Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, South West (inc Putney) Central London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 287 Saturday 14th until Friday 20th December 2019.
This week i caused a scene, and flashed innocent passers-by, be honest you wouldn’t expect anything else from me! At my local tube station, I slipped on a step (before any barrack-room lawyer pipes up “you should take TFL to the cleaners” I was wearing shoes that don’t have great traction in damp weather. So, it is 100% my fault!). I wasn’t rushing; don’t be silly I am never that enthusiastic to be at work. Being a visual thinking person the best way to describe what happened is in the form of a script.
“Shiz doodle of what happened to me this week”.
Picture the scene.
Ext. Morning, Tube Station Staircase.
We see a staircase, busy with commuters going up one side and down the other.
A woman appears at the top of the stairs, she is dressed smart casual for another day in the office (note to wardrobe, the skirt is knee length, or just above the knee. Nothing overly tarty for a Tuesday in East London). The woman is minding her own business enjoying a podcast. She makes her way down the stairs, a route that she has trudged thousands of times.
Cut to shot of women slipping (note to props the layer of water on the step must not be very noticeable).
The women falls directly on to her back and continues to bounce down a further couple of steps (note to stunt team, because we can see her face, the actress is going to have to do the stunt. There is no CGI face match moving budget). The fall needs to look painful. People (supporting artist) stop and look.
End of scene.
These days I don’t have a lot of faith in humanity. I have seen enough of the news recently to feel very totally frustrated with the human race, how we treat each other people, animals and of course the planet! That morning my faith was partially restored as a couple of men and surprisingly school children came to my aid. They not only asked if I was ok but helped this old lardy battered sack of rotting flesh upright. Due to the embarrassment I don’t think I thanked them properly. After spending time leaning against the wall, partly to compose myself but also to allow the good Samaritan’s time to disappear into the crowd, because I didn’t want to face them again. I limped home and went straight to bed. At the time of writing I ache all over, every muscle from my bum up to my neck is sore and hurting. If I need someone to rub a pain-relieving cream on those hard to reach areas can I call on you?
And Now For Something Completely Different……
Due to a month of train strikes (the strikers obviously needed extra Crimbum shopping time! It’s a hectic month after all) my office has moved from its normal location to a different building nearer the centre of the capital. This has been good for travel, as the journey is not as long as the normal one I have done for the last 2 years.
“Need more than elbow grease to shift that dirt”.
But, as expected there are downsides. The new office is in what appears to be an attic with no natural light. There are dirty skylights, which I discovered is a false ceiling; the real one with even dirtier windows is a number of feet above. There is no hot water! Well there is if you have the time to go down numinous flights of steps and security doors. The desks are hobbit sized barely big enough for the keyboard and a piece of the cheapest copier paper to make notes on. Because the move took place while I was sick, I didn’t get to bring my pens and nicer (but still cheap) copier paper that I use these to draw with during the day. The travel may be better, but I actually do miss the other office even if the journey is a pain in my lardy arse.
“There’s enough room to hide in the ceiling”.
Once the festive season is over and everything is back to normal, ill be happier doodling away in-between calls that frustrate me. That is until summer when there will probably be further strikes (more time for holidays).
“Either executives are getting younger. Or executive toys are far too expensive these days”.
“Iain Lee and his split jeans”. “Iain and Katherine are always a joy to meet”.
In a supermarket I overheard a woman say with frustration “He’s chewed through the wires again and shorted all the lights!” I assume she was talking about a dog or cat destroying her Crimbum lights. But I like to imagine a feral child with razor-sharp fangs crawling around drawn to the bright lights. No, just me then!!!
“Out and about in town”.
Overhead a man says to another “I really admire your hair”. He did have lovely curly flowing locks, and would look great as a Klingon from Star Trek if he was a cosplayer.
“Budgie and Phantom meet up again”.
The following is genuinely a line I put into an email (non work related).
“Its pretty much rained all week”.
“I have a huge smile on my face (that might be because of the image of the two of you in swimming cozzies, fighting in an inflatable pool filled with jelly)”.
