragged my niece round the ice as she clung onto what was called an “ice scooter”, which in my mind looked like a Dalek skirt (this might have been on my mind because Doctor Who returned that evening).  We took a risk before by filling her up with chips and a burger all washed down with a crushed frozen bright blue ice drink.  I was just as disappointed as my niece that her tongue didn’t turn blue, that’s what you expect when you drink a blue ice drink.  This is hopefully the first of many trips all over with my niece and eventually with my three nephews. Being an Aunty these last 5 years has been so much fun, but I feel the real adventure is only just beginning.  If every muscle in my body hurt every time I take her/them out then I won’t ever need to join a gym.

  “Best day ever”……

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 Round and round we go…..

I annoyed myself this week because of my poor judgment.  Weekdays I rush out of the front door early trying to get from East to North London as quickly as possible so I can sit in an airless office for the next 8hrs.  The journey consists of a couple of tubes and overground trains; I have a number of different routes that I can choose from.  There is one route however that I consider my main one, which I could probably do with my eyes closed if needed?

  Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

Wednesday I made a decision that had a domino effect on the rest of my trip to sunny Islington.  I don’t know why I stayed on the tube when I normally get off to change trains, this decision might have been made because I had a seat and was listening to a great podcast (there the future, you know).  Once I arrived at the London Overground platform at Whitechapel part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to throw my toys out of the pram, part of me wanted to turn round fight my way past the oncoming passengers and get back up the stairs go home and return to bed.  These were the emotions that were flowing through me, but of course I didn’t, I carried on with my journey from hell.

 This is a club i want to join.

It’s always the day I/you/we need to be somewhere in a hurry when the trains are screwed and the platform information system doesn’t tell you when the next train is due or where it’s going.  Everyone’s attention is not on their tablets or phones as they would normally be.  Instead all eyes are staring down the dark tunnel waiting to catch first glimpse of light of a train reflected against the curved wall.  You can feel the tension around you as with every passing second more and more people flood on to the platform all waiting impatiently to get to their destination.

 That festival feeling in the garden.

All of this will seem even stranger when I tell you I wasn’t late for work; I still had 35mins before I was due to start taking calls from the public.  As I mentioned last week I have a coffee based drink addiction and that’s the real reason I was annoyed with myself as I wasn’t going to have the normal 40 or 50 mins sitting watching the world go by, writing stories or this shiz.

 Writing this Shiz.

If you ever wanted a reason for this So-Called Blog to end you can blame the trains for being on time.

  What a cute Easter Bunny….

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 And now for some “Train Porn”, sorry about that.

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 4).  “Better Call Saul”, (S1, ep 1).  “Birdman (The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance)”, (2014).  “Black Mirror”, (S3, ep 1).  “Blue Peter”, (TX 14/04/17).  “Boxtroll”, (2014).  “Bucket”, (S1, ep 2).  “CBeebies: Three Little Pigs”, (TX 21/04/14).  “Click”, (TX: 15/04/17).  “Climaxed”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 5).  “Doctor Who”, (S36/S10, ep 1).  “Eyewitness”, (S1, ep 3 to ep 6).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S53, ep 1).  “Happy Man”, (S1, ep 1 tp ep 3).  “Inside The Tube: Going Underground”, (S1, ep 3).  “Just A Couple”, (S1, ep 1).  “Murder In Successville”, (S3, ep 1).  “Nine Lifes”, (2016).  “Our Friend Victoria”, (ep 2).  “Peter Kay’s: Car Share”, (S1, ep 1 to 6) (S2, ep 1 to 4).  “Robot Wars”, (S6, ep 6).  “Springwatch In Japan: Cherry Blossom Time”.  “Tea With Mrs C”, (21/04/17).  “The Big Think: How To Live Longer”.  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 2).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep x).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 12).  “The Monkey Lab”.  “The Team”, (S1, ep x).  “Timewatch: Dial “B” For Britain: The Story Of The Landline”, (S17, ep 3).  “Top Gear”, (S24, ep 6).

  And finally some “Chocolate porn”…

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (13/04, 15/04/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (13/04, 14/04, 17/04, 18/04, 19/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (20/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (14/04, 15/04, 16/04, 21/04/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 20, 25/05/15) (ep 33, 29/04/15) (ep 95, 26/04/16) (ep 147, 19/04/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 37, 21/04/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 40, 20/04/17).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 4, 21/04/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 1 to ep 11) (ep 12, 20/04/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 19, 17/04/17).  “Morrissey”, “They Might Be Giants”,  “B*Witched”,  “R.E.M”,  “Fairground Attraction”,  ”Nena”, “Tinita Tikaram“,  “Sophie B Hawkins”,  “Radio X: Best Of British Top 100”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North London,  & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 147, Saturday 8^thApril 2017 until Friday 14^th April 2017.

I have a problem that I would like to you about.  I am an addict; which could have an effect on my future.  This is an addiction that I haven’t hidden in fact it’s very open and in plain view.

