Misfits Mid-Life Crisis……..

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 32, Saturday 24^th to Friday 30th January 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Morrissey, XX, Arcade Fire, Kate Bush.

And have been watching…. The Wire (Season 1, eps 8 to 13), Skellig, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, TOP GEAR (Season 22, eps 1) , The Apprentice (Season 10, eps 10), Not Going Outakes (Not Going Out Special), Dude, Where My Car,

Still reading on Kindle…… “A Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire” book 1 by George R.R. Martin.

 The seed and fruit I eat….

Saturday 24^th, today I met the new DMT, well at least I think he’s here to do the Dive master programme. He is about my age (prehistoric) and rides a motorbike his name is Kevin. I say I think he’s doing the course as he said he already has various dive qualifications with other organisations. Went on a lovely dive with Mike and Zak to “Giants Castle”, a highlight was a swarm, a heard, a cluster (whatever) of schooling Bannerfish (Heniochus diphreutes), must have been 30 or more doing nothing all huddled together. Mani one of our guys today started to pick these berries that grow behind the centre. Think of a green bulb of garlic which has small red/orange berry’s inside. He made a paste with water and sugar and lots of elbow grease. I ended up eating pretty much all of it. A few hours later I started to feel queezy, which did result in me driving the porcelain bus (I was sick). For the rest of the day I didn’t feel great. Huge highlight of the day saw Alice Cooper (the cat) today, friends are staying in his owners house; he wasn’t in great shape there appeared to be a fresh cut on his head. He made it clear he didn’t want company so I didn’t bother him; it was still good to see the little chap. The guys in the house have said they will keep an eye on him.

 Mani preparing the yogurt/paste.

Sunday 25^th, had a terrible night, didn’t sleep well and was sick again. I ended up sleeping better once the sun had come up this meant when my alarm went off at 6am I must have turned it off as the next thing I know it was just turning 9am. This house is the only place in which I have trodden on 2 geckos (they do manage to run away) in a week. When I spend a lot of time on my own as I have today I get very depressed and upset. Its days like today that I feel very lonely wish there was someone to chat to. Coz I’m home alone I end up listening or watching movies that are not really cheerful. I watched couple of classic John Hughes 80s teenage angst films that I love; yes I know I’m not a teenager. I still associate with the misfits in “The Breakfast Club” even now at 46. I do feel like an outsider so much of the time. Spending a day like today on my own is deffo not good for my happiness. On a brighter note I skyped into Anaia b’day party saw her blow out the candles on her cake.

 This dog reminds me of a celebrity boxer like Alan Minter or Frank Bruno.

Monday 26^th, today is Michael “my Tofo son” last day; he has been here 3 months and flies out of Mozambique tomorrow. This meant that he got to choose todays dive site. Originally the plan was to go north and do a double tank so he could get 100 Tofo dives. In the end we went far south and did one dive to the lovely “Hogwarts” (no idea why it’s called that). Nothing big seen and the viz could have been better but I know Mike enjoyed the dive. Mike bought 8kgs of Wahoo (fish) which the guys that work for Liquid braaied (is that a word), the whole Liquid family except Nadia who is in the UK sat down for Mikes “Last Supper”. The fish was amazing, the salad lovely and the beer chilled. After I spent some time in the pool with Mike and couple of the kids playing with surf boards (this is the nearest I get to being on one). I popped in to Mikes place after work he is staying at the home of Chicken and Boobies (dogs) and Alice Cooper (cat). Alice seemed a lot happier today and more relaxed, sadly I hear that he was recently attacked by another dog. Chicken has been biting people (she has always been nippy) tonight she bit, she draw a little blood however I am more concerned about my tattoo that she has damaged the skin off.

 Thanks Chicken.

Tuesday 27^th, What a dive to Giants Castle this morning, a huge Marble ray (Aprrox 2.5m across) chilling on the reef floor, a small but cheeky Devil Ray (Aprox 1 to 1.5m across) circling us on our safety stop. Also Chris and I both saw a Manta/Ray in the distance just on the edge of the 20 or so metre viz so we don’t know what it was but we saw something. Mikes flight had been brought forward; he hadn’t heard this from the airline but from a fellow passenger in the market. So I was asked to drive him there with a few friends to say good bye. It’s not really goodbye as he is due to return in a few weeks. Driving back I got pulled over by the police, it’s not a speeding things they just want to see official papers. I didn’t have any official papers on me the drive wasn’t planned. They took the car registration documents and told me to get my papers. This meant driving back 15 or so km to Tofo dropped everyone off and driving back with Satu (one of the owners of the car) to look for the Rozzers. We ended up back at the airport not seeing a single officer of the law. But we did see a plane landing at the airport just skimming the road and the houses; this is the plane that Mike will be leaving Mozziebeak on. Driving back to Tofo we saw a large shape in the distance, it’s the policeman. He looked at my passport and UK driving licence and seemed happy. I took my sunglasses off and didn’t smile. He had given the registration docs to another officer (WHY??) who we found further up the road. Back at the dive shop I made scanned copies of my documents, as I was driving again straight away taking customers to the Estuary to snorkel. The water was 31c, we saw 4 seahorse and plenty of other life seen. I snorkelled in my clothes with swimming coz underneath because it was so hot, got home very sandy and salty. Skyped with Hel in the evening chatted with mum and saw new Top Gear, today was just great.

 Cooking fish with Michael.

Wednesday 28^th, why did I put £30 that’s about 1500mts in my purse today? I lead a kayak trip today, the actual kayaking takes about 2 hours (with a 20 min break on a sand bank for snacks). It was after the break full of crisps and fizzy pop that the kayak with me and a woman from Holland really seemed to go in the direction it was supposed to. I wore the slightly damp and very sandy clothes from yesterday, you get wet even if you don’t capsize. The island was so quiet compared to my last visit on New Year’s Eve. After taking the guest around the Island, we sat down to what can only be called a feast, lots of seafood and rice and salad. We met Eric the chief of the Island, who we saw at one point being fanned by a small girl don’t know if she’s a granddaughter I have no idea, but it looked very chief like. While sitting relaxing watching the world go by I noticed a booklet from the organisation JoLT (Journey of a Lifetime) who came on this trip a few months ago, the group consisted of disabled and disadvantaged kids. It was interesting reading the bio’s for the kids and leaders. The Dhow trip back was relaxed and slow taking a couple of hours (it’s a wind thing). Got back to the beach and discovered that the car had been broken in to; a back window had been shattered. This is when I discovered that my purse had been refiled through the cards were all there (phew) but the £30 was gone, bugger (I only had it with me because of the Police incident yesterday). I would have had to change it to Mets at some point, the person who stole it will have to find someone to change the cash and they won’t get a decent rate. Am annoyed but more upset for Jari and Satu whose car it is.

Thursday 29^th, Started with a dive to “Sherwood Forest” I was with a customer who was totally ok for the first few minutes then indicated to me that she was panicking, her eyes were huge and she was breathing fast. She heads to the surface, with me making sure that the air in her jacket is dumped. Once on the surface I inflate our jacket’s the customer grabs me and gives me a bear hug. On the boat they suffer from sea sickness while we wait for the rest of the group to finish the dive. After chatting for a while the customer said that they wanted to do a shallow dive. I spoke to the instructor and the owners and it was decided that a shallow dive would be a good answer. The dive site was “Salon”, I took the customer round a few times seeing lots of reef life, they were very comfortable and nothing went wrong, it was a chilled dive in beautiful clear warm water.

 Not the two I have trodden on in a week.

Friday 30^th, the dive this morning was to “Giants Castle” just three of us (one customer). Once at 27 metres we were floating about for a couple of mins when I get poked in the side the customer was not happy and starting to panic. We got to the surface and the customer said to me straight away that they want to drop again, because it was at the beginning of the dive and Kevin was on the buoy line at depth we descended, it was a snap decision I had to make do we go or not. We made our way down the line slowly, all the time I made sure that they were comfortable. I ended up holding their hands for the rest of the dive, and for the remaining duration everything was great. One point we drifted through a huge shoal of big eye trevally. The dive went really well after a dodgy start. This afternoon we have had bloke here who is making a short film (an advertisement video) of the dive shop. I went on the dive just to be another set of eyes and hands if needed, keeping out of shot unless really required. During the launch I lost my pink sunglasses to the huge waves, it happens to everyone I have been lucky that it hadn’t happened before. I have brought a few different spare pairs from M&S just in case. Everyone was in new Liquid branded wetsuits including me (I wore the fat suit but could have probably got in to a large) these are so buoyant that we all had extra weight. However I had to give some of my added weight away meaning that I was not as neutrally buoyant as normal this meant I had to really work hard at times. On the drop I tied off the buoy line and waited for the others to descend, a couple of small fish called domino (black with a small white spot) went past me a few times and made a buzzing noise, it was amazing really. After the filming had finished I lead the dive round “Clownfish” a beautiful shallow site.

 The dog I call wiggly woo, no idea what its real name is.  I like the idea that these birds were out on a date.

I only have 5 weeks left of this Mid-Life Crisis Adventure; I am starting to look at what will happen when I get home, how I am going to live. I need to get a couple of part time job then work my ass off for a few months before I return here in July/Aug. That’s the plan, fingers crossed.

Another week, lots of diving and generally getting wet, loving life even when I feel a little low. Tofo is a magical place, I love it here.

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 31, Saturday 17^th to Friday 23^rd January 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. The Velvet Underground & Nico, Morrissey, Lana Del Ray, Kate Nash, Kate Bush.

And have been watching…. Game of Thrones (Season 4 eps 7 to 10), The Apprentice (Season 10 eps 8 and 9), Not Going Out (season 7 eps 9 and 10 Crimbum ep), Alien, Aliens, Alien3 and Alien Resurrection, The Wire (Season 1, eps 1 to 7)

Still reading on Kindle…… “A Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire” book 1 by George R.R. Martin.

Saturday 17^th, A day of bad weather, wind and rainy dark skies, there are 2 cyclones each side of Madagascar which is effecting the weather here. There has been bad flooding in the north of Mozziebeak down here just wind and rain. I made a few small video and put on Facebook to show what it’s like here at the moment, not day to go out. Mike on the other had had to drive to Maputo to pick Jari up, luckily the car is fixed (see last week) he left at 5am. I heard he got to the capital ok and has picked up Jari and Aaron, I’m sure they will all come in to the shop at some point tomorrow. Skyped with Hel this evening and caught up with some stuff that she had recorded for me, how sad is that really watching BBC TV on Skype. Enjoying Nadia’s house lots, I have to climb a small rickety stairs which I’m convinced will collapse with my weight. This house is just behind the first house I stay with Jenny (Late Oct to Dec 2014) It’s nice to be in this part of town again. The landlady’s dogs look and sound terrifying but so far all good I say” hello” to them and walk confidently out and in.

