Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & West London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 251 Saturday 6^th until Friday 12^thApril 2019.

The excrement over last week’s celebrations of the 250^th blog has passed. It’s time to look towards the future! At the start of the week I did a lot of thinking about this while listening to podcasts and watching boxsets because I was unwell. If you have been reading this shiz for a while you will know I have been back in the UK 3yrs, and no matter how hard I save or plan I can’t escape London! This week while at home, one idea that I have had for a while kept coming back to the front of my mind.

“This really is how i felt and looked earlier this week”.

Europe is constantly in the news at the moment in the UK (I won’t mention the dreaded “B” word here). So, the last place you would expect me to want to explore is the continent that I have lived in for most of my life, a place that so many people here want to leave (don’t worry I don’t judge, I’m a hippy at heart and love everyone). Looking at a map I have planned a route from London to the Mediterranean through France and Spain, so I can meet family in Ibiza for the planned holiday in July. The idea is to ravel as cheaply as possible, hitchhike, even walk! Written down and reading this back, the idea is mad! I am 50 and out of shape!

 “Its been chilly, but spring is coming”.

This is not a new idea, but while sitting at home feeling sorry for myself I realised that I must get off my lardy arse and do something. Don’t misunderstand me. I really appreciate how lucky I am to have been born in the UK, especially when I think of all the people who are desperate to live here and have the same opportunities. But for me, I really need to travel, and get away. Considering that travel in Europe (at the moment for UK residents) is simple, I shamefully have only been to a couple of capital cities. I am no expert in what is going on politically, but with possible future restrictions about travelling around the EU freely, I feel the need to explore now!

“A real American celebrity tweeted me”.

I am saving, but I can’t raise enough to get back to Africa, so Europe is the next logical location. Don’t worry you will be kept informed as to what happens. Maybe this is the ingredient that this shameful ramble I call a blog needs to make it interesting. Also, as I mentioned before this was originally started so that my nephews and niece might one day read about their mad aunties adventures. This possible future trip would be a lot more interesting to read than another bloody boring story about travelling on the tube (damn nearly got away without mentioning the “T” for a week. Bugger!)
By the way, I’m feeling better. If you were concerned!

“Early afternoon, while at home ill. I had a little drinky to help feel better”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

“Hamster picture of the Week”.

I am always late to the tech party. For example, I am the women that didn’t have a CD player until the early 90s! And bought her first computer in 2001! Therefore, you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that it’s only now that I have a smart speaker (I won’t name the brand, they don’t need the publicity). Why would I need one? That has been my attitude because I have other electronic devices. After unboxing my own this week and using it I realise that I had been living life as a Luddite.

“Little treats at work, help me through the day”.

So far all I have done is ask questions, that I know the answers too! And play obscure music such as “Nena, 99 Red Balloons” from 1984. Every time I asked for the track, my friend who has far better taste would veto the decision. Once I had the room to myself, I requested the song (am I the only person who remembers watching “Top of the Pops” and being transfixed by her under arm hair. Yes just me, then!). This all ended when the song suddenly changed to a male voice crooning a Ballard. All I could do was rush into the hallway to tell my friend that I had been hacked! I stopped in my tracks as there she was in the dark illuminated by her phone grinning like a supervillain. The hacker had been found! The main question that still needs answering, why pick “Engelbart Humperdinck”? Since that incident I have played a lot dodgy indie and (whispering) “Nena” in English and the original German (99 Luftballons) several times! But only when I am on my own, it’s her house and I don’t want to be thrown out. That’s not something that this small amazing piece of tech could help with, or could it?

“Someone call U.N.I.T the Autons are back”.

And Finally……
Spoke to a nice man with the same name as a very famous BBC weather man (while growing up). I was tempted to ask if friends blamed him for the 1987 hurricane. I didn’t!

“Saw this beauty again this week”.

And now for Grannies list of entertainment over the last week, badly written on the back of a used betting slip (you need to read last weeks to understand this).

“Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:
“ALL Doctor Who Titles Sequences (Updated), (Youtube). “Being Human”, (S3, ep 1 to ep 5). “Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 9). “Click”, (TX: 06/04/19). “Don’t Forget The Driver”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6). “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 6). “IZombie”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 19)(S3, ep 1). “Hanna”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8). “Happy!”, (S2, ep 3). “Have I Got News For You”, (S57, ep 1, TX: 05/04/19)(ep 2, 11/04/19). “In The Dark”, (S1, ep 1). “Killing Eve”, (S2, ep 1). “Rainman”, (1988). “Rick And Morty”, (S2, ep 5 to ep 7). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 13). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S25, ep 1, TX: 05/04/19). “The Murder Of Jill Dando”, (TX: 02/04/19). “The Secret Garden Presents: The Champ”, (2018) & “The Internet”, (2018). “The Sky At Night Guides: 3 The Stars”, (TX: 10/04/19). “The Unexplainers”, (S1, ep 3).

This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Clinton Baptiste Paranormal Podcast”, (S2, ep 2, 07/04/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 11, 08/04/19). “Griefcast”, (ep 75,10/04/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (08/04, 09/04, 10/04/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (08/04, 09/04, 10/04/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (11/04/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (06/04, 11/04/19). “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (10/04/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 87, 11/04/19). “Rule Of Three”, (04/10/18, 15/11/18, 21/03/19, 28/03/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 136, 05/04/19)(ep 137, 12/04/19). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (1204/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (12/04/19). “Morrissey”, “Voice Of The Beehive”, “Belinda Carlisle”, “P.M Dawn”, “Tears Fof Fears”, “Pet Shop Boys”, “Erasure”, “James Blunt”, “Blur”, “The Cranberries”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, R.E.M”, “Black Lace”, “Right Said Fred”, “Ian Dury And The Blockheads”, “Frank Sidebottom”, Nena”, “Engelbert Humperdinck”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 250 Saturday 30^th March until Friday 5^thApril 2019.

Two Hundred and Fifty weeks ago I started this shiz!  Originally the main purpose was that in the future my nephews and niece would read about their mad auntie’s adventures in Tofo Mozambique.  However, for the last three years it’s more a ramble about life stuck in London!  I see this as a weekly time capsule!  Every 50 weeks (or so) I like to make an effort.  This week is your behind the scenes look at how this NON-award-winning blog that struggles weekly for views is created.

 “My fave kind of cinema, is an empty one”.

The process starts on a Saturday morning in the writer’s room in South London above a chippy (which is closed regularly by the local council health and safety department).  The hopeful writers meet to pitch ideas for the following Friday.  The overall editor listens and reject each idea by belittling everyone in turn, pointing out why their story wouldn’t even appear in a free local newspaper which ends up as cat litter liner.  After the meeting it’s normal to see a once confident writer crossing the road aimlessly or standing on the edge of the roof only to have to be persuaded down by the emergency services.  The editor usually asks the writers they like or are currently sleeping with to submit a first draft.

 “Hamster picture of the week”.

This is when the art department get involved.  The art editor is sent the story ideas, from this they decided which pictures will be needed for each section.  Photographers who are quick, don’t ask questions, and more importantly don’t snore ruining the art editors sleep will be asked to work on the project!

 “A good film after Brekkie.  Anoodle is being taught well”. 