  Travelling the Thames with Bonn, Penny and Lee.

I love drinking buckets of sugary gloppy goodness.  I find there is nothing nicer than walking around clasping a semi recyclable cup, drinking ridiculously priced coffee based hot or cold drinks.  My father passed away a long time ago, he would be horrified that I spend £3 to £4 on a single drink, a drink that is far removed from an actual cup of coffee.  Speaking of my dad, he made a wonderful drink he called an “egg flip”, made of coffee with a raw egg and topped off with grated nutmeg.  What made the drink special was the wrist action in the way he stirred it.  My dear friend Jenny in Tofo, makes a lovely “Leon Lucas Egg Flip” dad would have been proud of.

 On a river boat.

I worked in Bayswater’s when the coffee revolution started in the late 90s.  This was when I stepped over the threshold of “Cafe Republic” and my love of overly hot sugary drinks began.  These days if I have a normal coffee at home, it just doesn’t taste the same without the syrups, cream and other frills that major coffee establishments offer.

  Gobby cow.

The addiction got worse when I stepped into my first Starbucks, I wish I remembered where this was.  Starbucks has gripped London by the short and curlies and spread like a diseases.  I know a few locations where there are multiple branches every few hundred metres.  Coffee shops are the 21st century equivalent of public houses.  A places where all types of people congregate, look around any branch you will see people in official meetings, interviews or just seeing friends.  Everyone has same glazed look as the sugar rushes around there bloodstream.

   Random pics from the week….

There is possibly another reason why these places are so popular, it could be to do with the free unlimited Wi-Fi.  There have been times when I have spent far too long nursing an empty cup pretending it’s still full of hot frothy liquid hoping I don’t get asked to jog on.  Other occasions all I wanted was a plug point, so I have sat at a table with someone else discarded drink (which I DON’T drink) sucking up all that free electricity.  When I was in South Africa I was horrified to discover that there was no Starbucks (they might be there now).  However I managed to satisfy my addiction in “Mugg and Bean”, drinking a large coffee while eating the biggest muffin I have ever seen which came with complimentary jam, cheese and butter all of which I polished off.  The only problem was the Wi-Fi was limited to 30 mins, as a result there were occasions I went from branch to branch pretending that someone’s old drink was mine while I squirted the internet through my device.

 This guy really was skateboarding and playing the guitar at the same time.

There’s definitely a problem when the barista remembers your name, think of the hundreds of people that they serve daily, and they remembered who I am.  Currently I am working in North London arriving really early because I want a seat on the train.  But as I don’t want to be in the office ridiculously early I’m happy to sit in a coffee shop drinking a warm beverage while watching the world pass by.  These days I’m keeping track of my drinks because I have a loyalty card.  Every 15 drinks I buy I get a free one, these are the best drinks ever, a free drink is always the tastiest one full of extra surgery flavor.

  Don’t see them this quiet normally.

Once that cup has been thrown away and my sugar level drops to normal this is when I think rationally about how much that ONE drink has cost me.  That “so called” free drink has cost me a small fortune; I have drunk 15 cups of gunk for ONE free coffee.  This addiction needs to be nipped in the bud.  I am trying to save money to return to Africa, the way I am going I won’t have enough to get across the channel let along leave the UK.  I gave up smoking a long time ago which wasn’t that difficult, I should be able to halt this fake coffee habit.  But it won’t be easy, because there’s a branch on every corner enticing me inside for a cup of sugary delight.

   A “free” bucket is always the tastiest.

I need to close my eyes and think about the horrific look on my dad’s face at all the money I have spent.  And smile at the thought of him making me a simple but tasty “egg flip”.

 Writing this shiz.

And Now For Something Different……

Saw Jupiter which appeared as a tiny speck under a bright beautiful full Moon.

 That speck below and to the right of the Moon is the largest planet in our Solar System.

Went to see the sexy dentist which is always nice (yes I know that sounds strange) and had a filling.  This fell out the next day while eating a packet of mini pretzels.  I needed to see her again a lot sooner than planned.

Woman on the tube talking on phone loudly to a friend “I want you to come to my church, I love you, I’m worried about you.  I don’t want you to go to hell”.

