Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 191 Saturday 10^th until Friday 16^th February 2018.

A couple of very important notices to start this week.

My heart goes out to Crystal and Alan, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sending lots of love to Aunty Helen get well soon.  Thank you to my Cuz Catherine.

  “Another totally unplanned doodle”.

And now this…

  “This edible artist will be in the Tate in a couple of years”.

This week has been one of migraines.  For days my head has pounded, as if I had been forced to listen to constant jazz.  There were a couple of times when I thought I could just be sick over the keyboard.  When I did rush to the loo all the other cubicles were occupied.  Everyone including myself stayed as quiet as a mouse; this stalemate lasted for a number of minutes until someone gave in and flushed.  Finally once everyone had left, I faced the loo but nothing happened, the moment had passed.

 “Short hale storm, looked pretty”.

I left early one afternoon, needing to be in bed and in the dark.  Almost as soon as I left the building my stomach churned, I didn’t want to decorate the pavement (bringing back terrible memories of Watford 2017).  Thinking fast I grabbed a small plastic bag from inside my rucksack, there was no time to spare as I instantly filled it with a hot steamy liquid.  Wiping my mouth there was a moment of pride, the pavement remained as it was and my clothes had not been splattered like a casually dressed business woman after an excessive liquid lunch.  All I needed to do was find a bin and go home.  That’s when I noticed a nasty smell and something in my hair, the ends had got caught in the top of the bag when I chundered.

  “This week i got off accidentally here, oops”.

Luckily traveling before the early afternoon rush meant that there were not as many people on the train as normal, to point out the smelly old lady in the corner with vomit in her hair.  After a shower my hair smelt amazing, like “I’d just come out of a salon”.  It’s a pity that the pounding jazz beat didn’t get washed down the plug hole with the vomit.  My head still hurts, but I am feeling better.

 “Does my bum look big”.

  And Now For Something Completely Different……

The human race really has become lazy.  Look in the kitchen; this is where you will find the biggest number of “labour saving” devices which people really don’t need.  A few I have seen recently include something to slice an egg, peel an avocado, wooden toasting tongs and a tea bag squeezer in shiny chrome.  Whose life is so busy that they can’t cut, peel or squeeze something the traditional way?  Surely this is another reason to stop posting on social media or asking your electronic home assistant silly questions about a random 70s children’s TV show’s that no one but you remember.  Maybe people need to finish work on time, no matter how much extra work the boss gives you because your computer is so much faster and efficient these days.

 “Yes i bought this in error, never again.  I promise”.

Look in any supermarket; they are filled with silly products which are supposed to “make life easier”.  An entire coconut with a straw, a single slice of pineapple vacuum packed, pre-made ice cubes (this makes sense in a hot environment, but in the UK!!).  Recently I made a mistake and bought “Mushroom mince”, it fell into my online basket honest.  When the packet arrived all I found was very finely chopped mushrooms, I’m a simple organism, I can’t cook but even I can cut mushrooms into small pieces.

 “A useful product a metal strew, trying not to use plastic”.

Yes I am standing on a chair at the back of the room pointing out what others are afraid to say, we have become so lazy.  If you have seen Pixar’s “Wall-e” this is how I see the human race ending up.  Large blobby people travelling on hovering bed while everything is done for them by tech.  We should enjoy tech and allow it to enhance our life at home and work but not let it take over. 

 “There’s a lot of puff here”.

However I still would like a robot butler as promised on “Tomorrows World” (BBCTV, 1965 to 2003) to fold washing and tie shoe laces as well as carry me to the station in the morning so I can get some extra sleep.  

 “West London looked pretty at 5pm”.  

And Finally……

Thought I discovered a new star while watching the “Sky at Night”.  During a sequence where they showed an area of the sky known as “the local association”, I noticed that one of the star’s was not as white as the others.  It was then I realised that this was a crumb from a biscuit. 

 “I can see you”.

Sitting at my desk, I felt something against my foot.  Looking under the desk there was my manager on his back fiddling with wires connected to the desk in front.  He looked at me and said “A lady crosses her legs”, I’m just glad he’s a fellow “Star Trek” fan.

 “Writing this shiz, and enjoying chocolate cream”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 14, TX: 12/02/18).  “Class Dismissed”, (S2, ep 11).  “Click”, (TX: 10/02/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 1).  “Horrid Henry The Movie”, (2011).  “Horizon 2017 – Mars A Traveller’s Guide”, (TX: 12/09/17).  “Journey’s End: The Saga Of Star Trek – The Next Generation”, (1994).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 11 & ep 12).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates: Gypsy Kids Taken From Home”, (TX: 14/02/18).  “Star Trek : Deep Space Nine”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 15).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S7, ep 8 to ep 25).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 22 to ep 26).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 17, TX: 09/02/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 3, TX: 03/02/18).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 5, TX: 15/02/18).  “The One Show”, (TX: 08/02/18).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 11/02/18).  “Tomorrow’s World Live: Brian Cox In Conversation with Google’s Eric Schmidt”, (TX: 29/01/18).  “Who’s Queer Now”, (TX: 25/02/17).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 5).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 20, 09/05/17)(ep 27, 15/11/17).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 29, 10/02/18).  “Craigslost (from Dazed And Convicted), (ep 110, 28/01/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 15, 24/05/12)(ep 16, 28/06/12).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (09/02/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (09/02, 12/03, 23/02, 2x 15/02/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 17, 13/04/15)(ep 91, 10/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (15/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (10/02, 16/02/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 76, 09/02/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 250, 09/02/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 63a & ep 63b, 09/02/18).  “The Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (16/02/18).  “The Anti Social Show”, (ep 1, 18/10/16)(ep 43, 09/02/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 42, 15/02/18).  “Those Conspiracy Guys”, (ep 2, 10/09/14).  “Morrissey”,  “The Kings Of Leon”,  “P.J Harvey”,  “The Smiths”,  “Natalie Imbruglia”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West and Central London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 190 Saturday 3^rd until Friday 9^th February 2018.

If I asked you what are your three favourite things, would you be able to answer without hesitation. My reply would be in no particular order.

1/ Sitting down.

2/ Being in bed.

3/ Eating.

  “Anoodle Doodle and The JBomb Scribble”.

My ideal existence would combine all three, I realise eating in bed is a little disgusting and messy but there are ways round that surely.  But there’s a spanner in my thinking, money.  I know of jobs which encompass all of the above (before any clever dick says it, I am not talking about the oldest profession, though I have thought of it).  I’m thinking of medical and scientific experiments.  Being paid to be infected, prodded and probed could be interesting. A passion of mine is space both fact and fiction, I know of a job where you get paid to stay in bed for months, while helping to contribute to future manned space exploration.

  “emmm, who looks better in these specs”.

Various space agencies around the world are busy working on all aspects of human long duration space flight.  One of the most important studies is looking at the long term effect of weightlessness on our delicate bodies.  These agency’s run programmes where participants spend months at a time in bed laying at a head-down inclination of -6 degrees.  This figure has been shown to be the best simulation on earth for the effects of long term weightlessness.  The human guinea pigs really do EVERYTHING lying down and I mean everything.  If they need to travel to another room or location this is all done lying down at -6 degree.

  “Its been a week of Gingerbread violence”.

This really could be my perfect job combining my three fave things (I admit that there is not a lot of sitting around on this job, but you can’t have everything).  The only space agency that I can apply to would be ESA (European space agency) who don’t appear to be looking for participants at this time, I have looked.  Maybe there are other scientific organisations who are doing similar simulations that will help humans to get to Mars and beyond during my lifetime.

  “Nice view and moon, while waiting for a train”.

 

It’s very true I am never happier than when I am sitting down or tucked up in bed or stuffing my fat face.  The idea of working while earning money and combining all of these is something I really could enjoy.  I am definitely qualified; I’ve put in years of training.

  “Front and back of a large rock in Hyde park”.

 And Now For Something Completely Different……

Recently I have been feeling low about the future of the human race, tune into the news and it seems even darker than normal.  It’s not myself I worry about, but what the future holds for my young nephews and niece.

 “On the top deck of a bus, i saw a high street Ghost, happy memories”.

This week I saw an 81 year old lady fall in the road.  My friend and I as well as a number of other people helped her, stopped buses and sat her on a bench while waiting for an ambulance.  Her face was swollen and bruised with a nasty cut while bled for a while.  Later we found out that she had also lost a tooth. 