Over the years the art team has gathered a small, reliable stable of out of work actors that appear as regular characters.  Casting calls are made finding who is available.  Of course, a weekly blog is always looking for fresh faces; it’s not uncommon for a scout to return with a black eye because they approached a stranger asking if they have “ever modelled”.  The regular locations are checked to see if they can be used.  While other properties are spied on to see if they might be suitable.  The team have become very stealthy in evading CCTV, security patrols, dogs and other methods of keeping strangers out!  On the day of the photo session the talent arrives early as everything must be done quickly, make up and wardrobe are usually completed in the back of a windowless van illegally parked.  In fact, one wall of the editor’s office has years’ worth of parking tickets and summons pinned up with pride!  Talking of money how does a blog like this fund itself?  It’s very simple!  All companies shown in the pictures pay in used non-concentric numbered notes in a variety of currencies.  This is collected by a team of very “helpful” ex-bouncers who are extremely good at convincing people to pay!  Without leaving a mess!

 “No wonder my mum says to grow up!”.

By Tuesday the editor will have drafts of the ” A story”, “B storyline” and the “And Finally” sections.  The editor during the day will cross everything out with a child’s red crayon, before throwing the tatty pieces of paper back at the writers.  The pictures arrive on Wednesday, this is when both editors meet and lock horns, which usually ends in an argument as they continually remind each other of past glories when they worked for national newspapers and broadcasters.  How have their lives lead to this, a pointless blog!

 “Evening all”.

Thursday nothing happens except for an excess of headache pills and pushing the writers on to their side of the bed!  Because the boss is away, this allows others to apply for paid work or report the chippy downstairs for continual health and safety violations.  Friday is when everything falls into place.  Due to the editor not liking anything written during the week, they are locked in their office (the bolt is on the outside) to spend the day writing.  This is why the pictures rarely match the text!  Finally, the TV, Film, Radio and Podcast lists arrive written on the back of a used betting slip compiled by editor’s grandmother (it gives her something to do between races).  At 10pm everything is ready on a flash drive and handed to a young man known as “Bob” who sits in a well-known coffee shop using the free Wi-Fi to publish the blog for the world to read.

 “Peter Rabbit 2, crew filming at Richmond station.  I wish i could have given someone a script of mine”.

Or, is the reality a lot more boring!  Maybe it is just a large lardy, old slightly bitter, lonely hag bashing away at the keyboard with her sausage fingers.  Hoping that someone somewhere will read this!  And more importantly her nephews and niece will one day understand why this! Or that happened!

 “A nice view each morning and evening”.

Thank you for reading this 250th blog.  If you like it please share, and spread the word.  If you don’t then the smiley group of ex-bouncers will be sent round.  Don’t worry they won’t make a mess!

 “The 1980s all over again”.

And Finally……      

On 1st April I spoke to a lady just after midday.  I joked to her that if she had rung a few minutes earlier I could have claimed that the problem had been an “April Fool”!  Luckily, she found this funny.

 “Trying to write this shiz, but distracted as usual”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“14 minutes From Earth”, (2016).  “Being Human”, (S2, ep 5 to ep 8).  “Blue Planet Live”, (S1, ep 4, TX:31/03/19).  “Click”, (TX: 30/03/19).  “Dead Pixels”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 5).  “Focus: How Sesame Street Charmed The World”, (TX: 05/02/19).  “Focus: Mongolia: A Toxic Warning To The World”, (TX: 26/04/19).  “IZombie”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 13).  “Happy!”, (S2, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation”, (2018).  “Santa Clarita Diet”, (S1, ep 4 to ep 10)(S2, ep 1 to ep 10)(S3, ep 1 to ep 10).  “Space Between Us”, (2017).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 12).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 5, TX: 02/04/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 10, TX: 29/03/19).  “The Limehouse Golem”, (2016).  “The Unexplainers”, (S1, ep 2).  “The Walking Dead”, (S9, ep 16).  “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 6).  “Us”, (2019).       

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti-Social Show”, (ep 71, 23/03/19).  “Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 11, 03/04 & ep 12, 05/04/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 10, 02/04/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 74, 03/04/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (29/03, 01/04, 02/04, 03/04, 04/04/19).  “How To Burn A Million Quid”, (S1, ep 6, 21/01/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (30/03, 05/04/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 86, 05/04/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (04/04/19).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 135, 29/03/19).  “Strange Times”, (ep 297 & ep 298, 30/03/19).  “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (01/04/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (05/04/19).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 76, 04/04/19).  “The Skewer”, (BBC Radio 4)(04/04/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Prefab Sprout”,  “Depeche Mode”,  “The Cure”,  “Frank and Nancy Sinatra”,  “The Cranberries”,  “Manic Street Preachers”,  “Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds”,  “James Blunt”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in Northamptonshire, East & West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 249 Saturday 23^rd until Friday 29^th March 2019.

First a trailer for next week….
Next week is the 250th of this ramble. Have you ever wondered how this shiz is written? (And I don’t mean by imagining a lardy meat sack jabbing away at the keyboard with her sausage fingers). Next week is a special edition as you, yes you can go behind the scenes to see how this NON-award-winning blog which struggles weekly for views is put together. Tell all your friends, as next week everyone has a VIP golden ticket to see how this shiz is created.
That excrement is for next week!

“Which one is the little monster”.

Continue reading for this week’s drivel.

“Relaxing in the sticks”.

Last weekend I relaxed and recharged my batteries in the countryside at my mum and sisters house. However, all the positive energy drained away as soon as I arrived at Euston station, when I discovered that my plastic top up Oyster card was missing. Everything in my bag got pulled out for all the passing well organised passengers to see as they alighted. All the usual rubbish was there, but the small plastic card I really needed couldn’t be seen. The last time it was used was the previous Friday at the very same station, so it could be anywhere. Even as I write this there is a little part of me hoping that it will be found at mums under the sofa or in a corner of the living room playing the greatest game of hide and seek ever. Be careful people! Those plastic wallets are crafty, keep an eye on them!

“One day i’ll take a trip on the canal”.

Over the last few years there has been a lot in the news about how tube station ticket offices are closing, because you can buy tickets from an army of machines. This has resulted in more staff at the ticket gates or on platforms. Whatever the pros and cons of this decision, it is not for me to say. One thing I do now know, is how difficult it is to buy a new Oyster card in the centre of town early evening on a Sunday. Walking around I discovered that at Euston, St Pancras (the travel centre was closed) and Kings Cross there doesn’t appear to be a facility to buy a new Oyster card. I even tried good old reliable W.H Smiths in each of the stations and was told with a smile that they didn’t sell them. When I don’t want a newsagent, they seem to be on every street corner. Try finding one when you really need it! Maybe the newsagents are in league with the plastic wallets and are taking part in the game of hide and seek. An hour after arriving back in the big smoke I found somewhere to buy a new pass, i was finally on the last leg home.

“Can you smell the countryside”.

This got me thinking. As a Londoner if I i had this much trouble buying a pass what must it be like for a visitor! No wonder they have put extra staff on the ticket gates if they are constantly telling people that they need to go back up to street level to buy one. Local stations that still have an office which used to sell tickets might issue them, I don’t know! The first problem would be getting the persons attention through the extra thick slightly tinted glass. After that, they would need to be persuaded to put down there phone as they like pictures of friend’s meals and laugh at videos of babies or old people falling over. In May, I have a Canadian friend visiting the capital. I think I’ll get her Oyster card in advance so that she doesn’t have the problems I had. This is her first visit to London; I don’t want to put her off straight away.

“Trifle and pub grub”.

