Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West & London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 235 Saturday 15th until Friday 21st December 2018.
Everything appears to be winding down in preparation for the mammoth festival of unwrapping “things” made in China that have travelled the planet in containers or on the back of a sleigh next week. More importantly It’s also the start of the overeating period, next week I will be eating my body weight every day. Like others I will try to squeeze my expanding equatorial region behind the steering wheel in order to travel the nation’s motorways. That might be a great opportunity to test my new driverless car system, where my stomach muscles control the steering wheel allowing both hands free to change what I am watching on Netflix (other streaming services are available) and stuff my face.
“Someone finally has a desk”.
Food shops are full to bursting, with people rushing around as if World War III **has been announced (**it hasn’t at the time of writing). When i was young (in black and white days) most shops closed over the festive period, cash points were not located on every wall and of course there was no net. That’s the reason my parents and others would stock up on pickled onions and extra coleslaw. But the stockpiling which takes place these days is not necessary, especially if you consider how much will just thrown away.
“This wont interest many of you, but it pleased me”.
In between unwrapping “stuff” from the Far East and forcing another slice of quiche into my cavernous gob. I will of course remember people who are sorely missed. This is a time for family! For kids with huge smiles! Personally it’s not for single, fat; old, bitter over the hill saggy sacks of meat (like me). A highlight will be seeing my niece and nephews faces light up as they play with the toy’s that Santa transported from a factory thousands of miles away made off materials which won’t biodegrade. What future archaeologist will make of our landfill sites when they dig to discover what our “So-Called” modern society was like, I hate to think.
“The Lovely Otis, made sure everyone was fed and watered at Weligama Supper Club”.
The next week can be tough! It’s not all fun sitting in front of the telly watching the same repeats year after year. Try to enjoy it; don’t get stressed if the sprouts aren’t quite right. Or something made by someone in a factory far away with terrible health and safety standards falls apart 30 mins after coming out of the box. Just enjoy being off work, not travelling on public transport. Have fun with family and friends and take time out to remember others not so fortunate.
“Amazing Sri-Lankan in a basement in Vauxhall”.
Next weeks: Due to being off all of the week, the blog will probably just consist of pictures of me on the floor flashing my knickers with food smeared over my face and clothes. It could be the best blog ever!
“SAZ and i really enjoyed the “Supper Club”, looking forward to more in 2019″.
And Now For Something Completely Different……
“Early morning, helping to make the day ahead feel better”.
This is not just the season to give prezzies made of non-recyclable materials. It’s the time when complete strangers unselfishly spread germs. On public transport, in shops and the offices people are coughing and spluttering leaving microscopic blobs of mucus floating around ready to be inhaled by the person next to them. Yes, I am one of those people who have received the “gift that keeps giving”! Please note however I try my best not to expose others to my bugs, by contributing to the ever growing bank accounts of loo roll or pocket tissue manufactures.
“No i didn’t have them both”.
Because I don’t want to give my lurgy to any random unsuspecting person, I would like to offer “YOU” the opportunity to receive this as a seasonal gift. Please apply to….
spreadingthefestivejoyofaseasonalcoldwithlove.coke.UcaKe
And Finally……
Sitting in the living room my best Friend said, “don’t worry about hoovering, I’ll do it later!”
Slight pause
Looking around embarrassed, I replied, “I’ve just done it!”
My friends said, “I though you hadn’t, because you didn’t want to wake the Hamster”
New Year’s resolution, do an intensive course in hoovering and housework. My friend who is a professor of cleaning has offered me a great mate’s rate package. But I have to supply my own marigolds!
“Something floating in the water bottle at work. That’s budget cuts for you”‘.
This was told to me.
A women said to a male colleague, “I nearly sat on your face!”
She was referring to the fact that when she got into the company van, she nearly sat on the man’s ID pass with his face plastered all over it.
They laughed. It also tickled me!
“Want a glass of Badass?”
This is the last one, honest.
At the start of a call this week, I asked a man if he was on hands free because I could hardly hear him.
He replied, “No, I am having a wee at the moment”. What could I say! He then said, “Could you wait for me to wash my hands?”
Two things sprung to mind during this introduction. One, I am glad he wasn’t “hands free” while having a wee, unless of course he is a modern metrosexual who sits down to pee (which there is nothing wrong with). And Two, at least he washed his hands!
“Next week looks like it will be messy”.
Oh by the way Happy Crimbum from me.
“Writing this Shiz, hoping that there will be more Vic & Bob in 2019”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Black Mirror”, (S3, ep 3 & ep 6)(S4, ep 1 to ep 6). “Click”, (TX: 15/12/18). “Frasier”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 9). “Garth Merengi’s Darkplace”, (S1, ep 1). “Nightflyers”, (S1, ep 5 to ep 10). “People Just Do Nothing”, (S5, ep 6). “Storyville: The Farthest Voyager’s Interstellar Journey”, (TX: 30/11/17). “Strictly Come Dancing (The Final)”, (S16, ep 24, TX: 15/12/18). “The Apprentice”, (S14, ep 14, TX: 16/12/18). “The Apprentice: You’re Fired/Hired”, (S13, ep 12, TX: 16/12/18). “The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina (Crimbum Special)”, (S1, ep 11). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 11, TX: 14/12/18). “The Last Leg (Crimbum Special)”, (S15, ep 10, TX: 21/12/18). “The Orville”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 12). “The Sky At Night (Crimbum Special)”, (30/12/15). “Van Helsing”, (S3, ep 11). “Vic & Bobs Big Night Out”, (S1, ep 4).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (11/09/18)(17/12/18). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 49, 18/12/18). “Clinton Baptiste’s Paranormal Podcast”, (ep 4, 18/12/18). “Griefcast”, (ep 64, 19/12/18). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (14/12,17/12,18/12,19/11, 20/12/18). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (20/12/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (15/12,21/12/18). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 76, 21/12/18). “NASA: In Silicon Valley”, (14/12/18). “NASA: Rocket Ranch”, (ep 7, 21/12/18). “Rule Of Three”, (05/07/18)(19/0718)(20/12/18). “Skeptiod”, (Special ep, 14/12/18)(ep 654, 18/12/18). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (Special ep, 12/12)(ep 119, 17/12/18). “The All New Angelos And Barry Podcast”, (ep 21/12/18). “Morrissey”, “Suede”, “Fleetwood Mac”, “Elbow”, “Goldfrapp”, “Athlete”, “The Artic Monkeys”, “Jeff Buckley”, “The Cranberries”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, “Hairspray (Original Theatre Cast Album)”, “Belinda Carlisle”, T’Pau”, “The Pouges And Kirtsy McColl”.
Misfits Mid-Life Crisis........ 