 “Who’s a pretty boy. Oh the dogs quite sweet as well “.

What was nice was that as others passed they stopped not to gawp or take a picture to put on social media they were concerned offering help and advice.  Due to the amount of blood coming from the wound I rushed to McDonalds to ask for paper towels and water.  The young man who I think was management not only gave me what I requested but sent a member of staff out with medical supplies.  He didn’t need to do this as the accident was not on their property or directly outside.

  “Street art in Croydon”.

While we waited for the ambulance this little group of misfits bonded, chatting with the women making sure that she was as comfortable as possible.  Once the paramedics arrived there was no need for any of us to hang around, before we scattered and continued with our lives we wished her a speedy recovery.  From now on every time I walk past that train station I will think of that woman hoping that she was and continues to be ok.

  “Kris Kross”.

Not everything in this world is bad.  I firmly believe that most people are good and would help another in need.  It’s sad that only bad news sells, maybe there is a market for a newspaper or TV channel with only good news, I’d read and watch it.  Hopefully the future is not so dark after all for little ones like my nephews and niece.

  “On a cold day Aunty MOZ didn’t hand around when the camera came out”.

And Finally……

Speaking to a woman on the phone who didn’t have a pen but had paper while I was giving her an e-mail address.  She told me she was on the loo. 

 “My first and probably last visit to this part of town”.

Getting off at “Hackney Downs” station a place I have never been to before.  Turning to MOZ I said “let’s investigate the area and find a gem”.  Sadly we didn’t find one, so got on a bus back into the centre of town.  No offence is meant to anyone who knows that part of London, but it didn’t sparkle for me during my short visit.

 “Top Deck view”.

Had a funny turn on the tube, felt ill so got off?

 Quote Of The Week……

MOZ climbing steps of a “Boris” bus which was on the move said “I got my croissant wedged in hand rail of the staircase”.

 “R.I.P Mark E Smith, while writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 13, TX: 05/02/18).  “Altered Carbon”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Blue Peter”, (ep 5000, TX: 01/02/18).  “Click”, (TX: 03/02/18).  “Horizon 2018”, (2018, ep 1, TX: 05/02/18).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 6).  “New Zealand: Earths Mythical Island”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 19/07/16).  “Space X, Heavy Falcon Test Flight”, (TX: 06/02/18).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates: Russia’s War On Women”, (TX: 31/01/18).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates: Face To Face With Isis”, (TX: 07/02/18).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 14).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S6, ep 6 to ep 26)(S7, ep 1 to ep 7).  “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 5, TX: 02/02/18).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 20 & ep 21).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 16, TX: 02/02/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 2, TX: 02/02/18).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 4, TX: 08/02/18).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 5).  “Wonders Of The Moon”, (TX: 31/01/18).                    

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Angelos And Barry: LIVE”, (05/02/18).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 1, 09/06/17)(ep 2, 22/06/17)(ep 3, 06/07/17).  “Craigslost (from Dazed And Convicted), (ep 111, 26/02/14)(ep 112, 31/03/14)(ep 113, 03/05/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 14, 18/05/12).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (2x 05/02/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (02/02, 05/02, 06/02, 07/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (08/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (03/02, 09/02/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 12, 07/02/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 31, 09/02/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (LIVE ep 3, 08/02/18).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (07/02/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 42, 08/02/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Oasis”,  “Tears For Fears”,  “Hole”,  “The Vaccaines”,  ”The Kooks”,  “James”, “SIA”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 189 Saturday 27^th January until Friday 2^nd February 2018.

In December 1952 there was a smog that effected London for 4 days, there has never been another like it since (that’s I know of).  Most summers there are news reports showing a shimmering haze of pollution above the capital.  London has a couple of the most polluted roads in Europe, walking down them and sniffing the air you can see why they won this accolade.  Along these roads you will see very fit people jogging, I always wonder what the pollution there breathing can be doing to their lungs.  At least the explosions of cyclists seem to be wearing more face masks these days, when I cycled regularly I found a mask helped combat fumes while peddling the roads.

  “Enjoyed a supermoon this week”.
 
There is a new form of pollution affecting the streets, not just of the capital but the country.  Vaping, all over people are breathing out huge clouds of sweet smelling mist.  Its big business with shops and stalls are popping up all over for the vaping connoisseur.

  “But, is it art”.
 
I used to smoke but haven’t for a long time, one thing I am definitely not is an anti-smoking Nazi, it’s up to others if they want to smoke.  But I don’t want to breathe there foul tasting waste product.  Walking behind a smoker as they breathe out I’ll hold my breath and overtake as quickly as possible.  With a vaper the cloud that they produce appears to be so much larger.  There are people who take part in competitions to see who can make the biggest cloud of smoke/mist from a single breath.  By the late 2020s this will be an Olympic sport, there are certainly a lot of people in training for this future televised big money event. 

  “Look i got a seat”.
 
Recently I had a go on a vape; if I’m honest I didn’t see the point.  A number of people I know have gone from fags to full time vaping.  I thought the original idea was that these were a temporary replacement to regular cancer sticks.  The long term effects are not known at this time, my friend’s attitude is by the time these are known they will be too old to care.

  “Lovely surprise from Aunty MOZ, visiting a cheap cinema”.
 
As I have mentioned I don’t mind or care what others breathe, but I really don’t like breathing there waste product.  Walking around the streets of the capital these days is bad enough with all the traffic going nowhere slowly.  While on the pavement so many people are holding small battery operated sticks looking like mini lightsabers or sonic screwdrivers breathing out huge clouds of smoke.  The way things are going it won’t just be cyclist wearing face mask, pedestrians will be covering up just to get a pint of soya milk.

  “Cute image of the week”.

With all this vaping that’s going on, during those summer news reports about pollution in the capital all you will see are the unfinished top floors from all the skyscrapers which are sprouting from every empty piece of land (that’s an argument for another week I think).  Maybe I’m just a person that likes to moan….

  “London is being invaded”.

 And Now For Something Completely Different……

Sitting on the train in the morning there are times while re-watching Star Trek: The Next Generation when two Dr Crushers might appear.  To refocus my cross eyed look I find looking out of the window or glancing at another passenger helps.  When eye contact is made with a fellow commuter it seems to happen again and again, it’s not something planned it’s all very unconscious. 

  “Fashion corner of the week”.

One day this week I was so engrossed in the adventures of the 24th century that I didn’t realise that I had arrived at the station I was due to change at (Yes, I know last week I complained about the number of public announcements on the tube, but that was then) .  Once the announcement had been absorbed into the excuse for grey matter in my skull, I looked up and caught the other passengers gaze.  She knew I should have got off, but something made me stay and pretend I was supposed to still be on the train.

 “I knew those Post-It notes would come in handy”. 

I got off at the next station, one I haven’t visited before.  Because I could feel their eyes burning into the back of my head, I actually started to walk to the exit resisting the urge to look back over my shoulder.  Only once train had left could I relax and walk back along the platform.  This is when I noticed the “Fairy Garden” (yes you read that correct).  The wall had fairies and an open door painted on it.

  “I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies”.
 
On the platform there was a sad looking garden which in summer must look lovely.  The fairies didn’t appear when I visited; it was very early after all so I suspect they were still tucked up.  I’ll have to return when the flowers are in bloom and say hello.  This little platform gem wouldn’t have been discovered if I had got off the tube when I should.  Maybe looking like a numpty is not too bad after all.  “I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies”.

  “I’ll return in the summer, the fairies might be in”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “Writing this shiz, and being distracted by extra sprinkles”.

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 12: TX 29/01/18).  “Brian & Charles”, (2017).  “Click”, (TX: 27/01/18).  “Charlotte Church Inside My Brain”, (TX: 25/01/18).  “Chris Packham In Search Of The Lost Girl”, (TX: 28/01/18).  “Despicable Me 3”, (2017).  “Having A Little Chat With Charles: Etiquette Expert William Hanson”, (2017).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 5).    “Rhod Gilbert: Stand Up To Shyness”, (TX: 24/01/18).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 9 & ep 10).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 13).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S5, ep 3 & ep 26)(S6, ep 1 to ep 5).  “Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi”, (2017).  “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 4: TX 28/01/18).  “The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe”, (2005).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 15: TX 26/01/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 1: TX 26/01/18).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 3: TX 01/02/18).  “This World: The Coffee Trail With Simon Reeves”, (TX: 24/01/14).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 4).  “Winterwatch 2018”, (S6, ep 1: TX 29/01)(ep 2: TX 30/01)(ep 3: TX 31/01)(ep 4: TX 01/02/18).                  