Went to an audition for a Vodka advert, I was asked what level of kissing I am comfortable with, they asked “passionate”.  I said “yes”.  I was kissed on the cheek twice by a beautiful woman, nothing passionate about the audition.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 3).  “Bucket”, (S1, ep 1).  “Case”, (S1, ep 8 & ep 9).  “Chef vs Science: Ultimate Kitchen Challenge”.  “Click”, (TX: 08/04/17).  “Edwardian Insects On Film”.  “Everyday Miracles: The Genius Of Sofas, Stockings and Scanners”.  “Eyewitness”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Galapagos”, (ep 2 & ep 3).  “Gap Year”, (S1, ep 7 & ep 8).  “How’d Do You Get So Rich?”, (ep 6).  “Inside The Tube: Going Underground”, (S1, ep 2).  “King Kong”, (2005).  “Our Friend Victoria”, (ep 1).  “Peter Kay’s: Car Share”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Spike Milligan: Assorted “Q”, (ep 2).  “The Amazing Spiderman”, (2012).  “The Big Think: Should We Go To Mars?”.  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 1).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 5).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 11).  “The Team”, (S1, ep 8). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Hardcore Listing With Chris And Stu”, (ep 3: pt1 10/04/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (11/04/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (06/04, 06/04, 10/04, 11/04, 12/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (07/04, 08/04/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 37, 27/05/15) (ep 43: pt 1 & 2, 24/06.15) (ep 50, 29/07/15) (ep 57, 06/09/15) (ep 64: pt 1 & 2, 21/10/15) (ep 79: pt 1 & pt 2, 13/01/16) (ep 90, 23/03/16) (ep 146, 12/04/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 39, 13/04/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (11/04/17).  “Morrissey”, “Haim”,  “Radiohead”,  “Portishead”,  “LCD Soundsystem”,  ”Tom Robinson”, “Ash“,  “Kate Nash”,  “Kate Bush”, “Voice Of The Beehive”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North London,  & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 146 Saturday 1^st April 2017 until Friday 7^th April 2017.

I’m trying to not get stressed at this stage of my mid-life crisis by forgetting my dodgy knees and clicking little finger.  But this week I need to complain and vent some frustration.

 Watching Icelandic drama at my desk.

I travel daily on the trains and tubes of the capital like millions of others all scurrying to and from work trying to get from point A to C via B.  There are many problems which are out of the control of passengers such as signal failures, train malfunctions, station overcrowding and people taken ill.  However there are a few minor sounding things that can affect a commuter’s journey resulting in them arriving late at point C.

 This hard worker was spotted having a rest.

Everyone wants a seat, think of this as a travelling lottery played by commuters.  As with any lottery there are winners and losers, with this game that happens at every station.  When the train starts to decelerate (I wanted a posh word for slows down) everyone standing who has been trying not to sniff the armpit of the person next to them scans the occupied seats around.  There looking for signs that someone is about to leave the train.  The problem is that multiple people are playing this lotto at the same time; everyone is working out in their mind the logistics of how they can reach a certain seat before another passenger.  Who will win and plant there lardy arse on the badly upholstered chewing gum stained seat.

  Everything really looks better with a little sun.

I have been playing this game for a long time, but every now and then I make a newbie error.  I might be watching the surrounding seats on the other side of the carriage trying to detect if a fellow passenger has lifted a buttock a few extra millimeters off their seat.  This means I’ve accidentally taken my eye off the seat next to me, the one I have been eyeing my whole journey.  The next thing I knew is another lotto player slips in behind me as if there had been made from molten metal and plant there behind on the already warm seat left from the previous occupant.  Luckily the loss of a seat like this doesn’t happen very often, however for the rest of the journey I stare evilly at them hoping that they trip up as they leave.  There has to be some pleasure from a journey like that.

  Early evening fun in Surrey.

The biggest daily battle though on public transport takes place before you have even step foot on the train.  Imagine two opposing forces facing each other off, the people inside the train and the crowd waiting on the platform.  Both want to exist in the same location at the same time.  I’m not a scientist, but even I know this is not going to be easy.  When the doors open war commences.  The reason it’s a struggle is because the army standing on the platform have created a wall of bodies and won’t allow the passengers getting off the train to pass through.  The platform people are always so impatient, they charge forward as soon as the doors open not allowing the departing passengers a moment to actually climb out of the metal monster.  This really annoys me as everyone is trying to get to point C, but acting like this is only going to cause delays which annoys everyone especially the platform people.

  Working in local government can be tough.

I am not trying to claim I am a commuting saint.  However if I am balancing on the edge of the platform in the correct position for the doors, I do my best to make sure that I am out of the way so that the throng of hot, flustered, sweaty passengers can get off the train quickly.  Too me, it makes total sense to leave a free space for them to march on to the platform so I can get on the train.  This will allow me to start to play the travelling lotto game and hope that I get a seat for part of my journey to point C.

 Islington looking great early morning.

I realise that there are far more important things to worry about, such as when will the super volcano under Yellowstone explode (scientist say that it’s late).  Or will I be prepared when the zombie apocalypse happens.  But while travelling to point C all I really want is an easy journey and a seat, is that a lot to ask.

 I believe in Karma.

And Now For Something Different……

  Eating out in Essex.

The joy of sitting at work with my headphones over my left ear and an ear bud in my right ear.  In between calls about boring Council Tax I was able to listening to excellent Podcast.

Spoke to a woman calling from Swaziland, I recommend Mozambique and Tofo to her.

