Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Surrey and Essex (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 288 Saturday 21st until Friday 27th December 2019.
Its Crimbum (hope you had a good one) but you knew that from the last few months of shopping madness. Due to my excessive eating and drinking this week I thought I would look through the last 52 weeks of this blog and pluck out a few of the “And Finally” stories that made me chuckle.
And Finally for 2019……
“MOZ a true angel”.
Overheard a women in the supermarket talking about Bottom Muffins, this of course made me smile and snigger as if I was at school. A few mins later I realised that I had egg on my face when I saw what she was looking at, a packet of Bottom Muffins.
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“My lovely mum”.
Blonde moment of the week! Arriving home in the car, MOZ (Who was sitting in the front passenger seat) suddenly said looking at the empty driveway. Where’s the car?
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“A very proud grand mother”.
A man and his pug sat next to me on the tube. The musty breath and slight vibrating purring I think we’re coming from the pug. Though these days I have learned never assume.
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“My baby sisters”.
Thought MOZ said “so shits”, she actually said “associates”.
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“My brother”.
Saw a man walk into a bollard, hitting his Bollocks. That will teach him to look where he is going and not concentrate on his small electronic device.
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“Whats funny?”.
A man walked past me (I was sitting) on the tube. His finger briefly touched me, which gave me an electric shock. Damn people and their superpowers.
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“Now that’s what i call a spread”.
Stuck at traffic lights I was entertained by looking in my rear-view mirror watching a man on a motorbike. Who was staring at his mirror, looking up his nose from different directions.
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“Star baker is Sigrida”.
After dealing with an enquiry on the phone (at work), I asked “if there was anything else I could do”. The woman on the other end of the line said that she had recently been involved in a messy break up and wanted to know if I could arrange for her ex hubby to be killed.
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“My lovely sister-in-law”.
While fondling a sharp pronged forked implement in a garden centre. An old man walked past just as i said loudly “just think of the damage I could do with this”! He gave me a wide berth.
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“Loved watching this early morning visitor”.
Walking into the kitchen holding a paperback I proudly stated, “I’ve read an entire paragraph, that’s more than I have done in years”. My friend looking confused said, “Do you mean chapter?” (Just to clarify all my reading these days involves e-books. It was nice to be walking round with an actual paperback).
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“JBomb started early”.
A man passed with a two small children. I heard him say “unless you eat all your dinner, you won’t get any sweets “. I’ll have to try that with a few hobbits I know!
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“Thanks George”.
Heard a woman say to her friend as she climbed out of a car. “Careful, I can see your Onion bagel!
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“Very talented”.
Passing a bus stop one morning i watched as a double-decker speed by. That’s when the 2 individuals (who didn’t appear to be together) realised what had happened. Both had been concentrating on their phones and not looking down the road. The look they gave each other silently said “why didn’t you stop the bus?” It was a priceless moment.
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“On your marks, get set….”
I walked into the middle of a slightly shocking sounding conversation; the first thing I heard was a woman saying “tits on nuts”. I was assured that this wasn’t as interesting as it sounded. She was talking about Blue tits on her birdfeeder.
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“Double trouble!”
I wrote the following in an email “sorry, so busty”. I meant to say “sorry, so busy”. Luckily this was to a friend.
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“No. I didnt share!”.
MOZ said “do you want to put your thing on?” I looked at her confused and said “my thing?” She repeated “Your thing!” After a pause as she said “You’re new DVD, The Thing” (a deluxe version of the 1982 classic).
DUE TO ALL THE FOOD AND DRINK I COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO FIND ANYMORE….
“Grandma poker face”.
If you don’t agree with the above and think this was a total waste of your time, and would like a festive **refund (** refund not available in this reality). Please send your complaint to the North Pole (this will give a drunken fat man with a white beard something to do. Plus he will be able to keep warm by using your letters as fuel his fire).
Next week will be the final blog of 2019 (and the decade). If you would like a New Year (new decade) mention then get in contact via Facebroke or Twatter at the usual address.