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Angelos And Barry: Flashback”, (ep 1 (19/09/14) 27/01/18)(ep 2 (23/09/14) 02/02/18).  “Brian Gittins And Friends”, (ep 29, 12/12/17).  “Craigslost (from Dazed And Convicted), (ep 114, 10/06/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 13, 04/05/12).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (xxxx).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (26/01, 29/01, 30/01)(01/02/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 68, 16/04/17)(ep 90, 31/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (01/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (27/01/18)(02/02/18.  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 11, 31/01/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 30, 02/02/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (LIVE ep 2, 01/02/18).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (xx/01/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 75, 02/02/18).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep xx, xx/01/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 41, 01/02/18).  “Those Conspiracy Guys”, (ep 1, 14/09/14).  “Young Free And Coupled”, (30/01/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Bran Van 3000”,  “Len”,  “Weetas”,  “Blink 182”,  ”Sophie B Hawkins”,  “The B52’s”, “Florence And The Machine”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Surrey and Northamptonshire (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 188 Saturday 20^th until Friday 26^thJanuary 2018.

Happy bday to Anoodle on 23 Jan 18.

My niece Anoodle had a joint bday party with a friend; a party where the children made their own pizza.  The look of pride on their faces when a cooked pizza was placed in front of them that they had made was priceless.  One little girl had made hers in to two halves, one for her and the other to take home for her sister, I would have never thought of that (pizza’s not for sharing).  This got me thinking if this had been an adult party where alcohol was flowing, anything could have happened to that half of the dough not to mention the cheese and other toppings.  Luckily this was an innocent children’s party.  Certainly if I had dropped the dough id have admitted it and eaten it as long as the 3 second rule had not been broken.  It’s so sad that as we grow older we tend to become jaded cynical and think the worst about everyone (or is that just me……..it probably is).

  “Anoodle, making her pizza”.

Watching a couple of kids knock seven shades out of the lump of dough flattening it in to a pizza shape, made me think this could be a good stress reliever for adults.  Last year I saw a programme about a craze storming the US where people visit “anger rooms”.  After they have been handed a heavy implement such as a baseball bat, safety glasses and overalls, they beat the shiz out of inanimate objects for a set period of time.  This is how I want to celebrate my (a milestone one in other people’s eyes) bday this year, instead of forgetting it as currently planned. 

  “Everyone loves pizza”.

I can report that the pizza party was a huge success, there were no tears, bumped heads or any of the usual problems associated with children’s parties.  This very old fat lardy aunty was roped in a couple of time to take part in “ring a ring of roses”.  Which entertained the children, while parents watching breathed a communal sigh of relief because they didn’t need to take part.  I really had a great time and look forward to doing it again next month with my nephew.

  “Is it wrong that i wanted to eat this raw”.

 And Now For Something Completely Different……

  “Grandma trying to decide if anyone would notice if she took the machine.  With Aunty MOZ not making pizza”.

Over the weekend I witnessed how hard work and training can pay off.  And I am not talking about running through a swampy jungle environment with a tiny Jedi master strapped to your back.  Humans have mastered many talents, but there are a couple Music and Art which I think are universal no matter what the age or language of the person looking on. 

  “The Bday girls who love cake”.

My sister surprised us all recently by informing the family that she has been having secret Banjo lesson.  Over the weekend she performed in a showcase with a number of other students playing solo or accompanied by the teacher and a small band.  Some of the students were young with instruments nearly as tall as themselves, while others had taken up plucking and strumming strings later in life.  No matter what their age they were all very talented. 

  “The star arrives for a show full of talent”.

Personally I feel that anyone who can make a beautiful sound out of a piece of wood and/or metal is a talented individual.  Over the years I have tried to learn various instruments, I actually own a guitar which has made a great door stop and / or conversation piece over the years.  I love music, especially guitar music and deep down would love to play but I just don’t have the patience (it’s the same with gardening).  At this point I would like to mention that I am a great air guitar player, unfortunately this is not as impressive as my sister or the other students. 

  “My sister live on stage, others sound checking”.

The trip “up north” was fleeting (with some sleet here and there) but it was well worth it.  After attending the showcase I have decided to just continue to enjoy music that other produces, and let my sister entertain me, I’m lazy like that.

  “On our way up north to see real talent”.

And Finally…….

Travelling on public transport is so noisy these days, and I’m not talking about sound spillage from the next person’s headphones.  Have you noticed how people are wearing bigger and bigger headphones that cost a fortune, but just make them look silly?

 “This man worked for the tube and hung his bags on the rail which slide over my head when the train stopped suddenly”.

The noise I am moaning about is all the public address announcements.  I understand why there are so many recorded messages to help people new to the city and of course aid the disabled.  But there really seems to be an excessive amount of announcements.

  “Happy time at work when everything crashes.  Are the bosses hinting”.

On a normal journey some of the regular announcements heard include “the train’s destination”, “what the next station is”, “the station name once stopped”, “what other lines you can change onto, if there are sights of interested these will be mentioned”.  When a train is stuck at a signal there is an announcement, its message overload.  I remember the good old day when all you normally heard was the famous “Mind The Gap”.

  “Even staff on Juby line staff are wearing masks these days, look closely”.

Earlier this week there was silence, the dot matrix screens were not activated either.  This doesn’t happen often, I hope it’s not wrong of me to say it was nice.  As I mentioned of course I understand the need for announcements but I think ”people” in general have we become lazy with a need to be told everything.  At this rate there will be an announcement to remind people to put one foot in front of the other.  Sorry if I’m being an old fart.

  “I do enjoy the tube, especially when the cab door is left open “.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “Writing this shiz”.

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 11: TX 22/01/18).  “Click”, (TX: 20/01/18).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 4).    “Jeremy Kyle’s Emergency Room: Big Field (BBC3), (TX: 19/01/18).  “Miriam’s Big American Adventure”, (S1, ep 3: TX 24/01/18).  “Room 101”, (S7, ep 1: TX 19/01/18).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 7 & ep 8).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates”, (TX: 24/01/18).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 12).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S4, ep 8 to ep 26)(S5, ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 3: TX 21/01/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep14: TX 19/01/18).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 18 to ep 19).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 2: TX 25/01/18).  “This World: The Tea Trail With Simon Reeves”, (TX: 12/01/14).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 3).                   

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Brian Gittins And Friends”, (ep 26, 31/10/17)(ep 32, 24/01/18).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (19/01, 22/01, 26/01/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (19/01, 22/01, 23/01, 24/01, 25/01/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 89, 23/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (25/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (20/01, 26/01/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 10, 24/01/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 29, 26/01/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 76, 19/01/18)(ep 77, 25/01/18)).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (25/01/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 74, 26/01/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 248, 21/01/1)(9ep 249, 22/01/18).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 27, 20/01/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 40, 25/01/18).“Morrissey”,  “Helen Lucas,  “The Manic Street Preachers”,  “Ian Dury And The Blockheads”,  “The Cranberries”,  ”Snow Patrol”,  “Beck”, “Alanis Morissette”, “Julian Lennon”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 187 Saturday 13^th until Friday 19^th January 2018.

You’ll never see Jack Bauer or James Bond having problems with internet connection, slow computers or phones running low on power.

  “Would work get the message with these”.

Picture Jack, in a situation where he is being fired upon by multiple gunmen, while on the phone speaking to Chloe trying to relocate a satellite to help with his extraction.  That is the moment his phone battery starts to run out, and the signal makes Chloe sound like she’s underwater.

  “West London 8.30am, its quite pretty really”.

Imagine Bond, who has made his way inside a foreign embassy by seducing the female security guard.  After carefully making his way through the building he finds the ambassador’s office.  Using a hair grip stolen from security guard he opens a safe and retrieves an SD card which he inserts into a small device given to him by Q division to download the information.  But the Wi-fi connection is slow resulting in him waving the device around hoping for a better signal.

  “How can you forget you brought your bike, Anoodle did, we walked back for it”.

