Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 201 Saturday 21^st April until Friday 27^thApril 2018.

The news at the moment is especially gloomy.  But deep down I firmly believe that “most” people are good and would for instance piss on me if I was on fire.  At least I hope they would.  “Maybe that’s this week poll.  Would you piss on me if you were passing and I was on fire”, answers on a postcard to the usual address?  And remember we can’t return any of your drawings (if you weren’t watching BBC tv in the 70s and 80s you probably won’t get that reference.  Sorry).

  “When the sun comes out, so do the buskers.  And very good they all were”.
 
Paper train tickets are not something that’s carried by everyone these days.  Going quickly off on a tangent.  My dad used to work for British Rail in the ticket office; I remember one visit as a child I pulled out handfuls of tickets from the racks on the wall.  In those days tickets were pre-printed on card for each destination, unlike today’s blank paper tickets which are printed when required.  Even though dad smiled I suspect he was not impressed.  Ok back to the story.   Like a lot of people in the capital I travel using an Oyster card, a small plastic card that you top which as my Starbucks reward card states on the back “you should treat like cash”.

  “Ice cream and a slice of cake make work easier this week”.
 
Earlier this week between stepping off the train and the other side of the footbridge bridge I discovered that my Oyster was not in my hand.  While shuffling along the platform squashed together like penguins moving slowly one step at a time, the small plastic wallet had slipped out of my hand.  Crouching down I emptied my bag for all the world to see, probably getting in the way of sensible commuters who had not lost their ticket.  After this I carefully retraced my steps scanning the floor all the way. 

 “It was good while it lasted”.
 
By now I felt so stressed that I could have got back on a train and gone home.  That’s when it dawned on me how am I going to get out of the station, how do I get past the automatic barriers.  Luckily there a supervisor who as I approached said with a smile “Dana Lucas?” he was holding my precious plastic card holder.  Overcome with emotion I gave him a hug.  In this day and age that’s a dangerous thing to do as he might have felt he was about to be attacked and pulled out a Taser.  Thinking about it station supervisor don’t carry them yet, however sadly it’s only a matter of time.

 “Due to a major flip-flop malfunction, i had to go out like this”.
 
There are good people in the world.  I was so relieved that a kind sole saw my card and didn’t keep it to check to see if there were weeks’ worth of valid travel on it.  MOZ and I recently found an Oyster on a train, when we handed it in at our destination station the supervisor really did seem surprised that we were being honest, maybe these don’t get handed in very often.  No matter how sad and upsetting the news is I have to remember that there are good people out there.  Of course the handing in of a travelcard is nothing compared to people who voluntarily care for the sick, homeless or refugees.  There are a lot of people trying to make the world a better place for everyone and everything.  Bad news sells and is a ratings winner for TV channels.  Scrap away that nasty ugly scummy crusty surface you will find that there are a lot more good people in this world than you or I think.

  “Enjoyed wildlife in the garden”.

Now For Something Completely Different……

Is it wrong I enjoy a sweaty salad? 

 “Used to love travelling on these as a child”.
 
Let me explain.  Monday to Friday I take a salad to work which I make the night before.  In the morning as I rush around the house I’ll grab the salad from the fridge and disappear quicker than “Road Runner”.  The food then stays in my bag until lunchtime about 6 to 7 hrs later.  There is a fridge at work but I don’t like to use it.

  “Fun in a paddling in Surrey.  Fun with a cat in Essex”. 
 
My salads have a little piece of cheese in, so over the course of the morning it gets a little sweaty bringing a whole new taste and texture to the salad.  The sweatier the cheese the tastier the salad.  Am I strange that I really enjoy this and look forward to my lunch even more because of this flavour?

 “That’s no Death star”.
 
Just thought I would ask.
 
And Finally……
 
Spoke to a man whose middle name started with a Z, because I wasn’t sure that he said that I replied “Z for zebra”.  Luckily he laughed saying he might change his name to that.

 “I always loved Thunderbird 2, one day i’ll ride this”.
 
My friend of far too many years has an excellent blog.  I need to read this more often and lean how to write an interesting and engaging blog.  Really enjoying what you’re writing George.  Please click on the link to enjoy for yourself.
https://georgethemitchell.wixsite.com/website/single-post/2018/04/21/Lovely-Weather—the-downside

 “Writing this shiz, yes i really do write it”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 21/04/18).  “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 4, TX: 24/04/18).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 4, TX: 27/04/18).  “Kiss Me First”, (S1, ep 4).  “Miranda Barbour: Serial Killer Or Liar?”, (TX: 18/04/18).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S5, ep 13 to ep 26)(S6, ep 1 to ep 17).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S8, ep 10).  “The Crystal Maze”, (S8/S2, ep 2 , TX: 22/04/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S23, ep 3, TX: 20/04/18).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 4, TX: 23/04/18).  “True Horror”, (S1, ep 1). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 10, 01/10/17)(ep ep 16, 12/11/17)(ep 17, 19/11/17)(ep 40, 21/04/18).  “Grief Cast”, (ep 6, 03/05/17)(ep 7, 10/05/17)(ep 30, 04/04/18).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (26/04/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (19/04, 23/04, 24/04, 25/04, 26/04/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 15, 29/03/15)(ep 16, 06/04/15).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (26/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (21/04, 27/04/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 87, 23/04/18).  “Skeptiod”, (Bonus ep 27/05/17)(ep 575, 13/06/17)(ep 576, 20/06/17)(ep 573, 30/05/17)(ep 612, 27/02/18)(ep 613, 06/03/18)(ep 614, 13/03/18)(ep 615, 20/03/18)(ep 616, 27/03/18)(ep 617, 03/04/18)(ep 618, 10/04/18)(ep 619, 17/04/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 86, 20/04/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 255, 26/04/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 73, 21/04/18).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 30, 24/04/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 52, 27/04/18).  “Morrissey”, “New Order”, “Joy Division”, “The Charlatans”, “The Vaccines”, “The Stone Roses”, “Len”, “Bran Van 3000”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, “Bowie”, “The Manic Street Preachers”, “Nenah Cherry”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West and London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 200 Saturday 14^th April until Friday 20^thApril 2018.

This is week Two Hundred of my Mid-Life Crisis.

In this picture I was celebrating in a north London indie café which makes a great coffee.  But a lousy ultimate hot choc that didn’t have the marshmallows shown in the picture.  Due to a few too many adult drinks a couple of nights before I didn’t want another “adult” drink.

This blog was originally started so that one day my nephews and niece might want to read about what there slightly strange aunty got up to when they were young (of course they may become incredibly successful and forget there fat aunty, never knowing that this blog existed.  In my mind it’s worth it even if they only read one or two entries). 

Hopefully it will entertain and make them smile as they laugh at pictures of me and what I got up to.  I think of the blog as a sort of “Time Capsule” to those little ones.