Sunday 18^th, major flip flop malfunction, well it’s been happening for weeks but each time the thongy bit pops out I just poke it through the hole. But today it just keep coming apart so off I went to the market (in the end I was bare footed dodging shattered glass on the ground) and got a new pair that’s a little too small for 100mets (£2) hopefully they last till March. We have had lots of dogs at the dive shop today, so many different dogs and puppies as a result I ended up on the floor playing with them. I’ve never had a dog of my own, in fact until 2000 was terrified of them, now I realise what I have missed all these years. Jari and Aaron returned today after there Crimbum and New Year trip (Sati and Henrick return next week) it was lovely to see them again both lost their suntans in a month. I handed Jari the keys, my time of looking after the shop is over; I hope I did a good job I actually enjoyed it but I’m still not management material.

Monday 19^th, I was convinced earlier while listening to the Velvet Undergrounds “Sunday Morning” that it was Sunday, I sat there thinking it’s the perfect song to play. Only when eating the Tofo lottery of Matapa and rice that Mike mentioned it was Monday, oops. It is easy to forget what the actual day is while living and working here. We went on a dive…… HEADLINE NEWS… to the mighty “Salon” Zak’s first lead lovely dive pretty good viz really enjoyed being back in the water. Had a close encounter with a beautifully large Cow fish, which pleased me no end. We were supposed to dive in the afternoon, the gear was on the boat, we were about to leave the shop when the skipper radioed from the beach that the wind was up and the waves were getting bigger, so the dive was scrubbed. This meant that we all got in the pool and watched Zak do his 15 minute tread (final 2 mins your hands have to be in the air, this is something that you have to do towards your DM certification). We were all responsible for helping him forget how long he was in the water by distracting him a little; it worked as he got a 5 a top mark. While in the pool a huge banana leave/palm just fell from one of the trees nearby, it did go through my head that luckily there was no one under it, as it really would have hurt. A very small puppy came in to the shop today had fun playing with it, I didn’t see it leave but it’s supposed to be living nearby, I do hope it got home.

Tuesday 20^th, went diving to the mighty “Giants Castle” (this was the scrubbed dive from yesterday), the captain went and looked at the sea straight away this morning and said that we need to go “NOW”. Luckily we had left our gear together from yesterdays failed attempt. The drop was perfect the viz was amazing I could see 30 metres or more, a nice relaxing dive with Mike, Zak and Chris. We did come across another group of divers, it’s always a little strange to see other people who are not part of your group underwater. The ignored us, we them… Nothing big seen apart from a few large Potato groupers otherwise lots of lovely marine. Spent the rest of the morning at the shop around midday I asked if I could have the afternoon off as I haven’t had a day off since New Year’s Day (I know I went on a visa run, but that’s not really relaxing so that doesn’t count). Got home and worked on a couple of things for my little niece’s b’day this Friday. I recently found out she’s a Spiderman fan so have done a special Spidey/Anaia cut out on a sort of string web, nothing works out as well as you picture it in your head, but with the resources I had it turned out ok. I have also put her name on a coke can, found one with ANA I have added an I and A to make Anaia It made me smile and will her mum and dad, I will see if I can keep the can safe and take it home. I met Nadia’s housekeeper she wasn’t expecting anyone to be home on a Tuesday afternoon, I tried to converse with her but I really didn’t get very far, not sure what she made of me. Small power cut this evening, always remembering to keep things as charged up as possible for times like that.

Wednesday 21^st, a full day off, I stayed in and watched lots of The Wire season 1. I did spend a good couple of hours looking for my phone this morning, the house I’m in is small and I’m only using little bits of it so the phone could only be in a small handful of places, I looked and looked but nothing. In the end I put a message on Facebook asking if someone could ring it. While sitting watching The Wire I heard it, the phone was in the computer bag in front of me (Doh….) at first I couldn’t find it, but then I pulled everything out and found it was hidden in a back pocket I never put it. I really should have gone out to get some shopping but I really can’t be bothered, I made do with what I had. This means tomorrow I must to buy some supplies. I was invited out this evening but didn’t go (no surprise there really), if I don’t have to go out, say for work then I try not to. I am finding more and more that I shut myself away I am becoming more and more a recluse. I don’t like being in large groups of people or with people I don’t know. It’s all part of this irrational fear I have about not fitting in, being a freak and standing out because of who and what I am I suppose. Yes I wanted to go see the Hobbit this evening in a dark(ish) large(ish) room on a big(ish) screen. But I will get the chance to see it again sometime; anyway I saw it recently on the computer which is not the same I realise. I even put make up on (a first for here) but in the end it didn’t happen I stayed in. There is another small reason the dogs here are a little scary during the day I stand still and talk to them and then keep walking confidently, but at night I worry it will be a different matter trying to get back in.

Thursday 22^nd , a nice dive to the shallow site “Salon” it took me 10 minutes to help a customer down. I’m glad that the customer persevered as they really enjoyed the dive; I stayed by their side throughout checking on them regularly. A nice way to start the day, this dive was number 140 since June 2014. The rest of the day was spent in the shop; Tofo is still very quiet so I admit to reading more Game of Thrones. It looks like we have an Ocean Safari tomorrow, fingers crossed for BIG stuff. I went with Zak and Mike to help the guys (there were only 2 of them today) to bring the boat back from the beach, while there we saw a launch by one of the other dive shops. The sea was rough and the boat was thrown about a lot, glad I wasn’t on that launch it looked nasty. Helping the guys get the boat back makes you realise how hard people work, it’s not easy, its tough heavy work a lot of it out in the open in full view of the sun. Liquid definitely wouldn’t be able to run without the local guys they employ, I have full respect for them (I should point out I had this respect a long time ago, it’s not just after helping them today). Best part got to ride on the boat being pulled back to the dive shop by tractor, bet at home you wouldn’t be allowed to do that because of “Health and Safety”. Skyped with my sister and her family in UK quickly which was a nice surprise.

Friday 23^rd, Today is a very special day its my nieces 3^rd bday, I posted and e-mailed the things I made earlier in the week to celebrate this special day. I’m hoping to skype later with her and will sing badly happy b’day. Can’t believe that she is 3, I’m sad I am missing her bday but of course I’m so glad that I am in Tofo. I will be home in about 6 weeks so will have plenty of time to torture sing to her (she will of course be asking me to leave after half an hour). Went on Ocean Safari, didn’t see anything BIG (did I jinx it again) it appears that the Whale sharks haven’t returned as yet, it’s a little worrying. We did see dolphins and the customers did get in the water. One woman was really worried because you couldn’t see the bottom, so I helped her snorkel which helped. Mike was on the trip, he leaves next Tuesday but is planning on coming back after a few weeks. I talked to him about my plan of coming back in July or August, which gives me time to earn as much money as possible so I can spend the rest of the year and possibly longer doing this wonderful job. I said to Mike that I might not last 4 months being away, he might be seeing me a lot sooner. Spoke to Jari about the possibility of doing the instructors course, I always said that I didn’t think it was right to do it for maybe a year to 18 months after becoming a DM, let’s just say I’m rethinking that. Have to see what the future holds. My back is hurting a little today might be after the Safari, need to rest it.

End of week 31, another great week in Tofo, I hear a bird every morning and it reminds me of when I first came here in September 2013 for a month. It makes me realise how special this place is and why I’m such a lucky bitch…..

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique & Swaziland (only just).

Week 30, Friday 9th to Friday 16th January 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Smiths, Morrissey, Kate Bush, Santigold, Ed Sheeran, The Cure, The Stone Roses.

And have been watching…. Game of Thrones (Season 3 eps 3 to 10) & (Season 4 eps 1 to 6), X-Men, Days of Future Past.

Still reading on Kindle…… “A Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire” book 1 by  George R.R. Martin.

Friday 9^th, up at 2.30am for the 3am start for the visa run. At 3am it became clear that we weren’t leaving I sat in the kitchen very quietly so I wouldn’t wake others up, but Zak and Zelda didn’t arrive so I went back to bed in my clothes. I got woken up at 4.30am, we finally left at 5am. There was another person Megan who was also doing her visa run, I have met her a couple of times but never really stopped to talk. I spent the next few hours nodding having little snatches of sleep here and there, a couple of times waking up to find my neck in a very strange position my chin felt it was in my belly button. Once we hit Maputo the traffic got bad (it’s a capital city what do you expect). The sun was out in full force on my side of the car so I roasted. We crawled along for an hour and a half slowly making our way down a duel carriageway. I fell asleep, when I woke up we were stopping it appears that we took a wrong turn, which meant having to go back 30k to Maputo, luckily the traffic was not as bad at this time. On our travel we got stopped by the police for speeding, the female officer said that a 1000met fine was needed straight away, Zak did some Jedi mind trick by leaned over and saying “we were students” and offered her 200mets. The police officer palmed the money like a magician doing close up magic, we continued our journey. As we got nearer the Mozambique/Swaziland border the hills got bigger, the light was starting to fade and the rain came. As with any international border it really wasn’t impressive, a couple of small buildings and “no man’s land” in between. We all got stamped out of Mozambique jumped in the car went the few tens of metres to the Swazi border and queued up in the immigration building and got stamped in. I did see a huge sign saying that you were entering a “Foot and Mouth Zone”. This is where Megan and I said goodbye to Zak and Zelda who continued in to Swazi. We on the other hand walked round the building and in the other side. When the man behind the counter realised that we had only just stamped in to Swazi I was waiting for him to ask “what’s wrong with Swaziland” way weren’t we staying. Then it was back to the Mozambique side, here we did have to actually explain ourselves and that we got a lift by car there but we didn’t have transport back to Maputo of our own. Highlights at the border one man came up to me asking for my address I just said “Tofo” with a smile, and one of the border guards shouted to me that “He enjoyed me”?????… Megan and I got back to Maputo first in the back of a bakkie (a small open van/truck that might carry sand or bricks, here it carries sand or brinks and other stuff such as people) then a Chappa (a small mini bus that gets packed to the seams with people) for the hour and a half ride to the capital. At the backpackers Megan set up her tent I was shown the dorm which was a different one to usual one I felt comfortable with I might actually sleep in the bed this time. I’d not eaten much today so a quick walk in the rain to the BP garage for crisps and fruit juice and a Death by Chocolate Magnum, which I enjoyed walking in the Maputo rain.

 A pic of a Bakkie, small van that can carry people (not my picture).

Saturday 10^th. I did sleep in the dorm, this room was different to the normal one I have been put in on previous visits. Woke up on time for the bus, unlike other trips home the bus it actually came direct to the backpackers normally you get taken by cab to the bus station. Today it picked us up at 4.45am, and still went to the bus station where it waited till it was full of people and belonging. This time I was near the front but I still didn’t have any real leg room even with a couple of pit stops I was in real pain by the time we got to Tofo at 3pm. My bum ached, my knees were numb and my ankles were swollen.   As soon as I got home I jumped in the shower. Oh I also found we had virtually no electric, so caught a lift with Mike and Johnny when they were doing the Liquid fuel run, thank god I noticed that we needed electric as it wouldn’t have lasted long.