What happened to the pass at the time of writing is still a mystery. For once in my life I can say that I didn’t do anything stupid with the wallet. If it’s not playing hide and seek, then maybe it fell through a rip in the space/time continuum at mums, she does live in the sticks after all! If this is the case I hope it found a nicer reality with other plastic travel pass holders. It can’t be fun being stuffed in to a sweaty pocket or a packed dark bag.

“Saw this beauty and fell in love”.

And Finally……

“Sprung is coming”.

I asked a colleague if he “wanted to see my hamster”. After a slight pause I hurriedly handed him my phone, so he could see how cute the adopted hamster was. I only did this as he mentioned a hamster and thought he might be interested. He wasn’t!

“Cute Hammy pic of the week”.

One morning this week a man and his pug sat next to me on the tube. The musty breath and slight vibrating purring I think we’re coming from the pug. These days I have learned never assume.

“Writing this shiz, with a horny pony”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:
“Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare”, (S2, ep 6, TX: 24/11/11). “Being Human”, (S1, ep 5 & ep 6)(S2, ep 1 to ep 4). “Blue Planet Live”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 27/03/19)(ep 3, TX: 28/03/19). “Click”, (TX: 23/03/19). “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 4). “Into The Badlands”, (S1, ep 1). “Love Death & Robots”, (S1, ep 6). “Outnumbered”, (S3, ep 4 to ep 6)(S4, ep 1 to ep 6)(Crimbum Special 2011)(Crimbum Special 2012)(S5, ep 1 to ep 6)(Crimbum Special 2016). “Rick And Morty”, (S1, ep 7 to ep 11)(S2, ep 1 to ep 4). “Road To Brexit”, (TX: 26/03/19). “Santa Clarita Diet”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 11). “The Grand Tour”, (S3, ep 1 to ep 3). “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 4, TX: 26/03/19). “The OA”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 8). “The Unexplainers”, (S1, ep 1). “The Walking Dead”, (S9, ep 15). “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 5). “Top Gear: India Special”, (TX: 28/12/11).

This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 9, 27/03 & ep 10, 29/03/19). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 54, 28/03/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 9, 26/03/19). “Griefcast”, (ep 73, 27/03/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (19/03, 20/03, 12/03, 22/03, 25/03/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (19/03, 20/03, 21/03, 22/03, 25/03, 26/03, 27/03, 28/03/19). “How To Burn A Million Quid”, (S1, ep 3 to ep 5, 21/01/19). “LBC Podcast; Mystery Hour”, (28/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (23/03, 29/03/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 84, 22/03/19)(ep 85, 29/03/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 134, 22/03/19). “Strange Times”, (ep 296, 09/03/19). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (24/03/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (29/03/19). “Treasure Quest”, (BBC Three Counties/Northampton)(TX: 23/03/19). “Morrissey”, “ELO”, “Skunk Anansie”, “Elastica”, “The Cranberries”, “Run-D.M.C & Aerosmith”, “Shed Seven”, “Minnie Riperton”, “Nina Simone”, “Aqualung”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North East & West London, Surrey and Northamptonshire (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 248 Saturday 16^th until Friday 22^nd March 2019.

I read somewhere that we live our lives to an internal rhythm.  Monday to Friday the natural rhythm I follow make’s this large meat sack of a body presentable to the world.  Normally the first thing I hear when I become conscious is the radio (I sleep with an ear bud shoved into the side of my head).  Then the natural rhythm, routine automatically starts.  I could probably do everything blindfolded guided by this rhythm, including picking clothes that fit and suit me better than I do currently with my eyes open!

 “Its hard work, Ariel Yoga”.

Earlier this week I woke up, the rhythm commenced, everything was normal.  At the train station a tube arrived straight away with seats available, which rarely happens!  Once settled after a couple of stations I accidentally touched the tablet screen which revealed the time.  If this had been a cartoon my eyes would have bulged, shot out of my head dangling on the ends of their optic nerves in a panic.  The time was 7.00 am!  It should have said 8.00 am!  I looked at my phone; my electronic devices appeared to be ganging up on me.  The clocks don’t change for a couple of weeks I thought!  I was confused!  My internal DJ suddenly changed the speed of the rhythm inside my mind speeding it up far too fast.

“You looking at me?”…

If anyone had looked up from what they were doing they would have observed a lardy woman wearing mismatched clothes looking very worried.  At the time I woke up I could have sworn that my phone read the time expected, in fact it was a couple of minutes before the annoying alarm was due to sound.  The station clock notified me that I was bang on time, or so I thought!  It was only then I suddenly remembered hearing in my ear just before I fell unconscious the night before, that the radio show I normally wake up to was to start at 6.00 am! A hour earlier than normal.  I felt robbed of those precious 3600 precious seconds that I could have spent in bed.  Once I arrived at my location I headed straight to the coffee shop and slumped in a corner attempting to focus on the tablet.  In fact, I was almost late for work due to relaxing for longer than normal.  Maybe my young nephews and niece need to tech me how to read a bloody clock.  The DJ in my mind has returned to playing the rhythm i lead my life to at the correct speed.  Everything is back to normal, whatever normal is!

 “Let us prey!”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 “Always space for a moon shot”.

Last Friday evening it was Comic Relief, a charity I have supported since it started in 1985.  Over the years I have bought comedy records (such as the first single Living Doll by “The Young Ones and Cliff”) mugs, t-shirts, bags and of course red noses.  Hiding amongst my storage is a box of noses going all the way back to the when they were simple molded plastic which pinched the skin when worn.  Over the years they have become larger and more elaborate (I have a gold one which I collected from Radio One’s reception, for a small donation).

 “Comic Relief 2019 nose collection”.

The last couple of years the noses have been made of foam and bought in a small box.  This year there were 9 to collect!  With an additional 2, a rare (1 in 840 chances) and ultra-rare (1 in 8400 chance) ones to find.  The day after the TV extravaganza when they announced that the total raised was £63,548,668.  I was in a supermarket and saw boxes of unsold noses and wondered what happens to them.  Are they recycled (do they biodegrade?) or is there an army of volunteers open them to find the special ones.  My friend who I live must be pleased I don’t have any spare cash; she really wouldn’t want to come home and find her living room full of empty boxes and a mountain of foam noses as I try to find a special one (which probably wouldn’t be worth much in the future. Like the rest of my storage!).  But that mountain would raise a lot for charity.

 “Boxes of unsold red schnozzles.  I wonder if a rare one was just waiting to be purchased”.

Talking of rising money, years ago people sat in a bath of beans.  I would update this by being sponsored to sit in a bath of “Curry Pot Noodles”!  What a tasty way to raise money for a good course.  If anyone wants to sponsor me, please send your donations to…

 “I’m going to be displaying this in the Tate later this year”.

danascomicrelieffundraiserwhichisreallyherholidayfund/donttellany1.coke.ucake.

And Finally……      

Spoke to a Mrs Mccluskey, who I wanted to ask if she had a lot of children as her about Grange Hill in the late 70s, early 80s.

 “Cute Hamster picture pose of the week”.

I witnessed a Women sit on a tube seat that had a single cashew nut resting on the material.  It’s not funny but made me smile!

 “Sunday later afternoon/early evening in North East London”.

And

While travelling to mum’s.  Spoke to Martin a train driver about trains and Star Trek.

