Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and South West London, Northamptionshire (inc Blakesley) and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 273 Saturday 7^th until Friday 13^thSeptember 2019.

And now part 42 of my occasional series: “Why Village life is better?”.

This week: The Surgery!

I found myself early one morning this week sitting in a village Dr’s surgery (I was accompanying the patient). I knew this visit was different to what I am used to straight away, when greeted by a smiling receptionist. The surprises continued in the waiting room when a man walked in and said loudly “hello”. Because everyone acknowledged him, i didn’t want to appear out of place so mimed an embarrassed “morning”. He sat down and continued to talk about traffic, parking issues and his aches and pains. The friendly atmosphere felt a little uncomfortable just because I’m use to a totally different experience.

“Inside a village pub with Catherine and Suz. Outside trying not to fall in the gutter (it was non-alcoholic)!!!”.

At home in the concrete jungle, when I visit the local quack. The first obstacle in seeing a Dr is being interrogated by the miserable looking receptionist who hates her** job and every individual who phones or walks in complaining that their ill. At this point i should mention my mum was a Doctors receptionist (you would expect me to say the following, but it’s true!) who didn’t have the usual receptionist face; you know the type that appears to have been slapped by a large wet Trout. You’ll just have to believe me, mum really was a rare kind of city receptionist who knew how to smile!

“On the way to Catherine’s i stopped to admire the moon. I wasn’t Dogging honest!”.

Once through the hurdle that is reception, the next challenge is the horror of the waiting room! A room scarier than any gladiatorial arena. A room full of people trying to prove that they are the sickest. This might include coughing louder than another or clutching the part of the body where the pain is situated while moaning! This is when my years of travelling on London’s transport network come’s in useful. While in this room the last thing i or anyone want to do is look at another patient directly in the eye.

“A successful house warming”.

“Thank the maker” for small handheld electronic devices that i can look at instead touching the magazines scattered around, that are always years out of date. And are probably crawling with more germs than the filthiest public loo. If my phone is dead, then there are plenty of horrific posters on the walls. The posters warn of various medical conditions, but reading them over and over could convince anyone that they have every serious decease under the sun. If all else fails i could just stare at my shoes and hope no one has noticed the holes in the soles. My current surgery has a radio (padlocked to the wall) tuned into a truly terrible radio station (if you pay me enough, ill name it). This awful noise can be useful because it drowns out the screams of children and the occasional adult (including staff) from behind consultation doors.

“Meet my cuz, Catherine the Great Baked Spud Queen!”.

It’s only after my name is called that i can relax, i passed every challenge to see the medical professional behind door number Two. Of course, a few minutes later while walking outside I wonder if it was all worth it as the GP made it very clear they would rather be checking “deals of the day” on-line than speaking to sick people all day.

“Hay, Hay!”.

This experience of the village surgery has made me realise even more how unhealthy city life is. If you live in a village, is there room for another occupant? I promise I won’t make a noise after 10pm, unless you are invited of course.

“Sunday veggie roast in the Cock”.

(** At all the surgery’s I have been registered with, the receptionist have been older ladies who rule reception with a stare that could melt Halley’s Comet).

“This was at 23.00 pm on 7th Sept!”.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

Since April 1st this year I have been sending myself e-mails during the night, sometimes more than one. These are brief notes are descriptions of my dreams. So far i have about 20 pages of these paragraphs which reading back make very little sense.

“Love being beside the canal”.

I’m not really sure what i will do with them, maybe they could be incorporated into this ramble! Or i could create a new blog, a dream one! They also might be useful in my so-called attempts at script writing. Currently i have a collection of short films which I am trying to persuade agents that they need me as a client. So far (as expected) no one is impressed! Maybe the sentences written in bed, in the dark squinting through tired eyes might just be what agents wants. Stranger things have happened i suppose!

“I really enjoy dark tunnels!”.

And Finally……

“Yes, i can get all these in my gob at once!”.

Travelling on the M25 i chuckled to myself (i was on my own) as I passed a monster of an articulated lorry, which had written on the back and sides in the biggest writing I’ve ever seen “STOPTRANS”. Hopefully this is a company name and not a moving demonstration against trans people in the UK.
This is not a particularly funny paragraph, it’s just an observation. Thinking about it I’ve never claimed this ramble was funny. Please don’t all apply for a refund?