 A Chapa, small bus (Not my picture)

Sunday 11^th, another hot day in paradise. We had a staff dive to “Giants Castle” it’s the last time that that Johnny, Nadia, Chris, Mike and I dive together. This is because Nadia goes away for a month from tomorrow and Johnny leaves Tuesday. It was a great dive with a little current; we all took turns to fight with the reel. I have been diving in a shortie recently due to the temps on the surface but this means that you are more susceptible to scraps at depth. Today I got cut and slightly urched again so may resort to a full length wetsuit again. During the dive I’m certain I saw a Manta, no one else did, everyone looked at where I was pointing but no one saw anything; I’m chalking it down as my Manta. I mentioned earlier Nadia is going away, so for a few days it appears that I will be running the dive shop until Jari (one of the owners) returns next weekend. I’m not management material I have enough trouble managing my life, fingers crossed that nothing really goes wrong. Who’d have thought that I would be running a dive centre? But I think it all goes towards good general overall DM experience. I would like to do the PADI instructors course but I feel deep down that I need a good 12 to 18 months as a DM before I can say I’m ready to attempt the instructors course.

Monday 12^th, today would have been my Dads 86 b’day, happy b’day Dad. Before I went on my visa run I did a little thing with the watercolour pencils/paints and a pic of dad from my kindle. Since beginning of December I have been doing little cartoons for b’days and celebrations (Cirmbum that sort of thing) for this I just wrote from the heart that I remember what dad looks like but can’t hear his voice anymore. I have hundreds of hours of home video in storage from the 80s and 90s I must have footage of dad fooling around. Today really was a day of nothingness this is not good to admit but I can only tell the truth, the only people that came in were to eat or drink at Nami that Jenny runs in the dive shop. Otherwise I sat there and read Game of Thrones and waited just in case I was needed, I wasn’t. I did hear that only one of the 4 dive companies in Tofo launched today so it’s not just us that’s quiet.

 Most of the Liquid Family, back row left to right, Para, Mani, Mike, Joseph, Pedro, a fat bird in blue, Jenny and Megan from Turtle cove (my visa run buddy).  Front row l to r, Chris, Isadora and Jon.

Tuesday 13^th.A blisteringly hot day here, really need to have a dip in the pool at some point. Because it’s quiet I have said to everyone come in at 8am, I still open up at 7am. Mike was fast asleep this morning laying on his back as I crept out of the house this morning desperately trying not to make a noise. Johnny left Mozambique today; he had a good send off from the guys who work here and friends. He’s not going straight home he is doing some traveling including visiting the skeleton coast in Namibia (I’d love to go there). This afternoon highlight was an exploding beer bottle in Jens car, we were chatting when we heard a bang which resulted in her car alarm going off. I noticed what appeared to be water on her windscreen; we all look up, nothing, in my head I’m thinking “That’s a huge bird poo”. It was Jen that then said “It’s a beer bottle”, her car was in direct sunlight and she had a full beer bottle on the dash, a little excitement on another Tofo quiet day. Ended the work day in the pool so nice to cool down, this is when the idea of home cooked chips came about with Mike and Jenny. An hour later I was eating lovely home cooked chips made by Mike. Mike and I named 4 Geckos John, Paul, George and Ringo while cooking the first chips. I watched them for ages, Ringo was great at catching moths and flies, John seemed to have beef with Paul and George was just George doing is own thing.

 Bye Johnny.

Wednesday 15^th, Just spent a while watching 4 ants walk all the way across the counter together and down on to the floor, fascinating little fellows all in a line. Sure enough it’s been a very quiet day once again the only people that have been in have been for Jenny. There appears to be a problem with the car our mechanic is looking in to it, he has said that a part might have to get ordered from Maputo. This could be a problem as Mike is due to drive to Maputo on Saturday and collect Jari who flies in from Finland. At the end of the day sure enough Para contacted me and yes the part does have to be ordered and also it’s going to cost a little more. It’s been another swelteringly hot day today I managed to have a dip in the pool for a bit, I really hope that we get a dive soon. In the garden this evening I had toasted marshmallows have not had these since I was tiny, so yummy. We were with Filippo an Italian guy who had never had marshmallows before, this reminded of Star Trek V (The Final Frontier) when Spock was shown one for the first time, I did wonder who I was if Filippo was Spock am I Kirk or Bones, who do I most want to be… There’s a lovely dog that has followed Mike around now and then, it’s a Rhodesian ridgeback like the lovely Tank. In the morning were going to contact the people that are looking after her, such a beautiful looking creature so well behaved.

 Mike and his bitch.

Thursday 16^th, The puppy spent the morning at the dive centre, she is being looked after by some people but she keeps running off, luckily she found Mike again. Mike and the puppy spent some time in the pool which was so lovely. The rest of the day was very quiet, apart from people to eat and drink at Nami. It’s very tiring doing nothing there were a couple of times when I thought to myself if I was to lay down I would fall asleep, therefore I kept myself up and doing things. I sent my Children’s story to a couple of friends today who are published to see what they think, fingers crossed that they like it and make some suggestion that might help. All this week I have been trying to write something but I haven’t got past a few paragraphs, I just can’t break the block, got to keep trying. We haven’t dived since Sunday, Mike is going to ask Jari if we can do a staff dive, fingers crossed for a positive answer (I have a feeling it will be good). Para has updated me on the car, that part he was going to get from Maputo won’t fit, but he has found a second hand part I have said to buy it as we need the car fixed for Saturday.

Friday 16^th, we were all very excited about the staff dive. It didn’t happen, the sea is rough due to bad weather (There are a couple of cyclones out to sea that are the problem) so we didn’t launch, in fact I hear no one did again. Mike and I were so disappointed really wanted this dive not got wet since Sunday. Para got the second hand part and worked his magic on the car; this means that Mike leaves very early in the morning to drive to Maputo to pick Jari up at 1pm. Because its Friday I had fish and chips from Rasta’s so nice even though it takes a while to arrive (it’s worth it really it is). I had a lovely dip in the pool, just floating about is such a beautiful sensation, the fact that you can move about by balancing and pushing with one finger is amazing I think (especially if you’re the weight I am…. LOL). Tonight I have moved to my new accommodation for the next few weeks. I am staying at Nadia’s house and a lovely little place it is, there are 3 dogs that live next door so I think I’m pretty safe. I’m back to being on my own after sharing a house, I have to admit I’m glad to be on my own again. I have come to realise that I am a very solidity person and like my space, I don’t play well with people any more.

 My new house for a few weeks.

End of week 30 of the Mid-Life Crisis, I saw a tiny (maybe) 50 metres of Swaziland, didn’t dive much at all and moved to a new house this week. Overall not a busy week for work, but still a busy and happy week in Mozambique.

 Beautiful puppy guarding my new house.

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 29, Saturday 3 January to Friday 9 January 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Sophie B Hawkins, Kate Nash, Radiohead, Portishead, The Smiths, Morrissey

And have been watching…. Game of Thrones (Season 2, eps 2 to 10 & Season 3 eps 1 & 2), Citizen Khan (Season 3, eps 4 and 5), Citizen Khan Crimbum episode, Doctor Who “Last Christmas”, The Hobbit, Battle of the Five Armies,

Still reading…… “A Game of Thrones, A Song of ice and Fire” book 1 by George R.R. Martin.

Saturday 3^rd, Got up a little later and went in for just after 8.30am the sun was already very hot, you don’t really walk around without a hat if you can help it. I was never a hat person before, but now I think I’m known for my battered M&S straw hat, which I found out today when I looked was not made of straw, but paper. It says do not get wet, I have got it wet in heavy rain, on the Dhow trips to the Island and today its been on Ocean Safari. I lost my old running baseball hat last week on Ocean safari I didn’t want to lose the faux strew one so I made an improvised strap out of string just before we left, good thing I did as the hat did blow off a couple of times. Ocean Safari was one of the rare ones where we didn’t see a thing, Pedro the skipper did see a Turtle that dived straight away but on one else saw it. From the reactions from the other boats out there they didn’t see anything either. Mike and I have a theory that there have been so many packed boats recently that the Whale Sharks have buggered off, I hope this is only temporary if this is the case. Spent the rest of the day at the dive centre keeping cool in the shade.

Sunday 4^th, So much to say. 2 dives today the first to “Simons Town” I swept for the first time for Mike. The 2^nd was to “Clownfish” Ieading a junior open water diver who was 11 years old round our shallow site. So much reef life and so many Clownfish. Mike dropped the T and became a DM today, woo hoo. I walked back from the market after buying bread with a smile so wide coz I just love this place, if I could just stay I would (The only thing I need is internet, I think) I really don’t want to come home. But I have to face facts that in March I have been away 9 months I have things to sort out, the 30 square metres of Sci-fi shit is one of them. Also seeing my niece and nephews (with a new one coming in March) plus I need to save more money (you don’t earn much as a DM, you don’t do this for money). So reality says go home work my ass off for a few months and come back in July and see if Liquid will have me back or another dive shop might take me (I think I’ll get a good reference). Talked to Nadia today, Indonesia is a cheap place to live so I might look at going there for a month, but Tofo has stolen my heart. I have big things to think about over the next few months. Had a massive Skype session watched Crimbum Doctor Who and episodes of Citizen Khan.

 Kitchen of the house i’m living in at the mo.

Monday 5^th. This week have to do my visa run again (yes 30 days is almost up), have put feelers out to see if anyone is going to the border. There was someone going but all the seats in the car have been taken up. However Zak and Zelda are going to Swaziland on Friday and have offered me a lift, so it looks like I’m visiting a different border crossing. The plan is to get stamped out of Mozziebeak and then stamp straight back in, I will then try to get a lift back to Maputo which would mean then staying the night there and coming back to Tofo the next day. everything is in the planning stage at the mo. Nice dive to “Giants Castle” and another manta, this one had a very long tail it felt from the angle was at that the tail was longer then the body, I could also see that there were visible bite marks (most probably shark attacks) on the backs of its wings, a very chilled manta on the cleaning station. Nadia who is the main instructor at Liquid is going away for a month and has said I can house sit for her, popped in to see her house very nice it’s just behind the first house I lived in with Jenny from end of Oct to December last year. I tried to watch more Game of Thrones but was so tired I started to nod, will have to re-watch that episode went to bed early.

 My bedroom.