 “Thanks Helen for the cuppa, while writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“After Life”, (S1, ep 5 to ep 6).  “Being Human”, (S1, ep 3 & ep 4).  “Click”, (TX: 16/03/19).  “Cuckoo”, (S4, ep 3 & ep 6)(S5, ep 1 to ep 7).  “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 5, TX: 01/05/18).  “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 3).  “Inside The Factory”, (S4, ep 9, TX: 19/03/19).  “Love Death & Robots”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 3).  “Outnumbered”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6)(S2, ep 1 to ep 7)(Crimbum 2009)(S3, ep 1 to ep 3).  “Rick And Morty”, (S1, Pilot, ep 2 to ep 6).  “Solo: A Star Wars Story”, (2018).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 10).  “Storyville: The Internet’s Dirtiest Secrets: The Cleaners”, (TX: 19/03/19).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 3, TX: 19/03/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 8, TX: 15/03/19)(ep 9, TX: 22/03/19).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 11).  “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, (2015).  “The Skeleton Of The Mary Rose: The New Evidence”, (TX: 17/03/19).  “The Walking Dead”, (S9, ep 14).  “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 4).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 5, TX: 17/03/19).   

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 7, 20/03 & ep 8, 22/03/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 8, 19/03/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 72, 20/03/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (13/03, 19/03/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (13/03, 14/03, 15/03, 16/03, 18/03/19).  “In Poor Taste”, (ep 105,19/03/19).  “How To Burn A Million Quid”, (Preview, 16/01/19)(S1, ep 1 & ep 2, 21/01/19).  “LBC Podcast; Mystery Hour”, (14/03, 21/03/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (16/03, 22/03/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (08/11/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 295, 08/03/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (22/03/19).  “Morrissey”,  “The Devine Comedy”,  “My Life Story”,  “Echobelly”,  “Skunk Anansie”,  “MacAlmont & Butler”,  “Midnight Oil”,  “Christine And The Queens”,  “Smiths”,  “Kula Shaker”, “Moby”,  “The KLF”,  “R.E.M”,  “The B52’s”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West and Central London, Hertfordshire (Watford) & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 247 Saturday 9^th until Friday 15^th March 2019.

 Happy 4th bday this week to the little lion boy.

Three years ago this week I returned from Mozambique, convinced I would return that summer or at least by the start of winter.  But here I am in London working in a call centre! Personally, I feel trapped and worry that I will never escape!  The date of leaving has continually been pushed back, family and close friends must be fed up with me going on and on about how I will return to that beautiful paradise beside the Indian ocean.

 “Going home, the sky looked pretty”.

I have been saving, but everyday life continually gets in the way, paying bills, exonerate travel prices which never go down!  Short periods of unemployed of course didn’t help. When I do spend a few pounds on myself, I feel guilty because every penny spent pushes the leave date back further.  The need for more money has made me consider other forms of employment such as, working in porn, becoming a sex worker or dealing drugs!  The problem is I have no qualifications in any of those fields, and I am pretty sure (though I have not checked) that the local adult college won’t offer courses in those subjects.  Surely anything is better than a call centre!

 “Doing my bit for Comic Relief”.

Not a week goes by without me thinking of Tofo.  Liquid Dive Adventures and my friends that work there!  The lovely Jenny and her amazing cheesecakes!  Thomas who sells mobile phone airtime and drives the local taxi!  Walking through the market carrying a hot plate of Matapa!  Beautiful beaches!  Power and water cuts!  Waving my mozzie zapper around!  Diving in the Indian Ocean!  Jelly fish blooms in November!  Humpbacks and calves breaching the waves!  Launching the boat in a rough sea!  And of course lots of smiling locals!  Rereading this makes me feel hopeless and tearful.

 “Croc’s never look good.  What was this person thinking of”.

When I was in Tofo I lived a basic, but happier life.  Internet and the ability to download shiz is important, but otherwise I am happier without all the trappings that I take for granted in London every day.  My heart is in Tofo, but if I can’t get back there maybe there is another location I can go.  Unfortunately, due to a certain UK referendum in 2016 any ideas of going to live in Europe appear to be scuppered.  I don’t want this to sound like a tail of woo, I am trying to remain positive and when needed I think about Mozambique and all the wonderful things, people and places I saw.  And hopefully I will see them again with my own eyes one day.

 “Cute Hamster pic of the Week”.

Even I am getting fed up of my moaning and wish I would shut up.  Dear family and close friends (they know who they are) please accept this as a public apology for the last three years of constantly repeating myself like a broken record!

 “Cute graffiti on the Tube”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 “The little lion boy, has got  little older”.

One of my earliest memories is using mums Tupperware and my tricycle as a drum kit when I was probably 3 or 4.  I mention this as last weekend my youngest nephews became four.  In years to come I hope he remembers how his old lardy aunty ran around the house hiding with him from “very bad people”.  Playing with his airport made of small plastic bricks and pretending to ring the baggage handlers about the small orange plastic brick suitcase he was obsessed it!

 “A two cake family”.

I would also remind him how in the space of ten minutes he said that aunty MOZ (a couple of hours before he was hugging her asking if there were more prezzies) and then his brother had ruined everything!  They hadn’t of course!  And how he took the cake he was eating out of his mouth and tried to put it back on the plate with the rest of the cake.  There is a certain logic there that I understand!

 “Now you see me!”.

I will always remember that day because a one hour car journey took over three and half hours.  A combination of high winds closing roads (especially the QEII bridge) and a number of accidents which meant we travelled at a snail’s pace.  MOZ will remember the journey because every time the wind side swiped the car, I let out a scared Yelp.  It really was a day to remember for many reasons.

 “Now you dont!”.

And Finally……

 “A huge queue, not a problem for someone on the guest list”.

I received an invite to the recording of a BBC radio show with Ruby Wax at the Museum of comedy, only to find I was on the guest list.  It was really interesting listening to Ruby who was sat a couple of metres away (I was in the front row) speaking very personally about her own mental health history.  Her studies about the Brain, the books that she has written and setting up of Frazzled Cafes (I have been attending the Stratford one since last September. For further info go to frazzledcafe.org it helps me).

 “Picture Ruby in that seat, that’s how close she was”.

Highlight was meeting Ruby at the end, having a chat and getting a hug.

 “Meeting a comedy legend”.

During the show above my head was the Spitting Image puppet of comedy legend Frankie Howard. I was impressed, even if you’re not.

 “A latex comedy legend above my head”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

 “Writing this shiz”.

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“6 Below: Miracle On The Mountain”, (2017).  “After Life”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Being Human”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Click”, (TX: 09/03/19).  “Cuckoo”, (S4, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 4, TX: x24/04/18).  “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 2).  “James May’s Big Trouble in Model Britain”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 13/03/19).  “Rouge One: A Star Wars Story”, (2016).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 9).  “The Commuter”, (2018).  “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 2, TX: 12/03/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 7, TX: 08/03/19).  “The Limit: Trickest Tunnel”, (TX: 28/11/1995).  “The Walking Dead”, (S8, ep 9 & ep 16)(S9, ep 1 to ep 13).  “The Umbrella Academy”, (S1, ep 7 & ep 10).  “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 3).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 4, TX: 10/03/19).  “Tuesday Documentary: The Bomb Disposal Man”, (TX: 29/10/1974).  “Unsane”, (2018). 

This week I saw live:

“Ruby Wax: Frazzled Radio (BBC Radio)”, (Recorded at the Museum of Comedy London).