 Writing this shiz.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 2).  “Brian Pern At The BBC”.  “Case”, (S1, ep 1 to 7).  “Catastrophe”, (S3, ep 6).  “Click”, (TX: 01/04/17).  “Cradle To Grave”, (S1, ep 8).  “Do We Really Need The Moon”.  “Elysium”, (2013).  “Gap Year”, (S1, ep 6).  “How’d Do You Get So Rich”, (ep 5).  “How To Be A Surrealist With Phillipa Perry”.  “Inside The Tube: Going Underground”, (S1, ep 1).  “Postman Pat: Special Delivery Service: Pat And The Spacesuit”, (S3, ep 26).  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S7, ep 3).  “Robot Wars”, (S9, ep 5).  “Spike Milligan: Assorted “Q”, (ep 1).  “Starz”.  “The Bermuda Triangle: Beneath The Waves”,  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 3).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 10).  “The Man Who Shot Tutankhaman”.  “The Secret Surrealist: Desmond Morris”.  “The Team”, (S1, ep 7).  “Top Gear”, (S24, ep 5).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S5, ep 5). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Hardcore Listing With Chris And Stu”, (ep 2, pt 1: 03/04/17) (ep 2, pt 2: 04/4/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (05/04, 06/04/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (31/03, 03/04, 04/04, 05/04/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (07/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (06/04/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (31/03, 01/04/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 8, 03/12/14) (ep 80, 20/01/16) (ep 89, 16/03/16) (ep 145, pt 1 & pt 2: 05/04/17) (ep 145, pt 3: 06/04/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 35, 01/04/17) (ep 36, 07/04/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 37, 06/04/17) (ep 38, 06/04/17.  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 3, 07/04/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (06/04/17).  “Morrissey”, “The Coral”,  “The Kings Of Leon”,  “The Libertines”,  “Pulp”,  ”MUNA”, “Sophie B Hawkins“,  “Boy George”,  “Biffy Clyro”, “Wilsons Phillips”, “T’Pau”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North London,  & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 145 Saturday 25^thMarch 2017 until Friday 31^stMarch 2017.

This week is not just the last week of March but also the week that had the hottest day in London so far of 2017.  Please don’t quote me on this; I am not a meteorologist I was just listening to what the nice man on the box in the corner of my room told me.  As temperatures soured around the capital people went about wearing one coat and two layers underneath for the first time in months, there was also flash on show wrists could be viewed.

  Met some film stars this week.

This has been my first winter in the U.K for a couple of years; as a result I have actually felt chilly on occasion.  This is a strange sensation for me because I am normally a person who feels warm all year round.  While others are walking around as if there living in the Antarctic, I wouldn’t look out of place on Brighton beach during a pleasant English bank holiday.  I probably look strange walking around in short sleeves during the dark months but I’m used to being peered at in an unusual way.

  “Calamity” and “Lunge”, showing me how to bowl.

I have never dealt with heat very well.  I am the first person to seek out even the smallest strip of shade, fan or air con unit.  On many occasions over the years my best friend has looked as she’s walking in the sun chatting to herself, while others crossing over to avoid her.  What they don’t see is I am walking in the shade.  This is all very strange considering my love for south-east Africa a place that is rarely ever “cold”.  On the odd day that locals have to put on an extra layer due to rain or wind blowing the palm trees.  I could still be seen walking the sand roads in a vest top and short with my trusty hat (which I found out was made from paper and shouldn’t get wet, which it did regularly when out at sea on the boat).

  Great time with friends, food and a film…..  Oh i didn’t do very well with the bowling, maybe next time.

It will also be factor 50 season soon, that’s right when the sun comes out to play not only do I seek the shade but lots of sun cream.  For more months than is probably good I’m covered in a layer an inch thick.  Thinking about it I wonder if that’s why I feel hot, maybe my skin can’t breathe due to the layer of sunscreen smeared all over.  When I went to Mozambique I took more sunscreen than clothes and toiletries.  During my South Africa visa run trips not only would I see lots of new first run films cheaply, but I bought so much sun cream that I could have be accused of smuggling it over the border.  I should also say that I would buy a lot mozzie spray even though I took litres with me.  What a combination sun cream and mozzie repellent, maybe that’s why I attracted so many strays when walking the sand roads beside the Indian Ocean.

  Who’s teaching who?

This is a time of transition, it’s getting warmer, people are starting to shed clothes but shops and public transport still have the heating ramped up full.  Public heating appears too only have two settings on and off and nothing in between.  Recently I was standing on a packed train with the heating on full, all I was concerned about the torrent of sweat running down my back and desperately hoping that no one noticed.  What a beautiful image I have just created in your minds, luckily very few people actually read this shiz so there won’t be many needing therapy for years.

 I’m sure they would if they could.

While others are dusting off their summer clothes, I will continue to wear what I have been wearing all year round.  For the next few months I won’t look so out of place.  I’ll just look like every other member of the human race with sweat dripping down my back while covered in sun cream.  At least ill have money to spend on ice cream as I won’t have to buy a any mozzie spray.

  The sites of Croydon.

And now for something completely different…..

  Pics from the Dentist chair…

I spoke to a man ringing from Mongolia.

A little old lady told me i was going to win the lotto, i better buy a ticket.