Thank you to you for reading, sharing and supporting this shiz over these Two Hundred weeks.  Come back next week for week 201 which will be more normal, with all the usual moaning that you have become used to as I attempt to find my place in the universe.

Special thanks to the following, MOZ, Mum, Helen, SAZ, Paul, Tim, Sigrida, Nico, Anoodle, JBomb, Leo, RAC, Moira, Rogers, , Claire, Ian, George, Eileen, Jenny Flint, all at Liquid Dive Adventure in Tofo Moz.  And everyone I have missed.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “Writing this shiz”.

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 14/04/18).  “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 17/04/18).  “Escape To The Chateau”, (S4, ep 3, TX: 01/04/18).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 3, TX: 20/04/18).  “Home From Home”, (S1, ep 1).  “Kiss Me First”, (S1, ep 3).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 7).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S4, ep 10 to ep ep 26)(S5, ep 1 to ep 12).  “The Crystal Maze”, (S8/S2, ep 1, TX: 15/04/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S23, ep 2, 13/04/18).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 3, TX: 16/04/18).  “Waffle The Wonder Dog”, (S1, ep 1 ep 9).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 15 7 ep 16).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 12, 15/10/17)(ep 39, 13/04/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 24, 21/08/12).  “Grief Cast”, (ep 3, 20/11/16)(ep 5, 26/04/17)(ep 32, 11/04/18)(ep 33, 18/04/18).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (16/04/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/04, 12/04, 13/04, 16/04, 17/04, 18/04/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 64, 11/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (19/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (14/04, 20/04/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (12/04/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 40, 13/04/18)(ep 41, 20/04/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 86, 13/04/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 85, 13/04/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 254, 14/04/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 72, 14/04/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 51, 19/04/18).  “Morrissey”, “Pet Shop Boys”, “T-Rex”, “Marc Bolan”, “Bowie”, “Suede”, “Sleeper”, Catfish And The Bottlemen”, “The B52’s”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 199 Saturday 7^th April until Friday 13^thApril 2018.

An essential item in the UK is an Umbrella; I carry one all year round because you never know when wet stuff is going to fall from the sky.  At the moment it’s getting used a lot due to the monsoon season ** that we seem to be in (**not an official season but it’s only a matter of time before one is declared).

  “When the sun shines, this ghost appears”. 

The train station I visit Monday to Friday twice a day is having a lot of restructuring.  If you like men (I say this as I haven’t seen a women on site which is sad) in hard hats and covered in Hi –Vis clothing then this is the place for you to get an eye full.

  “Come to West London for lots of hard hats and men in Hi-Vis”. 

Due to this building work there is a small passage that commuters have to negotiate to reach the main street; this corridor is not much wider than two people walking shoulder to shoulder.  In the current weather umbrellas get caught in the metal fence, flicking droplets of rain into the eyes of the people behind.  Brolly jousting happens a lot in situations like this; I think everyone should leave the house with safety glasses in bad weather.  Brolly jousting could be a new pay per view sport on a small satellite channel next to repeats of 20 year old quiz shows that no one watched when they were originally shown. 

 “The Brolly Jousting arena, West London”.

Passing through this area takes longer in the rain which of course is frustrating for everyone because we’re all in a hurry.  But this is made worse when a MEGA brolly appears.  A ridiculously large umbrella floating above everyone like a mothership which usually only has one person cowering under it.  It does cross my mind as to why someone needs a brolly that big.  If they were providing a “Brolly Sharing Service” ©Dana Lucas 2018  collecting people who don’t own one of their own who want to keep fit by walking everywhere then I might understand.  But something that size for one person is in my opinion (which counts for nothing I know) inconsiderate to others.  Does the person have an umbrella complex “my brolly is bigger than yours” maybe compensating for other areas of their life that there deficient in?  This is when a lightsaber brolly would come in handy; one slice through the stem of the MEGA brolly would definitely make a lot of people happy.

 “This lightsaber, has had a lot of use this last week”.

When I notice that one of these massive mushroom shaped umbrellas has a broken spoke, or the material has come away from the end of an arm, makes me smile.  These battle scares prove that size is not everything and doesn’t always win the day.

  “A desk snack, and a stray Crimbum dec still in the office”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 “London is being invaded by these temporary traffic lights.  More scary that the Daleks”.

There’s no escaping the fact that I am one of the UK’s growing statistic of people who are getting bigger.  This week I started a food diary writing down everything that passes my lips, this will give me a good idea of how much I actually eat.

 “The next generation Muppets”

This information is not much use on its own I know as exercise is also important.  Due to inherited dodgy knees I don’t feel that running is an option anymore.  Swimming is one thing that I am actually good at (not something I normally say).  Because of my long journey home it’s tough to go after work.  But I need accept that one or two nights a week I could have a swim, then home straight to bed.  There is an upside, I will be able to watch even more “Star Trek” (I am currently on season 3 of Voyager at the moment).  Hopefully this combination of noting what I eat and watching adventures in the 24th century and exercise will help reduce inches, reduce money spent and make me feel a little better about myself. 

  “I love the old and new”.

It’s time to do something about this.  I might not have much to offer the world but you never know things might get better as my mood improves as my waistline shrinks.  Maybe this is where my “Brolly Sharing Service” idea could work, charging people who don’t have an umbrella to shuffle undermine on the way to the shops or the station, while keeping fit.  An idea has to start somewhere.

 “Bought in a charity shop a posh bag for an old bag”.

And Finally More Moaning……

  “I knew that SA and MZ money would come in useful”.

Standing on the edge of a busy train platform in the rain.  I felt something on the back of my left knee.  Looking behind me a man mouthed “Sorry” as he struggled to wrap up his silly oversized MEGA brolly.  In the current political climate it did cross my mind that he might have thought I was a spy (I really have watched far too many films) or he just knew my dislike for Umbrellas that size. 

  “End of week letting hair down, with beautiful ladies”.

In my mind, I felt satisfaction as I grabbed the brolly, snapped it in half on my knee and throw it on to the tracks.  In reality I just smiled as I stepped onto the train dodging drips of rain falling from above the door.

 “Writing this shiz, while still wet”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 07/04/18).  “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 10/04/18).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 2, TX: 13/04/18).  “Kiss Me First”, (S1, ep 2).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 6).  “One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Moving”, (TX: 02/04/18).  “Ready Player One”, (2018). “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S8, ep 4, TX: 12/04/18).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S3, ep 5 to ep 26)(S4, ep 1 to ep ep 9).  “The City And The City”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “The Generation Game”, (S1, ep 2, TX:08/04/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S23, ep 1, 06/04/18).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 08/04/18).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 2, TX: 09/04/18).  “Waffle”, (S1, ep 3, ep 6, ep 13).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 14).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 37, 08/04/18).  “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 35, 09/04/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (Special Announcement 16/08/12)(ep 23, 14/08/12).  “Grief Cast”, (ep 1, 19/11/16)(ep 2, 20/11/16)(ep 4, 20/11/16).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (06/04, 09/04, 10/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (12/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (07/04, 13/04/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 39, 06/04/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (Special 12/04/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 71, 07/04/18).  “The Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (10/04/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 50, 12/04/18).  “Morrissey”, “SIA”, “PJ Harvey”, “Arcade Fire”, “Portishead”, “Pet Shop Boys”, “Lorde”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in North, East, Central and West London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 198 Saturday 31^st March until Friday 6^thApril 2018.