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti-Social Show (Pod and Videocast)”, (ep 70, 09/03/19).  “Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 5, 03/03 & ep 6, 15/03/19).  “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 53, 13/03/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 7, 12/03/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 71, 13/03/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (07/03, 08/03, 11/03, 12/03/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Highlights)”, (10/03, 11/03, 12/03, 13/03, 14/03/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/03, 15/03/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 82, 08/03 & ep 83, 15/03/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (03/05/18 & 14/03/19).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 132, 08/03 & ep 133, 15/03/19).  “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (10/03 & 15/03/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (15/03/19).  “Morrissey”,  “ABBA”,   “Terry Blair & Anouchka”, “The Lightening Seeds”, “Frazier Chorus”,  “The Beautiful South”, “Beatles”, “Cocteau Twins”, “First Aid Kit”, “The Cranberries”, “The Verve”, “Hairspray (Original Musical Cast 2002)”, “Coldplay”, “Men At Work”, “Mental As Anything”, “Vanessa Paradis”, “Bananarama & Fun Boy Three”, “Lana Del Ray”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West & Central London, West Sussex and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 246 Saturday 2^th until Friday 8^th March 2019.

Picture the scene. You have had a long day working in a call centre. Travelling home all you want to do is watch dead people being killed in imaginative ways that the writers of the hit American TV series “The Walking Dead” have thought up. But there’s a problem! The empty seat next to you suddenly becomes occupied by a very small child. A wriggling little girl who keeps kicking your leg and occasionally standing up to shout at mum a few seats away. When the hobbit sized person is seated (still kicking you) they are trying to see what is on your tablets screen.

“Tea and pretty food in Central London”.

The above scenario happened this week. On the way home all I wanted to do was veg out on fantasy violence, when the child appeared. Sometimes if I am in a strange mood watching something particularly gory and can see in the reflection of the screen that the person next to me is looking. I will deliberately angle the screen so that they can view hoping that they might be horrified and look away. Deep down I think I get a kick out of the possibility of shocking. But I don’t want to upset a child, I am not that twisted, honest!

“Yes the bread was green. Marvin the French waiter was a little embarrassed by the colour.

If the kid had seen something and it had upset her, who would have been responsible? Would it have been me, after all I’m the one watching the programme. Or would it have been the parent who spent the journey on her phone speaking very loudly so the whole carriage could hear her private tale of woo! Only shouting to the child to stop doing something they were already in the middle of, which of course they ignored. Personally, I think that the parent should have had the girl on their knee and conducted their phone call once there off the train, but who am I to tell someone else what to do. Of course, I would have felt terrible if the child had become upset at seeing something that they shouldn’t on my tablet. But it would not have been my fault. The way society is going there will come a day when in circumstances such as the above, a person would have to change what there watching so that it doesn’t offend! Everyone better download progs suitable for all ages.

“Training the next generation of Bowling stars”.

Happily, the girl didn’t see the dead getting axed or shot in the head. At my station it was difficult to get off because I had to climb over a mountain of bags while the mother continued with her telephone call. The look she gave me as I passed screamed “can’t you see I’m on the phone, why should I help you and move a bag”. Of course, I didn’t say anything, why bother when i can moan here to you. Unless you disagree with me, then let me know at,

“Beaten both games by a 7 yr old”.

Itsagoodthingyoudonthaveachildwatchingdisgustingdisturbingviolencelikethat/youshouldbeashamedofyourselfyousicko.cola.UcaKe

“Grandma holding court”.

By the way the adopted Hamster enjoys watching The Walking Dead and never gets upset if a “walker” is axed or shot. And she is only 8 months old.

“Aries loving Rick and co defeat the walkers”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

Recently I constructed a metal flat pack cabinet and a complicated a Lego model, both had been started by others but never completed. Something I have always found easy is spatial thinking, the ability to visualise an object and move it around in my mind. Please don’t think I am trying to claim I have a talent, I am just a creative twat who loves to draw and is able to view things that way. I find it helps when constructing something, or it usually does!

“This was completed by 3, count them 3 adults”.

Last weekend my nephew got a toy which was a cheap knock off a well-known brand. It took three adults including myself to build this. At one point I was thinking of cheating with Sellotape to bodge the job until the clever Aunty MOZ worked something out. Credit must also go to Aunty Helen for all her help in the construction.

“Trying a new look. Grandma looks impressed”.

The question of the week is. How many adults does it take to build one child’s cheap plastic toy? Answers on a postcard taped around a gold brick with a slice of lemon stuck on the front. Please throw it through the living room window of Number 10 Downing St, London by 9am last Wednesday.
Thank you.

“I enjoyed being stuck in traffic looking at this beauty”.

And Finally……

“His and Hers fashions seen on the train this week”.

Monday morning the temp in London was below 10c. The spring “like” weather of the week before had ended. But I spotted several people wearing shorts on the tube.

It is my pleasure to announce the winner and the loser of the inaugural, “It’s not really shorts weather, but wear them to work anyway” awards.

First the loser. A very tall thin man with legs hairier than a Wookie. Not what I wanted to see before 8am!

And now the winner. A woman wearing what looked like little leather shorts. On her left thigh under her tights I could just make out a tattoo, which was either a multi-tiered cake or a chandelier. Of course, I didn’t spend the journey trying to see exactly what the tatt was!!
Congratulations to the Winner and commiseration to the loser.

“Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX: 02/03/19). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1. Ep 9). “Comic Relief: The Apprentice For Comic Relief 2019”, (ep 1, TX: 07/03/19)(ep 2, 08/03/19). “Cuckoo”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 7)(S3, ep 1 to ep 7). “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 17/04/18). “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 1). “Inside The Factory”, (S5, ep 5, TX: 25/02/19)(ep 6, TX: 05/03/19). “James May’s Big Trouble in Model Britain”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 06/03/19). “Laurel & Hardy, A Chump At Oxford”, (1940). “Laurel & Hardy, Another Fine Mess”, (1930). “Laurel & Hardy, From Soup To Nuts”, (1928). “Louis Theroux’s The Night In Question”, (TX: 04/03/19). “Only Fools And Horses”, (S7, ep 2 to ep 6). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 8). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S8, ep 14). “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 1, TX: 05/03/19). “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 6, TX: 01/03/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 10). “The Parkinson’s Drug Trial: A Miracle Cure?”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 28/02/18)(ep 2, TX: 07/03/19). “The Real Marigold On Tour: Mexico”, (S3, ep 4, TX: 06/03/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S8, ep 3 & ep 8). “The Umbrella Academy”, (S1, ep 5 & ep 6). “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 2). “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 3, TX: 03/03/19).

This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 3, 06/03/19)(ep 4, 08/03/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 6, 05/03/19). “Don’t Tell Anyone”, (ep 15, 18/02/19). “Griefcast”, (ep 70, 06/03/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (01/03, 07/03/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (01/03, 04/03, 05/03, 07/03/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 104, 03/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (07/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Highlights)”, (03/03, 04/03, 05/03, 06/03, 07/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (02/03, 08/03/19). “RHLSTP Special: The Goodies”, (06/03/19). “Rule Of Three”, (07/03/18). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 131, 01/03/19). “Strange Times”, (ep 294, 01/03/19). “The Aggy Fox And Dana Podcast”, (ep 7, 03/03/19). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (02/03/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (08/03/19). “Morrissey”, “Soft Cell”, “Sleeper”, “Pulp”, “The Verve”, “McAlmont & Butler”, “Simple Minds”, “Feeder”, “Oasis”, “Tiffany”, Sultans Of Ping FC”, “Baccara”, First Aid Kit”, The Prodigy”, “The Beautiful South”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 245 Saturday 23^rd February until Friday 1^st March 2019.