 Writing this shiz.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “All Round To Mrs Brown’s”, (S1, ep 1).  “Brian Pern: A Tribute”.  “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”, (S3, ep 14 to 19).  “Catastrophe”, (S3, ep 5).  “Clique”, (S1, ep 3).  “Comic Relief 2017: Graham Nortons Big Chat Live”.  “Comic Relief 2017: Greg Davies’ Hot Tub Half Hour”.  “Comic Relief 2017: Russell Brand’s Stand Off”.  “Cradle To Grave”, (S1, ep 7).  “Galapagos”, (S1, ep 1).  “Gravity And Me: The Force That Shapes Our Lives”.  “How’d Do You Get So Rich”, (ep 4).  “Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook”, (S1, ep 6).  “Let’s Sing & Dance For Comic Relief 2017”, (ep 4).  “Robot Wars”, (S9, ep 4).  “SS-GB”, (S1, ep 3 & 4).  “Stargazing Live 2017: Australia”, (S7, ep 1 to 3).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 2).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 9).  “The Team”, (S1, ep 1 to 6).  “Top Gear”, (S24, ep 4).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S5, ep 3). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Hardcore Listing With Chris And Stu”, (ep 1, 27/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (28/03 x2, 29/03 x2, 30/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (24/03, 27/03, 28/03, 29/03, 30/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (30/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (24/03, 25/03, 31/03/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 17, 04/02/15) (ep 31, 15/04/15) (ep 67, pt 2, 11/11/15) (ep 144, 29/03/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 36, 30/03/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (30/03/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 17, 25/03/17).  “Morrissey”, “Basement Jaxx”,  “Alanis Morresette”,  “The White Stripes”,  “Blur”,  ”Johnny Cash”, “SIA“,  “MGMT”,  “Pet Shop Boys.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Surrey, & North London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 144 Saturday 18^thMarch 2017 until Friday 24^thMarch 2017.

I’m a big science fiction and science fact fan. Unfortunately due to being thick I was never in the clever kids class the ones where they studied the individual sciences chemistry, biology and physics.  Instead I learned general science a little bit of everything and nothing in particular.

  Spring had sprung in North London. 

As with so many science fiction fans I have an interest in time travel.  I would like to think that in my lifetime scientists will prove it’s possible. Something else I hope happens during my life is man landing on Mars, but that’s for another week.  If a time machine was available the big question is where to go.  Some might choose Woodstock or when Einstein had his eureka moment.  After the week I have had, I would go back and try to find out who came up with the “bright idea” of hot-desking, I would march into the office and slap the idea out of there head.

 A fat old bag, scaring all the wildlife on Hampstead heath. It should be illegal.

Hot-desking is a pain for someone like me a temporary staff member.  I don’t have a regular seat or place to store my belongings.  All last week I sat at one desk during which time I started to lay down roots, feeling comfortable sitting next to the same person.  This Monday I made my way to “my” desk, and discovered another woman ripping out the root system I had laid as she had made herself comfortable.  I almost imagined her settling down like a dog next to a real fire on a plush cushion, turning round three times before laying down.

  They have nice cake in North London.

I then spent the next 10 mins being passed around like a bad smell.  In the end I was directed to the desk that one of my managers normally sits at.  What was worrying straight away were the two screens and a ridiculously small keyboard.  This hot-desking lark is meant to make things easy; technically I should be able to work from any desk in the building, this week proved it’s not as easy as that.  When I switched on the computer the two screens lit up simultaneously which was a shock, I have enough trouble using one on a daily basis so two wasn’t going to make things any easier.  For 20 mins I sat there trying to log in even though I was typing the correct password.  The message I kept reading might as well have told me to pack up and go home for all it’s worth.  Watching the cursor rush around the screen because IT had control is such a trippy experience.  This gave me a chance to sit look out of the window and wish the day away.  Once the geeky man had remotely sorted me out I then discovered that the stupidly small keyboard didn’t act like a normal one I couldn’t cut and paste.  This was a problem as I have to apply my notes about calls onto two different systems.  Over the course of the day this got really tedious resulting in my normally comprehensive notes getting shorter and shorter and more abbreviated.  Hopefully I will be long gone before anyone needs to read them.

  Watching classic Top Gear, drinking wine all prepared to record a podcast.

Yes if I had a time machine I’d go back and knock the hot-desk idea out of the clever dick who dared put up there hand and suggest it as a great new way of working.  I can picture them puffing out there chest with pride, looking forward to a future promotion and the hatred of millions of office workers.

 Trying to make Fridays desk feel homely with a pic of Alison Goldfrapp.

I’m old enough to remember when everyone used to have a seat, a place they called home for 8hrs a day 5 days a week.  In the old days I used to plaster my desk with pictures from favourite films and TV shows oh and the occasional one of family.  These made my day a little more bearable which Isn’t lot to ask.  Things of course change, and change is normally a good thing.  I’m not a Luddite, but I don’t enjoy not knowing where I am going to sit from day to day.