Next week will be the Crimbum blog. Due to excessive food and drink (I hope) there might not be a lot of content (some would say there never is much in the way of content). Happy Crimbum xx
“In bed, feeling ill writing this shiz”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Blakes 7”, (SC, ep 11). “Car Park Love Note”, (Short, YouTube)(2018). “Cheers”, (S4, ep 8 to ep 21). “Click”, (TX: 14/12/19). “Cuck & Other Humans In 2019”, (S1, ep 1 to 4). “First Dates”, (S13, ep 3, TX: 26/11/16). “Have I Got News For You”, (S58, ep 10, TX: 20/12/19). “His Dark Materials”, (S1, ep 7). “House Of Fools: House Of Fools Crimbum Special”, (TX: 28/12/14). “Jack Whitehall: Crimbum With My Father”, (TX: 12/12/19). “Rouge One: A Star Wars Story”, (2016). “Ruben Kaye Project: Kids React To Drag”, (Channel 4). “Secrets Of Skin”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 15/12/19)(ep 2, TX: 16/12/19)(ep 3, TX: 17/12/19)(ep 4, TX: 18/12/19)(ep 5, 19/12/19). “Star Trek”, (S1, ep 2 & ep 3). “Star Wars: The Mandalorian”, (S1, ep 6). “The Apprentice: The Final”, (S15, ep 14, TX 18/12/19). “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S5, ep 12, TX: 18/12/19). “The Apprentice: You’re Hired”, (S14, ep 12, TX: 18/12/19). “The Last Leg: Elegtion Special”, (S18, ep 8, TX: 13/12/19). “The One Show (Star Wars)”, (TX: 19/12/19). “Timeless”, (S1, ep 10 & ep 11). “Vic & Bob’s Big Night Out”, (S2, ep 3 & ep 4). “Zombie Petrol Can – 15 Second Horror Film Challenge”, (Short, YouTube)(2018).
Doctor Who Watched This Week:
“The Dalek Invasion Of Earth”, (S2, Prod Code K)(ep 1, The Worlds End, TX: 21/11/64)(ep 2, The Daleks”, TX: 28/11/64)(ep 3, Day Of Reckoning, TX: 05/12/64)(ep 4, The End Of Tomorrow, TX: 12/12/64)(ep 5, The Walking Alley, TX: 19/12/65)(ep 6, Flashpoint, TX: 26/12/64)(BBC DVD Bonus, CGI SFX, Future Memories, Future Visions, Now And Then, Talking Daleks, (16/06/03).
“The Rescue”, (S2, Prod Code L)(ep 1, The Powerful Enemy, TX: 02/01/65)(ep 2, Desperate Measures, TX: 09/01/65)(BBC DVD Bonus, Mounting The Rescue, (23/02/09).
“The Romans”, (S2, Prod Code M)(ep 1, The Slave Traders, TX: 16/01/65)(ep 2, All Roads Lead To Rome, TX: 23/01/65)(ep 3, Conspiracy, TX: 30/01/65)(ep 4, Inferno, TX: 06/02/65)(BBC DVD Bonus, Roma Parva, And What Have “The Romans” Ever Done For Us (23/02/09).
“The Web Planet”, (S2, Prod Code N)(ep 1, The Wed Planet, TX: 13/02/65)(ep 2, The Zarbi, TX: 20/02/65)(ep 3, Escape To Danger, TX: 27/02/65)(ep 4, Crater Of Needles, TX: 06/03/65)(ep 5, The Invasion, TX: 13/06/65)(ep 6, The Centre, 20/03/65)(BBC DVD Bonus, Tales Of Isop, The Lair Of The Zarbi Supremo (03/10/05).
“The Crusade”, (S2, Prod Code P)(Loose Cannon Intro Julian Glover, Dec 2000)(BBC DVD intro William Russell, 01/11/04)(ep 1, The Lion, 27/03/65).
This Week I saw Live On Stage:
“The Rabbit Hole” Podcast Live at The Half Moon Putney, (14/12/19).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Anti Social Show”, (ep 78, 13/12/19). “Blood On The Tracks (BBC)”, (S1, ep 3, 10/04/18)(ep 4, 17/04/18)(S2, ep 1, 22/11/18). “Daddy Look At Me”, (S2, ep 10, 19/12/19). “Gossipmongers: Top 10, Best of 2019”, (14/12/19). “Griefcast (Now That’s What I Call Griefcast Part 4)”, (ep 109, 18/12/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (13/12/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (19/12/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (14/12, 20/12/19). “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (19/12/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 123, 20/12/19). “Nick Abbot (Talkradio)”, (YouTube, Audio only)(03/04/98). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 172, 13/12/19). “Strange Times”, (ep 326, 13/12/19)(ep 327, 16/12/19). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 114, 14/12/19). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (20/11/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (18/12/19). “The Old Doctor Who Show”, (ep 28, 27/07/16)(ep 29, 17/08/16)(ep 30, 07/09/16)(ep 31, 28/09/16)(ep 32, 19/10/16)(ep 33, 06/01116)(Mini ep 1, 22/11/16)(ep 34, 30/11/16). “Morrissey”, “Carpenters”, “New Order”, “USA For Africa”, “The Pretenders”, “Band Aid (Original)”, “East 17”, “Greg Lake”, “Catatonia”, “The Darkness”, “Alanis Morissette”, “Guns N’ Roses (Live And Let Die)”, “Wings”, “Kirsty MacColl (R.I.P 18/12/2000)”, “Ian Dury & The Blockheads”, “The Specials”, “Madness”, “Kate Bush”.