Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 114 Friday 19th August until Friday 26th August 2016.
Last weekend was a long weekend away for me as one of my sisters got hitched. This gave me an excuse to finally pop my car hire cherry, I really enjoyed being back behind the wheel out on the open road. It was strange having an uncracked windscreen, a dashboard that worked and a door that locked. I say this as the last time I drove was in Africa which always felt like a Top Gear challenge.
Did i forget anything.
The wedding took place in Suffolk in an old mill. I looked up the price for one night; I could have stayed in a Travelodge for 4 to 5 nights for the same price. I did in fact spend a couple of nights in a local Travelodge which was basic but nice; my highlight was watching wild bunnies chasing each other in a frisky way.
Do you like my country pile.
My sister and her 007 lookalike groom chose a beautiful place to get spliced. There was a huge lake/pond covered in green algae which I really wanted walk across because it looked like a grassy field. As far as I am aware there were no incidents involving drunken guests stumbling in. The staff were amazing, couldn’t have been more helpful, this must be how the other half live.
Our posh room.
I popped my upper class cherry staying there even if it was only for one night. The room I shared with my best friend was large with a vaulted celing and a wonderful view over the algae covered lake/pond. What really impressed me (which is easily achieved) was the complimentary sloe gin and a fridge with freshly squeezed juice and bottles of still and sparkling water, all of which we polished off. It’s a good thing that we know each other well because there was no door to the ensuite bathroom. Yes posh people don’t have doors on the bathrooms they like to let the air run freely around the place I suppose it’s a type of natural air con. From the entrance of the room I could see the loo, bath and the shower there was nowhere to hide. In fact from my side of the bed I could easily see if my friend was having a proper shower washing all her nooks and crannies (for the record we averted our eyes while each other where washing those delicate areas).
This is where the sloe gin is found.
Because MOZ and I know each other well there wasn’t a problem when the loo, I admit that music was put on to hide any unsightly splashing or plopping sounds. Reading the literature about the room I was informed that you could get 3 people in the bath we didn’t test it out. If this is how the other half live then I could get used to that.
Paul and Sigrida, notice Joleen in the background wearing a dressing gown on the dance floor.
Wedding are a great opportunity to dress up and pretend to be someone else. My sister had arranged that our hair and make up were done by a professional. I did worry when she said I looked a little like super model/actress Cara Delevingne, I think she realised her mistake when she opened both eyes. But for a couple of hours I did feel glamorous but always remembering that it’s the bride’s day to shine.
No not a supermodel, just a old cow.
All around the beautiful place where we were staying were fields and farms with Cows and other large beasties who produce a lot of shit. These farm animals prezzie to the happy couple was the scent of the countryside wafting through every window. I actually quite like the smell of manure it helps remind me I have escaped “the concrete jungle”. This smell will always transport me back to that happy moment in time when my sister and her man said “I do”.
Mum enjoying herself.
It was suggested that I should cover up my “chavness”, my collection of tattoos for the ceremony. After all I didn’t want to scare or shock any aged aunties, so a nice scarf was employed to make me look a little respectful. But once the main event was over I was allowed to look like a Jeremy Kyle guest dancing the night away, looking like a loon waving my arms in the air like I just didn’t care.
This loon didnt care.
Congratulations to SAZ and Tim what a wedding, Mum cried, family cried, the bride cried and a small child had a few tears. A wonderful weekend, spent in a beautiful part of the country. I must hire a car again.
In other Wedding news…..
Quote of the wedding.
Scrubs up well does MOZ.
MOZ to Anaia, we were all getting ready before the event, “Are you going to have your hair and makeup done”. Anaia to MOZ, “I don’t want to look like a princess”.
Amber cornered Jesse at the Wedding brekkie.
Little Jesse being chased by the lovely Amber Forrester all weekend, maybe I better keep the dress you never know in about 18 years’ time I might need it.
The dance floor turtle is in this pic…
Seeing Joleen crawling around the dance floor with a handbag back on her back looking like a dance floor turtle.
Dance floor highlight.
Strictly came to the dancefloor.
SAZ doing the splits during the first dance.
I popped my Black pudding cherry at the wedding brekkie the next morning.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching: “Finding Dory”, (2016). “Fleabag”, (Season 1, ep 5 & 6). “Horizon: My Amazing Twin”, (2015/16, ep14). “Life In Wandsworth Prison”. “Locked In My Body”. “Monsters Inc”, (2001). “Nanny McPhee”, (2005). “One of Us”, (ep1). “People Just Do Nothing”, (Season 3, eps 2). “Robot Wars”, (2016, eps 5). “Skins”, (Season 6, eps 1 to 10). “The Adam And Joe Show”, (Season 1, ep 4) & (Season 2, ep1). “The Chronicles Of Nadiya”, (ep 1). “The Great British Bake Off”, (Season 7, ep 1). “The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice”, (Season 3, ep 1). “The Nice Guys”, (2016). “The Out-Laws”, (Season 1, eps 6). “Wasted”, (Season 1, eps 6).
This week I have mainly been listening to: “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (19/08/16). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (12/08 pt2, 22/08, 23/08, 24/08, 25/08/16). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (25/08/16). LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (24/08/16). ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (19/08, 20/08, 26/08/16). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 21, 03/06/16, ep 26, 21/07/16). “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (19/02, 09/02, 27/01, 23/01, 05/01/15) & (26/12, 20/12/14). “Morrissey”, “Smiths”, “Viola Beach”, “The Verve”, “Ian Brown”, “Coldplay”, “The Delays”, “Dee-Lite”, “Sparks” & a great wedding playlist.