Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in North, East, Central and West London (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 198 Saturday 31st March until Friday 6thApril 2018.
This week has been a really good one, because I only worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday of course was a national day of recovery due to the amount of chocolate the country ate on Sunday.
“One word, clever. Opps thats three”.
Thursday and Friday I walked miles on what must have been the sunniest days of 2018 so far. Highlights included feeding Squirrels monkey nuts in Regents Park. Walking along Regents canal beside London Zoo watching Hyenas pacing up and down with frustration because they knew that there neighbour is a huge Wild Boar that they would “just like to be friends with”. Getting lost on Hampstead Heath while trying to find Kenwood House (very disappointed at the increased cost of food, drink and ice cream while portions have decreased in size). Visiting the Keats House and spotting a Cat I have seen a number of times which I call Keats. Being buzzed by a huge Bumble Bee, and buying a designer bag in a charity shop.
“Buzzed by a Bee and Keats the Cat”.
If only everyday was as relaxing and enjoyable. The next time I am stressed or totally fed up sitting in the office talking to people who won’t listen I really need to remember how relaxing the simple pleasure of feeding a Squirrel is.
“He really loved my nuts, time after time.
And Now For Something Completely Different……
Every now and then I like to hypothetically knock over the table in a hypothetical casino and throw hypothetical poker chips into the air (what am I talking about I’ve set foot in a casino, I need to stop watching films). There is something so deliciously naughty about taking food and /or drink (which of course was purchased legally) from one establishment into another and not to getting caught or thrown out.
“Hyenas and the canal”.
I have a history of this kind of recklessness. A couple of occasions that spring to mind include. On a trip to Edinburgh my best friend and I dared to sneak “Burger King” onion rings into “McDonalds”, we knew how to live life on the edge during that trip. One hot summer in the capital the same friend (do you see a pattern) and I walked around “The Royal Festival Hall” looking at art while holding paper coffee cups that contained wine. This might be why we found everything so funny, while others stood stroking their chins whispering about how brave the artist has been.
“Such a lovely day beside the canal”.
Talking to another friend this week it seems I am not the only one who likes to live a risky life. She mentioned that when visiting the cinema she enjoys a flask of hot tea. The image of steam rising up in front of Tom Cruise as he knocks seven shades out of the baddie in yet another impossible mission (see what I did there) makes me smile. I’ve drunk most liquids while in a large dark room enjoying the escapism of a big screen but it’s never crossed my mind to take a flask of tea.
“See i really do live life on the edge”.
This week I enjoyed eating an M&S bagel and cookie in Cafe Nero while sipping from my Starbucks recyclable mug. A couple of times I thought I had been rumbled because a baristas walked past a number times for no apparent reason. Don’t worry I didn’t make eye contact and continued to laugh and nod as my friends spoke. The stress during occasions like this make life worth living, woo hoo I really know how to live an exciting life. Some people get their kicks from smoking ”da herb” at work or shoplifting the latest edition of The “Radio Times”. I get thrills from trying not to get thrown out of an establishment with food or drink from another.
“Who’s lardy arse pushed this over”.
And There’s More……
In two weeks this blog will be 200 weeks old, i have been thinking of ways that this shiz could be freshened up.
“Beer is better than real life anytime”.
One idea which I think has legs is BLOG ON THE BOG. A very simple idea, every week I write the blog on a different loo. As well as the usual mix of “interesting” (that’s a laugh, if you have read this shiz over the last 197 weeks) stories, the blog would also describe the actual bog its history and surroundings giving a quality score out of 5. Of course a gold star rating of 5 would be tough only the best bog’s would receive that accolade. After a short time everyone will want the blog to be written from there smallest room.
“Seen at London Underground’s lost property office Baker Street”.
And as you would expect from a great blog, there would also be wonderfully stylish photos of the bog and its general environment including interesting graffiti. This idea could be a total reinvention, not just of my weekly ramble but blogging in general. Within weeks other blogs will be copy this amazing idea. This might be the greatest idea I have ever had, maybe my creative side will finally pay dividend. Sitting writing this (not on a bog) I can picture stickers which could be sent to follows “remember always flush” and “I’m a fan of the pan”. Here’s to another 200 weeks of shiz from me, you lucky people.
“Everything looks pretty in the sun”.
“Always nice to see another train enthusiast”.
Women heard on packed train. “When I hear the automated train announcement state we are approaching Barking. It makes me want to sing the work “Barking”.
Having a drink in a north London pub surrounded by beautiful posh people. I overheard a man asking friends where “Land’s End” was. He thought it was near “Dover” before deciding it was up north. This make me glad I’m not posh or beautiful.
“Writing this shiz”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX: 31/03/18). “Cunk On Britian”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 03/04/18). “Extra Gear”, (S3, ep 6, TX: 01/04/18). “Get Out”, (2017). “Have I Got News For You”, (S55, ep 1, TX: 06/04/18). “Kiss Me First”, (Trailer, TX: 12/03/18)(S1, ep 1). “Not Going Out”, (S9, ep 5). “Passengers”, (2016). “Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience”, (S8, ep 3, TX: 05/04/18). “Star Trek (VOY)”, (S2, ep 5 to 26)(S3, ep 1 to ep 4). “The Generation Game”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 01/04/18). “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU4C”, (S1, ep 5, TX: 03/04/18). “This Country”, (S2, ep 6). “Top Gear”, (S25, ep 6, TX: 01/04/18). “Travelman 48hrs in….”, (S6, ep 1, TX: 02/04/18). “Will & Grace”, (S9, ep 13).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Chasing Earhart”, (ep 36, 01/04/18). “Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted), (ep 111, 26/02/14). “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 22, 10/08/12). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (30/03, 02/04, 03/04, 04/04, 05/04/18). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 95, 31/03/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (31/03, 01/04, 06/04/18). “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (ep 85, 05/04/18, rerun of ep 33, 06/04/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 83, 03/04/18)(ep 84, 06/04/18). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 70, 31/03/18). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 49, 05/04/18). “Morrissey”, “Alvvay”, “Artic Monkey’s”, “Kate Bush”, “Florence And The Machine”, “Music of Jerry Goldsmith”, “Neil Diamond”, “Blur”, “Fleetwood Mac”.
Blog on the Bog sounds like a brilliant idea!
“Captain’s log, stardate…”
“And now, the sloppy bit!”
“Can you tell what it is yet?”
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Need those thin forensic type gloves for the blog. If I did it you would get the first sticker. Maybe you have a bog on the island that it could be written from. A sort of roadshow edition.
I could do the crossword – 7 across – ‘Constipated’ – 6 letters beginning with N.