Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London, Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 199 Saturday 7^th April until Friday 13^thApril 2018.

An essential item in the UK is an Umbrella; I carry one all year round because you never know when wet stuff is going to fall from the sky.  At the moment it’s getting used a lot due to the monsoon season ** that we seem to be in (**not an official season but it’s only a matter of time before one is declared).

  “When the sun shines, this ghost appears”. 

The train station I visit Monday to Friday twice a day is having a lot of restructuring.  If you like men (I say this as I haven’t seen a women on site which is sad) in hard hats and covered in Hi –Vis clothing then this is the place for you to get an eye full.

  “Come to West London for lots of hard hats and men in Hi-Vis”. 

Due to this building work there is a small passage that commuters have to negotiate to reach the main street; this corridor is not much wider than two people walking shoulder to shoulder.  In the current weather umbrellas get caught in the metal fence, flicking droplets of rain into the eyes of the people behind.  Brolly jousting happens a lot in situations like this; I think everyone should leave the house with safety glasses in bad weather.  Brolly jousting could be a new pay per view sport on a small satellite channel next to repeats of 20 year old quiz shows that no one watched when they were originally shown. 

 “The Brolly Jousting arena, West London”.

Passing through this area takes longer in the rain which of course is frustrating for everyone because we’re all in a hurry.  But this is made worse when a MEGA brolly appears.  A ridiculously large umbrella floating above everyone like a mothership which usually only has one person cowering under it.  It does cross my mind as to why someone needs a brolly that big.  If they were providing a “Brolly Sharing Service” ©Dana Lucas 2018  collecting people who don’t own one of their own who want to keep fit by walking everywhere then I might understand.  But something that size for one person is in my opinion (which counts for nothing I know) inconsiderate to others.  Does the person have an umbrella complex “my brolly is bigger than yours” maybe compensating for other areas of their life that there deficient in?  This is when a lightsaber brolly would come in handy; one slice through the stem of the MEGA brolly would definitely make a lot of people happy.

 “This lightsaber, has had a lot of use this last week”.

When I notice that one of these massive mushroom shaped umbrellas has a broken spoke, or the material has come away from the end of an arm, makes me smile.  These battle scares prove that size is not everything and doesn’t always win the day.

  “A desk snack, and a stray Crimbum dec still in the office”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 “London is being invaded by these temporary traffic lights.  More scary that the Daleks”.

There’s no escaping the fact that I am one of the UK’s growing statistic of people who are getting bigger.  This week I started a food diary writing down everything that passes my lips, this will give me a good idea of how much I actually eat.

 “The next generation Muppets”

This information is not much use on its own I know as exercise is also important.  Due to inherited dodgy knees I don’t feel that running is an option anymore.  Swimming is one thing that I am actually good at (not something I normally say).  Because of my long journey home it’s tough to go after work.  But I need accept that one or two nights a week I could have a swim, then home straight to bed.  There is an upside, I will be able to watch even more “Star Trek” (I am currently on season 3 of Voyager at the moment).  Hopefully this combination of noting what I eat and watching adventures in the 24th century and exercise will help reduce inches, reduce money spent and make me feel a little better about myself. 

  “I love the old and new”.

It’s time to do something about this.  I might not have much to offer the world but you never know things might get better as my mood improves as my waistline shrinks.  Maybe this is where my “Brolly Sharing Service” idea could work, charging people who don’t have an umbrella to shuffle undermine on the way to the shops or the station, while keeping fit.  An idea has to start somewhere.

 “Bought in a charity shop a posh bag for an old bag”.

And Finally More Moaning……

  “I knew that SA and MZ money would come in useful”.

Standing on the edge of a busy train platform in the rain.  I felt something on the back of my left knee.  Looking behind me a man mouthed “Sorry” as he struggled to wrap up his silly oversized MEGA brolly.  In the current political climate it did cross my mind that he might have thought I was a spy (I really have watched far too many films) or he just knew my dislike for Umbrellas that size. 

  “End of week letting hair down, with beautiful ladies”.

In my mind, I felt satisfaction as I grabbed the brolly, snapped it in half on my knee and throw it on to the tracks.  In reality I just smiled as I stepped onto the train dodging drips of rain falling from above the door.

 “Writing this shiz, while still wet”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 07/04/18).  “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 10/04/18).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 2, TX: 13/04/18).  “Kiss Me First”, (S1, ep 2).  “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 6).  “One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Moving”, (TX: 02/04/18).  “Ready Player One”, (2018). “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S8, ep 4, TX: 12/04/18).  “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S3, ep 5 to ep 26)(S4, ep 1 to ep ep 9).  “The City And The City”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “The Generation Game”, (S1, ep 2, TX:08/04/18).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S23, ep 1, 06/04/18).  “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 08/04/18).  “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 2, TX: 09/04/18).  “Waffle”, (S1, ep 3, ep 6, ep 13).  “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 14).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 37, 08/04/18).  “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 35, 09/04/18).  “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (Special Announcement 16/08/12)(ep 23, 14/08/12).  “Grief Cast”, (ep 1, 19/11/16)(ep 2, 20/11/16)(ep 4, 20/11/16).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (06/04, 09/04, 10/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (12/04/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (07/04, 13/04/18).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 39, 06/04/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (Special 12/04/18).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 71, 07/04/18).  “The Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (10/04/18).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 50, 12/04/18).  “Morrissey”, “SIA”, “PJ Harvey”, “Arcade Fire”, “Portishead”, “Pet Shop Boys”, “Lorde”.