This week has been a really good one, because I only worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday of course was a national day of recovery due to the amount of chocolate the country ate on Sunday.

  “One word, clever.  Opps thats three”.

Thursday and Friday I walked miles on what must have been the sunniest days of 2018 so far.  Highlights included feeding Squirrels monkey nuts in Regents Park.  Walking along Regents canal beside London Zoo watching Hyenas pacing up and down with frustration because they knew that there neighbour is a huge Wild Boar that they would “just like to be friends with”.  Getting lost on Hampstead Heath while trying to find Kenwood House (very disappointed at the increased cost of food, drink and ice cream while portions have decreased in size).  Visiting the Keats House and spotting a Cat I have seen a number of times which I call Keats.  Being buzzed by a huge Bumble Bee, and buying a designer bag in a charity shop.

  “Buzzed by a Bee and Keats the Cat”. 

If only everyday was as relaxing and enjoyable.  The next time I am stressed or totally fed up sitting in the office talking to people who won’t listen I really need to remember how relaxing the simple pleasure of feeding a Squirrel is.

  “He really loved my nuts, time after time.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

Every now and then I like to hypothetically knock over the table in a hypothetical casino and throw hypothetical poker chips into the air (what am I talking about I’ve set foot in a casino, I need to stop watching films).  There is something so deliciously naughty about taking food and /or drink (which of course was purchased legally) from one establishment into another and not to getting caught or thrown out.

  “Hyenas and the canal”.

I have a history of this kind of recklessness.  A couple of occasions that spring to mind include.  On a trip to Edinburgh my best friend and I dared to sneak “Burger King” onion rings into “McDonalds”, we knew how to live life on the edge during that trip.  One hot summer in the capital the same friend (do you see a pattern) and I walked around “The Royal Festival Hall” looking at art while holding paper coffee cups that contained wine.  This might be why we found everything so funny, while others stood stroking their chins whispering about how brave the artist has been.

   “Such a lovely day beside the canal”.

Talking to another friend this week it seems I am not the only one who likes to live a risky life.  She mentioned that when visiting the cinema she enjoys a flask of hot tea.  The image of steam rising up in front of Tom Cruise as he knocks seven shades out of the baddie in yet another impossible mission (see what I did there) makes me smile.  I’ve drunk most liquids while in a large dark room enjoying the escapism of a big screen but it’s never crossed my mind to take a flask of tea.

 “See i really do live life on the edge”.

This week I enjoyed eating an M&S bagel and cookie in Cafe Nero while sipping from my Starbucks recyclable mug.  A couple of times I thought I had been rumbled because a baristas walked past a number times for no apparent reason.  Don’t worry I didn’t make eye contact and continued to laugh and nod as my friends spoke.  The stress during occasions like this make life worth living, woo hoo I really know how to live an exciting life.  Some people get their kicks from smoking ”da herb” at work or shoplifting the latest edition of The “Radio Times”.  I get thrills from trying not to get thrown out of an establishment with food or drink from another.

  “Who’s lardy arse pushed this over”.

And There’s More……

In two weeks this blog will be 200 weeks old, i have been thinking of ways that this shiz could be freshened up. 

  “Beer is better than real life anytime”.

One idea which I think has legs is BLOG ON THE BOG.  A very simple idea, every week I write the blog on a different loo.  As well as the usual mix of “interesting” (that’s a laugh, if you have read this shiz over the last 197 weeks) stories, the blog would also describe the actual bog its history and surroundings giving a quality score out of 5.  Of course a gold star rating of 5 would be tough only the best bog’s would receive that accolade.  After a short time everyone will want the blog to be written from there smallest room.

 “Seen at London Underground’s lost property office Baker Street”.

And as you would expect from a great blog, there would also be wonderfully stylish photos of the bog and its general environment including interesting graffiti.  This idea could be a total reinvention, not just of my weekly ramble but blogging in general.  Within weeks other blogs will be copy this amazing idea.  This might be the greatest idea I have ever had, maybe my creative side will finally pay dividend.  Sitting writing this (not on a bog) I can picture stickers which could be sent to follows “remember always flush” and “I’m a fan of the pan”. Here’s to another 200 weeks of shiz from me, you lucky people.

  “Everything looks pretty in the sun”.

And Finally……

 “Always nice to see another train enthusiast”. 

Women heard on packed train. “When I hear the automated train announcement state we are approaching Barking. It makes me want to sing the work “Barking”.

Having a drink in a north London pub surrounded by beautiful posh people.  I overheard a man asking friends where “Land’s End” was.  He thought it was near “Dover” before deciding it was up north.  This make me glad I’m not posh or beautiful.

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 31/03/18).  “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 03/04/18).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 6, TX: 01/04/18).  “Get Out”, (2017).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 1, TX: 06/04/18).  “Kiss Me First”, (Trailer, TX: 12/03/18)(S1, ep 1).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 5).  “Passengers”, (2016).  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S8, ep 3, TX: 05/04/18).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S2, ep 5 to 26)(S3, ep 1 to ep 4).  “The Generation Game”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 01/04/18).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 5, TX: 03/04/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 6).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 6, TX: 01/04/18).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 1, TX: 02/04/18).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 13).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 36, 01/04/18).  “Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 111, 26/02/14).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 22, 10/08/12).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (30/03, 02/04, 03/04, 04/04, 05/04/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 95, 31/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (31/03, 01/04, 06/04/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 85, 05/04/18, rerun of ep 33, 06/04/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 83, 03/04/18)(ep 84, 06/04/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 70, 31/03/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 49, 05/04/18).  “Morrissey”, “Alvvay”, “Artic Monkey’s”, “Kate Bush”, “Florence And The Machine”, “Music of Jerry Goldsmith”, “Neil Diamond”, “Blur”, “Fleetwood Mac”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in Surrey, East and West London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 197 Saturday 24^thuntil Friday 30^thMarch 2018.

Last weekend the clocks went forward, I always feel robbed losing a precious hour of sleep.  At this time of the year there are a lot pleasant signs that spring has sprung.  Daffodils bobbing in the breeze.  The increased number of birds in my sister’s garden looking for food, but disappointed because the bird feeder has been emptied due to regular visits by a huge pigeon (I do love a pigeon, this particular one is a magnificent looking specimen) that squeezes itself into the feeder and eats everything.  Brighter mornings always help when getting up before sparrow fart. 