Tuesday 6^th, dived this morning to the beautiful “Sherwood Forest” the current was strong this meant that the dive became a drift dive so we didn’t go the normal way round the reef. I tied the reel off to see if we could swim around the reef but it soon became clear that the current was too strong. On the drift as we were going back slowly to the surface we saw a lone Devil Ray, it appeared to me to circle us from below (it was 10 metres below us so probably didn’t know we were there). Haven’t seen a Devil Ray in a while, you normally see them in small groups or pair so to see one on its own is a little sad. Extremely quiet day in Tofo the crowds have either left or are starting to go, the rows of 4×4 or souped up quads have started to leave town. But this meant that the dive shop was so quiet today it was a very chilled place. I have now seen the new Hobbit film enjoyed it but my heart says did we really need three Hobbit films, surely two would have been enough. I really would like to see it on a big screen (a BIG Tv would be nice, but a HUGE cinema screen would be better) there were lovely moments and nice nods to the LoTR films but my heart says we didn’t need this extra slice of the Middle Earth cake.

Wednesday 7^th, a very humid night, I was laying with my head against the mozzie net which had the fan directly on the other side, if my head was any closer to the blades I could have blended it (yes there is a cover on the fan but I was laying as close to it as I could). This morning’s dive got cancelled after I had got all the gear out due to the clients having car problems. The result was that because Tofo is so quiet a few of us were not needed today. We’ve all worked every day with just crimbum and New Years Day off so a day off was welcomed. After hanging about for a little at the dive shop it was off home, when I got there I noticed in the garden a sprinkler, I suddenly became a child again and had to go run through it and stand there and just get wet it was so satisfying in this heat. Am planning my visa run trip, as I want to be away as short a time as possible I am taking very little, the list so far, toothbrush, spare knickers, kindle, Ipod, maybe a physical book (for when batteries run out). That’s the list so far. Mike and Johnny’s snorkel test is tomorrow it will be an interesting evening. I spent far too much time today on my own watching Game of Thrones this is what happens when I have a day off and I’m not having to do things. The whole house were having a “Family Dinner” out, but as usual I didn’t go, I’m learning more and more that I am not a social person I find that I’m better on my own festering in my own depression instead of spreading it and infecting others. Of course I want to go and have fun and enjoy myself, play games on the beach with others eat drink and be merry but I just find I cant. If I did id be looking for the exit all the time wanting to leave, I’d be worried what people are thinking and saying about who and what I am. So in the end its better I just sit in a corner of the room and watch fantasy shit, or read fantasy shit or even better go to bed and sleep.

 The sprinkler.

Thursday 8^th, I lead a nice dive round “Salon” this morning, recently I got lost and very upset with myself over it, so today I hugged the reef and nothing went wrong. Salon was Moray city today there were so many Morays, different ones, big and small. The best bit was we had an Octopus trying to hid amongst some rocks and not doing a very good job of it, we all just hung there naturally buoyant watching it. So much reef life, it’s such a great site (when you don’t get lost). I slew the mighty Salon today (Yes I have been watching far too much Game of Thrones). This got mentioned when Mike and Johnny were riding on the boat pontoons as it was being pulled back to the dive centre, I said they looked like lords/knights riding there trusty steeds, yes I have seen far too much HBO fantasy this week. Johnny became a DM today as well so the double snorkel test is deffo on. We had some rain today, which is welcomed when it’s been as hot as it has been. Managed a short Skype session with mum and HEL as I won’t get to chat with them until after the visa run. Makes you think when mum says that they have the heating on there, you really don’t need heating here, well I don’t anyway. I’m leaving for the visa run at 3am not sure if I should get some sleep or just stay up and sleep in the car. Just back from Mike and Johnny’s very funny snorkel test, they really were a buddie team helping each other out, an excellent night out. I did the briefing map, not one of my best efforts, I tried to not make it rude as normally there just tits and bums with a willy thrown in. Congrats to Liquid’s new DM’s Michael Peters and Johnny Excell.

Friday 9^th, because I’m leaving at 3 am I have decided to post this now, otherwise it won’t go on until Saturday or Sunday. I promise full coverage of my visa run in next Fridays So-Called Blog.

Week 29 has still to end, will I get to the Swazi-Mozambique border, will I get stamped out and in straight away, will I get to Maputo and eventually back to Tofo all will be revealed next week….. Fingers crossed.

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 28, Saturday 27 December 2014 to Friday 2 January 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Morrissey, Lana Del Ray, Kate Bush, Jake Bugg.

And have been watching…. Twelve Monkeys, Game of Thrones (Season 1, eps 1 to 10), Game of Thrones (Season 2, eps 1)

Still reading…… Finished Morrissey’s Autobiography, Started “A Game of Thrones, A Song of ice and Fire” book 1 by George R.R. Martin.

Saturday, another very hot day you feel so slow and tired. Putting on a wetsuit and dive gear in this heat is not pleasant so any chance to get in the water (the sea before the launch or the pool after). Yesterday I spent ages working on arrangements for a kayak trip today. It didn’t happen the customers didn’t turn up that’s so annoying and rude. Went on a nice dive north today we were meant to have gone to “Reggies” but something happened on the drop and we let’s just say didn’t make it to Regs place but the reef I did see was lovely. It appears that my eyes on a dive look a little startled; I feel relaxed but when I’m working I’m concentrating. I will try to smile more behind my reg as smiling makes the eyes look more relaxed, I think. This evening we had a power cut for an hour and a half, it was mentioned to me “check the dog is not in the room”, there is a lovely black and white dog that I think comes from the lodge next door and lounges about in the garden, it was recently found in the bedroom, needless to say I checked all the corners and under the bed just to make sure. It rained a couple of times which is good let’s hope it breaks the humidity.

Sunday, The rain last night didn’t help it was just scorching all day. Went on 2 dives, the first didn’t go as planned due to strong current. The second reminded me of diving in Wraysbury in the UK in viz of maybe 1 or 2 metres. I lead my life trying my best to do the right thing, not to be a problem, to pull my weight (and yes there’s a lot of that). I do seem to spend my life tip toeing around people because I don’t want to upset anyone. The problem is I’m pretty much shit at everything, and things just seem to go wrong. Today is a prime example, I went with Mike to get petrol and we need to get money from the cash machine. Mike is dealing with the petrol so I decide I’ll help by getting money out with the company card, 3 times I try to put the pin and in the end yes you guessed it the card didn’t come back. It’s only when I’m telling Nadia that I realise what I did, how can I be so F£$&ing stupid. I am a f$”*ing liability I really feel that, I shouldn’t ever be given anything responsible to do because I’m either going to screw it up big time or it wont go to plan and will be a horrible mess resulting in me spending the rest of the day apologising to everyone and trying to be as invisible as possible. I have just received a text that said “Tomorrow is another day”, I replied “That’s what i’m worried about”…….. Its times like this I wish there wasn’t a tomorrow.

Monday, feeling better the most important news is the company cashpoint card has been retrieved from the bank, I’m never touching it again. It rained and poured so much today, there was a tiny frog in the bathroom this morning I managed to finally catch it in one end of a loo roll and managed to get him outside safely, I couldn’t leave him in the bathroom that 5 other people in the house use. At the dive shop I got soaked to the skin and didn’t have a change of clothes, I was tempted to jump in the swimming pool as I know the water was warm. I got wet from taking dive gear to and from the back of the shop collecting stuff from the boat, Mike and I looked like drowned rats. Spent a lot of today organising the kayak trip for tomorrow there is so much to arrange luckily one of our guys Mani is very good and knows the right people to talk too, the weather could be a sticking point will have to see. More power cuts during he evening but not as long as previous nights..

Tuesday, more rain, in fact it bucketed down but by 8 things were looking brighter. The kayak trip was on, we all bundled in to the bosses 4×4 and I drove us to the location. While dealing with the kayak the heavens opened again, how much rain is up there. We decided to drive to the actual location where we kayak from and discovered that you couldn’t see across to the island so it was decided by the customers to postpone and try tomorrow. This meant phone calls to canx the things that had been arranged yesterday and get things rearranged for tomorrow. During the day a few more people have expressed an interest so the group tomorrow is much bigger than planned, but because of the time of year we can’t hire anymore kayaks so some of the customers will ride on the dhow there instead of kayaking. Mike and I will decided who goes, I sort of feel it should be me as I was due to go yesterday and I have met all the clients before so I should probably go. This will mean that I won’t get another dive in 2014 which is disappointing, but I will make sure that I get plenty in 2015. I have done 130 dives since end of June which is really not bad. Tofo is very busy at the mo, there are lots of cars driving past with very load sound systems, but the worst part is the quad bikes passing all the time and the souped up ones are the worst by the end of the day my head was ready to explode.

Wednesday, and it was the second attempt at the kayak trip, I still had a slight headache from the day before but we gathered everyone together and off we went. When we go the location where we pick up the Dhow the guys who sail them wanted to suddenly charge us more coz of the time of year, we pointed out that they hadn’t said anything about this when we arranged them a few days ago. After a lot of raised voices and pointing (people here in Mozambique talk load, they still shout when next to each other) we departed (some kayaking some on the Dhow) for the island. I got to ride on the Dhow which is so much relaxing then kayaking, after a little stop on a sandbank for snacks and to wait for the kayaks to catch up we continued to the island. Once at the island we met the chief Eric who was entertaining a full island which was packed with visitors, normally were the only group there but today it felt like everyone was there. After a tour round the island we sat down for our meal, it was a feast, food just kept coming lots local tradition food along with a few chips and pasta. The Dhow ride back (for everyone this time, no one kayaks back) was so gentle just a lovely way to travel, there beautiful old boats, you ignore the small leaks and the bailing out that goes on in the back. Once back at Liquid I made sure nothing was in my pockets and ran through the shop and jumped straight in to the pool fully clothed. In the evening everyone in the house was out for New Years, I skyped with MOZ in the UK the first time, was so nice seeing and hearing her. While Skyping at about 11.30pm the front door rattled and banged then got nudged open, there was a dog. The dog had opened the door, came straight in and made its self at home. I tried to walk it out but it had other ideas. At midnight the fireworks began to upset it and she hid under mikes bed (which I thought was funny). At about 12.30 I managed to carry the heavy dog outside and quickly close the door. What a strange way to start a new year with my best friend and a stray dog. Later i skyped with my sister and mum who were watching the fireworks in London on TV. (I have since found out that the dog was probably Chicken who lives near the dive centre)

2014 has been an interesting year, what will 2015 bring……

Thursday, I didn’t go to bed last night until after 2am so this morning when I woke up after 7 I was slightly in shock as I’m so used to being up at 6am. I lounged about and in the end decided to go out, took the camera and got snaps of a very busy Tofo. Today there appeared to be a lot of hung over people everywhere I went. I ordered pizza which took 50 minutes to arrive, what made it worse was others who ordered after me go there’s first, very frustrating in this heat. I bought some fruit juice form one of my regular stalls and the woman just stood there staring in to nothing while I tried to give her the money I had to ask her to take it. Yes Tofo had a big head ache today. It was so hot during my little walk today I was glad to get home, I had to jump in the shower straight away. Spent the rest of the day watching Game of Thrones, that excites me. In the evening I skyped with my sister and her family end to a lovely day.

