Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 187 Saturday 13th until Friday 19th January 2018.
You’ll never see Jack Bauer or James Bond having problems with internet connection, slow computers or phones running low on power.
“Would work get the message with these”.
Picture Jack, in a situation where he is being fired upon by multiple gunmen, while on the phone speaking to Chloe trying to relocate a satellite to help with his extraction. That is the moment his phone battery starts to run out, and the signal makes Chloe sound like she’s underwater.
“West London 8.30am, its quite pretty really”.
Imagine Bond, who has made his way inside a foreign embassy by seducing the female security guard. After carefully making his way through the building he finds the ambassador’s office. Using a hair grip stolen from security guard he opens a safe and retrieves an SD card which he inserts into a small device given to him by Q division to download the information. But the Wi-fi connection is slow resulting in him waving the device around hoping for a better signal.
“How can you forget you brought your bike, Anoodle did, we walked back for it”.
Both of these scenarios would never happen in “24” or a “Bond” film. Real life can actually be a lot more amazing. Every now and then there is a remarkable story of a person who for instance was stuck up a mountain and got help by sending a text to a friend on the other side of the planet. I have enough trouble sending one to a friend the other side of the same city. There are times when I’m in bed and the Wi-Fi just dies on the device I am using. However, other small illuminated handheld devices I own state they are still in contact with the magical rays that are passing through the room. There have been times when I have got out of bed and waved the device around hoping to catch stray waft of internet or even walked up and down the hallway and stairs trying to find the smallest smidge of a signal.
“I did walk down all these steps, honest”.
Internet in shops can also be patchy; I shamefully spend far too much time in large corporate coffee shops drinking sugary buckets while enjoying unlimited Wi-Fi. But when the device won’t connect I have to interact with real people, which can be difficult because they are on their device enjoying videos of puppies chewing a toy Dalek’s eyestalk. Being an addict I’ll sit there with what can only be describe as tech tourette’s, I keep looking to see if within the last few seconds since I checked the device had received a connection.
“This wont make me drink tea, but i still thought it was pretty”.
I love science and tech even if I don’t understand it, it amazes me and frustrates me equally when it doesn’t work the way I think or hope it should. I desperately hope that in my lifetime man does step foot on Mars and continue to explore the secrets of outer solar system, while tech on Earth gets smaller, thinner and faster. There is however a part of me that yearn for a simpler life. That’s one reason I enjoyed Mozambique so much. Yes, there were regular power and water supply problems, which meant I amused myself in other ways by reading physical books made out of paper by torchlight or candlelight, or having a conversation with an actual person. When the battery ran out that was it, if the internet was down I would go do something else like watched the sun drop below the horizon or help frogs out of the swimming pool (they died in chlorinated water for too long). A day or two without a small electronic device really didn’t have an adverse effect on my life, it possibly made life richer. Of course I love to watching videos of puppies chewing a toy Dalek’s eyestalk like the next person, but I do think things would be better if we all weren’t not so addicted to tech. Fingers crossed next year I will return to Tofo in Mozambique and return to a happier and simpler lifestyle.
“Its love, Jbombs hug was wonderful”.
Jack Bauer or Bond wouldn’t survive long in Tofo, they would get bored very quickly, or just get fat on all the good fresh food and cheap bread rolls.
“Minion fun in Surrey”.
And Now For Something Completely Different…..
Aunty MOZ got a card from the Post Office saying that they had a letter which couldn’t be delivered due to lack of postage. Because it was addressed to Aunty MOZ this could only be from a couple of little people we know.
“Aunty MOZ was honestly not visiting a prison”.
The queue at the delivery office went out on to the street; this seemed to be the place to be on a Saturday afternoon in Essex, Brit’s love to queue.
“Anoodle, Aunty M is coming for you”.
Aunty MOZ paid her £2, which was partly postage and part handling fee and was given a tiny red envelope. The card inside was so sweet from my niece Anoodle thanking her Aunty for a lovely Crimbum. This card made my heart flutter, while it made Aunty MOZ purse lighter.
“They let us back in to Surrey, again”.
Oh don’t worry; MOZ will get the £2 back, she’s deducting that amount from Anoodle’s b’day prezzies – and charging interest. That’ll teach her to put a stamp on next time!
“Writing this shiz”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
“See i am addicted”.
This week I have mainly been watching:
“After Trek”, (S1, ep 10: TX 15/01/18). “Black Mirror”, (S4, ep 6). “Click”, (TX: 13/01/18). “Inside No9”, (S4, ep 3). “Living Differently”, (S3, ep 1 to ep 6: TX 18/01/18). “Neil Armstrong The First Man On The Moon”, (TX 30/12/12). “Room 101”, (S7, ep1: TX 12/01/18). “Spiral”, (S6, ep 5 & ep 6). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 11). Star Trek (TNG)”, (S3, ep 3 to 26)(S4, ep 1 to ep 6). “The Biggest Little Railway In The World”, (S1, ep 2: TX 14/01/18). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep13: TX 12/01/18). “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 12 to ep 17). “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep1: TX 18/01/18). “The Sky At Night”, (TX 14/01/18). “Tomorrow’s World People of Science With Brian Cox”, (S1, ep 2 to ep 6: TX 10/01/18). “Voyager: To The Final Frontier”, (TX 24/01/12). “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 2). “Witless”, (S3, ep 3 to ep 5).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted)”, (ep 115, 18/07/14). “DHB Radio Show”, (ep 222, 14/05/17)(ep 227, 12/01/18). “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (17/01/18). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (12/10, 15/01, 17/01, 18/01/18). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 18, 19/04/15)(ep 69, 26/04/17)(ep 70, 07/05/17). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (18/01/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (13/01, 19/01/18). “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 9, 17/01/18). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 28, 19/01/18). “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (31/07/17)(ep 55, 17/08/17)(ep 8, 14/09/16)(LIVE 1: 17/01/18). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 73, 19/01/18). “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 26, 18/01/18). “Young Free And Coupled”, (17/10/17). “Morrissey”, “Supergrass, “(early) Madonna”, “First Aid Kit”, “The Foo Fighters”, ”The Kings Of Leon”, “Red Hot Chilli Peppers”, “Simple Minds”.