  “Daff’s always make me smile”.

There is however another sign that spring has sprung, one that I don’t want to see.  This week I have seen a number of people wearing flip flops and Crocs.  I wear flip flops in summer, though this year might be different as they on a “banned dress code” list at work.  Not sure they deserve to be regarded as footwear enemy number one in an office environment (keep reading for that culprit).  Walking around in flip flops in late March when the weather is still very changeable (this week there has been a lot of rain) doesn’t look right.  Plus the feet I have been seen have been covered up all winter and need a little loving care before they are let loose on the world.

  “Taken in the rain, but still pretty”.

At least even the cheapest pair of flip flops looks a million times better than Crocs.  Those huge lumps of plastic definitely deserve the title of footwear which should be on everyone’s banned list.  Knowing my office it’s probably acceptable to wear lumps of molded plastic with Swiss cheese style holes all-over it.  For full disclosure a number of relatives swear by their Crocs, which is great that they enjoy them, but there not for me.  I am certainly not fashionable, there are many things that I have worn and still wear which the “fashion police” could put me away for many years without parole.  But Crocs (in my opinion) really shouldn’t be seen in public.  There perfect for a factory or gardening but they really shouldn’t be seen on the street.  One woman this week had decorated hers with small “Star Wars” badges to make them look more respectable.  Even me, a huge “Star Wars” had to look away with sadness.  There is only one use for a pair of Crocs, give it to a dog as a chew toys.  If you don’t have a dog then give it to friends, they will love you for ever.

  “One of the few mornings this week when it wasn’t raining”.

Spring has sprung.  A couple of weeks ago most people in the capital were wrapped up as if they were living in the arctic.  Looking out of the window as I write its pouring with rain, the thought of people slipping and sliding in flip flops or squelching about in Crocs does actually make me feel a little ill.  Feet are important I realise, but there strange and a little ugly.  Maybe we could all just cover up for everyone’s sake at least that would get rid of the large unsightly wedges of plastic with holes in that I am seeing, this could only be a good thing. 

  “After this lovely sight i was trapped in a office for 8 hrs”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

Have you ever seen a ghost?  At my sisters a couple of days ago, I was in bed dozing when suddenly I felt very a chill passed over me.  Opening my eyes I was alone, I say this as my nephew or niece have a habit of standing watching me.  No one was there. 

  “Making sure i get every drop of soup out of the can.  And having fun during a power cut”.

Over the years there have been events that I can’t explain.  Such as seeing a pillow raise up a few inches, turning over before lowering again.  The telescopic ariel on a radio/CD (yes this was a very long time ago) music centre which was totally straight, but ended up bent in too.  There was no one upstairs and nothing fell on it.  I have friends who have seen people or heard a person who they found was not really there which can only be described as a ghost.

  “Enjoying a drink or three”.

I went downstairs to see my sister and her family; and was excited and ready to tell her about my strange experience.  When she said with concern, “I didn’t wake you did I”.  My sister had crept in the room while I was asleep; the chilling feeling was her closing the door.  There was a wave of disappointment that I hadn’t experience something unexplained.  I’ve watched “Tales of the Unexpected”, “The Twilight Zone” and of course “The X-Files” and am constantly waiting for something really strange and unexplained to happen to me.  I’m a dreamer and can wait. 

And Finally……

  “Moon spotting on two different early evenings”.

I robbed myself of my latest “free” bucket from a large corporate coffee shop because I got my dates mixed up.  That “free” drink cost me a lot.  Not impressed with myself.

 “All smiles after a visit to the charity shop.  I had to fight to keep that  small TARDIS”.

Found myself robbed by my 4 year old nephew.  Jbomb I discovered had my Oyster and cash card in his pocket.  Was he planning on visiting his aunty MOZ.  If you’re reading this Jbomb in the future maybe you can answer that question. 

  “I’m pleased to report we were all excited to meet a movie superstar in Surrey”.

Happy Eaters, hope you stuff yourself with as much chocolate as I plan to.

 “Writing this shiz, and not distracted at all”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 24/03/18).  “Contagion! The BBC4 Pandemic”, (TX: 22/03/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 6).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 5, TX: 25/03/18).  “Guardians of The Galaxy”, (2014).  “Nativity”, (2009).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 4).  “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S8, ep 1, TX: 22/03/18)(ep 2, 29/03/18).  “Star Trek (DS9)”, (S7, ep 18 to ep 25 pt 1 & 2).  “Star Trek (TNG)”, (S3, ep 21).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S1, ep 1 pt 1 & 2)(S2, ep 1 to 4).  “Stranger Than Fiction”, (2006).  “The Birdcage”, (1996).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 4, TX: 27/03/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 10, TX: 23/03/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 5).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 5, TX: 25/03/18).  “Wannabe”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 12).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (27/02/18)(27/03/18).  “Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 10, 05/12/16)(ep 11, 21/12/16).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 35??, 25/03/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 21, 07/08/12).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (28/03/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 65, 20/03/17)(ep 66, 29/03/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (29/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (24/03, 30/03/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 38, 30/03/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (29/08/16)(17/08/17)(ep 83, 23/03/18)(ep 84, 30/03/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 82, 23/03/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 253, The Rigid Fist #37, 23/03/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 48, 29/03/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Lorde”, LCD Soundsystem”, Elbow”, “Vangelis”, “Altered Images”, “The Cure”, “The Manic Street Preachers”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 196 Saturday 17^thuntil Friday 23^rdMarch 2018.

Monday to Friday I sit on the tube occasionally glancing up from my tablet hoping not to catch the gaze of others around me (rule one of travelling in the capital, never be seen to be looking at a fellow passenger).  Amongst the workmen and casually dressed office workers there is a small group who look as if “they just came out of the salon”. 

  “Calamity, making lovely homemade soup”.

Every morning I get up as late as possible, those extra few minutes in bed are the most precious of the day.  When the alarm sounds all I am focused on is getting in and out of the bathroom and out of the front door as quickly as possible.

 “That’s not red paint, those cans really are sharp”. 

When I look at the beautiful people on the tube I wonder how much earlier did they have to get up to look and probably smell as good as they do ( I don’t go round sniffing passengers, honest).  Most days there will be a women carefully applying make-up, I get the impression that these get up as late as I do but still want to arrive looking spectacular.  I don’t bother with face painting anymore, I might as well have been wearing a foam red nose and driving a small car which explodes confetti for all the good make up did for me.  There really is no time in the morning to splatter colour on to my face and if I attempted to do this while travelling it would only end up all over the person next to me. 

 “Thought the local area was being invaded, when i saw this”.

