Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 196 Saturday 17thuntil Friday 23rdMarch 2018.
Monday to Friday I sit on the tube occasionally glancing up from my tablet hoping not to catch the gaze of others around me (rule one of travelling in the capital, never be seen to be looking at a fellow passenger). Amongst the workmen and casually dressed office workers there is a small group who look as if “they just came out of the salon”.
“Calamity, making lovely homemade soup”.
Every morning I get up as late as possible, those extra few minutes in bed are the most precious of the day. When the alarm sounds all I am focused on is getting in and out of the bathroom and out of the front door as quickly as possible.
“That’s not red paint, those cans really are sharp”.
When I look at the beautiful people on the tube I wonder how much earlier did they have to get up to look and probably smell as good as they do ( I don’t go round sniffing passengers, honest). Most days there will be a women carefully applying make-up, I get the impression that these get up as late as I do but still want to arrive looking spectacular. I don’t bother with face painting anymore, I might as well have been wearing a foam red nose and driving a small car which explodes confetti for all the good make up did for me. There really is no time in the morning to splatter colour on to my face and if I attempted to do this while travelling it would only end up all over the person next to me.
“Thought the local area was being invaded, when i saw this”.
Most mornings I grab clothes from the top of the clean pile. One day this week after travelling across London and stepping off the train a woman whispered to me that my skirt was inside out. Looking down there was a large label flapping in the wind for the world to see. A few years ago this wouldn’t have been a problem as the label would have been small. But these days they have numinous languages printed, extensive washing instruction and information about saving water and the planet. Labels are now huge and can’t be missed. Juggling bags because I didn’t want to put them on the floor I managed to correct my mistake in a grubby station toilet. Then continued to work as if nothing had happened desperately hoping that I never saw that women again.
“Beside the Thames, early morning”.
This experience may result in getting up even earlier so that a final clothes check can be completed (I won’t mention that recently I discovered my top was on backwards, luckily my winter coat covered up that mistake). Thinking about the situation there is nothing that can stop me from looking like “Worzel Gummidge” in drag. I am facing up to the fact that I never have been and never will be one of the beautiful people on the tube in the early morning.
“The river always look pretty”.
And Now For Something Completely Different……
“Having fun in Surrey”.
I am the equivalent a call centre battery Hen, think of row after row of Hens eating and lay eggs. That’s pretty much me and what I do, taking call after call.
“Mind the gap”.
There is a lot in the press about how atomisation is going to affect most area of life, leading to millions of people losing their jobs. This future workforce will be so much more efficient because they will be able to work at any time, trains and weather wont affect them and they will never be sick or need a holiday. An office like mine is just screaming for automation thought it might be cheaper to just augment the staff connecting them directly to the desk by inserting various pipes into the body instead of going fully computerised. I’ve watched enough Star Trek (TNG) to know what augmented humanoids like the Borg look like. It might not be so bad, after all black is slimming and I have never seen a fat Borg?
“I ate it for charity”.
When automation comes, I’ll roll over and let my robot house assistant tickle my tummy as I fall asleep dreaming how wonderful this new world is and be amazed that I used to travel daily to work. My only worry is that an automated cleaner working in a supercomputer complex might “accidentally” pull out a plug shutting everything down, that really would teach us a lesson.
“Winters last grip on the capital.
“The train only just made it in snow that deep”.
The Snowmeggedon beast returned for a couple of days last weekend, children in London dreamed of school being cancelled and sliding down hills on trays. None of this happened as the beast whimpered away almost as quickly as it appeared. Get used to the disappointment kids life is full of them.
“Writing this shiz”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX: 17/03/18). “Dara O’Briain Meets Stephen Hawkins”, (TX: 16/07/15). “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 4, TX 18/03/18). “Horizon: 1983/4, Professor Hawkins Universe”, (TX: 17/10/83). “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 3). “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”, (S6, ep 13 to ep 26)(S7, ep 1 to ep 17). “Stephen Hawkins A Brief History Of Mine”, (TX: 07/12/13). “The Archiveoloists”, (S1, ep 5). “The Beauty Of Anatomy”, (S1, ep 1, TX 13/08/14). “The Golden Girls”, (S7, ep 5 to ep 7). “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 20/03/18). “The Last Leg”, (S13, ep 9, TX: 16/03/18). “This Country”, (S2, ep 4). “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 4, TX 18/03/18). “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 11 & 12).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Brian Gitten’s And Friends”, (ep 16, 14/03/17)(ep 17, 27/03/17)(ep 19, 26/04/17)(ep 21, 02/08/17)(ep 24, 26/09/17)(ep 25, 11/10/17)(ep 32, 20/03/18). “Chasing Earhart”, (ep 17, 19/11/17)(ep 38 & ep 39, 18/03/18). “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 20, 04/08/12). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (14/03, 15/03, 16/03/18). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (22/03/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17/03, 23/03/18). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 36, 16/03/18)(ep 37, 23/03/18). “Notes From The Attic”, (trailer 19/03/18). “Pints And Puzzles”, (19/03/18). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 81, 16/03/18). “Strange Times”, (ep 252, 17/03/18). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 68, 16/03/18)(ep 69, 23/03/18). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 47, 22/03/18). “Morrissey”, “Hot Chip”, “Elbow”, “Sophie B Hawkins”, “Pixies”, “Suede”, “The Libertines”, The White Stripes”.