Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Hertfordshire & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 183 Saturday 16th December until Friday 22nd December 2017.
Monday morning something very strange happened, I had an email from a friend who I have known for years but haven’t seen in a very long time. Were always saying how we need to meet up, at the moment were penciling “sometime” during 2018. Apart from the usual pleasantries of the season and reminding me not to eat too much over the following week he mentioned that everyone at his work had just been given a bottle of plonk. Nothing really went through my head apart from “oh, that’s nice” as I continued on the conveyor belt of taking call after call.
“How special, am i…..”
About 10 minutes later I became aware of face, my manager hovering over my left shoulder. Because I was on the phone she just smiled and handed me an unused large glue stick, a new boxed stapler and calculator and a brand new roll of Sellotape ™. Once she had left I looked around at others who didn’t appear to have been made to feel so “special”. This got me a little paranoid were my emails were being monitored, quickly I made sure that my reply hadn’t been “cc” into the manager in error. Once I accidentally copied in a manager who a colleague and I were slagging off, this did caused me some grief as you would expect.
“I couldn’t wait till next week for the regeneration”.
Reality hit when I remembered that I haven’t been here very long so these were just supplies. However during the short time in this office I have never needed any of these items, when a calculator is needed I use the one on the computer. In between calls I like to doodle (or write this shiz) there have been times when doodles have sprawled over to another piece of paper and the ability to stick them together would have been helpful. Surely the manager didn’t bring them over for that reason; maybe she’s an art lover and appreciates my scribblings as she walks around whipping us with a “cat o’ nine tails” to wrap up the calls quicker. There are of course better uses for these items in an office like this, having weighty object to throw is always a bonus in a noisy office. Later it was discovered that the stapler didn’t actually come with staples, that’s austerity Britain for you.
“Horse, made of bits of bicycles”.
Of course I could use the Sellotape to wrap the items in office printer paper and hand them out as prezzies to loved ones next week.
“Its a cake honest, coffee and cake”.
As you would expect my friend wasn’t impressed with my booty. But the fact that the Santa visited the office last Friday did appear to make him jealous. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful about the offerings received, but I would rather have had a bottle of plonk any day.
“An evening out. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”
And Now For Something Completely Different…..
“One day i will find out whats inside The Great Cupboard at work”.
This week I saw my own death. Dreaming is very important to me and feel robbed if i don’t remember something during the day about what raced around the poor excuse for a brain the previous night. There have been times when I have attempted to keep a dream diary, but as with any diary after a week of writing nothing I realise there no point. I’m never going to another “Michael Palin” or “Kenneth Williams”.
“Even Santa has a proper job the rest of the year”.
One dream that is experience a lot is flying, not in a stylish Superhero way. No my large bulk is vertical and motion is achieved by moving my arms in a breaststroke motion, I have excellent arm muscles in the dream world. Though I doubt this looks very graceful with my large wobbly bottom hoovering a few metres above the dream landscape. Even in an imaginary world I am able to scare animals and people.
“Its a strange time of year on public transport”.
Something I regularly dream about is being on a film or TV set, both in front of the camera and behind. Because of my real life experiences, everything in these dreams is very real. I also experience a lot travelling in various methods of transport in dreams, at least I always get a seat and the trains are never late.
“Anoodle, cant believe its still not Crimbum yet”.
Most of my dreams are extremely surreal, which won’t come as a surprise to anyone. However this week there was one that was very disturbing, I was actually being killed, beaten and stabbed in a struggle with people I knew including family members. Waking up was a shock and I did look around slightly panicked.
“Just a doodle, nothing more”.
As far as I know family and friends have no “beef” with me, hopefully there not planning on meeting up to snuff me out over the festive period. Maybe I better rethink my prezzie idea of giving the stapler, calculator, glue stick wrapped in office paper with a roll of Sellotape around it. That’s what this this dream must have been, anxiety about the lack of quality regarding things they will unwrap next week. Hopefully I will make it all the way through next week continuing to dream about floating above the ground, waving my arms around scaring animals big and small.
“I freely admit, i didnt have any good pics this week, does it show”.
Smelling roast potatoes at work one morning, and it wasn’t just me.
Setting off my brother’s house alarm in the middle of the night as I creeped downstairs to steal a packet of open nuts. I can’t resist nuts.
“Writing this shiz, or supposed to be”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX: 16/12/17). “Dectectorist Crimbum Special (2015)”, (TX: 23/12/15). “Doctor Who: The Day Of The Doctor”, (TX: 23/11/13). “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 10: TX: 15/12/17). Have I Got 2017 News For You”, (TX 22/12/17). “Horizon: Which Universe Are We In?”, (2014/15, ep17: TX: 02/09/15). “I Know Who You Are”, (S1, ep 15). “Inside No9”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6). “Judi Dench: My Passion For trees”, (TX: 21/12/17). “Kolkata With Sue Perkins”, (TX: 02/09/15). “Man Like Mobeen”, (S1, ep 1). “Star Trek (Animated Series)”. (S1, ep 6 to 16)(S2, ep 1 to 6). “Star Trek (TNG)”, (S1, ep 1). “Star Wars The Last Jedi”, (2017). “The Apprentice: The Final”, (S13, ep 14: TX: 17/12/17). “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 12: TX: 17/12/17). “The Apprentice: You’re Fired (You’re Hired)”, (S12, ep 12: TX: 17/12/17). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 12). “The Golden Girls”, (S5, ep 22 to 26)(S6, ep 1 & 2). “The Last Leg: Crimbum Special”, (S12, ep 13: TX: 22/12/17). “The League Of Gentlemen: Anniversary Specials”, (S4, ep 1 to ep 3). “The Real Marigold On Tour”, (S2, ep 3: TX: 20/12/17). “The Science Of Doctor Who”, (TX: 14/11/13). “The Sky At Night: The Real Star Of Bethlehem: A Crimbum Special”, (TX: 30/12/15).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 120, 30/06/15). “Ghosts And Me With David Babcock”, (S1, ep 6, 21/12/17). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (18/12/17). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (18/12, 19/12, 20/12/17). “Iain Lee (Whole Show)”, (18/12/17). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 73, 20/06/17). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (19/12, 21/12/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (16/12, 22/12/17). “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 6, 20/12/17). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 24, 22/12/17). “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 73, 21/12/17). “Quick Question: Holiday Special”, (ep 14, 21/12/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 69, 18/12/17). “Strange Times”, (ep 244, 09/12/17)(ep 245, 15/12/17). “Strange Times: ExtraCRAP”, (#37, 15/12/17). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 61, 16/12/17). “Morrissey”, “Belly”, “Throwing Muses”, “Smashing Pumpkins”, “Mint Royal with Lauren Laverne”, ”The Breeders”, “Kate Bush”.