Most mornings I grab clothes from the top of the clean pile.  One day this week after travelling across London and stepping off the train a woman whispered to me that my skirt was inside out.  Looking down there was a large label flapping in the wind for the world to see.  A few years ago this wouldn’t have been a problem as the label would have been small.  But these days they have numinous languages printed, extensive washing instruction and information about saving water and the planet.  Labels are now huge and can’t be missed.  Juggling bags because I didn’t want to put them on the floor I managed to correct my mistake in a grubby station toilet.  Then continued to work as if nothing had happened desperately hoping that I never saw that women again.

 “Beside the Thames, early morning”.

This experience may result in getting up even earlier so that a final clothes check can be completed (I won’t mention that recently I discovered my top was on backwards, luckily my winter coat covered up that mistake).  Thinking about the situation there is nothing that can stop me from looking like “Worzel Gummidge” in drag.  I am facing up to the fact that I never have been and never will be one of the beautiful people on the tube in the early morning.

 “The river always look pretty”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

  “Having fun in Surrey”.

I am the equivalent a call centre battery Hen, think of row after row of Hens eating and lay eggs.  That’s pretty much me and what I do, taking call after call.

 “Mind the gap”.

There is a lot in the press about how atomisation is going to affect most area of life, leading to millions of people losing their jobs.  This future workforce will be so much more efficient because they will be able to work at any time, trains and weather wont affect them and they will never be sick or need a holiday.  An office like mine is just screaming for automation thought it might be cheaper to just augment the staff connecting them directly to the desk by inserting various pipes into the body instead of going fully computerised.  I’ve watched enough Star Trek (TNG) to know what augmented humanoids like the Borg look like.  It might not be so bad, after all black is slimming and I have never seen a fat Borg?

 “I ate it for charity”.

When automation comes, I’ll roll over and let my robot house assistant tickle my tummy as I fall asleep dreaming how wonderful this new world is and be amazed that I used to travel daily to work.  My only worry is that an automated cleaner working in a supercomputer complex might “accidentally” pull out a plug shutting everything down,  that really would teach us a lesson. 

 “Winters last grip on the capital.

And Finally…… 

  “The train only just made it in snow that deep”.

The Snowmeggedon beast returned for a couple of days last weekend, children in London dreamed of school being cancelled and sliding down hills on trays.  None of this happened as the beast whimpered away almost as quickly as it appeared.  Get used to the disappointment kids life is full of them.

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts…… 

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 17/03/18).  “Dara O’Briain Meets Stephen Hawkins”, (TX: 16/07/15).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 4, TX 18/03/18).  “Horizon: 1983/4, Professor Hawkins Universe”, (TX: 17/10/83).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 3).  “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”, (S6, ep 13 to ep 26)(S7, ep 1 to ep 17).  “Stephen Hawkins A Brief History Of Mine”, (TX: 07/12/13).  “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 5).  “The Beauty Of Anatomy”, (S1, ep 1, TX 13/08/14).  “The Golden Girls”, (S7, ep 5 to ep 7).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 20/03/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 9, TX: 16/03/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 4).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 4, TX 18/03/18).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 11 & 12). 

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 16, 14/03/17)(ep 17, 27/03/17)(ep 19, 26/04/17)(ep 21, 02/08/17)(ep 24, 26/09/17)(ep 25, 11/10/17)(ep 32, 20/03/18).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 17, 19/11/17)(ep 38 & ep 39, 18/03/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 20, 04/08/12).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (14/03, 15/03, 16/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (22/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17/03, 23/03/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 36, 16/03/18)(ep 37, 23/03/18).  “Notes From The Attic”, (trailer 19/03/18).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (19/03/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 81, 16/03/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 252, 17/03/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 68, 16/03/18)(ep 69, 23/03/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 47, 22/03/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Hot Chip”,  “Elbow”, “Sophie B Hawkins”,  “Pixies”, “Suede”, “The Libertines”, The White Stripes”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 195 Saturday 10^thuntil Friday 16^thMarch 2018.

This last week i celebrated Leo the Lion’s 3rd Bday and Mothers Day.

734 days ago on 12 March 2016 I left Mozambique to return to the UK, I thought I would be back in Tofo within a few months.  That was based on seeing other people who came and went regularly.  But I have a problem that doesn’t seem to affect them, money, those people tended to have money behind them or were able to get help with cash easily.

 “Thanks SAZ and Tim for a lovely meal”.

When I arrived in the UK I really thought that I would return by the end of summer 2016. However within a few days of being in London it became clear that this was not going to happen.  Over the last 734 days my return has been pushed further and further back, due to periods of unemployment, low paid work and debt from just paying bills.

 “Someone had, had a long tough day, all cuddled up on the tube”.

At this time I am in a financial better state than last year.  If i continue to work hard I firmly believe that by the end of February 2019 I will return.  There are a number of projects that I have been working on for years that “could” help me, I HAVE to get off my lardy behind and do things which will help me to return to that paradise beside the Indian Ocean.  When I relax I picture myself walking along Tofino beach watching crabs running into the surf, birds feeding and the odd fisherman trying to earn a living.

  “Signs of spring all over”.

Most days I think about Tofo, the people I met and know, the places I saw and the emotions I felt.  These thoughts have kept me going when stuck on the tube or in the office doing something I dislike, these happy thought’s will get me through the next year.  I am in contact with people in Tofo hopefully they will welcome me back and conversations will pick up as if I only saw them a couple of days ago. Over the last 2 years I have looked at “so called” easy way of earning money but none of them came to anything or of course they were a con. One thing that was drummed in to me as a kid is that if I want something I have to work and earn it.  If I am totally honest, I am very fed up about my situation but I only have myself to blame for mistakes and choices made over the years.

  “Found a small origami X-wing fighter on the tube”.

As I write this it’s raining in West London, this is the start of a very busy period at work which won’t be fun.  But thinking about Tofo and the wonderful people who live there always makes me smile.  Tofo and Mozambique has a special place in my heart.

   “Yes i enjoyed every crumb”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

  “And the winner is……”.

Last weekend I lost another bowling session with my friends “Lunge” and “Calamity”. “Lunge” retained her crown as champion with help from her powerful bowling arm aided by her lunging aim.  “Calamity’s” technique is to take the ball right up to the line you’re not supposed to cross before letting go, which serves her well.  While I shuffle about in front of the lane for 10 minutes working out the perfect trajectory then hoping for the best.  I would probably do better with my eyes closed.  Our lane was taken out of action a couple of times due to a backlog of bowls, though I suspect that “Lunge” had a friend hidden in the darkness moving the pins around to help her.

  “And in second and last place”.

I am not competitive, I’ll try my best but I don’t care where I come.  Being a lifelong member of the loser club I expect to appear low on any score sheet.  Towards the end of our session there was a family in the next.  While looking for the blue bowl I had been using from the start, a small boy from the family said I should use a pink one that he pointed at.  It was a little lighter, with smaller holes that my sausage fingers didn’t really fit in.  But I didn’t want to say no to the little chap, so used it.  That ball was great, the last few rounds (throws) my aim was better and I hit a number of pins.  I am really pleased I took his advice, who said children talk rubbish.  Must remember for next time what ball i need to take “Lunge’s” crown. Also I need to employ my nephews and niece to scurry around the back of the lanes to move pins around and divert other players balls and attention.  One day I will be a winner…..