“I was supposed to be writing this shiz.  Instead i travelled through the Stargate!”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:

“Andre Rieu: Dance The Night Away”, (S2, ep 10, TX: 10/09/19). “Better Than Us”, (S1, ep 4 & ep 5). “Big School”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2, ep 5 & ep 6)(S2, ep 1 to ep 3). “Carnival Row”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 3). “Celebs On The Farm: Eggs-Tra Time“, (S2, ep 1, TX: 26/08/19)(ep 2, TX: 27/08/19)(ep 3, TX: 28/08/19). “Click”, (07/09/19). “Dexter”, (S3, ep 6 & ep 7). “Dragons’ Den”, (S17, ep 5, TX: 08/09/19). “Fear The Walking Dead”, (S5, ep 13). “Final Space”, (S2, ep 11). “Jack Whitehall: Travels With My Father”, (S3, ep 1 & ep 2). “Joe Pera Talks With You”, (S1, ep 1). “Lucy And D.i.C”, (S1, ep 6). “Monty Python Almost The Truth: The BBC Lawyer’s Cut”, (TX: 03/10/09). “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 05/10/69). “Pandora”, (S1, ep 9). “Python At 50: Silly Talks And Holy Grails”, (TX: 07/09/19). “Sink Or Swim”, (S1, ep 2, TX: 03/09/19)(ep 3, TX: 10/09/19). “Stargate SG1”, (S5, ep 1, ep 13 to ep 22). “Stargate Atlantis”, (S3, ep 10). “State Of The Union”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2). “Stath Lets Flats”, (S2, ep 4). “Taskmaster”, (S9, ep 1, TX: 10/09/19). “The Great British Bake Off”, (S3 (S10), ep 3, TX: 10/09/19). “The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice”, (S3 (S6), ep 3, TX: 13/09/19). “The Great British Model Railway Challenge”, (S2, ep 1, TX: 13/09/19). “The Mash Report”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 05/09/19(ep 2, TX: 12/09/19). “The Real Thing (Short)”, (2017). “The Sky AT Night”, (ep 793, TX: 08/09/19). “Tomorrow’s World: Computers In The 60s”, (TX: 11/09/15). “Tomorrow’s World: Shuttle/Mir Special”, (S30, TX: 23/06/95). “Treasure Island With Bear Grylls”, (S6, ep 1, TX: 08/09/19).

This week I have mainly been listening to:

“30 Animals That Made Us Smarter (BBC World Service)”, (S1, ep 25, 09/09/19). “Apollo 11 Legacies (WHNT19 News Podcast)”, (Trailer 29/05/19)(ep 1 to ep 3, 05/09/19). “Brian And Roger”, (S3, 13/09/19). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 64, 11/09/19). “Daddy Look At Me”, (S1, ep 15, 12/09/19). “Griefcast”, (ep 95, 11/09/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (05/09, 06/09, 11/09/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (05/09, 06/09, 11/09, 12/09/19). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (07/09, 13/09/19). “Monty Python At 50: The Self Abasement Taps (BBC Radio 4)”, (ep 1, 04/09/19)(ep 2 to ep 5, on BBC iplayer Radio). “NASA: Gravity Assist”, (12/09/10). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 109, 13/09/19). “Rule Of Three”, (22/08/19). “Space Boffins Podcast: TheNakedScientist”, (10/09/14) (10/07/16) (10/08/14) (10/08/16) (10/12/16) (10/09/19). “Space Rocket History Archive”, (ep 1 & ep 2, 07/08/17)(ep 3 & ep 4, 10/08/19)(ep 9 to ep 12, 01/09/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 158, 06/09/19). “Strange Times”, (ep 316, 07/09/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (09/09/19). “What We Saw: Apollo 11”, (ep 1, 13/07/19)(ep 2, 15/07/19)(ep 3, 17/09/19)(ep 4, 20/07/19). “Morrissey”, “Lush”, “Placebo”, “Ash”, “L7”, “Hole”, “Toto”, “A-ha”, “Tears For Fears”, “Men At Work”, “Journey”.