Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 157 Saturday 17^th June until Friday 23^rd June 2017.

When the sun comes out in London, Fox cubs can be seen playing parks.  Robins and other birds are brooding their chicks.  Carpets of beautiful flowers brighten up everyone’s day.  These are some of nature’s wonderful signs that summer has arrived.

   Look at these monsters.

A sign of summer I am not keen on seeing is the unnecessary nakedness when temperatures rise.  I’m no prude, I like to see “good looking” people flaunting what I don’t have, and then hate them for it.  I will wear less when it gets hot, but I know that other people don’t want to see all of me.  It’s the so-called “normal” people walking around the supermarket or down the high street that should cover up.  This display of nakedness means that a lot of skin, which hasn’t seen a single photon of light for months is suddenly exposed to the full power of the sun soaking up a huge amount UV radiation.  By the end of the first day those bodies do have colour, the problem is it’s a painful red which most will regret in the morning.

  It was like a zoo in Surrey.

Men tend to be the worst culprits, walking around in shorts with nothing on top.  Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of Women who show acres of flesh, most of it shouldn’t be seen by anyone other than their partner.  There have been occasions when walking up tube station stairs I suddenly decide to concentrate on where my feet are due to amount of wobbling of skin in front (Once again I need to say that I have various areas that wobble uncontrollably which appear to have their own gravitational force).

   I was bored during the hours of 8am to 4pm. 

I’m not the biggest sun lover myself, I like to lurk in the shade as much as possible and watch everyone else roast.  As soon as the great fiery ball in the sun shows its face I start smearing bottles of factor 50 on all my exposed bits.  You’ll never find me joining the unnecessary nakedness army, I don’t take orders well.

And Now For Something Completely Different……

 Cheap decorations in the office.

Karma’s a bitch.  I intended to go swimming after work one day; however this would have meant a hot sweaty journey on a bus for 30mins.  Once outside of the office I started to fry immediately.  I made a snap decision to go home, after all it’s only a couple of minutes on the tube then a short walk.

 Aunty MOZ with an original Anoodle drawing. 

At the station, I joined a packed carriage full of hot commuters all wanting to go home.  The train waited and waited, the driver kept us informed that we were being held at a signal.  The longer this went on, the worse you know it’s going to be.  Sure, enough all our fears came true when the train got cancelled.  As everyone spilled back onto the platform no one quite knew whether to stay or wait and get a bus.  This was Karma starting to fight back.

 I spent a lot of time watching this construction. 

I just wanted to be on the move; however everyone else made the same decision.  Due to the bus stop being full, I walked back to the one outside work, if I had gone swimming as planned I would have almost been at the pool at that time.  My heart sank when the mobile Scandinavian sauna pretending to be a London Bus arrived.  Due to the number of people trying to find a seat I sat down as soon as I could, and “chose poorly” sitting on the side that the sun shined directly on to.  This was Karma kicking me in soft sensitive places.

 The same again….

Karma tightened her grip when we arrived at the bus garage and were informed by an automated announcement that the drivers were changing over.  The old driver was replaced by a female driver (I need to make it very clear that woman drivers are as good as men) who couldn’t start the bus because it kept stalling, or maybe a fault occurred at that moment which is what I like to think.  This was Karma jabbing me in the side and laughing hysterically.

 A good day at work, meant i treated myself to the “Food of Kings”.  If you want my special recipe please ask.

As if by magic another bus arrived and we were instructed to transfer.  Common courtesy was thrown out of the window as everyone dashed to get on the second bus as quick as possible.  This time I “chose wisely” sitting in the shade.  By this point Karma was pulling my hair and slamming my head against the window leaving sweat stains on the glass.

 Went for a walk in the garden with this beauty.

When I stepped off the bus nearly an hour had passed, and I still had a 10-minute walk along a road where there was intermittent shade that I desperately wanted to keep under.  This has taught me a life lesson; don’t mess with Karma, she always wins.

 Has the leader of the opposition got another job.

And Finally……

Give a packet of gum to a colleague, who took the entire pack and don’t give it back.

Sitting down for lunch there was a man on the other side of the small round table.  I smiled and got no response; I eat lunch and watched my tablet.  After a while the man got up and unfolded a white stick and walked away.  I felt a real plum.

 Writing this Shiz.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Buffy The Vamprie Slayer”, (S5, ep 3 to ep 11).  “Click”, (TX: 17/06/17).  “Detectorist”, (S1, ep 6).  “Doctor Who”, (S36/S10, ep 10).  “Fifteen Billion Pound Railway”, (S 1, ep 2 & 3).  “Have I Got A Bit More news For You”, (S53, ep 9).  “Have I Got News For You”, (S53, ep 9).  “Horizon: 10 Things You Need To Know About The Future”, (TX: 19/06/17).  “Life Swap Adventure”, (S1, ep 4).  “Loaded”, (S1, ep 6).  “Planet Oil: The Treasure That Conquered The World”, (TX: 17/02/15, ep 2).  “Pain, Pus And Poison: The Search For Modern Medicine”, (TX: 10/10/13, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Storm Troupers: The Fight To Forecast The Weather”, (ep 2).  “The Crystal Maze (2017): Celebrity Special”, (S7/S1, ep 1).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S21, ep 11).  “The One Show”, (TX: 05/06/17).  “Top Gear, India Special”, (S18, TX: 28/12/11).  “Voyager: The Final Frontier”, (TX: 24/12/12).             

This week I have mainly been listening to:   “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (14/06, 20/06/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (14/06, 19/06, 20/06, 21/06/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (22/06/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (17/06, 23/06/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 45, 20/06/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 226, 09/06/17) (ep 131, 31/08/15) (ep 130, 23/08/15) (ep 129, 17/08/15) (ep 128, 11/08/15) (ep 127 & ep 126, 10/08/15) (ep 125, 09/08/15) (ep 124, 05/08/15).  “Strange Times: ExtraCrap”, (ep 34, 06/08/15) (ep 33, 05/0815).  “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 47, 16/06/17).  “The Kimchi Chronicles”, (ep 17, 19/06/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 28, 17/06/17).  “Morrissey”,  “Air”,  “Blind Melon”,  “MGMT”,  “Beth Ditto”,  ”10cc”,  “Nirvana”.