  I have enough trouble using one screen daily.  The sign in the other pic says it all.

Hot-desking is evil, I’m thinking of starting a revolution guaranteeing everyone gets at least a desk and possibly a locker.  If I had a time machine once I had knocked the hot-desking idea into a dusty corner of the boardroom.  I would then travel to London 23 November 1963, find a television settle down and prepare to watch BBC tv.

 Writing this shiz, was it worth it…..

In Other News… 

Overheard the following drama.

Little Girl “Mummy said, dolly can go on the trampoline”.

A few moments later could hear jumping on trampoline, then.

Little Girl (shouting) “Don’t hurt dolly”.

Pause.

Little Girl (crying) “Mummy”. 

 I get bored easily Monday to Friday.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “Catastrophe”, (S2, ep 2 to 6) (S3, ep 1 to 3).  “Catastrophe Extra (Short)”, (17/12/15).  “Click”, (TX 18/03/17).  “Comic Relief 2017″.  “Comic Relief 2017: W1A Does Red Nose Day 2017”.  “Cradle To Grave”, (S1, ep 6).  “Dust Storms”.  “Gap Year”, (S1, ep 4 & ep 5).  “How’d Do You Get So Rich”, (ep 2 & ep 3).  “Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook”, (S1, ep 5).  “Inside No 9”, (S3, ep 6).  “Let’s Sing & Dance For Comic Relief 2017”, (ep 3).  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S7, ep 2).  “Robot Wars”, (S9, ep 3).  “Simon Amstall: Carnage”, (19/03/17).  “Tea With Mrs C”, (21/03/17).  “The Last Kingdom”, (S2, ep 1).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 8).  “Top Gear”, (S16, ep 3) (S24, ep 3).  “Top Gear: Extra Gear”, (S2, ep 3).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S5, ep 2). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Hardcore Listing With Chris And Stu”, (trailer 14/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (17/03, 20/03, 21/03, 23/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (17/03, 20/03, 21/03, 22/03, 23/07/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (24/03/17). “Iain Lee vs Radio Podcast”, (ep 11, 31/07/15)(ep 12, 04/08/15). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (18/03/17). “Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 2, 24/03/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 67,pt 1, 11/11/15)(ep 97, 10/05/16)(ep 142, 17/03/17)(ep 143, 22/03/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 33, 18/03/17)(ep 34, 24/03/17). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 35, 23/03/17). “The Rabbit Hole”, (22/03/17). “These People Podcast”, (ep 16, 18/03/17). “Morrissey”, “Adam Ant”,  “Suede”,  “Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds”,  “Lourde”,  ”The Hair Soundtrack”, “Florence And The Machine“, “Frans Ferdinand”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Surrey, & North London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 143 Saturday 11^thMarch 2017 until Friday 17^thMarch 2017.

This week is the one year anniversary since I returned in Blighty.  I never expected to be here this long, when I left Mozziebeak I thought I would be back in August (2016).  Why didn’t this happen, one word “money”.

 Thats a huge Strewberry Anoodle.

I can live cheaply in Tofo shopping in the local fruit n veg market or “Mr Fresh” the very small room that’s a supermarket.  While spending a few extra Meticals on Internet and other luxuries.  However it’s the boring things like flights, visas, rent and of course the regular visa run to the border that uses up most of the precious funds I save.  Unlike Tofo, London is expensive everything costs so much, contributing to bills and transport eats up so much of what I don’t have.

 The Jbomb, got bored and ate the camera.

If you were to ask me “do you really want to return to MZ”, I would have no hesitation in saying “yes” straight away.  I am jealous; I can’t lie of people who seem to have pockets that are large, meaning that they are able to stay for extended periods or even permanently.  My pockets are extremely small, most of the time it feels like I’m wearing clothes where the pockets are swan up and I am trying to unpick them with tweezers while wearing them.

   Ladies Night in Reigate.

At this time I have no idea of when I will return, I suspect it will be during the summer.  Hopefully the owners of Liquid Dive Adventures will continue to be patient with me and want me back, if they don’t I would totally understand.  I love Tofo and would go as far to say that I am genuinely happy walking the sand roads, watching goats wonder past as quad bikes kick up sand while strangers say hello.

 A trip to the sexy dentist, is always fun.

I have a loving family, 3 nephews and a beautiful niece who spending time with is always fun.  There are a small number of people that I call friends, my best friend has allowed me to live at her place.  But I am still not happy.  In a perfect world I would be able to spend time in Tofo then return to the UK now and then when funds needed topping up.  As long as I have the Internet i don’t need to actually be here, I can chat, laugh with everyone and still be beside the Indian Ocean.

   Croydon is alive with street art.

On a positive note I have achieved a couple of things since returning.  Between September and February I appeared in a number of TV shows, short films and features mainly as a supporting artist, but once or twice I had to do some real acting.  However I am most proud of doing 2 stand up gigs.  There is something very powerful about standing up in front of an audience and making them laugh.  My circumstances have recently changed; I have become a battery hen again sitting In an office for 8 hrs a day.  This has put a stop to my acting career but stand up is still possible.  This might be an opportunity for me to vent a lot of personal frustration and not go completely mad.

