Week 239, Saturday 12th until Friday 18th January 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 239 Saturday 12th until Friday 18th January 2019.

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12th Jan would have been my Dad’s 90th D’day.
If you ask me what gives me the greatest pleasure I would reply, the cinema. As soon as I was old enough to visit the local fleapit on my own there was no stopping me. It was from these early visits that I discovered that the best seat in the house was middle of the front row. I love everything about the whole experience, the ads (I fondly remember Aunty Beryl from the Bacardi adverts) trailers and of course the main feature. Plus I am also one of those strange people who sit all the way through the end credits, and have been doing that long before it became fashionable just in case there might be a hidden scene.

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“Thanks Mum for everything”.
Even though going to the cinema is a pleasure, it is also a cause of stress. My internal cinematic stress-o-meter has different levels of stress and frustration.

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“Posh crisps, nana and a cheap roll. The perfect work snack”.
Yellow Alert: inconsiderate rustling of wrappers. People masticating loudly on snacks! A herd of Jersey cows would make less noise than fellow patrons.
Amber Alert: late comer’s (I realise it might not be there fault) disrupting my view walking back and forth in front of the screen. Then spending time faffing around folding coats, arranging bags. Kicking the back of my seat is really annoying; the continual thudding is a distraction I don’t need while the world is being destroyed before my eyes.

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“Such a sweet little lady”.
Red Alert: This include people who deicide to ignore the film and just talk to each other. These people must have so much money that they can afford to pay the high admission price and then completely ignore the feature. Then there are the addicts, people who cannot spent a couple of hours without looking at their small electronic device to see if they are liked and loved by people they haven’t met and probably won’t ever meet!

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“Deffo a film to go and see”.
My entertainment stress level builds to a Flashing Red Alert with internal Klaxon when the above categories clash. Recently my film buddy and I have been visiting a local indie cinema, it’s a little cheaper than the big names and rough around the edges but for the price I can’t complain (i try not to touch any surface, never put my bag on the floor and wait till i get home to go to use loo). Last weekend we saw “Stan and Ollie”. Just as the BBCF black card (which states the films certificate) appeared, a women and child stumbled upon the front row. Normally the front row and rows around are empty which is why I like sitting there. During the opening credits of the film, the women fussed around the kid who was old enough to fuss himself. Throughout the movie this lady would get up, asks if the child wanted food, was he warm enough and generally be a pain. I could also hear her explaining who Stan and Ollie were during key moments. At the end while music closely associated with these comedy heroes played over the credits (which of course I enjoyed) the women sat clapping as if she was at a panto. As you would expect I did try a number of times to shoot death rays out of my eyes. Unfortunately this is a super skill that needs a lot more practice to perfect.

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7.30am on Friday“.
Even though I get a little hot and bothered and stressed, I really enjoy everything about going to the cinema i just wish I could visit more often. The dream is one day to see something on the big screen that I had written and possibly directed. If that was to happen then I would hire the cinema to myself and of course I ensure not to trigger the Yellow Alert by eating snacks in a considerate way so I don’t annoy myself and so ruin my masterpiece. I’ll dream on, and just be tolerant of others and if things get worse then run for a usher or manger. Then of course I would need the film to be rewound slightly to see the section I missed. Who’s annoying now!

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And Finally……

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“Someone had a big night out!”.
Mistakenly said. Person on the phone called the executors of an estate, the executioners.
And now, innuendo. Overheard a women in the supermarket talking about Bottom Muffins, this of course made me smile and snigger as if I was at school. A few mins later I realised that I had egg on my face when i saw what she was looking at, a packet of Bottom Muffins.
After that filth, a sad tale. Early morning at Earls Court tube, I sat down next to a mother and child, who got up and boarded there train which left straight away. As the tube sped out of the platform a man sat down and picked up a small cuddly toy, that child must have dropped.

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“Writing this shiz, while thinking of Zombies”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Better Things”, (S1, 3 to ep 10). “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 2). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 2). “Click”, (TX: 12/01/19). “Frasier”, (S10 ep 11 to ep 24)(S11 ep 1 to ep 19). “Les Miserable”, (S1, ep 3). “Peppa Pig”, (S2, ep 19 & ep 20). “Stan And Ollie”, (2019). “Stan Against Evil”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 1). “Tracey Beaker Returns”, (S3, ep 6). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 13, TX: 11/01/19). “The Last Kingdom”, (S3, ep 1 & ep 2). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 3 & ep 4). “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 13/01/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6)(S2, ep 1 to ep 13). “Woolly Mammoth Secrets From The Ice”, (TX: 04/04/12).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (27/03/18). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (14/01, 16/01, 17/01/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/01, 14/01, 16/01, 17/01/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (17/01/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (12/01, 18/01/19). “Rule Of Three”, (24/05/18)(14/06/18)(18/10/18)(22/11/18). “Skeptoid”, (ep 657, 08/01/19)(ep 658, 15/01/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 123, 14/01/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (18/01/19). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 78, 17/01/19). “Morrissey”, “Biffy Clyro”, “The Stone Roses”, “The Pretenders”, “Bowie”, “Chris Cornell”, “The Devine Comedy”.

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