  “Though i was in the lead for a couple of seconds, a moment of pride”.

And Finally……

  “Is this what people use to escape from the area”.

Fun fact of the week that told to me.  Avocado (the word) means testicle, it comes from a Nahuatl Aztec Indian word “ahuacatl”. That will bring a smile every time I cut one up.

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click: Short Edition”, (TX: 10/03/18).  “Click: Long Edition”, (TX: 10/03/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 5).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 3, TX 11/03/18).   “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 2).  “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”, (S5, ep 3 to ep 26)(S6, ep 1 to ep 12).  “Star Trek: TNG”, (S3, ep 18).  “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 4).  “The Golden Girls”, (S7, ep 1 to ep 4).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 13/03/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 7, TX: 09/03/18).  “The Last Leg: Paralympic Special”, (S13, ep 8, TX: 11/03/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 3).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 3, TX 11/03/18).  “Troy Fall Of A City”, (S1, ep 4).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 10).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 9,23/11/16)(ep 12, 10/01/17)(ep 13, 29/01/17).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 13, 13/12/17)(ep 20, 17/12/17)(ep 32, 10/03/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 19, 27/07/12).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (13/03/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (08/03, 09/03, 12/03, 13/03/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 94, 14/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (15/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (10/03, 16/03/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 81, 9/03/18)(ep 82, 15/03/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 80, 09/03/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 67, 10/03/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 46, 15/03/18).  “Young Free And Coupled Conversations”, (001, 12/03/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Tiffany”,  “KT Tunstal”, “Berlin”,  “Nirvana”, “Hole”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 194 Saturday 3^rduntil Friday 9^thMarch 2018.

After the chaos of “SNOWMEGGEDON” last week, all signs of bad weather melted quickly in the capital.  I am glad the ice has gone; walking like a penguin trying not to slip over and ruining what little dignity I have was not fun.  One downside of the snow melting is that fly tipping, unwanted property such as sofas or beds left on pavements or overflowing bin can be seen again.  Given a choice I would rather have the snow, just without the ice please. 

  “Snow, what snow”.

Something else I have noticed is the amount of poo, normally dog shiz littering the golden pavements of the capital.  This is not a nice subject but it has to be mentioned.  Directly outside of the gate of my friend’s house “something” had left a small parcel.  We actually discussed whether it had come from a small dog (one of those tiny dogs that look more like a rat, and have Small Dog Syndrome).  Or could the mess have come from one of the numerous cats who visit, maybe this was a dirty protest due to not being stroked enough and feeling ignored.  Its times like this I wish I had TV naturalist Chris Packhman on speed dial as he would be able identify it immediately while poking and sniffing the scat at the same time. 

“These two were deffo not responsible for the poo”.

Seriously I am very pleased that the ice has gone, but snow is pretty it’s such a pity that it causes so many problems in this country.  I have friends in Finland and Canada who cope with much lower temperatures for longer periods and huge amounts of snow.  They laugh every time when the UK falls apart due to a few flakes ** of the white stuff (**in London).

  “A pothole i love”.

 And Now For Something Completely Different……

 If you have read this shiz for a while you know that I cherish my breaks and lunch time due to the fact that I speak on the phone all day.  Most lunchtime I sit in a local branch of a large corporate coffee establishment in a small nook that most other customers don’t appear to know about.

  “Shiz from me, ideas that just didn’t work, please don’t judge me”.

One day this week a woman appeared with a drink and a plate of cheesy toast.  She asked if she could sit down, of course I said “yes” pulling the table out of the her way.  Once seated the woman started to talk even though I had one ear bud still inserted and had returned my gaze to my tablet.

  “Drinking cold soup while eating a roll warm from sitting on top of the computer box thing”.

I am many things, but rude is not one of them.  Because of this I felt I had to at least answer even if I was half watching the screen, surly that would be a hint.  She asked about my tattoos, and if I lived or just worked in the area.  Looking around I wondered if this was some hidden camera stunt.  Then she dropped the bombshell, the metaphorical punch to the gut “Did I believe in god”.  She had been grooming me, talking about tattoos and other shiz.  With a smile I made it very clear that I didn’t believe in anything, but respected others who do.  This was said to hopefully shut her up so she might stuff her face with cold cheesy toast.  That comment made her latch on even more like one of those tiny yapping dogs which really should be reclassified a rodent because of their size.  I’ve seen bigger Rats running around London Streets.  It did cross my mind to say I was an off duty devil worshiper and when I’m I return to the office I’ll sacrifice a goat in her name. 

  “Going home, the best part of the day”.

Drinking my large cup of sugary syrupy coffee without drowning as quickly as possible, I packed up my shiz and left without looking back in case I turned in to a pile of ash.  Speaking to friends later I should have been firm but polite about the fact I wanted to be left alone.  Throughout the rest of the week I have been prepared for a second coming, but luckily the woman hasn’t appeared.  Hopefully she realised I was so much of a lost cause it was not worth her while bothering with and has found another lost soul to try and convert.

 “Got given a brand new back rest at work, im easily pleased”.

Thinking afterwards I should have ask her if she had read any of the great works by “Oolon Colluphid” such as “Where God Went Wrong”, “Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes” or “Who Is This God Person Anyway?”.  These are from the wonderful “Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy” which celebrated on the 8^th March its 40th anniversary of the first transmission on BBC Radio 4.  Thinking about it this may have just confused her, as I don’t think she had a good sense of humour.

And Finally……

 “And she called me an “adult/child”.

I was called an “adult/child” by a six year old.  I’m not ashamed to say I don’t act my age a lot of the time.  She’ll understand in years to come when she’s grown up and reads some of this shiz. 

 “During the annual visit to A&E.

Went with “Calamity” to a local hospital (she really shouldn’t be allowed out on her own).  The Dr examining her asked if I was her daughter.  This made us laugh; I’m 2 months older and about a foot and a half taller.  Poor “Calamity” she’s had a tough life.

Quote of the Week……

“Shove it up your dirt box” (Poppet Colon).