  My new prision.

I love to travel.  We are all time travellers, travelling through time one second at a time.  We are all space traveller living on a ball of rock going round the sun in the hard vacuum of space.  I have to think of the bigger picture, I have to remember that I have seen some amazing things during my travels and met wonderful people who have changed my life for the better.  My adventures will definitely continue, just not today or tomorrow but soon.

 Writing this Shiz, look at the state of those tights.

I have been back one year; it’s not easy getting up in the morning to travel to work on a packed train.  One year ago I commuted to work walking along a deserted beach.  I have to remain positive and believe that I will return to see the crabs scurrying around doing crabby things on the sand.

In Other News… 

   Look carefully for the Porridge.

Arrived in North London, on day three of my new job far too early.  While taking pictures of interesting street art I met Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn who was going to buy his morning paper.  It was only after in the office when I looked in the mirror and saw that I had porridge in my teeth.  How embarrassing.

 It was because of this street art i met the Rt Hon Jeremy Corbym MP, leader of the opposition party.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “Catastrophe”, (S1, ep ep 6) (S2, ep 1).  “Clique”, (S1, ep 2).  “Cradle To Grave”, (S1, ep 5).  “Every Breath We Take: Understanding Our Atmosphere”.  “Gap Year”, (S1, ep 4).  “Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook”, (S1, ep 4).  “Inside No 9”, (S3, ep 5).  “Let’s Sing & Dance For Comic Relief 2017”, (ep 2).  “People Just Do Nothing: Featuring Ed Sheeran”.  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S7, ep 1).  “Robot Wars”, (S9, ep 2).  “Sound Waves: Symphony Of Physics”, (S1, ep 2).  “The Horizon Guide To Mars”.  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 7).  “The Real Marigold Hotel”, (S2, ep 4).  “The Replacement”, (S1, ep 3).  “This Country”, (S1, ep 6).  “Top Gear”, (S24, ep 2).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S5, ep 1).  “Who’d You Get So Rich?”, (S1, ep 1).                   

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (14/03, 15/03, 16/03/17 x 2).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (03/03, 13/03, 14/03, 15/03, 16/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (15/03/17).  ”LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (15/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (11/03, 17/03/17).  “Mars Season BBC Radio 4”, “Hunting The Martians”, (06/03/17), Moving To The Red Planet”, (07/03/17), “We Are The Martians: Seeing Is Believing”, (07/03/17), “A New Red World”, (07/03/17).  “Following The Martian Invasion”, (ep 1 & ep2, 07/03/17) (ep 3,08/03/17) (ep 4, 09/03/17) (ep 5, 10/03/17), “A Trip Around Mars With Kevin Fong”, (10/03/17), “Cells And Celluloid: Aliens on Film”, (10/03/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 52, pt 1 & pt 2: 05/08/15) (ep 102, pt 1, 21/06/16 & pt 2, 22/06/16) (ep 141, 15/03/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 32, 10/03/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (16/03/17).  “Morrissey”, “Iggy Pop”,  “The XX”,  “Blondie”,  “Squeeze”,  ”XTC”, “The Human League“, “Babes In Toyland”, “The Loving Eggs”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & Central London, Surrey & Hertfordshire (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 142 Saturday 4^th March 2017 until Friday 10^th March 2017.

Looking at a picture of me you wouldn’t associate the word “exercise” as something I partake in.  Over the years I have done more than my fair share of running, swimming and cycling.  However due to my old knees I have had to stop running, which if I am honest was always punishing but there was a satisfying feeling about finishing.  The last couple of years my knees have been making what I regard as unusual noises, though the doctor said there is “nothing to worry about”, maybe I should get a second opinion.  But I inhabit this bag of old saggy skin the knees don’t feel right, as a result I have stopped punishing myself.

 Warning, Warning, Warning, the mutants have arrived.

I really enjoy swimming; any chance to get in the water is a joy.  But due to a deep guttural cough over the last 5 weeks i haven’t been, thinking it was not a good idea to get wet.  This week I decided to dip my toe back in the strangely sweet smell of chlorinated water.  Over the years I have witnessed some horrible sites floating around.  One of the worst was a turd, on another occasion a nappy, a number of sanitary product have been seen sinking into the gloom of the deep end.  A large number of plasters have drifted past me closely followed by hairballs floating on the surface.  Yes I have really seen these horrors, and swam around them and in some case got out of the pool as quickly as possible hoping that my vaccinations are up to date.  Thinking of these reminded me about a hidden pool horror.

  This is what you think it is, my nose can confirm that fact.