“One of the best progs this Crimbum was the new Worzel Gummidge. I love it”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Animals Babies: First Year On Earth”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 24/07/19). “Beauty And The Beast”, (2017). “Becoming Jane”, (2006). “Cheers”, (S4, ep 22to ep 26)(S5, ep 1). “Click: Clickmass 2019”, (TX: 21/12/19). “Comedy Blaps: The Diary of My Broken Vagina”, (Channel 4)(YouTube)(13/12/19). “Cowboys Vs Aliens”, (2011). “Cuck & Other Humans On 2019”, (S1, ep 5 & ep 6). “Evil Under The Sun”, (1982). “Father Crimbum”, (1991). “Frozen”, (2013). “Gavin And Stacey: Crimbum Special”, (TX: 25/12/19). “Green Book”, (2018). “Guardians”, (2017). “Have I Got 2019 News For You”, (S58, 27/12/19). “His Dark Materials”, (S1, ep 8). “Is It Quicker To Walk Londons Shortest Tube Journey?”, (YouTube)(30/08/19). “Lucy & D.i.C: Couch Time: The Eye Of The Dic”, (YouTube)(24/12/19). “Medium”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 3). “Night At The Museum”, (2006). “Not Going Out: Driving Home For Crimbum”, (TX: 24/12/19). “Only Fools And Horses: To Hull And Back”, (TX: 25/12/85). “Only Fools And Horses: A Royal Flush”, (TX: 25/12/86). “Royal Institution Crimbum Lectures 2019”, (ep 1, TX: 26/12/19)(ep2, TX: 27/12/19). “Secrets Of Skin”, (S1, ep 6, 20/12/19). “Star Trek”, (S1, ep 4). “Susan Hill’s, Ghost Story – The Small Hand”, (2019). “Terry Nation Army Extra: Terry And Donald’s Crimbum Special”, (YouTube)(25/12/19). “The Billionaire Boy”, (2016). “The Crystal Maze; Crimbum 2019 Special”, (TX: 23/12/19). “The Good Dinosaur”, (2015). “The Great British Bake Off: The Great Crimbum Bake Off”, (TX: 25/12/19). “The Last Leg: Crimbum Special”, (S18, ep 9, TX: 20/12/19). “The Misadventures Of Romesh Ranganathan: Crimbum, The Sahara”, (TX: 22/12/19). “The Most Out Of Station Interchanges In One Journey”, (YouTube)(16/12/19). “The New December 2019 Tube Map”, (YouTube)(19/12/19). “The Show That Goes Wrong”, (S1, ep 1). “The Tiger Who Came To Tea”, (2019). “The Witcher”, (S1, ep 1). “The Women In Black”, (2011). “Top Of The Pops: Crimbum 2019”, (TX: 25/12/19). “Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers”, (1993). “Weird Things Only British People Do”, (Channel 4)(YouTube)(16/12/19…ish). “Which Is Faster? High Speed 1 vs The Tube”, (YouTube)(08/11/19). “Worzel Gummidge (2019)”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).
Classic Doctor Who Watched This Week:
“The Crusade”, (S2, Prod Code P)(ep 2, The Knights of Jaffa, Loose Cannon Recon, Dec 2000)(TX: 03/04/65)(ep 2 summary, William Russell, BBC Video July 1999)(ep 3, The wheel of Fortune, TX: 10/04/65)(Loose Cannon, summary, Julian Glover, Dec 2000)(ep 4, The Warlords, Loose Cannon Recon, Dec 2000)(TX: 17/04/65)(ep 4 summary, William Russell, BBC Video July 1999)(Loose Cannon, Julian Glover Outro, Dec 2000).
“The Space Museum”, (S2, Prod CodeQ)(ep1, The Space Museum, TX: 24/04/65)(ep 2, The Dimensions of Time, TX: 01/05/65)(ep 3, The Search, TX: 08/05/65)(ep 4, The Final Phase, TX: 15/05/65).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“13 Minutes To The Moon”, (BBC World Service)(Bonus, Hans Zimmer, 23/12/19)(Making The Music, 23/12/19). “Brian And Roger: Crimbum Cookoo”, (23/12/19). “Gossipmongers: Crimbum Special”, (22/12/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (21/12, 22/12, 23/12/19). “Nick Abbot A to Z 2019 (LBC)”, (A to C, 24/12/19)(D to F, 25/12/19)(G to I, 26/12/19)(J to L, 27/12/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 173, 20/12/19). “Strange Times”, (Crimbum 2019, Special Message, 24/12/19). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 115, Crimbum, 25/12/19). “The Old Doctor Who Show”, (ep 35, 21/12/16)(ep 36, 11/01/17). “Morrissey”, “Lilly Allen”, “Kate Nash”, “Keene”, “The B52’s”, “Kate Bush”, “Frankie Goes To Hollywood”, “Elbow”, “The Pretenders”, “Paul McCartney And The Frog Chorus”, “Simple MInds”, “The Cure”, “Little Richard”.
Misfits Mid-Life Crisis........ 