 Nelson, who parks and washes cars, a lovely bloke

Friday, busy day on the water, i did 2 dives and an Ocean Safari. The first dive to “Giants Castle” was a lovely drift but what made it special was a New Year Manta, it was not with us for long but I saw it. The Ocean Safari was packed all we saw were Dolphins and from what the other boats were saying to us they didn’t see anything big either. The final dive of the day was to “Simons Town” high light was a free swimming Octopus who squirted its ink, i’ve never seen that happen for real (only on TV) it was a special moment. After work Mike and I were in the market and bumped in to the Mozambique guys that work for Liquid they were all having a drink at a stall, next thing I knew was they had bought drinks for me and Mike, so sweet. Had a lovely time drinking with nice people watching the world go by. Tofo was packed there are so many 4×4 that nothing could move traffic is at a standstill, there seem to be a lot more police about but they just stand there doing nothing. Just skyped with SAZ and her family again, my little niece was shouting “Dee Dee don’t do Africa” which was so funny, there is very little about home I miss but Anaia is one of them.

This week I ended one year and started another. It’s been a good week with highs and lows but that’s to be expected, I’m over the low and feeling back on the Tofo high again. But I won’t lie and admit I’ll be glad when all the extra people that were here for Crimbum and New Year have left and Tofo can return to its normal sleepy seaside village self. Here’s to next week….

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 27, Saturday 20 to Friday 26 December 2014.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Morrissey

And have been watching…. Fringe (Season 4), Fringe (Season 5), The Dream is Alive (docu about space travel), Destiny in Space (Docu about space travel), RED.

Still reading…… Morrissey’s Autobiography

Saturday, felt better today as I was a little low yesterday so went to bed last night very early. I lead an Ocean Safari this morning, even with skipper Pedro (who I’m convinced has Terminator vison) we only spotted a Turtle on the surface and a few Dolphins, which is always lovely and brings a smile to faces. But we didn’t spot anything big like Mantas or Whale Sharks all the stuff that people really want. The rest of the day was spent finishing the huge Liquid sign, I assembled it over a large wooden table that I have been using to paint on (a sort of make shift work bench). I came outside at one point and a customer was sitting in the chair I had been using and had his beer and plate on the sign he thought it was a table. Luckily nothing was damaged, I wasn’t impressed. Carlos my computer man came over and sorted the dongle out again, he did it quickly and with no trouble. This meant I could post last weeks So-Called Blog and skype with my sister (Hel) and mum, haven’t spoken to them for a few weeks lovely to catch up again.

Sunday, it was Ocean Safari time again this trip was a smaller group than yesterday. We hadn’t been out long when Dolphins were spotted we got in I heard them squeaking very loudly but didn’t see them. We continued to trawl about with 2 other dive shop boats near us, when we spotted the big one a Whale Shark. We had the Whale Shark to ourselves for a few minutes until everyone else appeared in the end there were 4 other boats in the area and people snorkelling everywhere. The Whale Shark stayed deep due to this disturbance, we didn’t hang about as we had seen it clearly. Later we found a huge pod of 20 plus Dolphins, while snorkelling I saw them swimming below us (a sort of super highway of Dolphins) then they swam next to and in front of the boat, there were a few babies in the pod which was nice to see. I assembled the huge sign and managed to borrow a drill to secure the planks to the frame that Mani, Parra and Joey had carried through the dive shop and laid out front. The sun was so hot as the boys were digging the holes and erecting the sign that I quickly went and bought them all a coke as I felt they needed a drink. The sign looks ok, even if I say so, it took a long time but I think it’s worth it, hope the bosses like it…

Monday, Zak drove me to Inhambane to the dentist, Dr Brian is based in a hospital which at 7.30am was packed with men, woman and crying children. There was a tiny sweet kitten wondering around as well that really should have been with it’s mum. The hospital is very open so finding shade was a little difficult. I was not sure how I was going to be seen so it was suggested by Jenny that I contact the Dr. Sure enough after he saw some children who screamed the place down (which was worrying) I was called in. Dr B just took a look at me and said his assistant would pull it out, if I was in Maputo or South Africa then something could have been down but in inhambane all he could do was take it out. I decided that to leave it to let it rot might be worse so pulling it out it had to be. The section that had come out was just above the gum line on the front of the tooth (not the top as with the traditional filling), the missing section was then covered up to look like the rest of the tooth, this was the bit that has come off. I had an injection to numb the area and out it came with what looked like a normal pair of pliers, I didn’t hurt as such but I felt it being ripped out of my head. I managed to keep the tooth they didn’t want me to have it but I persuaded them. With cotton wool in my mouth I left paid my 40mets (less than a pound) and did the rest of the things I needed to in Inhambane. For the first 30 mins I really felt wobbly on my feet. I queued at the cash point for20 mins (2 police officers just pushed in) then went to pay the water bill for Liquid (one police officer pushed in), I thought it was better to not say anything and let them do what they want. When time to come home went to the bus station bumped in to Nelson (who is deaf and mute, a lovely fellow) showed me the correct chappa (very small mini bus) to get on. Suddenly he was up out of his seat and I followed him as the big red single decker bus to Tofo had arrived. It was packed in seconds but Nelson had got us seats, I kept nodding off during the 23k journey. Got back to Liquid and told my horror story. I do wonder if I have done the right thing, should I have left the tooth in and seen what would happen maybe it would have lasted till I got home in March. To late to ponder and regret things now of course. I have looked in the mirror you can’t really see the gap so I don’t think it will be too noticeable, but I know its missing.

Tuesday, I spent the morning at the dive shop but I really felt iller and iller all the time. In the end at about 10ish I went home, on the way I was met by the gardener/housekeeper Ernesto who kindly helped carry some of my stuff. Learned a few things about him and about his family. I got home and went to bed and slept for 4 hours. A few weeks ago I did some cartoons for my sisters/best friend/nephews bday’s, I had an idea then to do a crimbo one. So got the watercolours out and painted, it’s not as I had in my mind it’s looking more like the TV show “Mrs Browns Boys” than my family but I can’t be choosey at this late stage. I am the original bah humbug, crimbum is for little ones not for old bitter over the hill sods like me. We had a couple of power cuts this evening, Zak and Zelda and I were sitting around the kitchen table in candle light chatting and listening to music, oh and trying to blow out the candles with our minds…… yes you read that correct.

Wednesday, my mouth is still a little swollen and very sore, I am still not feeling great, am doing the salt water a couple of times a day (it takes so long for the water to cool down, that I forget I have boiled it so am not doing it as many times as the dentist said). It’s a busy day at the centre, went on a nice dive to “Marble Arch” my last dive before Crimbum, nothing really to report except a bloom of jelly fish. There were so many jelly fish about they were floating everywhere, large ones small ones all pulsating and bobbing along in the currents. A couple of people did get small stings from the very fine tentacles but the pain fades after a few minutes and all that is left is a slight red mark. I floated around just watching them pass me looking very alien. What a beautiful site a bloom of jelly fish at this time of year reminded me of snow falling in a traditional English Crimbum card scene. In the evening we had a BBQ South African style at the end of the garden, cooking burgers and sausages. The meal was eaten inside and was yummy. When sitting in the garden I was captivated by the stars coming out and slowly moving in the sky because of the turning of the earth, just beautiful.

Thursday, a boring day, I skyped with home a couple of times, everyone at my sisters was having a great time. I slept in this morning and then went to the dive centre and watched videos. A couple of documentaries about space travel and then a couple of Bruce Willis films, I brought food and juice with me so had a nice time in my own way. Ended up going to bed very early due to being bored.

Friday back to normal, and guess what my bloody dongle is not working again I have to look in to getting another. I went on a lovely dive to “Manta Reef” and we had 2 Manta’s, woo hoo. Then almost straight away I was out again on Ocean Safari with 2 Whale Sharks, we snorkelled with them for ages one was small only 3 meters in length the smallest I have seen, it was very chilled just under the surface mouth open swimming silently. We also saw some bottle nosed Dolphins but they didn’t want to play so we didn’t get in. Tomorrow there is a Kayak trip and I have been helping to arrange it so Mani and I went on a toad trip this afternoon to check a few things, this meant I got to drive on tarmac and sand roads (I was very careful Jari), it was Top Gear Africa (without the speeding honest). The weather the last couple of days has got really hot and humid; I’m really not a pretty sight in a sweaty Liquid t-shirt.

This weeks So-Called blog is short as you can see and there are no pics this is all to do with having no net as I’m writing this quickly and don’t want to use someone else internet up with my crap. Normal service will resume next week. That’s all for another great week in Tofo, I’ve had fun in my own way honest.

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 26, Saturday 13 to Friday 19 December 2014.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Morrissey, Portishead, Beth Orten, Nirvana, Lana Del Ray

And have been watching…. Fringe (Season 4)

Still reading…… Morrissey’s Autobiography

Saturday, my first day back at the shop since my SA adventure. It’s poured pretty much all night and most of the day, some of the sand roads have just turned to mud and others that have huge pothole/ponds which are so deep I’m sure if we went on a scuba dive we’d find Manta’s and Whale Sharks in them. The big news was that a baby bird (it appeared to be a baby) landed/fell by the back door, at first I wasn’t sure what it was. I had a look and sure enough it was a very wet and shivering scared bird, my first thought was it had been attacked, but later realised it was just soaking wet. I looked around but couldn’t see the nest. After speaking to people in the shop I made the tough decision to leave it on the grass under some bushes for cover. However I went back after 10 minutes (coz I was worried) and it was still there, looking drier more fluffy. I moved it carefully to a nearby wall (it pooped on me at this point) and left it there so that it could be seen by other birds. While I worked I kept looking out of the door and sure enough it was just sitting there. A little later I returned with Joseph to have a look at it, suddenly it took flight in front of us only a few metres on to a wooden roof but it was something. I was told later that it flew away completely, so a happy ending after all. Due to the rain we have been infested with tiny flying bugs that have been biting everyone, were all itching and scratching and feeling very uncomfortable. Spent the day cutting out large letters as stencils to paint on the wall out the front of the dive shop.

Sunday, it’s a hot dry day today completely different to yesterday. Spent the day continuing to cut out stencil letters and spray painting them on to the wall by the road. Afterward it was mentioned that a dive flag (A warning flag coloured red with a white diagonal from top left to bottom right) would look good on the wall, and yes it does. After this I started to paint the dive shop logo free hand (no projector today) on a sign that will go outside somewhere. Have to finish it tomorrow got others to work on as well a.s.a.p. My bosses leave for Finland for a month in a couple of days, this means that I move in to their house with a couple of others from the dive shop, the house really will be a Liquid household. I really hope that I can get in the water soon as I haven’t dived since last Saturday. There are dives tomorrow so I am hoping that I will get a look in. I also can’t wait to test out my new weight of 4kg (I’m easily pleased). I don’t find December an easy month I find it very depressing really all this talk of crimbo drives me mad. That’s the nice thing about Tofo, there really is no mention of the dreaded day. When I was in SA last week I remembered all the reasons why I hate this holiday time. I have to admit I’m finding things a little tough at the moment, just feeling low I have to try and overcome it by looking about this lovely place and realise how lucky I am.