I recently read an article on The Guardian online which reported about a study in Canada that had looked at the amount of urine found in two pools over a three week period.  The results found that 75 litres of wee, enough to fill a medium sized bin into a pool one third the size of an Olympic pool had been found.  The article also stated that 19% of adults admitted to peeing in a swimming pool at least once.  The biggest culprits it seems are professional swimmers.  Wee it said is sterile, but there are compounds that over time being exposed to regularly could be a health issue.  This wouldn’t affect normal swimmers, but pool workers and professional swimming could be at risk.  So if you’re a pro swimmer or know one then tell them that if they want to look after their health they better not P in the workplace.

  I wonder if something got out from the inside, or in from the outside.  More mutant behavior, witnessed this week.

This did get me thinking. I will admit that I have once or twice over my long life accidentally tinkled in a municipal pool.  Other times I have been busting but carried on doing lengths until I could make it the loo afterwards.  I will also admit to Peeing a few times when scuba diving, there is a slightly strange satisfying feeling weeing in a wetsuit (my own I should point out not a rental) at depth.  I think only divers will know the feeling of the warmth of your waste mixing with the chill of salt water around you.  Having worked at a dive centre I can confirm that a lot of visiting scuba divers do pollute the ocean and rental wetsuit’s regularly need cleaning with disinfectant.  Considering how we humans have affected the delicate marine ecosystem with chemicals, plastic and other rubbish.  Maybe we should start worrying about the amount of pee in the sea.  I might just add I have seen a number of fish wee and poo while I dived around them.  One of the most memorable was a baby dolphin who as it passed me did a very large poo.  Instead of being shocked, upset I smiled behind my snorkel thinking how many of my friends have witnessed a sight like this.

 Anoodle channeling that early 80s NYC look, what do you think Rogers.

Back to the local pool, next time I go I really need to keep my mouth shut and if I see any unusual clouds floating around I will do my best to avoid them.  When I was a kid we were told that the life guards could tell if you had pee in the pool as the water would turn a strange colour.  As far as I know it’s an urban myth, but with the advances of science maybe this should be invented and implemented.  In 2017 I would assume that most people if asked would screw up there nose while saying point blankly that they “NEVER” pee in the pool, even though they probably have at least once.

    Happy Bday Leo, had a great time with these two.  Sorry for throwing up in your mums car…. oops.  wont be invited there again.

Maybe I should get my bicycle out of my sisters shed, give it an MOT and risk the roads and pollution of East London.  This might be better than the health risks of a pool full of piss.

 The party was in full swing.

In Other News… 

 Down memory lane, riding a Routmaster down the Strand.

Overheard a girl saying to friends on escalator, “would you use the DLR as a getaway if you robbed a bank”.

Quote of the week was heard in the confectionery isle at work.  A man said to a women, “I’m broody for chocolate”. 

 We really need to smile more often at others, not everyone is grumpy.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “Behind The Scenes – Television Centre 1971”, (TX 18/08/71).  “Catastrophe”, (S1, ep 3 to 5).  “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”, (1968).  “Click”, (TX 25/02/17).  “Clique”, (S1, ep 1).  “Cradle To Grave”, (S1, ep 4).  “Gap Year”, (S1, ep 1 to 3).  “Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook”, (S1, ep 1 to 3).  “Inside No 9”, (S3, ep 4).  “Let’s Sing & Dance For Comic Relief 2017”, (ep 1 & 2).  “Not Going Out”, (S8, ep 7).  “Peter Kay’s Car Share”, (S1, ep 4 & 5).  “Robot Wars”, (S9, ep 1).  “So Awkward”, (S2, ep 11).  “Sound Waves: Symphony Of Physics”, (S1, ep 1 & 2).  “Special Forces: Ultimate Hell Week”, (S2, ep 6).  “SS-GB”, (S1, ep 2).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates: Canada’s Lost Girls”.  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S20, ep 20).  “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 6).  “The Real Marigold Hotel”, (S2, ep 3).  “The Replacement”, (S1, ep 1 & 2).  “This Country”, (S1, ep 5).  Timeshift: Hurricanes And Heatwave: The Highs And Lows Of British Weather”, (S13, ep 6).  “Top Gear”, (S10, ep 1 & ep 10) (S24, ep 1).  “We Are Martians – William Shatner On Mars”.  “Withnail And I”, (1987).                       

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (02/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (02/03/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (02/03, 03/03/17) (06/03/17 (jake yapp).  ”LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (09/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (03/03, 10/03/17).  “Nick Abbot Habit Podcast, (ep 1, 10/03/17).  “Nick Abbot Habit Podcast Trailer”, (05/03/17).  “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 2, 22/10/14) (ep 55, 26/08/15) (ep 99, 24/05/16) (ep 100: Pt 1, 31/05/16. Pt 2, 01/06/16) (ep 140, 08/03/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 31, 03/03/17).  “The Queer Life”, (ep 116, 03/03/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (09/03/17).  “Morrissey”, “Wigfield”,  “Baccara”,  “The B52s”,  “Portishead”,  ”Smiths”, “Velvet Underground”, “Two Door Cinema Club”, “The Foo Fighters”, “Hole”, “Kate Bush”.