 “Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 03/03/18).  “Big Field, University Challenge”, (S1, ep 1).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 4).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 2, TX 04/03/18).  “Greece With Simon Reeves”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 07/02/16)(ep 2, TX: 14/02/16).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 1).  “Soft Border Patrol”, (S1, ep 1).  “Star Trek : Deep Space Nine”, (S3, ep 22 to ep 26)(S4, ep 1 to ep 25)(S5, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Strike: Career Of Evil”, (ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 3).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 06/03/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 6, TX: 02/03/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 2).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 2, TX 04/03/18).  “Troy Fall Of A City”, (S1, ep 3).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 9).  “Winterwatch – 1963 The Big Freeze”,(TX: 02/03/18).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Angelos And Barry”, (26/02/18).  “Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 22, 16/08/17)(ep 23 30/08/17)(ep 31, 20/01/18).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 18, 03/12/17)(ep 19, 09/12/17)(ep 21, 24/12/17)(ep 22, 31/12/17)(ep 31, 05/03/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 18, 19/07/12).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (01/03).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (01/03, 02/03, 05/03, 06/03, 07/03).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 67, 03/04/17)(ep 93, 02/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (09/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (03/03, 09/03/18).  “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (S2, ep 1, 01/03/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 34, 02/03/18)(ep 35, 09/03/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 79, 02/03/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 251, 08/03/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 45, 09/03/18).   “Morrissey”,  “The Libertines”,  “Belly”, “Blur”,  “MGMT”, “The Foo Fighters”,  “The Manic Street Preachers”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West and South London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 193 Saturday 24th February until Friday 2nd March 2018.

The Morrissey Weather Special.

 “I always get a thrill when i see our celestial neighbour”. 

This week I want to take you back to a Wednesday in 1992, when i worked at the BBC.  This particular Wednesday I was meeting friends at the main gate to show them around Television Centre,  look in various studios and enjoy a cheap (it really was very cheap) meal in the canteen.  The main program that evening was “Top of the Pop” which would be transmitted at 7pm the next evening.  Every week I checked the dressing room list to see who was appearing and regularly watched the recording or the live transmission from the observation room overlooking the studio or occasionally crept in the studio and becoming a member of the audience.

   “Spring has sprung…… Joking”.

The first thing my friends JUZ said when I met him and Serena was “MOZZER’s here”.  He based this observation on seeing one person in a Smiths t-shirt amongst all the fans of whichever boy or girl band was big that week.  In reception I proved that Morrissey’s name was not on the dressing room list.  Not content with this JUZ wanted to look around, loitering around the dressing rooms was frowned upon.  We walked passed each one looking at the name plate while trying not to look suspicious, only stopping when we found a door name plate that read “Morrissey”.  Another thing that staff did not do is to knock on the door of the “talent.  Yes, you guessed it I knocked.

  “Keep the gloves on all the time”.

Nothing happened, turning to face my friends; if I am honest I was relieved as this was breaking every rule in the staff handbook.  Suddenly the door opened, I turned back and there was Morrissey the “The God of Music” wearing a purple shirt slashed to the waist.  He invited us inside, for 10 minutes we were the centre of his world until he was called to set to perform, which we saw from the observation room.  It was in the canteen later that I realised I was the only one not to get an autograph.  It was a full year before MOZZER returned to appear on “Later with Jools”, this time I handed an internal envelope to a floor assistant, there was no way I was going to knock on a dressing room door again.  That torn out page from an office notepad is still one of my most precious possessions.

 “Not stopped here in maybe 20 year’s, hope its another 20 before it happens again”.

Over the years I have been to a number of gigs where MOZZER was due to perform, each one he has pulled out for various reasons.  What did I say to offend in 1992!!!  Last year my sister mentioned that we were going to see him at Brixton on 1st March 2018,  For months I have been so excited about this gig, nothing is going to stop me from seeing the my hero.

  “What a beautiful site before 7am during a week day”.

This week the capital has been in a state of panic, because of snow.  If you have read this shiz before then you will know that whenever snow is mentioned the capital falls apart.  The problem is that forecasters panic because over the years they have been caught out due to not being accurate.  London’s local councils panic because during previous winters they have not been prepared.  And don’t get me started about the transport network which is a problem all year round.  Just a few flakes of white stuff is enough to bring the system to its knees.  During the course of this week there has been snow, which has as expected caused services to run slow.

  “Freezing my bits off to earn a few quid”.

The MOZZER gig is Thursday and snow is not going to stop me from attending even if I have to walk all the way to Brixton I will be there.  A friend (Calamity) joked “what if Morrissey pulls out because of the weather”.  With my track record of attempting to see him this could happen.  How did I offended him in 1992, I’m sure I complimented him on the slashed shirt.

  “This little one has great taste in music and t-shirts”.

Gig Review……

  “Have waited a long time for this”.

I can now report that the gig took place and was amazing.  There was no support act, instead projected on huge sheet when some of MOZZER’s fave musical acts such as the “The New York Dolls”, “The Ramones”, others like “The Paper Dolls” I didn’t know.  It felt like sitting in MOZZER’s living room while he played some of music he loved.

  “SAZ, Ian and myself.  Three very  happy Mozzer fan’s”.

When the curtain dropped there he was in a purple shirt open halfway down (I’d like to think it was the same shirt as 1992) while the band wore black t-shirt’s topped off with berets.  Morrissey was on wonderful form, owning every inch of the stage flicking the microphone cable in his trademark bull whip style.  During the show above him were pictures which illiterate each song.  During “The Bullfighter Dies” and “Who Will Protect Us From The Police? brutal videos were played which the audience could not miss.

He didn’t play my fave Smiths song “There’s A Light That Never Goes Out” but there were other classics such as “How Soon Is Now” and “The Last Of The Famous International Playboys”.  Songs from his most recent 2017 album “Low In High School” were very well received.  Morrissey has always attracted an audience of all ages, but there were a lot over 40 like myself enjoying the evening.  Thank you Steven Patrick Morrissey for that Wednesday evening in 1992 and the 1st of March 2018.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “Writing this shiz”.

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 24/02/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 3).  “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 1, TX 25/02/18).  “Flatpack Empire”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 20/02/18).  “From Ice To Fire: The Incredible Science Of Temperatures”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 01/03/18).  “Star Trek : Deep Space Nine”, (S2, ep 12 to ep 26)(S3, ep 1 to ep 21).  “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 2).  “The Golden Girls”, (S6, ep 26).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 19, TX: 23/02/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 5, TX: 23/02/18).  “This Country”, (S2, ep 1).  “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 1, TX 25/02/18).  “Troy Fall Of A City”, (S1, ep 2).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 8). 

Seen LIVE this week: 

“MORRISSEY”, (at Brixton O2 Academy).

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 2, 20/07/16)(ep 9, 09/11/16)(ep 14, 09/02/18)(ep 15, 27/02/17)(ep 17, 27/03/17)(ep 18, 19/04/17)(ep 28, 30/11/17)(ep 33, 28/02/18).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 5, 03/08/17)(ep 23, 07/01/18)(ep 24, 14/01/18)(ep 25, 20/01/18)(ep 26, 28/01/18)(ep 30, 25/02/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 17, 10/07/12).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (23/02, 2 x 27/02/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (22/02, 23/02, 27/02, 28/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (01/03/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (24/02/18)(02/03/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 80, 01/03/18).  “Pints And Puzzles”, (01/03/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 78, 23/02/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 65, 23/02/18)(ep 66, 02/03/18).  “Anti-Social Show”, (ep 44, 16/02/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 44, 01/03/18).  “Young Free And Coupled”, (26/02/18).  “Morrissey”,  “The New York Doll’s”,  “Dionne Warwick”, “The Ramones”,  “The Four Top’s”, “Sex Pistols”,  “The Paper Dolls”, “Tatu”, “James Brown”.    

