Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 191 Saturday 10^th until Friday 16^th February 2018.

A couple of very important notices to start this week.

My heart goes out to Crystal and Alan, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sending lots of love to Aunty Helen get well soon.  Thank you to my Cuz Catherine.

  “Another totally unplanned doodle”.

And now this…

  “This edible artist will be in the Tate in a couple of years”.

This week has been one of migraines.  For days my head has pounded, as if I had been forced to listen to constant jazz.  There were a couple of times when I thought I could just be sick over the keyboard.  When I did rush to the loo all the other cubicles were occupied.  Everyone including myself stayed as quiet as a mouse; this stalemate lasted for a number of minutes until someone gave in and flushed.  Finally once everyone had left, I faced the loo but nothing happened, the moment had passed.

 “Short hale storm, looked pretty”.

I left early one afternoon, needing to be in bed and in the dark.  Almost as soon as I left the building my stomach churned, I didn’t want to decorate the pavement (bringing back terrible memories of Watford 2017).  Thinking fast I grabbed a small plastic bag from inside my rucksack, there was no time to spare as I instantly filled it with a hot steamy liquid.  Wiping my mouth there was a moment of pride, the pavement remained as it was and my clothes had not been splattered like a casually dressed business woman after an excessive liquid lunch.  All I needed to do was find a bin and go home.  That’s when I noticed a nasty smell and something in my hair, the ends had got caught in the top of the bag when I chundered.

  “This week i got off accidentally here, oops”.

Luckily traveling before the early afternoon rush meant that there were not as many people on the train as normal, to point out the smelly old lady in the corner with vomit in her hair.  After a shower my hair smelt amazing, like “I’d just come out of a salon”.  It’s a pity that the pounding jazz beat didn’t get washed down the plug hole with the vomit.  My head still hurts, but I am feeling better.

 “Does my bum look big”.

  And Now For Something Completely Different……

The human race really has become lazy.  Look in the kitchen; this is where you will find the biggest number of “labour saving” devices which people really don’t need.  A few I have seen recently include something to slice an egg, peel an avocado, wooden toasting tongs and a tea bag squeezer in shiny chrome.  Whose life is so busy that they can’t cut, peel or squeeze something the traditional way?  Surely this is another reason to stop posting on social media or asking your electronic home assistant silly questions about a random 70s children’s TV show’s that no one but you remember.  Maybe people need to finish work on time, no matter how much extra work the boss gives you because your computer is so much faster and efficient these days.

 “Yes i bought this in error, never again.  I promise”.

Look in any supermarket; they are filled with silly products which are supposed to “make life easier”.  An entire coconut with a straw, a single slice of pineapple vacuum packed, pre-made ice cubes (this makes sense in a hot environment, but in the UK!!).  Recently I made a mistake and bought “Mushroom mince”, it fell into my online basket honest.  When the packet arrived all I found was very finely chopped mushrooms, I’m a simple organism, I can’t cook but even I can cut mushrooms into small pieces.

 “A useful product a metal strew, trying not to use plastic”.

Yes I am standing on a chair at the back of the room pointing out what others are afraid to say, we have become so lazy.  If you have seen Pixar’s “Wall-e” this is how I see the human race ending up.  Large blobby people travelling on hovering bed while everything is done for them by tech.  We should enjoy tech and allow it to enhance our life at home and work but not let it take over. 

 “There’s a lot of puff here”.

However I still would like a robot butler as promised on “Tomorrows World” (BBCTV, 1965 to 2003) to fold washing and tie shoe laces as well as carry me to the station in the morning so I can get some extra sleep.  

 “West London looked pretty at 5pm”.  

And Finally……

Thought I discovered a new star while watching the “Sky at Night”.  During a sequence where they showed an area of the sky known as “the local association”, I noticed that one of the star’s was not as white as the others.  It was then I realised that this was a crumb from a biscuit. 

 “I can see you”.

Sitting at my desk, I felt something against my foot.  Looking under the desk there was my manager on his back fiddling with wires connected to the desk in front.  He looked at me and said “A lady crosses her legs”, I’m just glad he’s a fellow “Star Trek” fan.

 “Writing this shiz, and enjoying chocolate cream”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Trek”, (S1, ep 14, TX: 12/02/18).  “Class Dismissed”, (S2, ep 11).  “Click”, (TX: 10/02/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 1).  “Horrid Henry The Movie”, (2011).  “Horizon 2017 – Mars A Traveller’s Guide”, (TX: 12/09/17).  “Journey’s End: The Saga Of Star Trek – The Next Generation”, (1994).  “Spiral”, (S6, ep 11 & ep 12).  “Stacey Dooley Investigates: Gypsy Kids Taken From Home”, (TX: 14/02/18).  “Star Trek : Deep Space Nine”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S1, ep 15).  Star Trek (TNG)”, (S7, ep 8 to ep 25).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 22 to ep 26).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 17, TX: 09/02/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 3, TX: 03/02/18).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 5, TX: 15/02/18).  “The One Show”, (TX: 08/02/18).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 11/02/18).  “Tomorrow’s World Live: Brian Cox In Conversation with Google’s Eric Schmidt”, (TX: 29/01/18).  “Who’s Queer Now”, (TX: 25/02/17).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 5).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 20, 09/05/17)(ep 27, 15/11/17).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 29, 10/02/18).  “Craigslost (from Dazed And Convicted), (ep 110, 28/01/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 15, 24/05/12)(ep 16, 28/06/12).  “Iain lee (Bonus)”, (09/02/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (09/02, 12/03, 23/02, 2x 15/02/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 17, 13/04/15)(ep 91, 10/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (15/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (10/02, 16/02/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 76, 09/02/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 250, 09/02/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 63a & ep 63b, 09/02/18).  “The Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (16/02/18).  “The Anti Social Show”, (ep 1, 18/10/16)(ep 43, 09/02/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 42, 15/02/18).  “Those Conspiracy Guys”, (ep 2, 10/09/14).  “Morrissey”,  “The Kings Of Leon”,  “P.J Harvey”,  “The Smiths”,  “Natalie Imbruglia”.