Both of these scenarios would never happen in “24” or a “Bond” film.  Real life can actually be a lot more amazing.  Every now and then there is a remarkable story of a person who for instance was stuck up a mountain and got help by sending a text to a friend on the other side of the planet.  I have enough trouble sending one to a friend the other side of the same city.  There are times when I’m in bed and the Wi-Fi just dies on the device I am using.  However, other small illuminated handheld devices I own state they are still in contact with the magical rays that are passing through the room.  There have been times when I have got out of bed and waved the device around hoping to catch stray waft of internet or even walked up and down the hallway and stairs trying to find the smallest smidge of a signal.

  “I did walk down all these steps, honest”.

Internet in shops can also be patchy; I shamefully spend far too much time in large corporate coffee shops drinking sugary buckets while enjoying unlimited Wi-Fi.  But when the device won’t connect I have to interact with real people, which can be difficult because they are on their device enjoying videos of puppies chewing a toy Dalek’s eyestalk.  Being an addict I’ll sit there with what can only be describe as tech tourette’s, I keep looking to see if within the last few seconds since I checked the device had received a connection.

  “This wont make me drink tea, but i still thought it was pretty”.

I love science and tech even if I don’t understand it, it amazes me and frustrates me equally when it doesn’t work the way I think or hope it should.  I desperately hope that in my lifetime man does step foot on Mars and continue to explore the secrets of outer solar system, while tech on Earth gets smaller, thinner and faster.  There is however a part of me that yearn for a simpler life.  That’s one reason I enjoyed Mozambique so much.  Yes, there were regular power and water supply problems, which meant I amused myself in other ways by reading physical books made out of paper by torchlight or candlelight, or having a conversation with an actual person.  When the battery ran out that was it, if the internet was down I would go do something else like watched the sun drop below the horizon or help frogs out of the swimming pool (they died in chlorinated water for too long).  A day or two without a small electronic device really didn’t have an adverse effect on my life, it possibly made life richer.  Of course I love to watching videos of puppies chewing a toy Dalek’s eyestalk like the next person, but I do think things would be better if we all weren’t not so addicted to tech.  Fingers crossed next year I will return to Tofo in Mozambique and return to a happier and simpler lifestyle.

 “Its love, Jbombs hug was wonderful”.

Jack Bauer or Bond wouldn’t survive long in Tofo, they would get bored very quickly, or just get fat on all the good fresh food and cheap bread rolls.

  “Minion fun in Surrey”.

And Now For Something Completely Different…..

Aunty MOZ got a card from the Post Office saying that they had a letter which couldn’t be delivered due to lack of postage.  Because it was addressed to Aunty MOZ this could only be from a couple of little people we know.

  “Aunty MOZ was honestly not visiting a prison”.

The queue at the delivery office went out on to the street; this seemed to be the place to be on a Saturday afternoon in Essex, Brit’s love to queue.

 “Anoodle, Aunty M is coming for you”.

Aunty MOZ paid her £2, which was partly postage and part handling fee and was given a tiny red envelope.  The card inside was so sweet from my niece Anoodle thanking her Aunty for a lovely Crimbum.  This card made my heart flutter, while it made Aunty MOZ purse lighter. 

  “They let us back in to Surrey, again”.

Oh don’t worry; MOZ will get the £2 back, she’s deducting that amount from Anoodle’s b’day prezzies – and charging interest.  That’ll teach her to put a stamp on next time!

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “See i am addicted”.

 This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 10: TX 15/01/18).  “Black Mirror”, (S4, ep 6).  “Click”, (TX: 13/01/18).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 3).  “Living Differently”, (S3, ep 1 to ep 6: TX 18/01/18).  “Neil Armstrong The First Man On The Moon”, (TX 30/12/12).  “Room 101”, (S7, ep1: TX 12/01/18).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 5 & ep 6).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 11).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S3, ep 3 to 26)(S4, ep 1 to ep 6).  “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 2: TX 14/01/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep13: TX 12/01/18).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 12 to ep 17).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep1: TX 18/01/18).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX 14/01/18).  “Tomorrow’s World People of Science With Brian Cox”, (S1, ep 2 to ep 6: TX 10/01/18).  “Voyager: To The Final Frontier”, (TX 24/01/12).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 2).  “Witless”, (S3, ep 3 to ep 5).                   

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted)”, (ep 115, 18/07/14).  “DHB Radio Show”, (ep 222, 14/05/17)(ep 227, 12/01/18).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (17/01/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (12/10, 15/01, 17/01, 18/01/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 18, 19/04/15)(ep 69, 26/04/17)(ep 70, 07/05/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (18/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (13/01, 19/01/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 9, 17/01/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 28, 19/01/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (31/07/17)(ep 55, 17/08/17)(ep 8, 14/09/16)(LIVE 1: 17/01/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 73, 19/01/18).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 26, 18/01/18).  “Young Free And Coupled”, (17/10/17).  “Morrissey”,  “Supergrass,  “(early) Madonna”,  “First Aid Kit”,  “The Foo Fighters”,  ”The Kings Of Leon”,  “Red Hot Chilli Peppers”, “Simple Minds”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 186 Saturday 6^th until Friday 12^th January 2018.

 My dad would have been 89 this week, happy bday dad, miss you lots.

New Year resolutions are what everyone’s talking about.  However 99.9% of people will have by now forgotten those good intentions.  Resolutions might as well be locked in a dusty draw padlocked inside a cupboard and left under the stairs which has a broken light meaning no one will ever go investigating.

  “Dave ad’s keep me occupied on the tube”.

I just don’t see the point of make a list of “things” to do over the coming year.  That list might as well be labelled “Things I thought about when drunk on New Years Eve, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, but won’t actually bother with any of them”.  Number one on most people’s list is lose weight.  This is the time of year when gyms, companies peddling amazing weight loss lotions and potions have a field day with special bargains stating in very large letters friendly that “you to” can lose X amount of weight in X number of days.  These statements are usually illustrated by a picture of a beautiful human specimen who’s never had an issue with weight in their life, as they smile out of the poster or leaflet.

    “The previously loved are now living on the streets of London, its a sad sight”.

If I had a list (I definitely don’t) my expanding equatorial region would be problem number one.  Over the last couple of weeks there has definitely been some subsidence adding to the already upsetting gain in inches in that area over the last year.  I used to (sort of enjoyed) run and (always enjoyed) swim regularly.  However due to my knees organizing a protest stating how much they didn’t feel running was for them, I stopped.  Though if I found a running machine which was cushioned situated in front of a TV so I can watch classic “Top Gear” repeats then I might fight back and ignore their protest.  I haven’t swum for a couple of months because the various swimming pools near work were either small and busy or just grubby.  One set of muscle that are exercised regularly as you would expect is the jaw, with the amount of practice I put in maybe I could be an Olympian in an eating contest.

 “Rushing in the rain”. 

A diet is NOT a resolution; it’s more out of panic.  This is because a few days ago one of my sisters reminded me that in July we are going on holiday.  I will never be in great shape but I would like to look less like an overweight dead, rotting beached whale.  From now on more snacking at night, and definitely no accidentally buying on the way home large bags of Chill Doritos™.  Then wonder in the morning where that empty packet came from.  2018 a new year and a new me (I hope).

  “Rail replacement has never been so much fun”.

Thinking about this there something else on my imaginary list.  At the start of 2017 I had lovely nails but gradually over the course of last 12 months they have disintegrated into ugly stumps which make me look more like 6 years old.  All I need are scabs on my knees and dried snot on my top lip to complete the image.

  “Interesting book, nice dog”.

In reality there are a number of things I need to change and do during this year, some that I can do on my own and other as that will need help.  But losing weight is one that is top of the hypothetical resolution list.

  “Honest i found the letters like this, i really did”,

And Now For Something Completely Different…..

  “Travelling in the capital you see it all.”

There is nothing worse than waking up just before the alarm especially if during the night the amount of actual sleep appeared minimal.  This happens a lot, I sleep badly then the last hour and a half before getting up I tend to sleep a little deeper.  This is why waking up a quarter of an hour before is so frustrating.

  “The empires new Invasion machine”.

When it happened this week I took the risk of deactivating the alarm and just lying there.  But my mind was already thinking about getting up, leaving the house in the dark and hoping that I would get a seat on the tube.  The daily panic and worry had already set in, that’s not how I wanted my day to start.

  “With mates”.

With the help of the Manic Street Preachers I stayed conscious.  Because I didn’t want to risk waking up after lunch, I ended up surfacing a full 5 minutes before the alarm sounded.  At the moment I’m spending 2 hours travelling to and from work, meaning not long after I get home in the evening I’m already thinking about bed.  Plus these days I am in a constant foul mood which is not pleasant for me or anyone (apologies to Ian and Calamity about this).  Maybe I DO need to make a New Year Resolution after all and find a job nearer home.