Monday, I spent the day continuing to paint/spray paint the Liquid Street sign. I am using normal office paper for the stencils and car spray paint, because the background is white you can see where the spray has spread out so I have been going round each letter and other elements with white to clean the sign up. If the background was a different colour I don’t think it would matter as much. So far am a little pleased with results, the main thing is the bosses are happy. Highlight of the day happened at about 5pm flying feet above the surface of the pool was a tiny bat, it circled and circled every now and then dropping to the surface of the water and taking a sip. It circled very closely over Johnny’s head repeatedly not sure if that’s a sign that he is Tofo’s king vampire…. Naww I’ve seen too many movies. It was such a pretty sight to see this beautiful creature just flying about unconcerned by a number of us just watching as the sun started to go down over the lagoon. Because the bosses leave for Finland tomorrow everyone got together at the end of the day and had pizza in the town (if you can call Tofo town), liquid really has a family feel. The new DMT Zak and his girlfriend Zelda have arrived (actually yesterday) and I think there camping in the bosses garden. Tomorrow I move in to their house for 3 weeks to a month with Mike to house sit should be interesting, he’s already planning crimbo dinner, I’m hoping to be out and about that day, unless I’m locked in a cupboard, I’ve definitely not been a good girl this year so I couldn’t care less if Santa passes me by.

Tuesday. It’s still raining, it is summer but we are now in the rainy season and have been told it will last a while so better get used to it. It’s a little like being in Manchester from what I remember, but with many more smiling faces. I went on my first dive in over a week; Nadia said to me “it’s only Clownfish” (Our shallow training site, depth ranges from 7 to 9.5 metres) I smiled and said “It’s a dive”, was buddied up with my Tofo son Mike had a great dive noodling about a beautiful reef. Towards the end Nadia indicated that Mike and I should go and find the buoy line (anchored to the sea bed). We buggered off in the direction I thought using her compass, we didn’t find it; we went another direction and didn’t find it. I probably shouldn’t say it was funny but Mike and I thought so, there was giggling behind our regulators. Using hand signals Mike indicated that we should surface like ninja scuba Otters and have a peek. The buoy’s weren’t that far away, however we found out we had been spotted, so we are not very good ninja scuba Otters. I got stopped by the police on a friends quad bike, nothing came of it there more scare tactics. A large frog was found dead in the pool, it looked like a large rubber comedy chicken (or frog). Poor thing probably died of chlorine poisoning, a lot has been added to the pool to clear it up, we have been using normal Mozambique tap water (comes out brownish most of the time) to fill it. The Goat man who passes most days walking loads of goats (there not pets, there food) came by, I noticed that one had a rope tired round one of its back legs. Mike and I helped the man untie the rope and cut it from around the hoof, we also had help from a man sheltering from the rain who turned out to be a vet student. This evening Mike and I moved in to the new house, Zak and Zelda are in a tent in the garden it’s going to be a happy home. It’s a home full of mozzies also so many of them around.

Wednesday, still raining, in fact rained on and off all day some of it very hard. I went on a great dive to “Giants Castle”, and what a wonderful dive 3 large Reef Mantas in the area where we dropped this meant that we didn’t move along the reef for the entire dive. I thought one of the mantas was pregnant but I think I was just seeing it from a strange angle. I spent the rest of the day working on the huge Liquid sign, and it is huge its painted on planks of wood so far I have been working on 4 that’s got the logo and the dive centre name on it, today I remembered that there are 3 more planks (7 in total) it really is huge, I have printed out all the words and now have to cut everything out it’s a long slow process but looks good once I have touched up the end result. This evening the Liquid household had a roast chicken cooked by Mike it was so nice, I did mention we were lacking roast taters and Yorkshire puds. Just before I went to bed I got a skype message from my sister SAZ, it was her and my little niece had a lovely chat as I haven’t spoken to them since the beginning of the month. My niece is looking so grown up for a nearly 3 year old what a lovely way to end the day.

Thursday, lots of cutting out stencils and spray painting letters on to the planks. At one point the paper was a little damp this resulted in the paint spreading a little very annoying but I have managed to cover it up I think. Because the sign is huge and will be up high no one is really going to get that close to it. This afternoon went to “Clownfish” the training reef again this time with a group of people who have never been in open water before, it’s always great to see their faces during the dive and after they were very excited about being under the water, seeing reef life and just breathing under water. During the dive we came across a huge fishing net never seen one at the reef, we had to swim under it at one point, the net doesn’t look like its drifted to the reef it appears to have been set there, will have to see what others say. My internet dongle has gone again, I discovered this 15 minutes before I was due to skype with my sister, from the message on the screen it appears to be the usual monthly problem will have to call my friend Carlos again.

 The finished sign ready to be assembled.

Friday, walked to the dive shop in a drizzle, there was a rainbow over the lagoon next too Liquid which was very pretty. The first thing I discovered were 2 small frogs having a Friday morning dip in the pool it was fascinating watching them dive under the surface kicking their legs, then float up to the surface. I had to fish them out because there was a rescue course due to start first thing. I discovered that a small filling at the bottom of a front tooth has fallen out; I have been told of a dentist in Inhambane I rang and can’t get an appointment until Monday morning. The road sign I painted earlier in the week is up, it doesn’t look that bad. I conducted a Scuba review for 3 qualified divers who haven’t dived in a number of years; they got the hang of it very quickly. After this we went on a dive to “Salon” one of the customers had problems getting down but she managed it in the end. The dive was nice, but somehow I lost the reef (HOW, ITS SALON, ahhhhhhh) and we ended up on a sandy bottom really not sure where I went wrong I have to admit I’m quite upset with myself as I feel that I just am not very good as a leader. I think I’m a sweeper (at the back) but I not a leader. I know I’m a little thick things have to be pounded in for me to grasp them maybe I’m just not cut out for this life after all. I need t think things over. Being Friday Tofo gets its glad rags on, I’m staying in as usual I can’t face going out, not even across the road to Mozambeats. I’m going to watch Fringe and go to bed and work out what I did wrong.

Its been a wet week, nice dives, lots of painting, but I feel shit at the end of it. I feel disappointed and upset with myself; I need a damn good kick up the arse…. The Adventure continues for now…

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique and South Africa.

Week 25, Saturday 6 to Friday 12 December 2014.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Sophie B Hawkins, Goldfrapp, Lots of MORRISSEY, lots of KATE BUSH, Arcade Fire, Blur, Kirst Aid Kit.

And have been watching…. Fringe (Season 3), Fringe (Season 4), The Hunger Games “Mockingjay Part 1” (In Cinema in Nelspruit), The Mask (in Portuguese on the Greyhound coach), Inglorious Basterds (with Portuguese subtitles on TV in Maputo), Django Unchained (with Portuguese subtitles on TV in Maputo),

Still reading…… Morrissey’s Autobiography

 Jedi training in the Caravan.

Saturday. Last night late I got a skype call from SAZ in Sri-Lanka but the connection was terrible; HEL and her were leaving for the UK in a couple of hours there trip is over. Saturday morning was busy with an Ocean Safari that I jinxed it by saying that we were going to be in and out of the water. I was wrong, but a Whale Shark saved the trip. Once back on dry land I kitted up for a dive in which I swept for Chris at “Simons Town” however the GPS co-ordinates appear to be off as yesterday and today we dropped in different location to where we should, oops. At depth I was buddied up with a customer who hadn’t dive with us before. During the dive he indicated that he had weight problems (not enough weight on his belt) so I ended up giving him 2 weights from my BCD pockets, I went from 6kg to 4kg in an instant. I was a little worried I might be too light, but it turned out to be amazing I was so light and felt weightless I really felt I had more control, so 4 kg it is next time.

 Coins minted in 2006, one looks much newer, I thought it was interesting……….

Sunday, I left Tofo with Gert and Rina at 6.30 am, so an early start. We had a couple of little pit stops along the way but other than that we plodded on south. We were through the border so quickly there was no queuing like before it was straight in and stamped straight out actually crossing the border at 15.00pm (8,1/2 hrs of travelling). We reached Nelspruit at 5pm (10 hrs of travelling) once arriving at the backpackers I realised that it was a little more expensive than I thought. So after a little bit of ringing around and looking on the web in the rain a cheaper option was found. Finding it proved difficult, but in the end the little guest house hiding behind the traditional South African high wall and electronic gates with armed response posters everywhere was found. My accommodation ended up being a little caravan in the back garden; it was small but cheap and cheerful. The lovely older couple who ran it invited me in for a meal and we watched Strictly Come Dancing (The BBC version, mum would be pleased) together. Gert and Rina had another 300 plus km to go until they got home to Pretoria, they have been so lovely to me I am so in their debt.

 My SA home.

Monday, in the morning Gail and Sammy the owners took me in to town and I got some passport pictures for the visa application. The address I got off the internet for the Mozambique consulate was wrong, after some detective work it was found round the corner. Filled in paper work and was told that the passport pictures were not needed (however it’s not a total waste of money as I need a picture for the PADI DM paperwork). I was then told to go up the road to a large bank and pay R1500 (I was given consulate bank account info), after paying I was to return with the receipt and come back tomorrow at noon. Found the bank and queue for 20 minutes to pay, later while waiting for a cash point I noticed a man drawing out money and shoving it in a briefcase already full of cash, strange I thought. When you get directions from people here in SA they say “left at the robot, go right at the 3 way robot”, which got me all excited as I was expecting C3P0, K9 or Gort. However what they’re talking about is just traffic light. Maybe the good people of Nelspruit have got disillusioned with how slow robotic technology is going, I know I am, and they have decided to use the word “robot” for everyday items. At one “robot” I saw a small truck with lots of wire crates filled with live chickens, the poor birds had no shade and no water, some were lying with heads and beaks out of the cages horrible site.

 Inside my SA palace.

Tuesday, I was at the consulate early so just sat there reading and listening to music. At 11.40ish I get pointed at and called to the desk and handed my passport, inside was a shiny new 3 month visa. The Mid-life crisis continues until at least early March. The first thing I did was to book my Greyhound bus out of Nelspruit tomorrow. The rest of the day was spent walking around in shops stocking up on a few things like bug spray and sun cream. I managed to get Wi-Fi in a coffee shop (I had a frappe and a burger while surfing) the net access was only for 30 mins this gave me enough time to just say “Hi” to the good people of the Earth and let them know I’m still alive. I have walked everywhere so far in Nelspruit but I ended up getting a cab to and from a shopping centre out of town. The reason I went there was to go to the cinema, I saw “The Hunger Games, Mockingjay Part 1”. I made sure I had my traditional seat, middle of the front row with a large salt popcorn and drink. I watch films on my computer but it’s not the same as being in a huge dark room with a massive screen. In the UK I go once or twice a month It’s one of the only things I really miss. I’m a geek and always stay for the end credits some films have little scenes hidden in them or at the end. I don’t know if there was today as the picture just stopped during the credit, let’s just say I was not happy and I did mention it to the staff, nicely. I have to be out of the caravan by 9am tomorrow, a long day ahead with lots of travelling.

