Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Surrey & Hertfordshire (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 182 Saturday 9^th December until Friday 15^thDecember 2017.

Happy bday this week to Sigrida on 10/12.

Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm there are 5400 seconds that are the most important of each working day.  These are made up of two 15 minutes breaks and an hour for lunch.  Frist thing every morning there are a number of “important” emails notifying me of changes in procedures or how wonderful the office is, all of these I leave for later.  There is however one message which I open straight away, the break rota.

   “Just a sprinkling in East london, of the white stuff”.

As a break or lunch approaches, while continuing to work (with a smile of course) I rummage around my bag making sure the tablet is booted up and my bag is ready to grab.  Everything at work is timed; even going to the smallest room in the building is monitored.  Once that countdown commences I’m out of my seat as quickly as possible.

  “Honest i only wore the trainers as i didn’t wasn’t to slip on the ice.  I finally got a access card at work”.

During my break in the “break room” I usually watch something like, “Star Trek”.  My headphones are pink and can be easily seen against my smart casual office attire. But people still want to chat about the office or “how bad the trains were” or worse “the weather”.  Of course I smile and nod but always with one eye always on the adventures of the 23rd century.  Inside I’m pleading with them to leave me alone.  My job involves talking the entire day, during those 5400 seconds all I want to do is keep quiet.  All through the break I keep an eye on the clock, with one minute left I make my way back ready to stop the timer and start talking shiz again.

 “Every day this list of my breaks and lunch makes me feel calm”.

Lunch time is a race not just to get out of the office, but down the road to the nearest large coffee establishment. This can normally achieved in 5 to 7 mins.  As I approach the establishment I can feel myself gripped by coffee shop anxiety, worrying “will there be a queue”.  The day after the capital had a sprinkling of snow, i was stuck in a queue behind a couple of men ordering frappuccinos .  What was worse one of them was a mini (that was barely a mouthful) those frappe were wasting precious seconds of my lunch and viewing entertainment time. Of course I smiled when they looked at me, but inside I was very frustrated and uptight.

 “This is the “mini” Frappe which wasted some of my lunch, on a very cold day…… why!!!!”. 

All the way through lunch I continue to keep an eye on the clock if I relaxed too much while watching Captain Kirk kiss another intergalactic beauty or kicking the shiz out of a man trying to destroy the galaxy there’s a possibility i could nod off.  Maybe I should hang a sign round my neck asking for me to be returned to the office if found asleep and dribbling.

  “Interestingly decorated District line Tube, I was strangely drawn to the space carriage”. 

Everyday those 5400 seconds are more important than anything else. I won’t even visit the smallest room in the building during that time.  I’ll have a timed “comfort break” during office time, I might be stupid but my priorities are right.

  “Doodling at work, help me through the day”.

And Now For Something Completely Different…..

I don’t cook.  In fact I’d go as far as say I can’t cook, thought there are people who would stand up in court and point out that I am great at making toast.  Which is very true, I can make toast in every shade, if you like yours barely browned or blacker than a black hole then I am your girl.

  “Fat man with a sack, arrived in the office.  Someone call security”.

Something else I excel in is opening a can, over the years I have used all manner of objects to get the yummy content of a sealed circular container out without needing to visit A&E.  It goes without saying that heating food up in a pan or removing a wonderfully soggy microwaved container is another talent I have.

  “Fun in the rain with these boys, up north”.

Food for me is something that keeps me functioning.  I have better things to be doing (such as currently re-watching every “Star Trek” episode) than making food look “pretty”.  Watch any cookery programme, look at the amount of time they fuss over the finished product moving a piece of broccoli around the plate or ensuring that a drizzle of juice follows the contours of the plate. When a few minutes later that meal will be mashed up before travelling through the body only to be flushed away a number of hours later. I’m not saying just throw everything in to a bucket, it’s just i don’t see the point of trying to make the plate look like a work of art. As long as everything can fit on the plate comfortably that’s all that matters.

  “Safety first at all times”.

So everyone come over to mine for feast of toast and baked beans with a side order of Curry Pot Noodle (The food of Kings ™ Dana Lucas 2017) followed by a slice of cheesecake, or maybe the entire cheesecake.  Of course maybe I’m just lazy and should turn off the tablet and stop watching “Star Trek” and learn how to cook like everyone else.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Blitz: The Bombs That Changed Britain”, (S1, ep 1: TX: 23/11/17).  “Click”, (TX: 09/12/17).  “Detectorist”, (S3, ep 6).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 10: TX: 15/12/17).  “Horizon: 70 Million Animal Mummies: Egypt’s Dark Secret (2014-15)”, (TX: 11/05/15).  “I know Who You Are”, (S1, ep 13 & ep 14).  “I’m A Celebrity…. Get Me Out Of Here!”, (S17, ep 20: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 21: TX: 09/12/17)(ep 22: TX: 10/12/17).  “Lorraine”, (TX: 11/12/17).  “Monsters Uni”, (2013).  “Motherland”, (S1, ep 6).  “Salem’s Lot”, (1979).  “Space Truckers”, (TX 04/12/17).  “Star Trek (Animated Series)”. (S1, ep 1 to 5).  “Star Trek (Original Series)”, (S3, ep 10 to ep 24).  “The Apprentice”, (S13, ep 12: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 11: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Apprentice: The Final Five”, (S13, ep 11; TX: 08/12/17).  “The Apprentice: Your Fired”, (S12, ep 11: TX: 13/12/17).  “The Crystal Maze: Celebrity Crimbum Special”, (TX 14/12/17).  “The Galaxy Britain Built”, (TX: 15/12/17).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 10: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 11: TX: 15/12/17).  “The Grand Tour”, (S1, ep 7 & ep 8).  “The Last Leg”, (S12, ep 11: TX: 08/12/17)(ep 12: TX: 15/12/17).  “The League Of Gentlemen”, (S1, ep 6).  “The Real Marigold  On Tour”, (S2, ep 1: TX: 04/12/17)(ep 2: TX: 11/12/17).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 10/12/17).                 

This week I have mainly been listening to:   “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 9, 24/03/12).  “Ghosts And Me With David Babcock”, (S1, ep 5, 08/12/17).  “Iain Lee Old Bits: Bobby Giuseppe, 03/06/16”, (13/12/17).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 87, 12/12/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/12, 15/12/17).  “Murder Under The Midnight Sun”, (S1, ep 26, 29/11/17)(ep 27, 08/12/17).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (ep 5, 13/12/17).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 23, 15/12/17).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 14, 26/10/16)(ep 72, 14/12/17).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (S2, ep 1, 05/10/17)(ep 5, 26/10/17)(ep 6, 11/11/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 68, 08/12/17).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 60, 09/12/17).  “The DHB Radio Show”, (ep 226, 10/12/17).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 18, 14/12/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 39, 14/12/17).  “These People Podcast, (10/06/17)”, (12/12/17).  Young Free And Coupled”, (ep 23, 14/12/17).  “Morrissey”,  “Pulp”,  “Foo Fighters”,  “Blur”,  “The White Stripes”,  ”Ash”,  “Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds”, “Ian Brown”.