Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West & Central London, West Sussex and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 246 Saturday 2^th until Friday 8^th March 2019.

Picture the scene. You have had a long day working in a call centre. Travelling home all you want to do is watch dead people being killed in imaginative ways that the writers of the hit American TV series “The Walking Dead” have thought up. But there’s a problem! The empty seat next to you suddenly becomes occupied by a very small child. A wriggling little girl who keeps kicking your leg and occasionally standing up to shout at mum a few seats away. When the hobbit sized person is seated (still kicking you) they are trying to see what is on your tablets screen.

“Tea and pretty food in Central London”.

The above scenario happened this week. On the way home all I wanted to do was veg out on fantasy violence, when the child appeared. Sometimes if I am in a strange mood watching something particularly gory and can see in the reflection of the screen that the person next to me is looking. I will deliberately angle the screen so that they can view hoping that they might be horrified and look away. Deep down I think I get a kick out of the possibility of shocking. But I don’t want to upset a child, I am not that twisted, honest!

“Yes the bread was green. Marvin the French waiter was a little embarrassed by the colour.

If the kid had seen something and it had upset her, who would have been responsible? Would it have been me, after all I’m the one watching the programme. Or would it have been the parent who spent the journey on her phone speaking very loudly so the whole carriage could hear her private tale of woo! Only shouting to the child to stop doing something they were already in the middle of, which of course they ignored. Personally, I think that the parent should have had the girl on their knee and conducted their phone call once there off the train, but who am I to tell someone else what to do. Of course, I would have felt terrible if the child had become upset at seeing something that they shouldn’t on my tablet. But it would not have been my fault. The way society is going there will come a day when in circumstances such as the above, a person would have to change what there watching so that it doesn’t offend! Everyone better download progs suitable for all ages.

“Training the next generation of Bowling stars”.

Happily, the girl didn’t see the dead getting axed or shot in the head. At my station it was difficult to get off because I had to climb over a mountain of bags while the mother continued with her telephone call. The look she gave me as I passed screamed “can’t you see I’m on the phone, why should I help you and move a bag”. Of course, I didn’t say anything, why bother when i can moan here to you. Unless you disagree with me, then let me know at,

“Beaten both games by a 7 yr old”.

Itsagoodthingyoudonthaveachildwatchingdisgustingdisturbingviolencelikethat/youshouldbeashamedofyourselfyousicko.cola.UcaKe

“Grandma holding court”.

By the way the adopted Hamster enjoys watching The Walking Dead and never gets upset if a “walker” is axed or shot. And she is only 8 months old.

“Aries loving Rick and co defeat the walkers”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

Recently I constructed a metal flat pack cabinet and a complicated a Lego model, both had been started by others but never completed. Something I have always found easy is spatial thinking, the ability to visualise an object and move it around in my mind. Please don’t think I am trying to claim I have a talent, I am just a creative twat who loves to draw and is able to view things that way. I find it helps when constructing something, or it usually does!

“This was completed by 3, count them 3 adults”.

Last weekend my nephew got a toy which was a cheap knock off a well-known brand. It took three adults including myself to build this. At one point I was thinking of cheating with Sellotape to bodge the job until the clever Aunty MOZ worked something out. Credit must also go to Aunty Helen for all her help in the construction.

“Trying a new look. Grandma looks impressed”.

The question of the week is. How many adults does it take to build one child’s cheap plastic toy? Answers on a postcard taped around a gold brick with a slice of lemon stuck on the front. Please throw it through the living room window of Number 10 Downing St, London by 9am last Wednesday.
Thank you.

“I enjoyed being stuck in traffic looking at this beauty”.

And Finally……

“His and Hers fashions seen on the train this week”.

Monday morning the temp in London was below 10c. The spring “like” weather of the week before had ended. But I spotted several people wearing shorts on the tube.

It is my pleasure to announce the winner and the loser of the inaugural, “It’s not really shorts weather, but wear them to work anyway” awards.

First the loser. A very tall thin man with legs hairier than a Wookie. Not what I wanted to see before 8am!

And now the winner. A woman wearing what looked like little leather shorts. On her left thigh under her tights I could just make out a tattoo, which was either a multi-tiered cake or a chandelier. Of course, I didn’t spend the journey trying to see exactly what the tatt was!!
Congratulations to the Winner and commiseration to the loser.

“Writing this shiz”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX: 02/03/19). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1. Ep 9). “Comic Relief: The Apprentice For Comic Relief 2019”, (ep 1, TX: 07/03/19)(ep 2, 08/03/19). “Cuckoo”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 7)(S3, ep 1 to ep 7). “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 3, TX: 17/04/18). “Fleabag”, (S2, ep 1). “Inside The Factory”, (S5, ep 5, TX: 25/02/19)(ep 6, TX: 05/03/19). “James May’s Big Trouble in Model Britain”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 06/03/19). “Laurel & Hardy, A Chump At Oxford”, (1940). “Laurel & Hardy, Another Fine Mess”, (1930). “Laurel & Hardy, From Soup To Nuts”, (1928). “Louis Theroux’s The Night In Question”, (TX: 04/03/19). “Only Fools And Horses”, (S7, ep 2 to ep 6). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 8). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S8, ep 14). “The Great Celebrity Bake Off For SU2C”, (S2, ep 1, TX: 05/03/19). “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 6, TX: 01/03/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 10). “The Parkinson’s Drug Trial: A Miracle Cure?”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 28/02/18)(ep 2, TX: 07/03/19). “The Real Marigold On Tour: Mexico”, (S3, ep 4, TX: 06/03/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S8, ep 3 & ep 8). “The Umbrella Academy”, (S1, ep 5 & ep 6). “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 2). “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 3, TX: 03/03/19).

This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 3, 06/03/19)(ep 4, 08/03/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 6, 05/03/19). “Don’t Tell Anyone”, (ep 15, 18/02/19). “Griefcast”, (ep 70, 06/03/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (01/03, 07/03/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (01/03, 04/03, 05/03, 07/03/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 104, 03/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (07/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Highlights)”, (03/03, 04/03, 05/03, 06/03, 07/03/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (02/03, 08/03/19). “RHLSTP Special: The Goodies”, (06/03/19). “Rule Of Three”, (07/03/18). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 131, 01/03/19). “Strange Times”, (ep 294, 01/03/19). “The Aggy Fox And Dana Podcast”, (ep 7, 03/03/19). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (02/03/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (08/03/19). “Morrissey”, “Soft Cell”, “Sleeper”, “Pulp”, “The Verve”, “McAlmont & Butler”, “Simple Minds”, “Feeder”, “Oasis”, “Tiffany”, Sultans Of Ping FC”, “Baccara”, First Aid Kit”, The Prodigy”, “The Beautiful South”.