I love sleep; it’s one of my fave activities. Normally I try to be in bed by 10 or 11 so I can watch something before turning in.  Most people are completely knackered, every morning I see so many commuter’s snoozing on the train.  That’s not something I am comfortable doing because I really don’t want to wake up resting on the shoulder of the person next to me, and then wipe all my dribble off their clothes!  Plus, I am told (by my niece and nephews) that I snore badly!  Some mornings I can make a 20 minute TV comedy last 30 to 40 minutes, because I have to keep going over the same scene again and again due to sleep wanting to overcome me.

 “I wont ever argue again.  Ok, i snore”.

Last Sunday night the adopted hamster didn’t come out until late in the evening.  Before anyone sends me a postcard wrapped around a gold brick through the living room window, I realise that Hammy’s are nocturnal!  Most evenings she loves to run up and down my arms, sit in my palm and occasionally give me a “Hamster blessing” by pooing or weeing in my hand.  I am deffo her biatch!  When we adopted her, we were instructed that wouldn’t want contact.  Everything that we were told was wrong, she loves to be around us.

 “The little girl and me enjoying new Alan Partridge”.

Back to the story!  The little darling spent the evening asleep in a large tube which is situated in a big plastic storage crate with sawdust, toys and other things she can burrow and hide inside.  Only occasionally popping her face out to see if we had left any treats.  It was just past my bedtime typically that she wanted to play; if I went to sleep I would feel bad because she wouldn’t get as much contact as normal.  By the time my head did hit the pillow it was well after midnight.  When I set the alarm it enthusiastically informed me that it would wake me up in exactly 7hrs time.  That’s the same amount of time spent sat at my desk!  Regularly I hear and read about a healthy work/life balance, I definitely don’t have one.  There is no scientific basis to my next comment, but I am going to type it.  Why does a night’s sleep pass so quickly (this includes going to sleep early) and I still wake up feeling as just as knackered as I did before?  When a working day of usually 7hrs shackled to the desk passes so slowly. It really should be the other way around!

 “If she could talk, i think shes complaining about the noise being made in the living room.  She was trying to sleep”.

I realise that only a very small percentage of people enjoy what they do.  Only I can change my life, which I know is a constant theme regularly in this ramble.  The Hamster is a start and makes my life more relaxing.  Looking after and playing with this tiny creature really makes my heart gush with love and gives me a reason to continue.  However more importantly is a good night’s sleep, even I know this is essential for good mental health.  If I have to go to bed early resulting in the Hamster not getting as much play, I’ll make it up to her another evening.

 “It was a genuine error, the train was packed!.  I didn’t realise i had upgraded myself”.

‘The dark raincloud hanging over me is my lack of work/life balance.  When I think back 3yrs, I was happy in Tofo Mozambique, commuting to and from work walking on the beach, visiting the market for fresh fruit and of course diving in the Indian Ocean.  If I am ever going to return and feel good about myself I must make changes now.  Though I suspect the Hamster will have to stay, but I could Skype with her.  Seriously the things that need to be worked on and changed immediately are changing my job, travelling less to and from work and of course getting lots of sleep. Oh, and plenty of rodent love.

 “its been unseasonably warm recently”.

And Finally……

 “Saw this lovely old lady this week”.

In a major department store (Yes, there are a few still around) mooching round the electronic section.  A teenage girl and an older woman stopped and stood next to me.  I heard the girl say, “I really need a panini maker”.  The older women just walked away without saying anything, leaving the teenager to look at objects she desired but couldn’t afford. #firstworldproblems

 “Survived another week, just!”.

A little later.

Queuing up in another part of the same shop waiting to pay.  As a couple of women walked passed I heard one giggle to her friend “that’s the first time in a long while a young man has handled my knickers”.  They had just purchased new ones and the cashier was a young man.  I wonder what the man would have said if he had heard that comment.

 “Writing this shiz, while recording something for a podcast”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 23/02/19).  “Charmed (2019)”, (S1. Ep 7 & ep 8).  “Cuckoo”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 03/04/18)(ep 2, TX: 10/04/18).  “Jerk”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 6)(S6, ep 1 to 6)(S7, ep 1).  “Russian Doll”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S8, ep 7 to ep 13).  “The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway”, (S3, ep 2, TX: 20/02/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 5, TX: 22/02/19).  “The Real Marigold On Tour: Argentina”, (S3, ep 2, TX: 20/02/19).  “The Real Marigold On Tour: Vietnam”, (S3, ep 3, TX: 27/02/19).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 9).  “The Walking Dead”, (S7, ep 1 to ep 16)(S8, ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Umbrella Academy”, (S1, ep 3 & ep 4).  “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 25/02/19).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 2, TX: 24/02/19).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti Social Show”, (ep 69, 24/02/19).  “Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 1,27/02/19)(ep 2, 01/03/19).  “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 52, 25/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 5, 26/02/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 69, 28/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (28/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (22/02, 27/02, 28/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (28/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (23/02, 24/02, 01/03/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 81, 01/03/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (28/02/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 292, 22/02/19)(ep 293, 23/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (28/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Muse”,   “Manic Street Preachers”, “The Libertines”, “Biffy Clyro”,  “Smiths”, “The Stone Roses”, The Lighting Seeds”, “Simple Minds”, “The KLF”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North East, West, Central London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 244 Saturday 16^th until Friday 22^nd February 2019.

Happy 5th Bday to Jbomb this week.

I’m not the most sociable person, I don’t like crowds and if really honest not a big fan of actually going out. Don’t get me wrong, when I am somewhere I enjoy it. But throughout the event or evening there is an internal monologue, a countdown of how long until I can go home, get in to bed, watch or listen to something and have a snack. Generally, when I am out I feel as out of place as a goldfish in a recycled paper bag.

 “Jbomb, wasn’t very impressed with the Bday radishes”.

I am very used to travelling home after work on the tube at 7pm. Last weekend I travelled in the opposite direction at 7pm, not something I do often. Most people seemed to be in groups dressed up for a wild night in one of the most exciting cites in the world (Not a description I use. When I look around apart from more shops going out of business, an increased number of people sleeping rough and overflowing the bins on the streets, it’s an ok city!). I sat on my own watching my tablet, trying to blend in and not be noticed. Its occasions like this that I put on my cloak of invisibility (It cost me a fortune and took hours to find inside what appeared to be an empty box).

 “Wrapped up on the way home after being in town”.

London was full of what appeared to be beautiful people (it probably took them hours to look that good) drinking, smoking and throwing up. Everyone seemed to be having fun (even the pavement pizza makers) in their own way. Rushing through the crowds I wished I had the power to part them so that I could pass straight through, instead of constantly dodge others standing chatting or walking in a random direction shouting to a friend behind. Resulting in continually stepping into the road trying not to be clipped by annoying pedicab, buses or black cabs.

 “I always enjoy seeing the river Thames”.