 Its a monster of a Snail.

Wednesday, started in Nelspruit SA and ended in Maputo MZ. Said goodbye to the Caravan it was small but it served its purpose. I found a huge snail in the garden it was a monster, I moved it from the pathway to bushes, spoke to Gail the owner and she said there are a few of them in her garden. The woman at coach office remembered me (not sure if that’s good or bad). The bus was advertised as late but actually arrived pretty much on time and we left at 2pm. Highlights of the trip were passing rivers named “Tin” and “Boundary”, seeing a man at a pit stop walking past holding a bit of wood and pretending to play it like a guitar, and seeing everyone appearing to buy eggs at the last pit stop. I got speaking to a nice man who looked like Bishop Desmond Toto called Michael very interesting man telling me about the war and being a freedom fighter. Got to the border at 4pm and had to queue up, to get out of SA and back in to MZ, a number of people annoyed me by just pushing in and getting to the front quicker. As we got nearer to Maputo the traffic got heavier and the “robots” (see Monday if you don’t know what I mean) were working as they didn’t appear to be working when I passed by on Sunday. The rush hour traffic is just like London the only difference is the heat and the mozzies, oh and no one seems to obey any road rules. Getting to Maputo around 6pm, I jumped in a cad straight away and was taken to Fatima’s backpackers. I spent the very raining evening and night on the net and watching great films with Portuguese subtitled.

 A wet Fatimas in Maputo.

Thursday, I nodded now and then sitting in front of the TV showing programmes in Portuguese all through the night, but I didn’t actually sleep. The rain didn’t stop in fact it got heavier with thunder and lightning throughout the night. At 5am myself and 2 aussie girls got in a cab and were taken to the bus station where our bus waited. Between 5.15am and 7.30am the bus gradually got fuller and fuller all the time people coming up to windows trying to sell things. We finally left at 7.30 and for the first 30 minutes we kept stopping so more people would get on. When the door was open a high pitch loud warning would ring out, everyone seemed oblivious to it, but the noise was going through me and the aussie girls. As the journey continued my legs got numb and knees ached, I would stretch them under the seat in front as best I could and try to stand briefly to make them feel better. We didn’t stop until noon, those 10 minutes I made the most of walking about and stretching my legs. After this it was back on the happy bus finally reaching Inhambane at 3ish. This meant that I arrived in Tofo after 4pm, it’s been a long ride and a long day. I was so happy to be back in Tofo, seeing the people from the dive centre is great, I think they were happy to see me. My new visa means I will have to do this trip every 30 days, I hate the thought of that bus trip but if it means that I get to spend more time in Tofo and with these lovely people then it’s worth it. This evening Cindy and family were over for a great meal that Jenny made (with the help from the kids that is).

 Minions making pasta.

Friday. I have booked a new flight to London on 6 March 2015, I had a flight booked for December 15^th but I felt it was going to be easier in the end to just buy a new one. This is actually my third London flight, next time I must looking in to doing some sort of exchange as its quite costly doing it like this. I then went to Inhambane airport and changed the Mozambique flight, this is also the third time I have changed this and so far each time it’s not cost a Met (or a pound). I walk in the office with the new flight info and a few minutes later I walk out with a confirmation. Today was so hot, even after a shower I was still hot and sweaty. The rest of the day was spent moving as Jenny and I have moved from the house that we were living in. The new house is just down the road, I only have a couple of cases and bags but Jenny has so much more stuff. We managed everything in a few trips, with help from Cindy and her 4×4 truck. The new house is smaller than the old one but just as nice. Once we were in we discovered that there was a power cut so as it got darker the candles came out and we moved a few things about to make space. I actually move again next week as my bosses from Liquid are going back to Finland for Crimbo and am moving in to their place with Mike from Liquid (my Tofo son), as a result I’m not really unpacked tonight. The power came back just as we were going out to Chris place not far away; he was having a late bday Liquid bash. Lots of sausage, kebab and choc cake, yum……

 Visa for ever…..

The end of a very busy week, many miles travelled, numb legs and a flat bottom but I have a new visa, the Mid-Life Crisis continues…….

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 24, Saturday 29 to Friday 5 December 2014.

This week I have mainly been listening to…..   Morrissey, Lana Del Ray, Kate Bush, Narvana, Foo Fighters, Kate Nash,

And have been watching…. Fringe (Season 3)

Still reading…… Morrissey’s Autobiography

Special Happy bday mentions this week to, MOZ, Hel, SAZ on 2^nd Dec & Nico, Siani Price, The Mighty Chris all on 5^th Dec.

Saturday, today was a day of cleaning and painting. Last night started to write dive site names on the wall map, however as I did this it was decided that the turquoise of the sea should be extended a little so the map looked a little more even. I quickly repainted sections going over the names, this meant that this morning as the paint was dry I was able to rewrite what I’d covered up and added the remaining dive site names, it looks ok. I then started to paint the wall outside round the back; It’s got various fish in silhouette (continuing the style from the main counter at the front of the shop). Anna left today, we all said or goodbye, I got a post card which we all signed and gave it to her, another lovely person leaves Liquid and Tofo. This evening outside the house I found a snake pressed in the sand, not sure if it’s just the skin or the whole snake took pics.

Sunday, today was a day of more odd jobs, I continued to paint my latest NON masterpiece on the wall outside by the loo’s, which includes an orange oblong which will have “Toilet” written in white, this is so I can clean the brush after. If I use black paint I can’t clean the brushes properly, to stop them from going stiff and hard I have been leaving them in the paint pot with the handles wrapped in paper most of them are still usable. I have an idea to paint an octopus will speak to the bosses. This afternoon there was a dive to “Mikes Cupboard” I lead a customer around this interesting dive site, we saw an Octopus (always a delight) a Moray and plenty of other reef life. However the excitement began about 20 minutes in to the dive when the guest appeared to be having trouble breathing, he was being sea sick at depth. I changed his regulator for his alternative regulator (the Octo) but he continued to be sick and indicated he was still having trouble. I decided to give him my Octo this was when he gave the thumbs up to surface. He was definitely relieved to be on the surface I felt. This evening we had pizza with Cindy and family who have moved to their new house today.

Monday, the old lagoon behind Liquid has been set on fire, this is done in sections to kill off old vegetation, help promote new growth and naturally fertilize the ground (or so I have been told). The problem is its not patrolled and produces a huge amount of smoke that just drifts over town when the winds in the wrong direction. All day there have been curtains of smoke wafting out of the lagoon. Every now and then you’d stop what you’re doing to watch it’s actually quite beautiful in a strange way. The bosses liked my idea of painting a large Octopus on the wall, with legs carrying on past the glass door and round the corner, I think it’s worked and looks quite good even if I say so myself. This evening I have got the water colours out as tomorrow (2^nd Dec) is my baby sisters (Hel and SAZ) and best friend MOZ bday, I have made little cartoons of them and will put these pics on FB (no proper post here remember). Jenny is off to Maputo for a few days and my trip to SA looks sorted as I have a lift with a man that she knows.

Tuesday, started a little earlier than normal, Nadia and Satu and I went on a rekey to see if we can do a snorkelling trip. When I was in Tofo in 2013 with Marine Megafauna Foundation (MMF) I went on a couple of snorkelling trips to the estuary to count and identify different types of reef life. Today we drove on some very bumpy sand roads past small settlements with lots of people already up working in fields, loads of children running around, pigs asleep and chickens chasing each, this was all happening before 7am. The drive really was like something out of Top gear Africa, with us bumping along slipping and sliding in the sand, good thing we were in a 4×4 that’s built like a tank. We took longer to reach the location, which meant that we arrived after the ideal tide so were coming back tomorrow. Got back to the dive centre and the lagoon was on fire again this time right behind the dive shop, the smoke was thick and flames strong with banana trees just going up in smoke in front of you. I felt for all the animals in the lagoon who didn’t or couldn’t escape, this included BIG Frog/Toad who I put there last week after he was rescued from the swimming pool overflow pipe. When the flames looked like they were coming our way Michael, Jon and Satu and I used water, sand and things like spades to beat the flames out. However the fire then continued to make its way past us towards a small settlement of house next to the dive centre (at the back). Being good neighbours we checked on the people there who really didn’t seem bothered that the Banana trees metres from there small wooden houses were on fire. Went on a dive to Clownfish reef on the new Liquid boat, very nice. Alfie a rather well known dog was brought to the centre as we were closing; he nipped me on the finger, ouch.

Wednesday, was up at 5am to meet Nadia and Satu at 5.30am to go to the estuary again for another test snorkel trip. This time we got the time and tide right, once there we had a 30 minute or so walk until we found the area to snorkel. I had such a great time floating about the water, so many star fish with amazing colours on them, some of them were in mid stride (very slowly), others appeared to be like little arches with crabs or very tiny fish living under them. I spotted a Cowfish which is one of my faves, I didn’t find a sea horse this time even though I looked very carefully (I really did Nadia) amongst the sea grass, but I saw the ones that others found. While walking back we passed a number of people who were fishing for muscles and other sea creatures, this must be a tough job in waist high (or higher) water all day under that sun can’ be comfortable. Later went on a wonderful 64 min dive this afternoon to “Mikes Cupboard”. Highlights were more Cowfish that were swimming in an out of each other in sync, was this some sort of courtship, Chris and I just floated near and watched captivated. This evening I have been chatting with one of the landlords of this property (he has been staying a few days with his partner), really interesting man who flies helicopters, makes diving sound a little mundane…….