  “No one was in when i called on Friday morning, hoping for a lift”.

There have been a number of days recently when I thought I might as well sleep on the train as I’ll be travelling back the other way across the capital a few hours later.  Maybe a job in medical trials where I get paid to stay in bed could be an idea, the prodding, probing, injections and infection wouldn’t bother me as long as I get paid.  Anything for an easy life would be nice.

 “Such a rare moment, i had to capture it”.

And Finally

 “If she couldnt eat it all, she could have dropped some in her bag for later”.

Most days I don’t tend to eat until lunch.  On the tube this week before 8.30am a woman sat eating a large “McD” brekkie with a knife and folk.  Even though I don’t eat meat it still smelt great and looked good.  Not fair.

 “Writing this Shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts…… 

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“A Life On Screen: Michael Palin”, (TX: 07/01/18).  “Absolutely Fabulous Cold Turkey”, (TX: 24/12/03).  “After Trek”, (S1, ep 9).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S53, ep 1).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 2).  “Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring”, (2001).  “Miniaturist”, (ep 1).  “Miriam’s Big American Adventure”, (S1, ep 1: TX 03/01/18)(ep 2: TX 10/01/18).  “Rabbit Hole TV (Iain Lee on GMB)”,(01/01 to 05/01/18).  “Robot Wars: World Series”, (S1, ep 1: TX 31/12/17)(ep 2: TX 07/01/18).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 3 & ep 4).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 10).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S2, ep 2 to 22)(S3, ep 1 to ep 4).  “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 1: TX 07/01/18).  “The Graham Norton Show: Good Guest Guide”, (TX: 05/01/18).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 5 to ep 12).  “Tomorrow’s World People of Science With Brian Cox”, (S1, ep 1: TX 10/01/18).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 1).  “Witless”, (S3, ep 1 & ep 2).                    

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“D&C Mini”, (ep 8, 09/09/14)(ep 9, 04/10/14)(ep 10, 21/10/14)(ep 11, 20/11/14).  “DHB Radio Show”, (ep 233, 20/05/17).  “Elis James And John Robins (With Josh Widdicombe)”, (ep 201, 06/01/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (05/01, 09/01, 10/01/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (Vote Poor taste: 27/04/17)(ep 71,16/05/17(ep 72, 02/06/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (11/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (12/01/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 8, 10/01/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 27, 12/01/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (11/01/18).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (S1, ep 9, 12/03/17)(ep 12, 07/05/17)(ep 13, 24/05/17)(Bonus 30/06/17)(S2, ep 2, 14/10/17)(Bonus File 21/10/17)(ep 3, 21/10/17)(S3, ep 1, 11/01/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 72, 12/01/18).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast (The Dana Lucas Podcast)”, (ep 25, 12/01/18).  “Young Free And Coupled”, (12/10/17).  “Morrissey”,  “ABBA”,  “Ian Brown”,  “The Manic Street Preachers”,  “David Bowie”,  ”The Libertines”,  “Star Sailor”, “Elastica”, “Echobelly”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 185 Saturday 30^th December 2017 until Friday 5^th January 2018.

  “This blog was seen in 28 countries in 2017”. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, we made it to 2018.  Over the last 12 months this blog has had 1,545 views from 28 countries.  Of course I realise that other blogs get that many views every week, but I am just pleased that anyone reads this shiz. 

 “HAPPY BDAY TIM, 1st of Jan”.

Thank you for reading and helping me feel that this is worth continuing. 

As this is the first blog of 2018, I thought that I would look back at the last 12 months.  This poll is my excuse to say what I liked and disliked over the last year.  Please remember that the following is only MY opinion which in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter I realise. If you disagree, please contact me and tell me want you liked and disliked about 2017.

 “On Parliament Hill 31st December 2016 seeing in 2017 in style”. 

Best TV Comedy Of The Year.

Car Share (BBC) / League of Gentlemen Anniversary Special (BBC). 

 “Spent a lot of the year drinking coffee with Aunty MOZ”.

Best TV Topical Comedy Show Of The Year. 

The Last Leg (C4).

  “Met the wonderful Iain Lee and Katherine Boyle a number of times in 2017 and were always lovely”.

Worst TV Comedy Of The Year.

Porridge (BBC) 2017.

  “I might have partied over the last 12 months”.

Re-watching TV Comedy Classic.

The Golden Girls (NBC)(C4)1983 to 1992.

 “Mum at the Proms”.

Best TV Drama Of The Year.

Doctor Who (BBC) Season 10 / Rillington Place (BBC).

  “Enjoyed being beaten a number of times by Lunge and Calamity at bowling, bring it on in 2018”.

Worst TV Drama Of The Year.

SS-GB (BBC) / Clique (BBC).

   “I attempted to be creative, and failed over 2017”.

Best TV Documentary Of The Year.

The Real Marigold Hotel (BBC) / Walking the Americas (C4).

   “The Easter bunny is everyones friend”.

Most Uncomfortable Documentary.

Dissected (BBC).

   “I love nature”.

Best Film Of The Year.

Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi (Disney/Lucasfilms) / Wonder Woman (Warner Bros).

  “More large salted popcorn please”.

Worst Film Of The Year.

Baywatch (Paramount Pictures).

 “Thats where i left the nana”.

Best Album Of The Year. 

Morrissey – Low In High School (BMG) / Lorde – Melodrama (Republic Records).

  “Trying to work out what colour suits me the best”.

Worst Album Of The Year. 

Ed Sheeran % (Asylum and Atlantic Records). 

 “Phew, i wasn’t drunk when i saw a Moomin in Covent Garden”.

Book Of The Year,

Artemis – Andy Weir (Random House). 

   “I think these are pretty pics”.

Podcast of the year.

Strange Times / These People Podcast / Aggy Fox. 

   “Podcasting heroes who are friends”. 

Best Talk Radio Show Of The Year.

Nick Abbot (LBC) / The Late Night Alternative – With Iain Lee (talkRADIO). 

  “Just showing support”.

Worst Talk Radio Show Of The Year.

Nigel Farage (LBC).

 “Even having and paying for X-rays with the sexy dentist is enjoyable”.

Music Radio Show Of The Year. 

Elis James And John Robins (Radio X). 

 “Walking to work, bumped in to a man going to get his morning paper”.

Hero Of The Year. 

Iain Lee for being open about mental health. 

  “Cheese”.

Bell-end Of The Year. 

Donald Trump / Kim Jong-un.

 “Just an ordinary evening in Surrey”.

Enjoyable Memory Of The Year. 

Taking Anoodle ice skating with Aunty MOZ.

    “Everyone stayed on there feet, honest”.

Worst Memory Of The Year.

Chundering in Sister-in-Laws car.

  “Sister, Sister-in-law and best friend, which is which….”.

Accident of the year.

MOZ breaking foot while stepping off the bus (luckily she didn’t break the bottle in her bag). 

 “Someone discovered number 12 this year, will she like incarnation 13, i hope so”.

Personal Drink Discovery Of The Year.

Antica Sambuca With Liquorice Flavour. 

  “Southwold 2017 was great”.

Personal Shop Discovery Of The Year. 

B&M / T.K.Maxx.

   “Spent a lot of 2017 hanging around in a basement in Whitechapel”.

Ungrateful Moment Of The Year.

Gobby woman in a hospital who was giving a free sandwich due to being Diabetic,  who took one bite and said “she didn’t like it” then demanded another.

 “Met old friends (who are not old)”.

Personal High Point Of The Year. 

Acting in a student film with lines to learn.

  “Wish i was on set more often, but thats just a dream”.

Personal Low Point Of The Year.

Visiting the jobcentre and made to feel like shiz.

  “Saw da Vinci and Nico a few times, there will be plenty more in 2018”.

Saddest Story Of The Year.

Grenfell Tower Fire (14 June).

  “Friends with Ents”.

Thank You This Last Year  To….. 

 

MOZ, Mum, Hel, SAZ, Tim, Paul, Sigrida, Anoodle, Nico, JBomb, da Vinci, Ian, Rac, Moira, Davian, Kat, Sam, Penny, Lee, Bon, Aggy Fox, Gatford, Tommy Royle, Iain Lee, Katherine Boyle and many many more…..