The reason I was on my tod in the capital was to see Rosie Jones doing stand-up at the Soho Theatre. This was my second solo visit to the venue, the last time I arrived far too early and stood in a corner of the bar awkwardly hoping that no one would notice a hot and flushed trans women feeling very out of place and wanting to go home. I didn’t, Angelos and Barry were excellent. This time I left later risking train problems and even more people on the streets coming at me from every direction. Once I collected my ticket the awkward wait in the corner of the bar (again) was for a much shorter time, but I still felt very self-conscious and shy. It’s at this point i want to mention that while travelling on the tube i panicked and ate half a huge bag of Doritos. This was because I worried that theatre security would search my bag and not allow my after-show treat into the room that the show took place. Typical, there was no bag search.

 “Recording The Aggy Fox and Dana Podcast”.

Part of my fear is a result of being transgendered. In the late 80s early 90s there were many incidents, several still haunt me today. Luckily in these more enlightened times it’s rare for something nasty to happen. When it does it’s usually someone staring or deliberately misgendering me, but otherwise life is ok (even as a child I usually felt out of place and awkward). There is a part of me that wanted to be a social butterfly like the party people a couple of minutes from the theatre in Old Compton Street, but my wings were clipped a long time ago. My awkwardness pushed me into having a go at being a supporting artist and trying stand-up a couple of years ago. Both I would like to do again, because I can pretend to be someone else.

 “Enjoyable evening watching Rosie Jones, be very funny”.

Rosie Jones was very funny, a great show. What made the evening special is that she greeted each and every audience member personally with a hug, a laugh and the offer of a humbug from a bowl. Sitting in the dark laughing helped me relax because I can’t be seen. But of course, all eyes were on Rosie as she told funny and downright filthy stories. Don’t worry I will venture outside again soon. If you do see me, please ignore me so I can pretend my expensive invisibility cloak is working.

 “Lots of people having fun here”.

And Finally……

 “Oops, someone caught on CCTV in a fast food establishment”.

On way back from Ariel yoga, i unclasped the uncomfortable sports bra on the train. The puppies were off the lead! in public. Ok, maybe they look more like a couple of malnourished dwarf Hamsters, but I could breathe! There was something naughty about doing this while in public.

 “My view looking up, while laying in the Ariel Yoga sling”.

And

 “A nice room to hang around in”.

Heard women with blue hair say to a friend, I’m really a red head you know! I love redheads, I am many things and colour blind is not one of them. She was definitely blue on top! Unless, of course she wasn’t talking about hair on her head!!!

 “Writing this shiz speeding through Croydon”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I saw live:

“Rosie Jones: Fifteen Minutes”, (Soho Theatre, 16/02/19).

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 16/02/19).  “Garth Merenghi’s Darkplace”, (S1, ep 2).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S3, ep 4 to ep 8)(S4, ep 1 to 7).  “Our World: In The Shadow Of Chernobyl (BBC News)”, (TX: 16/02/19).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 6).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S7, ep 2 to ep 24)(S8, ep 1 to ep 6).  “The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 13/02/19).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 18, TX: 15/02/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 4, TX: 15/02/19).  “The Masked Singer”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 8).  “The Walking Dead”, (S6, ep 1 to ep 16).  “The Walking Dead: Robot Chicken Special”, (US TX: 08/10/17).  “The Umbrella Academy ”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 1, TX: 17/02/19).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (30/01/18, 06/03/18).  “Bex & Guest (inc Davien Dent)(Flex FM 101.4)”, (19/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 4, 19/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (15/02/19 x 2).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (15/02, 18/02, 19/02, 20/02. 21/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (16/02, 22/02/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 80, 22/02/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (17/05/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 129, 18/02/19)(ep 130, 22/02/19).  “Strange Times”, (ep 290 & ep 291, 19/02/19).  “The Aggy Fox And Dana Podcast”, (ep 6, 21/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (22/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Def Leppard”,   “Starship”, “Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds”, “Ash”,  “Massive Attack”,  “Sleeper”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 243 Saturday 9^th until Friday 15^th February 2019.

Every Friday I ring the agency that employs me to inform them of the hours worked that week. In my mind I like to think that the information is relayed to a large room full of accountants sat in rows noting down the hours of the employees into huge books with quills. The hours would then be transcribed on to individual cards with holes punched into them which are fed one card at a time into a giant computer that fills an entire room. This machine of course is powered rainbows and unicorns, as all computers are! Then magically the following week money appears in my bank account. As I stated earlier, this is how the process works in my sad excuse for a mind. Of course the reality is completely different, and so far it’s always worked perfectly. Until now!

“7.40am looked pretty and relaxing. Pitty the est of the day didnt go as well”.
Tuesday I got a call from the agency to say that my timesheet had not been authorised. At that very moment I was already stressed because London’s “wonderful” public transport system was stopping me from reaching work. In the end it took 3hrs to travel across the capital! Once at the office I explained the issue to my manager, who shortly after invited me into a small glass walled meeting room. This was an immediate concern because people tend to only get called into those rooms when they’re going to be hauled over hot coals. I was asked how I normally submit my hours, and why didn’t I report them on the computer using a specific spreadsheet. My answer was simple, “No one’s ever mentioned this system to me before!”

“London at night. These pics were only taken because of being tipped out of yet another tube train. But the view made things a little better”.
During the day, I got messages from the agency saying that the timesheet still needed to authorised and time was running out to be included in this week’s payroll. As well as emails from my manager saying that she was waiting to speak to another boss. I won’t lie, I wanted to pack up my bag and walk out. The river Thames is a couple of hundred metres away, there I could sit and watch Swans, Ducks and Pigeons as well as the occasional boat or canoe float past. Of course I sat at my desk and got on with the job. For the last 3 years I have rung my times in every week and never had a problem.

“Not all information is boring”.
I find everything about work tough. Getting up before sparrow fart daily! Sitting in an office that sucks the soul out of everyone who enters! Travelling on increasingly expensive transport network that you can never guarantee will actually get you to your final destination! Everything about work causes me stress and constant anxiety.

“One day i’ll leave the office and never return”.
Life should not be this tough (I realise compared to others, I have it easy. But it’s all relative). I suppose my existence is better than the nerdy accountant types I mentioned at the top of this ramble. At least I’m not shackled to my deck. Ok I am timed when I have a “Comfort Break”, just so you know I can rush to the loo and be back in about 2 & ½ mins. I am not sure what would happen if I had a bad tummy! When the allotted 5 mins has passed would the toilet with me sitting on it disappears behind a false wall. Would I then find myself flushed into the Thames with all the other shiz? At least then I would get to watch the birds and occasional boat or canoe pass by.

“Feeling really ill, hoping that the train will get me home”.
If you are struggling with any kind stress there are people out there who can help.
In the UK you could speak to,
Anxiety UK: 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri, 9.30 am to 5.30 pm)
MIND: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9.00 am to 6.00 pm)
Rethink Mental Illness: 0300 5000 9278 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am to 4.00 pm)
Samaritans: 116 123 (Free 24 hrs a day), email: jo@samaritans.org.
Outside of the UK, please search the internet for local help.
Remember, “You are not alone”.

“I thought this was pretty”.
And Finally……

“Such a pretty little girl”.
I love nuts; the adopted hamster loves them as well. After putting her back for the night I noticed a stray nut on the carpet. Yes I picked it up and popped it in my cavernous black hole of a gob; my friend sitting on the sofa looked back in horror.

“She’s in there somewhere”.
When we clean out the hamster’s cage, a handful of the nuts and food that she has nibbled or hidden in her bedding (yes she pees and poos in it) are kept and returned because they have her smell on them. The nut I picked up was one of them. Yes, I swallowed it! And can confirm there was a strange taste!