Thursday, and guess what back to the estuary again, the little children who go to a small community school at the place we leave the car must be getting to know our faces by now. Today was a real test as we had 2 paying customers (they knew it was very much a test trip). It turned out to be a great trip; we were taken to a slightly different area than the one we went too yesterday. This had some reef and small (and not so small) rocks at its deepest the water was maybe 2 metres. There were times however when you were floating in less than a foot of water. And yes I was again zoned in on Cowfish I saw so many I love them. I have never seen a puffer fish inflate and deflate before, today I saw a tiny (really a tiny) one who was already inflated when we saw it, suddenly deflate then puff up again wonderful. The star fish come in various sizes in amazing colours, Satu and I did pick one red Starfish up gently and rest it on our hands (it was on rock with just an inch of water flowing over it) once it was on your hand you felt movement looking under it you saw the hundreds of little legs coming out how amazing. I love the trip really I did. I found out today that my ride to SA has fallen through so once back at the dive shop I went to the local backpackers to ask about the bus that leaves for Maputo at 4am every day, I might have to do that but it’s going to mean that I will have to spend the rest of Sunday and a night in Maputo before I can get to Nelspruit. This way I might not be home until Thurs, will have to look in to the planning of this trip. The rest of the day was an off day so I just mooched about. I had some lovely Prawns and bread with the landlord and his partner this evening. Outside the moon is nearly full, it’s so bright reflecting on the sea

Friday, was originally to be a dry day as I got a text very late last night saying I was shop sitting. Once at the shop I discovered that I was diving (Yippee) a double tank this meant that I celebrated getting to Tofo 2014 dive number 120 (since June) before I leave for SA. First to “Manta Reef” we had 3 Mantas come see us. The second dive to “Simons Town” had amazing fish and small reef life, I did spot a HUGE fat sea cucumber it was a whopper. About half way in to the dive I hear Mike shouting I turn and there was a tiny (just over metre) Manta, I started to shout to the others who soon came swimming over to see what had occurred. This little beauty circled us completely twice while we just floated watching with mouths open (in our regulators of course). The little Manta hung about which was nice it could clearly see us and we were no threat to it, this is the smallest manta I have seen. The excitement just continued once on land. After hurriedly eating a pizza I was out on Ocean safari with a lovely group of people, with Mike leading. This was a safari of epicness, we had a Turtle on the surface at the start. We snorkelled with 2 Whale Sharks, one quite small compared to the second one. There was a 3^rd Whale Shark but it dived so we lost it, but it was replaced by a Manta a huge reef Manta. The fun continued a little later with dolphins, this pod has 2 small babies, I saw them playing at depth, but the best part was the curtain of bubbles coming from the Dolphins around us, it really was beautiful. All the customers heard them communicating with each other clicking and squeaking. During the safari I got stung by a blue bottle on the top lip it stung for a while, then got a little numb but 20 minutes later there was nothing. I have a ride to Nelspruit, I’m leaving Sunday with the landlord and his partner, I’m relived really am; now I just need to get the new visa.

End of a beautiful week in Tofo, I totally feel in love with Cowfish, but had plenty of Manta and Whale Shark moments to balance things out. Next week will mostly be in South Africa, fingers crossed that the visa application goes well. Oh I might be getting a puppy….. More news soon.

Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique.

Week 23, Saturday 22 to Friday 28 November 2014.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Morrissey, Alanis Morrisette, Arcade Fire, Lana Del Ray,

And have been watching…. The Apprentice (Season 10, eps 7), The Fall (Season 2, eps 2), Citizen Khan (Season 2, eps 3), Not Going Out (eps 5), Atlantis (Season 2, eps 2), Fringe (Season 3)

Saturday, started with a double tanks to our northern dive sites Reggie’s and the Office, hardly any current great viz 15 plus metres. White tip reef sharks on both dives (2 on Reggie’s and 1 on Office). Just after we dropped on Reggie’s a huge and I mean HUGE turtle came swimming out of the blue and straight up to Chris it got within a couple of feet from his face, after eyeballing other diver it swam past us. When we were leaving the dive site a turtle was spotted having a rest on the surface, our boat was just passing it as it took a gulp of air and dived, I’d like to think that was Chris Turtle. Office was spectacular as ever full of great marine life, pity there were no Mantas today. I could have gone on a 3^rd dive in the afternoon, but I decided to stay at the shop as I had some painting to do. Lockers have arrived for our customers belongings; I needed to give them a lick of paint. I have started to plan the wall painting I have been asked to do, must draw some designs. This evening Jenny rang to say she was not far away and will be home in a couple of hours, cold beers in the fridge all ready.

Sunday, got to dive shop Jari (one of the bosses) said to me “Manta Reef and Marble Arch”, I said “I’ll draw on the white board”. He said no could I lead the dives because Nadia was not well. So we kitted up, I did the briefing and off we went, yes I was a little nervous inside but I also knew I could do it. The diving sprits were with us as the viz was great and there was no current. Manta lived up to its name with deffo 2 possibly 3 mantas, and a huge turtle (in fact we had a turtle swim away from us just as a manta appeared overhead, so beautiful) we were so lucky. Marble Arch was lovely, I love that site lots of nooks and crannies, the clients were happy which the main thing is. A third enjoyable double tank in three days. Tomorrow I’m leading again, will report after the dive. The rest of the day was spent on a slight high with Pizza from Brankos and working on fun facts for Ocean Safaris. Spent the evening Skyping with Hel and mum and catching up on some rubbish TV I enjoy. A really good day, however I always worry when I have a good day and im on a high I worry about the bad day to follow this is why I try never to be too happy if you get me. I’m just going to enjoy today for what it was and see what tomorrow brings.

Monday started with another lead to Giants Castle, however this didn’t go as planned. There was a strong current on the drop and one customer had problems getting down so myself and Satu (one of the bosses) and the customer ended up separated from the group which is not a prob as Satu is an instructor I’m a DM. But then the customer started to panic due to a flooded mask, both Satu and my regulators were knocked out, we then decided that we had to ascend. I reeled in my safely sausage (an inflatable marker buoy that goes to the surface so that the boat can see where you are) that I had deployed and Satu keeping the customer happy. All ended well and in fact the customer got in the pool to practise mask clearing which is good. The New Liquid T-shirts arrived today they look great, I stupidly picked a black one and roasted all day as black absorbs the sun, stupid me. A number of people in the market commented on the shirts so I think they will be a great advert for the dive shop. Tonight we had Cindy and her boys over for a meal very nice. Next week I have to do my visa run, I have to go to South Africa again, this time I’m going to get a totally new 3 month visa. If I get the visa this will mean that when I leave in March and I will have been here 9 months, to be totally honest I never want to go back but I have to be realistic I suppose. I Skyped with SAZ and had a lovely chat, our brothers little boy Nico is staying was nice to see him.

Tuesday, I lead a lovely dive round the mighty Salon a shallow dive site, great 50 minutes underwater with Nemo and friends. Once on land I just changed from my full wetsuit into my shortie one as I lead an ocean safari for 7 customers. We hadn’t been out long when Pedro (the captain) informed us that there were a number of Mantas around us, we were in the water like a flash. I managed to see them for a moment until one of the customers got tired and I helped her back to the boat. A little later we had another group of Manta’s but these were then upstaged by a Whale Shark. Turning round to see the world’s biggest fish just cruising under the surface coming directly towards me is a site to remember. That was not the end of our adventure as soon after we came across another Whale Shark, what an amazing safari we were so spoiled. We ended the trip a little early after a group decision as a couple of punters were not well. The rest of the day was spent at the centre until Jenny arrived who was going to collect various children from the local international school. I went with her, what a beautiful place in the middle of nowhere this little school with a view to kill overlooking a large river, the wind blowing beautiful place, I can only imagine how lovely it must be to go to school like that. I got home and had a nap on the sofa listening to music what a lovely day

Wednesday, Anna has told us that she has to leave early which is really sad as a result she is looking to leave this Friday (was due to leave next week). My dive today didn’t go as planned my regulator has been slightly free flowing (Scuba regulators are demand value, you breathe in and you get air otherwise the air doesn’t come out), my regulator has a very slight continuous hiss of air leaking from it which has not had any impact on my air consumption. Today’s dive to Mikes Cupboard I was on the line waiting for everyone to descend, my regulator was really free flowing, I took it out of my mouth and sure enough there were lots of bubbles so when Nadia descended I handed the reel to her and went back to the surface, my dive was over. In the evening I went with Jenny to visit Cindy’s new house that’s being constructed, what a beautiful place on lovely land with a wonderful view of the sun setting we stood there drinking Savannah watching the sun go down. After this I went to the cinema Tofo style, on a Wednesday at Mozembeats bar they show a film on a big screen tonight’s was Guardians of the Galaxy, of course I loved it.

Thursday, I went on a Kayak trip with Michael, the actual kayaking took a good couple of hours constantly changing course but we were mostly pointing in the right direction most of the time. The guide didn’t speak much English so it was tough finding info out. Later Michael tells me he was dangling his legs over the side of the kayak, I would have killed him if we had capsized. The island is pretty much as I remember it (from a previous trip in October) it’s very basic a lot of people live there, they have solar panels as there not connected to the grid, the toilets are grim, they collect rain water, in many ways it’s a tranquil life but in others it’s a tough one. We went on a tour and saw the church, the corrugated metal roof made the interior feel like an oven. The school which was empty, but the medical centre which was busy (we didn’t get in the way of the Doctor). I personally felt a little bad, it was like I was being shown round an exhibit. Once back at the central part of the island we were treated to a lovely meal consisting of Matapa, Crab, other fish, chips, rice and veggies very nice. We sat there feeling a little lost really there was no interaction so once the meal was done we decided the best thing was to leave. They did try to charge us a hell of a lot more then it was supposed to be, we knew the real price so they didn’t get away with it. Because we were early our Dhow ride back was not ready, instead we rode back on the boat with the Kayak’s strapped to the middle of it. The ride was slow and pleasant I managed to be shaded a lot by the sail; every now and then the captain would ask for to people to move from one side to another to balance the boat. On our journey we saw a few Flamingo’s and lots of fisherman working in tough conditions out in the open under the scorching sun. The main thing is the customers I believe were happy. Jenny made a beautiful meal with fresh fish this evening, wow.. I Skyped with family as my sisters are going to Sri-Lanka for their birthday so I wished them well, chatted to mum and my little niece.

Friday, Anna’s last dives with us. The weather looked like it was going to pour the clouds were dark the sea was big and the waves bashed us about a lot. But we got to the dive site a new one for me called “Hogwarts” on the drop we had 2 Small eye Stingrays (the world’s largest Rays) one came straight at me I had to move out of the way in a hurry. I was on the reel so didn’t get to go thru the swim thru’s but next time. The surface interval between dives was bumpy and windy we eat biscuit (getting soggier all the time from the splashing salt water) and bread while most people were trying to keep out of the wind crouched down in the boat. The best part about the dive at Manta was on the drop a huge Potato Grouper came up close and personal to many of us. Especially Nadia, she hadn’t seen him when she did she let out a shriek which was clearly audible through the water. But the fun didn’t end there, as Nadia in her shock had turned around again and hadn’t realised that the grouper was now under her, she was in essence she was sitting on it. Again there was much mirth at depth when she saw him under her just floating there. Coming back it was bumpy, but we stopped when Pedro spotted a Whale Shark. Had a great snorkel with it, it wasn’t huge maybe 5 metres long. I’m so glad that Anna enjoyed her final dives with us, we will miss her lots. Had fish and chips as a Friday treat and did a little painting adding dive site names to the map. But it was decided to make a change so I have had to do some turquoise repainting and touching up before I can finish the dive site names. No one said it was going to be easy.

A busy week, Diving, Ocean Safaris, Kayaking with Manta’s, Whale Sharks and Turtles. What’s not to love bout a mid-life crisis. Worrying a little about the coming visa run, but I’m sure all will be ok.