      “These parents are the best, thank you for an amazing next generation“.

As Stated earlier these are just my highs and lows of the last 12 months, I wonder what will happen during 2018.  Let’s meet up again in a years’ time and see if we agree on the highlights of 2018.

Next week will see normal service resume with week 186.  Once again Happy New Year, and thank you for reading.

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“A Crimbum Carol Goes Wrong”, (TX: 30/12/17).  “BBC Proms 2017: John Williams Prom”, (TX: 21/07/17).  “Black Mirror”, (S4, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Click”, (TX: 30/12/17)(06/01/18).  “Doctor Who”, (S27/S1, ep 12 & ep 13).  “Doctor Who: Twice Upon A Time”, (TX: 25/12/17).  “Eric, Ernie And Me”, (TX: 29/12/17).  “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 1).  “James May’s Toy Stories: Action Man At The Speed Of Sound”, (TX: 25/12/14).  “James May’s Toy The Motorcycle Diary’s”, (TX: 04/01/14).  “Mars” (2016), (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “Mrs Browns Boys: Crimbum Special ep 2”, (TX: 01/01/18).  “Only An Excuse”, (ep 27).  “Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeves”, (S1, ep 2, TX:14/10/14).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 1 & 2).  “Star Trek (TNG)”, (S1, ep 4 to 25)(S2 ep 1 & ep 2).  “Sue Perkins And The Chimp Sanctuary”, (TX: 01/01/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 13, TX: 31/12/17).  “The Great British Festive Bake off”, (TX: 01/01/18).  “The Real Marigold On Tour”, (S2, ep 4, TX: 31/12/17).  “The Real T-Rex With Chris Packham”, (TX: 02/01/18).  “The Royal Institution Crimbum Lecture 2017”, (Ep 3, TX: 28/12/17).  “Tim Vine Travels Through Time: Crimbum Special”, (TX: 29/12/17).  “Vic & Bob’s Big Night Out”, (TX: 29/12/17).  “While You Were Sleeping”, (1995).                     

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

 “Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 116, 14/01/15)(ep 117, 03/02/15)(ep 118, 02/03/15).  “D&C Mini”, (#12, 22/12/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 11, 14/04/12)(ep 12, 30/04/12).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (28/12, 29/12, 31/12/17)(01/01, 02/01, 03/01, 04/01/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 13, 15/03/15)(ep 14, 23/03/15).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (04/01/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (30/12, 31/12/17)(01/01, 02/01, 03/01, 04/01, 05/01, 06/01/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 7, 03/01/18).  “NASA: Houston We have A Podcast”, (ep 26, 05/01/18).  “NASA In Silicon Valley”, (ep 75, 04/01/18).  “Pints And Puzzels”, (S1, ep 7, 21/02/17)(ep 8, 27/02/17)(ep 10, 23/03/17)(ep 11, 25/04/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 71, 05/01/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Florence And The Machine”,  “Snow Patrol”,  “Goldfrapp”,  “P.J. Harvey”,  “Blur”,  ”Oasis”,  “Plup”, “ABBA”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Northamptonshire & Essex (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 184 Saturday 23^rd December until Friday 29^thDecember 2017.

Happy Crimbum, I hope you ate, drank as much as I did.  At the time of writing this my body weight has surpassed that of a herd of baby elephant on a playdate.

  “Mum and Dad 1978, and my sisters 1980”. 

Prezzies, story one.

  “Honorary Gimli, such a massive machine.  And picture of Spike i got on Crimbum day, he really looked like that, honest”.

For the last few months with the help of “Aunty MOZ” I have been gathering prezzies for my rabble.  Last week huge gift bags were filled one for each of my 3 nephews and 1 niece. Early Boxing Day morning i was ready to make my way “up north”.  This year’s hire car is huge no one will mess with me.  I was about to leave when it was pointed out that I had forgotten the largest gift bags in the world.

   “Let the carnage begin”.

“Aunty MOZ” saved the day yet again, and I can report that family munchkins loved everything they unwrapped with great excitement.

  “I tried to be as cool as “Da Vinci” and “Toothless” but i failed.

Muzak.

   “Now that’s what i call Crimbum pub food 2017”.

On Boxing Day evening while the kids were distracted by plastic excess and food.  A small group consisting of sister and husband, brother and wife along with myself managed to escape mums bungalow ducking and diving past windows hoping that young eyes didn’t see us.  A huge “THANK YOU” to “Grandma” and “Aunty H” for your sterling job of entertaining 4 little people.

   “We should do this more than once a year”.

The group of escapees were spending the night in a local village hotel (both sets of parents love their kids, but you could see the happiness in their eyes that for one night only “they were FREE”).  Before we hit our rooms a number of drinks were consumed in a pub across the road. We chatted while timing how long men took to go in and out of the loo (that’s not strange is it) while in the background we were serenaded by cheesy music.  The atmosphere changed completely when “Benny Hill’s” dulcet tone were heard singing his 1971 classic, “Ernie (The fastest milkman in the West)”.  I enjoy a comedy tunes like the next festive drunk, but this didn’t feel right on Boxing Day.  This tune helped us decide it was time to stagger across the road to our waiting comfortable rooms.

  “These little ones know how to party”.

While preparing to leave, finishing drinks and timing family members going to the loo. This was when the decent indie tunes started to be heard, had this been a ploy by “local people” to get rid of this group of strangers. I’m just glad they didn’t start playing “Black Lace, The  Greatest Crimbum Party Album Of All Time” that really would have ruined the holiday season.

Oh for information, one of our group were very quick in and out of the loo…..

  “Wishing friends up north and down south a happy holiday”.

Prezzies story two.

On Thursday, the day after Boxing Day (keep up, it’s getting complicated I know) I woke up to snow all over the beautiful Northamptonshire countryside.  During the previous night’s escape from “Grandma” house and “Benny Hill” all that was falling from the sky was rain. 

  “Drink up love, you’ve pulled”.

My only complaint about the village hotel was lack of lighting in the carpark; a number of us got very wet feet stepping in potholes.  My room was huge (later I found out it was bigger than my sister and her hubbys room) no complaints about the accommodation.  All the treats and everything in the mini bar were “MINE”. The sign made it clear that everything was complimentary, which of course is Bollx you pay for it in the price.  As you would expect of course i cleared the mini bar and everything else; I knew there was a reason for a large car.  The TV channel package was not impressive, flicking through them all I didn’t find anything of interest. One strange combination was a number of religious channels very near a couple of dodger cheap porn ones.  The type where a woman wiggles a phone at the camera and mouths “ring me”.

  “And the winner of the Northamptonshire lavvy chase was……”

The change of weather messed up my plans; as I had planned on staying most of the day with “Grandma” and “Aunty H”.  I’ll drive in any weather but I don’t like snow and ice, however because the tank, sorry car was weighty about the same as a decent sized “Saturnian” moon like “Loge” I knew I would be safe on the motorways.  It’s the local roads for “local people” which are scary.  Once everything was packed and goodbyes said i hit the road.

  “Plenty of white stuff in Grandma’s garden”.

Two and a half hours later I breathed a sigh of relief as everything was unpacked at home.  This was when I discovered that “Grandma” really had been busy on Boxing day as she hadn’t unwrap any of the shiz I had got her and I had brought it back.  Don’t worry I’ll be visiting her in late January.  I’ll lock the door, “Grandma” won’t escape, it’s my continuing mission to fill up her bungalow with more shiz.

   “Everyone wrapped up warm, ready for the trip home”.

Quotes of the week.

   “On my own in a hotel room, i still know how to have fun”.

“My mouse has suddenly got very sensitive” (a friend sitting on the floor talking about her laptop)

“I hate life” (Said by a 5 yr old with despair because she couldn’t get a toy to work).

“The bodies were under the mattress, we had been walking all over them all night” part of an interesting and one of a number of story from an old fireman.

  “Who wants to join me”.

And Finally.

One of the highlights of this week was speaking to the great “Nick Abbot” on LBC twice during one show as part of his “A to Z of 2017”.

 “I’m a cool kid now, thanks SAZ and Tim”.

And Finally, Finally (honest).

This week will also be remembered for “Shallotgate“, yes i had two Shallots during one meal, which didn’t seem strange.  Until i noticed “Aunty MOZ” rummaging around her plate, it seems i wasn’t supposed to have two….. oops. 