“The start of another mad day on planet Earth”.
And
I noticed a lady combing a false eyelash on her lap. At first I thought she was stroking a small dog (one of those yappy types that’s more rodent than canine). Once I saw what she was doing I couldn’t help but keep looking.

“Writing this Shiz. Yes the Hamster is mooching around in the background”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Better Things”, (S2, ep 6 to ep 9). “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 6). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 6). “Click”, (TX: 09/02/19). “David Bowie Finding Fame”, (TX: 09/02/19). “Diagnosis”, (2017). “Only Fools And Horses”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 8)(S3, ep 1 to 3). “Romesh Talking To Comedians”, (ep 5, TX: 20/07/18)(ep 1 to 4, ep 6, TX: 24/01/19). “Romesh Talking To Comedians: In Caffs About Growing Up”, (18/08/17). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 5). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S6, ep 3 to ep 24)(S7, ep 1). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 17, TX: 08/02/19). “The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey, (DVD Ext Edition, Pt 1)” (2012). “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 4, TX: 15/02/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 7). “The Real Marigold On Tour: Russia”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 13/02/19). “The Sky At Night”, (ep 788, TX: 10/02/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 16)(S6, ep 1 to ep 7). “The Wire”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Anti Social SHow”, (ep 68.5, 09/02/19). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 51, 12/02/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 3, 12/02/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (12/02, 14/02/19 x2). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/02, 12/02, 13/02/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 103, 14/02/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (14/02/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/02, 15/02/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 79, 15/02/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 128, 11/02/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (15/02/19). “Morrissey”, “Fleetwood Mac”, “David Bowie”, Adam And The Ants”, “Belinda Carlisle”, “Bow Wow Wow”, “Supergrass”, “Catatonia”, “Blondie”, “Simple Minds”, “Elbow”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, “The Cranberries”.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in Isle of Wight, Hampshire (Southampton), East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 242 Saturday 2^nd until Friday 8^th February 2019.

This week is an Isle Of Wight Special.

Happy bady to George.

Tuesday to Friday this week I have felt very sad, this is because last weekend I visited the Isle of Wight and had a wonderful time. The reason for my visit was because a friend who I have known for decades was having a party to celebrate his bday.

 “Dancing on Ice”.

There was a little sleet and snow on the way to Southampton, but this didn’t stop me from arriving in time for an earlier ferry. The journey is quick; as soon as I sat down (after mooching around, taking pictures inside and outside and of course spending money) it was time to return to the car to disembark. During the weekend it was mentioned a couple of times that people swim the Solent for charity. It’s something to think about as the ferry is not cheap. I’m a good swimmer, but I would be concerned about keeping the car afloat!

 “Its pretty in the morning and early evening”.

The island of course is extremely pretty; this is particularly obvious when standing on top of one of the many hills looking out over land and sea. Some fields high up still had patches of snow from the recent bad weather, which only enhanced the surround beauty in my eyes.

 “Sunshine and Snow”.

When I wasn’t pestering my friends or eating them out of house and home. I spent time on my own observing the rise and fall of the river Medina. Watching seagulls, ducks and pigeons doing what they do best for far too long! In Newport harbour there are a lot of very expensive boats, a number of them out of the water propped up precariously on blocks of wood in what would have been a car park. Plus, I might have spent time looking for a chip shop! Reading back this last paragraph, i realise how strange I really am and I deffo need to get a life.

 “Potato Ships”.

George’s party (which actually was a joint one with his mother-in-law also celebrating her bday) was a lot of fun. Especially because I met a fellow Whovian! How did I know that he was a fan, I hear you ask? This was very easy because we all carry something which proves our credentials as an enthusiast. He had a small Lego ® TARDIS while I swiftly produced my DWAS membership card. Seriously it was really nice chatting with someone younger who has as much love for Doctor who as I do. We continued to chat about Science Fiction in general while others danced to the “Birdie Song” and “Black Lace”. Though I will admit to singing (or screeching along to) loudly to the classic “Chicken song” by Spitting Image (you really had to be there!). The party was a great success, everyone left very happy.

 “This little lady is 81 years old”.

Personal highlight was traveling on the islands railway. The trains were originally used on the London Underground and built in 1938, making them the oldest trains currently in use in the UK (thank you Wikipedia). During my next visit I want to travel the entire line, its only 8 stations so won’t take long. There will still be plenty of time afterwards to stare at seagulls, ducks and pigeons as well as eat chips.

 “what a treat to see these old work horses”.

There was a thick mist over the Solent when I was due to leave, deep down I hoped that the ferry would be cancelled. Sadly the trip to Southampton was once again quick and efficient. Tuesday to Friday this week I have suffered so badly from post travel blues. Waking up early to travel on the tube or sitting in the office has made me do a lot of rethinking and sole searching about life. I get so much enjoyment from travelling. The answer of course is not to go anywhere, so that I am not affected by this disorder. But travel is very much part of my DNA. I have threatened my friends on the island that I will return after Easter. Maybe a farmer will let me pitch a tent in a field (the weather will be better then) where I could live a basic life (with wifi of course). Seeing that amazing view each day would be very relaxing. Deep down i like the idea of living an isolated existence.

Huge thank you to George and Fiona for inviting me to their little paradise, and putting up with me all weekend.

 “Thank you so much”.

And Finally……

 “Party time”.

Spoke to a man who sounded just like comedian and writer David Walliams. Re-reading this confirms that I need proper content and have to find something to do with my life.

and

 “Row, row, row the boat”.

A women speaking unnecessarily loudly on the train asked a friend what rhubarb taste like? The person she was speaking to was in Canberra, OZ. I visited Canberra in 1990 and saw the fabulous B-52’s live on stage. Luckily I was only on the train for one stop, so I never discovered how the taste of rhubarb was described.

 “I see a sign, i have to”.

If you love rhubarb, crumble and custard and want to connect with others, please email

makeyourowncrumblenoonesgoingtomakeoneforyoulardyarse.coma.UcaKe

 “Writing this shiz on the Solent”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Better Things”, (S2, ep 5).  “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 5).  “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 5).  “Click”, (TX: 02/02/19).  “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them”, (2016)“Les Miserable”, (S1, ep 6).  “Mrs Brown’s Boys”, (2002).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 3 & ep 4).  “Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope”, (1977).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S4, ep 9 to ep 24)(S5, ep 1 to ep 24)(S6, ep 1 to ep 2).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep ep 16, TX: 01/02/19).  “The Handmaids Tale”, (S2, ep 4 to ep 6).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 2, TX: 01/02/19)(ep 3, TX: 08/02/19).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Walking Dead”, (S4, ep 8 to ep 16).                    

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti Social Show (Hope, Instrumental 2019)”, 05/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast….”, (S1, ep 2, 05/02/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 66, 06/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus), (06/02, 07/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (31/01/19)(02/02, 04/02/19, 06/02 x 2, 07/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (07/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (01/02, 02/02, 08/02/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 78, 08/02/19).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 126, 01/02/19)(ep 127, 04/02/19).  “Strange Times”, (ep 289, 01/02/19).  “The All New Angelos & Barry Podcast”, (05/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (08/02/19).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 75, 07/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Jade Bird”,   “INXS”,  “Howard Jones”,  “Nik Kershaw”,  “Adam And The Ants”,  “Whigfield”, “Spitting Image”, “The Proclaimers”, The Beatles”.