Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in South, East London & Barton Mills,Suffolk (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 113 Saturday 13^th August until Thursday 18^th August 2016.

This week’s Blog is early and comes from a Travelodge in Barton Mill Suffolk, this is because one of my sisters is getting married tomorrow.  More about the wedding later.

 Croydon actually looks good in the sunshine.

Every time I turn on the TV or the radio recently there are people chatting about some sporting event that appears to be a big deal.  I’m not in to sport at all; I have absolutely no interest in what they’re talking about.  It’s time like this I wish I suffered from Narcolepsy; this is because I could do with a lot of extra sleep over the coming weeks.  I do know that people are throwing things, jumping in and on to things, hitting each other, running away from each other as well as paddling and peddling.  I heard that the UK won some shiny trinket in Trampolining last week.  I have bounced on a trampoline in my sister’s garden and love it, of course I realise there is a lot of skill and training that goes in to wearing a tight lycra outfit while constantly smiling for the crowd and cameras none of which I could do.  I really don’t understand how this and many other events are called sports.

  A pre wedding treat.  Harley Quinn saved this film.

I like to run, cycle and swim and yes surprisingly I have taken part in a number of triathlons, I should just point out I am only ever racing myself.  But all this talk about winning prizes got me thinking is there anything I might be good at.  At work we are monitored closely every time we start or finish a document or a telephone call we press a button which registers how long it takes to action that piece of work or call.  This got me thinking, when I have a “Natural Break” as the system calls it I can get there and back in 2 minutes.  I can leave my desk walk to the loo do my stuff wash my hands and get back all in 2 minutes.  This got me thinking about how far is the loo; I decided to look in to this in a scientific way by walking through the office taking large(ish) metre length steps.  Anyone who saw might have thought I worked for the “Ministry of Silly Walks”, but they are based on the floor below.  For the record the loo is 43 steps (metres) from my desk that’s 86 there and back.  Taking in to account the small chance of inaccuracy I rounded this up to 90 steps.

 Its good to be behind the wheel again.

Maybe this could become a new competitive office sport.  With all the training I have had since March I would surly win a shiny trinket.  I leave this office in a couple of weeks so maybe I should organise a “Bog dash”.  The Major and Mayoress (I don’t actually know if there is a Mayoress in Croydon, maybe I should have done some research) could start and finish the event, while her ladyship in all her finery could hand out shiny trinkets which everyone will be proud to display on their desks.  Of course, always remembering to clear everything away at the end of the day because of the Councils clear desk policy.  This could be my lasting legacy in Croydon, maybe I could return every year for the “Borough Toilet Championships”, a race between different departments or floors.  I might have finally achieved something in my life.

  A few supplies, you never know the zombie apocalypse could take place over the weekend.

And now for something completely different.

 Anaia trying to escape in the background, she will be hunted down.

One of my sisters is getting married tomorrow (19/08/16).  Over the last few months I have been preparing for the big day.  Yes shopping for a dress, shoes and other accessories.  But the most important accessories are bags of Haribo soaked in Sambuca or Prosecco as well as rolls of gaffer tape in bright colours with the smiling face of Peppa Pig on them to make them look less sinister.  Or maybe a bright non noisy toy.  This is because my main duty on the day is chief child wrangler looking after my nephew and niece.  I have an image of me carrying one screaming child while another is holding on to the hem of my long dress refusing to leave the room because mummy and daddy are ignoring them while talking to a man in a skirt in front of everyone.  All will be revealed in the wedding special blog next week, such as who shagged who, who started the food fight and which relative asked the DJ to put on Black Lace’s “Aggado” during the evening reception.  Read all about it in 7 days’ time.

 Jesse waiting for his turn to “phone a  friend” for the wedding pub quiz.

In other news…..

  A lovely improvised meal. 

And now for the amateur dramatics section of the Blog.  I went for a blood test this week at my local surgery, I walked in the room where the nurse indicated where to sit.

She said to me with a smile, “which arm”.

I replied back “the right one, because I’m left handed”.

Looking down at me she said, “It didn’t matter” after a small pause, she said again “which arm”.

I replied “Right”.

The smile faded as she said “left”.

“No, right” I said with confidence.

The nurse points at my left arm and said, “I like the veins in that one”.

Looking up, I just said “Right”.

There was another pause, the nurse let out a slight huff.  I had won, she said, “I’ll have a go with that one” pointing at the right arm.

I half expected her to aim the needle at my arm by closing one eye as if she was playing darts.

There be Bunnies outside.

The Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  “About Time”, (2015).  “Battlecats”, (eps 3 to 6).  “Man Down”, Season 3, eps 6).  “People Just Do Nothing”, (Season 3, eps 1).  “Robot Wars”, (2016, eps 4).  “Skins”, (Season 4, eps 2 to 8) (Season 5, eps 1 to 8) (Season 6, eps 1 to 4).  “The Breakfast Club”, (1985).  “The Out-Laws”, (Season 1, eps 5).  “Wasted”, (Season 1, eps 5).   

This week I have mainly been listening to:  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (16/08/16).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (11/08, 12/08/16).  “LBC Mystery Hour”, (18/08/16).  LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Mid-Week)”, (17/08/16).  ”LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (13/08/16).  “The Angelos & Barry Show”, (22/05, 28/04, 26/04, 14/04, 04/04, 19/03, 05/03, 19/02/15 x 2 shows).  “Morrissey”, “The Verve”, Kate Bush”, The Orb”, Air”, The Stone Roses”, “Radiohead”, “The Hairspray: Original Broadway Cast Recording”, (2002).  “Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Album”, (1999).