 “I know Aunty MOZ liked her prezzie”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Alan Partridge; Why, When, Where, How and Whom?”, (TX: 27/12/17).  “Click”, (TX: 23/12/17).  “Cunk On Crimbum”, (TX: 20/12/16).  “Doctor Who: Twice Upon A Time”, (TX: 25/12/17).  “French And Saunders: 300 Years Of French And Saunders”, (TX: 25/12/17).  “Inside No9”, (S2, ep 1).  “James May: The Reassembler”, (S2, ep 1, TX: 28/12/16).  “Kingsman: The Secret Service”, (2014).  “Laurel And Hardy: way Out West”, (1937).  “Loose Women”, (TX: 21/12/17).  “Mary, Mel and Sue’s Big Crimbum Thank You”, (TX: 24/12/17).  “Mousehunt”, (1997).  “Mrs Browns Boys: Crimbum Special”, (TX: 25/12/17).  “Not Going Out: True Meaning Of Crimbum”, (TX: 24/12/17).  “Our Friend Victoria: At Crimbum”, (TX: 23/12/17).  “Romesh Ranganathan: Irrational Live”, (TX: 28/12/17).  “Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeves”, (TX: 05/10/14).  “Some Like It Hot”, (1959).  “Star Trek (TNG)”, (S1, ep 2 & ep 3).  “Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope”, (1977).  “Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back”, (1980).  “Star Wars: Episode VI – The Return Of The Jedi”, (1983).  “The Galaxy Britain Built: Droids, Darth Vader And Lightsabers”, (TX: 21/12/17).  “The Great Crimbum Bake off”, (TX: 25/12/17).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 3 & ep 4).  “The Royal Institution Crimbum Lecture 2017”, (Ep 1, TX: 26/12)(Ep 2, TX: 27/12/17).  “TOTP2: Crimbum 2014”, (TX: 22/12/14).  “Travelman 48hrs In….”, (TX: 26/12/17).  “Upstart Crow: Crimbum Crow”, (TX: 25/12/17).                   

This week I have mainly been listening to:   “Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 119, 05/04/15).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 10, 31/03/12).  “Ghosts And Me With David Babcock: Crimbum Special”, (S1, 24/12/17).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (21/12, 22/12, 27/12/17).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 88, 28/12/17).  “LBC: Nick Abbot (Whole Show LIVE)”, (23/12, 24/12, 25/12, 26/12, 27/12, 28/12, 29/12/17).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 25, 29/12/17).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 74, 29/12/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 70, 22/12/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 246, 22/12/17)(ep 247, 24/12/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast: Adam & Joe”, (ep 62, 25/12/17).  “Morrissey”,  “The Waitresses”,  “John & Yoko”,  “The Pretender”,  “The Pouges And Kirsty McCall”,  “East 17”,  ”Benny Hill”,  “The Killers”, “The Prodigy”,  “Tracy Chapman”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Hertfordshire & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 183 Saturday 16^th December until Friday 22^nd December 2017.

Monday morning something very strange happened, I had an email from a friend who I have known for years but haven’t seen in a very long time.  Were always saying how we need to meet up, at the moment were penciling “sometime” during 2018.  Apart from the usual pleasantries of the season and reminding me not to eat too much over the following week he mentioned that everyone at his work had just been given a bottle of plonk.  Nothing really went through my head apart from “oh, that’s nice” as I continued on the conveyor belt of taking call after call. 

 “How special, am i…..”

About 10 minutes later I became aware of face, my manager hovering over my left shoulder.  Because I was on the phone she just smiled and handed me an unused large glue stick, a new boxed stapler and calculator and a brand new roll of Sellotape ™.  Once she had left I looked around at others who didn’t appear to have been made to feel so “special”.  This got me a little paranoid were my emails were being monitored, quickly I made sure that my reply hadn’t been “cc” into the manager in error.  Once I accidentally copied in a manager who a colleague and I were slagging off, this did caused me some grief as you would expect.

  “I couldn’t wait till next week for the regeneration”.

Reality hit when I remembered that I haven’t been here very long so these were just supplies.  However during the short time in this office I have never needed any of these items, when a calculator is needed I use the one on the computer.  In between calls I like to doodle (or write this shiz) there have been times when doodles have sprawled over to another piece of paper and the ability to stick them together would have been helpful.  Surely the manager didn’t bring them over for that reason; maybe she’s an art lover and appreciates my scribblings as she walks around whipping us with a “cat o’ nine tails” to wrap up the calls quicker.  There are of course better uses for these items in an office like this, having weighty object to throw is always a bonus in a noisy office.  Later it was discovered that the stapler didn’t actually come with staples, that’s austerity Britain for you.

   “Horse, made of bits of bicycles”.

Of course I could use the Sellotape to wrap the items in office printer paper and hand them out as prezzies to loved ones next week.

  “Its a cake honest, coffee and cake”.

As you would expect my friend wasn’t impressed with my booty.  But the fact that the Santa visited the office last Friday did appear to make him jealous.  Please don’t think I’m ungrateful about the offerings received, but I would rather have had a bottle of plonk any day.

  “An evening out. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”   

                         
And Now For Something Completely Different…..

 “One day i will find out whats inside The Great Cupboard at work”.

This week I saw my own death.  Dreaming is very important to me and feel robbed if i don’t remember something during the day about what raced around the poor excuse for a brain the previous night.  There have been times when I have attempted to keep a dream diary, but as with any diary after a week of writing nothing I realise there no point.  I’m never going to another “Michael Palin” or “Kenneth Williams”.

 “Even Santa has a proper job the rest of the year”.

One dream that is experience a lot is flying, not in a stylish Superhero way.  No my large bulk is vertical and motion is achieved by moving my arms in a breaststroke motion, I have excellent arm muscles in the dream world.  Though I doubt this looks very graceful with my large wobbly bottom hoovering a few metres above the dream landscape.  Even in an imaginary world I am able to scare animals and people.

 “Its a strange time of year on public transport”.

Something I regularly dream about is being on a film or TV set, both in front of the camera and behind.  Because of my real life experiences, everything in these dreams is very real.  I also experience a lot travelling in various methods of transport in dreams, at least I always get a seat and the trains are never late. 

 “Anoodle, cant believe its still not Crimbum yet”.

Most of my dreams are extremely surreal, which won’t come as a surprise to anyone.  However this week there was one that was very disturbing, I was actually being killed, beaten and stabbed in a struggle with people I knew including family members.  Waking up was a shock and I did look around slightly panicked.

 “Just a doodle, nothing more”.

As far as I know family and friends have no “beef” with me, hopefully there not planning on meeting up to snuff me out over the festive period.  Maybe I better rethink my prezzie idea of giving the stapler, calculator, glue stick wrapped in office paper with a roll of Sellotape around it.  That’s what this this dream must have been, anxiety about the lack of quality regarding things they will unwrap next week.  Hopefully I will make it all the way through next week continuing to dream about floating above the ground, waving my arms around scaring animals big and small.

 “Who guffed”.

And Finally

 “I freely admit, i didnt have any good pics this week, does it show”.

Smelling roast potatoes at work one morning, and it wasn’t just me.

Setting off my brother’s house alarm in the middle of the night as I creeped downstairs to steal a packet of open nuts.  I can’t resist nuts.

 “Writing this shiz, or supposed to be”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 16/12/17).  “Dectectorist Crimbum Special (2015)”, (TX: 23/12/15).  “Doctor Who: The Day Of The Doctor”, (TX: 23/11/13).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 10: TX: 15/12/17).  Have I Got 2017 News For You”, (TX 22/12/17).  “Horizon: Which Universe Are We In?”, (2014/15, ep17: TX: 02/09/15).  “I Know Who You Are”, (S1, ep 15).  “Inside No9”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “Judi Dench: My Passion For trees”, (TX: 21/12/17).  “Kolkata With Sue Perkins”, (TX: 02/09/15).  “Man Like Mobeen”, (S1, ep 1).  “Star Trek (Animated Series)”. (S1, ep 6 to 16)(S2, ep 1 to 6).  “Star Trek (TNG)”, (S1, ep 1).  “Star Wars The Last Jedi”, (2017).  “The Apprentice: The Final”, (S13, ep 14: TX: 17/12/17).  “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 12: TX: 17/12/17).  “The Apprentice: You’re Fired (You’re Hired)”, (S12, ep 12: TX: 17/12/17).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 12).  “The Golden Girls”, (S5, ep 22 to 26)(S6, ep 1 & 2).  “The Last Leg: Crimbum Special”, (S12, ep 13: TX: 22/12/17).  “The League Of Gentlemen: Anniversary Specials”, (S4, ep 1 to ep 3).  “The Real Marigold  On Tour”, (S2, ep 3: TX: 20/12/17).  “The Science Of Doctor Who”, (TX: 14/11/13).  “The Sky At Night: The Real Star Of Bethlehem: A Crimbum Special”, (TX: 30/12/15).                 

