Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 243 Saturday 9^th until Friday 15^th February 2019.

Every Friday I ring the agency that employs me to inform them of the hours worked that week. In my mind I like to think that the information is relayed to a large room full of accountants sat in rows noting down the hours of the employees into huge books with quills. The hours would then be transcribed on to individual cards with holes punched into them which are fed one card at a time into a giant computer that fills an entire room. This machine of course is powered rainbows and unicorns, as all computers are! Then magically the following week money appears in my bank account. As I stated earlier, this is how the process works in my sad excuse for a mind. Of course the reality is completely different, and so far it’s always worked perfectly. Until now!

“7.40am looked pretty and relaxing. Pitty the est of the day didnt go as well”.
Tuesday I got a call from the agency to say that my timesheet had not been authorised. At that very moment I was already stressed because London’s “wonderful” public transport system was stopping me from reaching work. In the end it took 3hrs to travel across the capital! Once at the office I explained the issue to my manager, who shortly after invited me into a small glass walled meeting room. This was an immediate concern because people tend to only get called into those rooms when they’re going to be hauled over hot coals. I was asked how I normally submit my hours, and why didn’t I report them on the computer using a specific spreadsheet. My answer was simple, “No one’s ever mentioned this system to me before!”

“London at night. These pics were only taken because of being tipped out of yet another tube train. But the view made things a little better”.
During the day, I got messages from the agency saying that the timesheet still needed to authorised and time was running out to be included in this week’s payroll. As well as emails from my manager saying that she was waiting to speak to another boss. I won’t lie, I wanted to pack up my bag and walk out. The river Thames is a couple of hundred metres away, there I could sit and watch Swans, Ducks and Pigeons as well as the occasional boat or canoe float past. Of course I sat at my desk and got on with the job. For the last 3 years I have rung my times in every week and never had a problem.

“Not all information is boring”.
I find everything about work tough. Getting up before sparrow fart daily! Sitting in an office that sucks the soul out of everyone who enters! Travelling on increasingly expensive transport network that you can never guarantee will actually get you to your final destination! Everything about work causes me stress and constant anxiety.

“One day i’ll leave the office and never return”.
Life should not be this tough (I realise compared to others, I have it easy. But it’s all relative). I suppose my existence is better than the nerdy accountant types I mentioned at the top of this ramble. At least I’m not shackled to my deck. Ok I am timed when I have a “Comfort Break”, just so you know I can rush to the loo and be back in about 2 & ½ mins. I am not sure what would happen if I had a bad tummy! When the allotted 5 mins has passed would the toilet with me sitting on it disappears behind a false wall. Would I then find myself flushed into the Thames with all the other shiz? At least then I would get to watch the birds and occasional boat or canoe pass by.

“Feeling really ill, hoping that the train will get me home”.
If you are struggling with any kind stress there are people out there who can help.
In the UK you could speak to,
Anxiety UK: 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri, 9.30 am to 5.30 pm)
MIND: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9.00 am to 6.00 pm)
Rethink Mental Illness: 0300 5000 9278 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am to 4.00 pm)
Samaritans: 116 123 (Free 24 hrs a day), email: jo@samaritans.org.
Outside of the UK, please search the internet for local help.
Remember, “You are not alone”.

“I thought this was pretty”.
And Finally……

“Such a pretty little girl”.
I love nuts; the adopted hamster loves them as well. After putting her back for the night I noticed a stray nut on the carpet. Yes I picked it up and popped it in my cavernous black hole of a gob; my friend sitting on the sofa looked back in horror.

“She’s in there somewhere”.
When we clean out the hamster’s cage, a handful of the nuts and food that she has nibbled or hidden in her bedding (yes she pees and poos in it) are kept and returned because they have her smell on them. The nut I picked up was one of them. Yes, I swallowed it! And can confirm there was a strange taste!

“The start of another mad day on planet Earth”.
And
I noticed a lady combing a false eyelash on her lap. At first I thought she was stroking a small dog (one of those yappy types that’s more rodent than canine). Once I saw what she was doing I couldn’t help but keep looking.

“Writing this Shiz. Yes the Hamster is mooching around in the background”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Better Things”, (S2, ep 6 to ep 9). “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 6). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 6). “Click”, (TX: 09/02/19). “David Bowie Finding Fame”, (TX: 09/02/19). “Diagnosis”, (2017). “Only Fools And Horses”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 8)(S3, ep 1 to 3). “Romesh Talking To Comedians”, (ep 5, TX: 20/07/18)(ep 1 to 4, ep 6, TX: 24/01/19). “Romesh Talking To Comedians: In Caffs About Growing Up”, (18/08/17). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 5). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S6, ep 3 to ep 24)(S7, ep 1). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 17, TX: 08/02/19). “The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey, (DVD Ext Edition, Pt 1)” (2012). “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 4, TX: 15/02/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 7). “The Real Marigold On Tour: Russia”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 13/02/19). “The Sky At Night”, (ep 788, TX: 10/02/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 16)(S6, ep 1 to ep 7). “The Wire”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Anti Social SHow”, (ep 68.5, 09/02/19). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 51, 12/02/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 3, 12/02/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (12/02, 14/02/19 x2). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/02, 12/02, 13/02/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 103, 14/02/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (14/02/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/02, 15/02/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 79, 15/02/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 128, 11/02/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (15/02/19). “Morrissey”, “Fleetwood Mac”, “David Bowie”, Adam And The Ants”, “Belinda Carlisle”, “Bow Wow Wow”, “Supergrass”, “Catatonia”, “Blondie”, “Simple Minds”, “Elbow”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, “The Cranberries”.