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 192 Saturday 17^thuntil Friday 23^rdFebruary 2018.

Happy 4th Bday this week to the Jbomb.

I take my auntie responsibilities seriously.  Last weekend at Jbomb’s b’day party I was asked to help with “pass the parcel”.  The music was queued on my tablet; a group of excited children sat in a circle in front of me.  Behind the scenes 2 extra layers were hurriedly being wrapped round the parcel due to additional guests.  Luckily the b’day boy’s father had just spent good money on a newspaper.  Jbomb’s mum pulled out a couple of these pages and used as wrapping, my brother-in-law said he didn’t want those pages anyway.

  “Making a tasty mess”.

My job was to start and stop the music, so no pressure.  After the first two children were happily clutching sweets, I realised that I needed to keep track of who was holding the parcel when the music stopped.  The pause button was not as sensitive as I would have liked, this might be more to do with my fat finger jabbing away at it and not the tech.

  “Slices for everyone”.

The game was going well with a lot of laughing from happy children.  When the sausage on the end of my hand pressed pause, Pharrell stopped singing and a little girl started to rip open the parcel.  This was when I heard a voice whisper in my ear “She’s already had a go”.  Looking at my sister in horror; I realised that I had blown the “ONE JOB” given to me.  Thinking quickly I wondered if I could stop the child saying that in fact the boy next to her was holding the parcel (he wasn’t) when the music stopped.  Or invoke rule 42 (subsection DS9) that she should have owned up to the fact that she had already unwrapped a layer (these 4 yr old’s are crafty). 

  “The B’day boy with people he loves”.

The tension was palpable, would there be enough wrapping for every child to be regarded a winner, in 2018 there are no looser (or so they say).  My sisters disembodied voice was heard again “let the girl in the pink dress win”.  The end of results of the game can be confirmed.  The girl in the pink dress was the winner and enjoyed opening the final layer while all the other children looked on jealously.  My brother-in-law’s sacrifice was worth it, in our eye’s he was the hero of the morning.  And if I am ever asked to referee “pass the parcel” again take more notice of who unwraps what.

  “A morning of messy fun”.

My nephew pizza party was a success; Jbomb filled himself with pizza that he had made washed down with squash and ice cream.

  “Celebrating a 4 year old in style”.

 Special party commendation goes to me, for rescuing Jbomb’s balloon that tried to escape coming to rest in the middle of a busy road on a blind corner.   As stated earlier I take being an auntie seriously.  He better remember this in years to come when I’m in a nursing home and my bed pan needs emptying.

 “Plenty for everyone”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

A number of weeks ago I mentioned to a manager that my back felt like it was about to snap.  After trying a couple of different chairs making me feel like Goldilocks.  The manager did a Paul Daniels by producing a back rest from somewhere across the office, I didn’t ask where he got it from but it made my back feel better almost immediately.

 “Waiting to go home after another long day”.

Last week a colleague who sits next to me realised after 3 weeks of being back in the office her back was hurting and that “HER” back rest was missing.  The looks she gave me as she could see I had a back support.  As mentioned earlier I have no idea where the support came from.  Other people piped up saying that her chair had been moved while she was away so it was possible that this was hers.  I kept my head down and got on with my work while she made it very clear to everyone who would listen that she was unhappy.

  “Dressed to see the “non” sexy dentist”.

Over the weekend it was mentioned by a friend who I won’t name **Cough**, “Calamity” that when I returned on Tuesday the support would be gone, I laughed this comment off. I am so glad money was not bet, as my chair was empty and a similar support was draped over my colleague’s chair.  What made me laugh at the end of the day she took the support off trying to be stealthy and locked it in her draw?  I have never wanted someone to lose a key so much.  Don’t worry I am being very brave; with my coat bunched up behind my lower back until the manager can get me another one.

 #backrestgate

 “So what seems to be the problem sir”.

 And Finally……

 “I wonder if his friend arrived”.

Had to see the dentist (unfortunately not the sexy one) who inserted a temporary filling into my cavernous gob.  I did get to say hello to the Sexy dentist, it felt like I was cheating on her seeing a different one but she was all booked up.  As expected the temp fell out resulting in an evening trip to a supermarket to buy a sticky white substance that was very difficult to put on my tooth. 

 “A nice tasty, cold drink in the office is always comforting”.

Drinking cold Tomato soup straight from the can at my desk, it’s comforting when feeling ill. 

 “Writing this shiz, and the world go by”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Big Field: Escape To The Country”, (TX: 18/02/18).  “Big Field: Love Island”, (09/02/18).  “Big Field: This Morning”, (TX: 02/02/18).  “Casino Royale”, (1967).  “Click”, (TX: 17/02/18).  “Damned”, (S2, ep 2).  “Flatpack Empire”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 06/02/18)(ep 2, TX: 13/02/18).  “From Ice To Fire: The Incredible Science Of Temperatures”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 15/02/18)(ep 2, TX: 22/02/18).  “Good Morning America Visits Star Trek (TNG)”, (TX: 13/02/92).  “Inside The new Adventure: Star Trek (VOY)”, (1995).  “Marcella”, (S2, ep 1).  “Oliver”, (1968).  “Star Trek : Deep Space Nine”, (S1, ep 3 & ep 19)(S2, ep 1 to ep 11).  “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 1).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 18, TX: 16/02/18).  “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 4, TX: 16/02/18).  “The Mash Report”, (S1, Winter: ep 6, TX: 22/02/18).  “Troy Fall Of A City”, (S1, ep 1).                        

This week I have mainly been listening to:   

“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 1, 30/06/16)(ep 3, 10/08/16)(ep 4, 31/08/16)(ep 5, 27/09/16)(ep 6, 19/10/16)(ep 7, 31/10/16)(ep 20 , 09/05/17)(ep 30, 21/12/17).  “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 4, 22/07/17)(ep 27, 02/02/18)(ep 29, 18/02/18).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (16/02/18).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 92, 22/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (22/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17/02, 23/02/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 32, 16/02/18)(ep 33, 23/02/18).  “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 78, 16/02/18)(ep 79, 23/02/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 77, 17/02/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 64, 16/02/18).  “The Chris Moyles Show (Radio X)”, (17/02/18).  “The Comedy Club Interviews (BBC Radio4 Extra)”, (ep 1, 13/02: ep 2, 14/02: ep 3, 15/02/18).  “Morrissey”,  “Oasis”,  “Ian Brown”,  “The Killers”,  “Smashing Pumpkins”, “Viola Beach”, Manic Street preacher”.