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 120, 30/06/15).  “Ghosts And Me With David Babcock”, (S1, ep 6, 21/12/17).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (18/12/17).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (18/12, 19/12, 20/12/17).  “Iain Lee (Whole Show)”, (18/12/17).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 73, 20/06/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (19/12, 21/12/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (16/12, 22/12/17).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 6, 20/12/17).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 24, 22/12/17).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 73, 21/12/17).  “Quick Question: Holiday Special”, (ep 14, 21/12/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 69, 18/12/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 244, 09/12/17)(ep 245, 15/12/17).  “Strange Times: ExtraCRAP”, (#37, 15/12/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 61, 16/12/17).  “Morrissey”,  “Belly”,  “Throwing Muses”,  “Smashing Pumpkins”,  “Mint Royal with Lauren Laverne”,  ”The Breeders”,  “Kate Bush”.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Surrey & Hertfordshire (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 182 Saturday 9^th December until Friday 15^thDecember 2017.

Happy bday this week to Sigrida on 10/12.

Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm there are 5400 seconds that are the most important of each working day.  These are made up of two 15 minutes breaks and an hour for lunch.  Frist thing every morning there are a number of “important” emails notifying me of changes in procedures or how wonderful the office is, all of these I leave for later.  There is however one message which I open straight away, the break rota.

   “Just a sprinkling in East london, of the white stuff”.

As a break or lunch approaches, while continuing to work (with a smile of course) I rummage around my bag making sure the tablet is booted up and my bag is ready to grab.  Everything at work is timed; even going to the smallest room in the building is monitored.  Once that countdown commences I’m out of my seat as quickly as possible.

  “Honest i only wore the trainers as i didn’t wasn’t to slip on the ice.  I finally got a access card at work”.

During my break in the “break room” I usually watch something like, “Star Trek”.  My headphones are pink and can be easily seen against my smart casual office attire. But people still want to chat about the office or “how bad the trains were” or worse “the weather”.  Of course I smile and nod but always with one eye always on the adventures of the 23rd century.  Inside I’m pleading with them to leave me alone.  My job involves talking the entire day, during those 5400 seconds all I want to do is keep quiet.  All through the break I keep an eye on the clock, with one minute left I make my way back ready to stop the timer and start talking shiz again.

 “Every day this list of my breaks and lunch makes me feel calm”.

Lunch time is a race not just to get out of the office, but down the road to the nearest large coffee establishment. This can normally achieved in 5 to 7 mins.  As I approach the establishment I can feel myself gripped by coffee shop anxiety, worrying “will there be a queue”.  The day after the capital had a sprinkling of snow, i was stuck in a queue behind a couple of men ordering frappuccinos .  What was worse one of them was a mini (that was barely a mouthful) those frappe were wasting precious seconds of my lunch and viewing entertainment time. Of course I smiled when they looked at me, but inside I was very frustrated and uptight.

 “This is the “mini” Frappe which wasted some of my lunch, on a very cold day…… why!!!!”. 

All the way through lunch I continue to keep an eye on the clock if I relaxed too much while watching Captain Kirk kiss another intergalactic beauty or kicking the shiz out of a man trying to destroy the galaxy there’s a possibility i could nod off.  Maybe I should hang a sign round my neck asking for me to be returned to the office if found asleep and dribbling.

  “Interestingly decorated District line Tube, I was strangely drawn to the space carriage”. 

Everyday those 5400 seconds are more important than anything else. I won’t even visit the smallest room in the building during that time.  I’ll have a timed “comfort break” during office time, I might be stupid but my priorities are right.

  “Doodling at work, help me through the day”.

And Now For Something Completely Different…..

I don’t cook.  In fact I’d go as far as say I can’t cook, thought there are people who would stand up in court and point out that I am great at making toast.  Which is very true, I can make toast in every shade, if you like yours barely browned or blacker than a black hole then I am your girl.

  “Fat man with a sack, arrived in the office.  Someone call security”.

Something else I excel in is opening a can, over the years I have used all manner of objects to get the yummy content of a sealed circular container out without needing to visit A&E.  It goes without saying that heating food up in a pan or removing a wonderfully soggy microwaved container is another talent I have.

  “Fun in the rain with these boys, up north”.

Food for me is something that keeps me functioning.  I have better things to be doing (such as currently re-watching every “Star Trek” episode) than making food look “pretty”.  Watch any cookery programme, look at the amount of time they fuss over the finished product moving a piece of broccoli around the plate or ensuring that a drizzle of juice follows the contours of the plate. When a few minutes later that meal will be mashed up before travelling through the body only to be flushed away a number of hours later. I’m not saying just throw everything in to a bucket, it’s just i don’t see the point of trying to make the plate look like a work of art. As long as everything can fit on the plate comfortably that’s all that matters.

  “Safety first at all times”.

So everyone come over to mine for feast of toast and baked beans with a side order of Curry Pot Noodle (The food of Kings ™ Dana Lucas 2017) followed by a slice of cheesecake, or maybe the entire cheesecake.  Of course maybe I’m just lazy and should turn off the tablet and stop watching “Star Trek” and learn how to cook like everyone else.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Blitz: The Bombs That Changed Britain”, (S1, ep 1: TX: 23/11/17).  “Click”, (TX: 09/12/17).  “Detectorist”, (S3, ep 6).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 10: TX: 15/12/17).  “Horizon: 70 Million Animal Mummies: Egypt’s Dark Secret (2014-15)”, (TX: 11/05/15).  “I know Who You Are”, (S1, ep 13 & ep 14).  “I’m A Celebrity…. Get Me Out Of Here!”, (S17, ep 20: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 21: TX: 09/12/17)(ep 22: TX: 10/12/17).  “Lorraine”, (TX: 11/12/17).  “Monsters Uni”, (2013).  “Motherland”, (S1, ep 6).  “Salem’s Lot”, (1979).  “Space Truckers”, (TX 04/12/17).  “Star Trek (Animated Series)”. (S1, ep 1 to 5).  “Star Trek (Original Series)”, (S3, ep 10 to ep 24).  “The Apprentice”, (S13, ep 12: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 11: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Apprentice: The Final Five”, (S13, ep 11; TX: 08/12/17).  “The Apprentice: Your Fired”, (S12, ep 11: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Crystal Maze: Celebrity Crimbum Special”, (TX 14/12/17).  “The Galaxy Britain Built”, (TX: 15/12/17).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 10: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 11: TX: 15/12/17).  “The Grand Tour”, (S1, ep 7 & ep 8).  “The Last Leg”, (S12, ep 11: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 12: TX: 15/12/17).  “The League Of Gentlemen”, (S1, ep 6).  “The Real Marigold  On Tour”, (S2, ep 1: TX: 04/12/17)(ep 2: TX: 11/12/17).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 10/12/17).                 

This week I have mainly been listening to:   “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 9, 24/03/12).  “Ghosts And Me With David Babcock”, (S1, ep 5, 08/12/17).  “Iain Lee Old Bits: Bobby Giuseppe, 03/06/16”, (13/12/17).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 87, 12/12/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/12, 15/12/17).  “Murder Under The Midnight Sun”, (S1, ep 26, 29/11/17)(ep 27, 08/12/17).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 5, 13/12/17).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 23, 15/12/17).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 14, 26/10/16)(ep 72, 14/12/17).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (S2, ep 1, 05/10/17)(ep 5, 26/10/17)(ep 6, 11/11/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 68, 08/12/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 60, 09/12/17).  “The DHB Radio Show”, (ep 226, 10/12/17).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 18, 14/12/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 39, 14/12/17).  “These People Podcast, (10/06/17)”, (12/12/17).  Young Free And Coupled”, (ep 23, 14/12/17).  “Morrissey”,  “Pulp”,  “Foo Fighters”,  “Blur”,  “The White Stripes”,  ”Ash”,  “Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds”, “Ian Brown”.