Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East London, Essex & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 156 Saturday 10th June until Friday 16th June 2017.
I am finally a useful member of society, I have a job. Monday to Friday between 8am & 4pm you won’t find me aimlessly wondering around east London any more. Instead I can be found in a busy office with terrible air con. The building has a number of automatic doors which swing outwards, not inwards as the majority of doors I’ve encountered. I have been in the office a few days now and am still receiving body strikes or swipes to the upper arm; I’m convinced that there trying to take me out. Luckily everyone in the office is far too busy staring at Facebook to notice.
My new office. I’m going to have one of those new chairs, when no ones looking.
I feel like the new kid at a new school, the new geeky kid who doesn’t know anyone or really what’s going on. As time passes I will get used to the job and my colleague with me. But at this time everything is so new and a little exciting. That’s not something someone says about working office very often. Give me a week and I’ll be bored and hate the job like everyone else. But I need the money, in the back of my mind I need to think that every week I get a little closer to returning to Mozambique. Also, I’m not stuck in the office for life unlike the rest of my colleagues, there’s an end in sight.
Writing this shiz.
And Now For Something Completely Different……
Have you had an imaginary friend, as a child I created worlds within worlds while playing but I never had an imaginary friend. I mention this as there have recently been two occasions when I really questioned myself if I have one.
Calamity and Lunge, planning there attack.
A couple of days ago I was on a train journey into deepest Essex for a bowling rematch with Lunge (her bowling name). I was travelling with my best friend Calamity (her bowling name) which is fitting as she currently a broken foot. We needed to get ticket extensions, so it made scene for me to do this because I can get up the stairs quickly. Within a couple of minutes, I was holding our tickets and was back on the platform. Immediately I scanned the faces of the people around, none of them were my friend. After walking the entire length of the platform, I couldn’t see Calamity anywhere.
Playing the sympathy card.
A train pulled away from the next platform; once it had left I looked at all the faces on the other side. Once again none of these were my limping friend. This was when I started to question whether my friend was imaginary, had a 27-year friendship really happened. Rationally I know that this was stupid, but standing there I did have to ask myself what was real. How can a woman on crutches vanish within the space of a couple of minutes?
Lunge means business.
I have read that everyone sees the world differently, no two-people see exactly the same thing in the same way, I find this fascinating. There are scientists who believe our reality could actually be a computer programme. This can’t be true because, if I were made up of “1’s and 0’s” then surly I would look like Carrie Anne Moss from the Matrix films. If reality is a computer programme, I’d quite like someone to pull out the plug of the supercomputer when there passing as this might give us all a well-deserved rest.
Who’s with stupid.
Striding back down platform I must have looked a little suspicious checking each face out closely. It was then I pulled out my phone and sure enough there are a couple of entries for my bowling friend, therefore she must be real. I dialled and waited as I listened to the ringtone. Deep down I was getting a little concerned about my friend on crutches.
She wont get far without these.
While I walked and waiting for my phone to be answered, I suddenly became aware that at the other of the platform (the end I originally started at) there was a smiling face holding a phone in one hand and a pair of crutches with the other. My missing friend stood under a large sign pointing the way to a lift. It turned out that Calamity had been riding the lift up and down during the time I was questioning her existence.
Late Friday evening snack.
This experience has taught me two-important life lessons. 1/ Look out for large information signs, they have been placed to make life easy. 2/ Take my friends crutches away, that way she can’t stumble far.
Springwatch in the garden.
Maybe one day I’ll manage to find an imaginary friend, I hope we get on.
Waterboarding has never been so much fun.
Overheard a woman to friend say “what a porker” as she was opening a box of cake.
Only one of us was still dressed in work clothes.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Britain’s Greatest Invention”, (TX: 15/06/17). “Buffy The Vamprie Slayer”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 3). “Cabin’s In The Wild With Dick Strawbridge”, (S1 ep 3 & 4). “Click”, (TX: 10/06/17). “Detectorist”, (S1, ep 5). “Doctor Who”, (S36/S10, ep 9). “Election Spy”, (ep 9). “Engineering Giants”, (ep 3). “Horizon: Cyber Attack-The Day The NHS Stopped”, (TX: 12/06/17). “Horizon: Secrets Of The Solar System”, (2014/15: ep 8 ). “Koko: The Gorilla Who Talks To People”, (TX: 15/06/17). “Life Swap Adventure”, (S1, ep 3). “Loaded”, (S1, ep 6). “Paula”, (ep 2 & ep 3). “Planet Oil: The Treasure That Conquered The World”, (TX: 10/02/15). “Queer Britain”, (S1, ep 6). “Springwatch 2017”, (ep ep 9 to ep 12). “Springwatch Unsprung 2017”, (ep 6 to ep 10). “Storm Troupers: The Fight To Forecast The Weather”, (ep 1). “The Girls Who Talked To Dolphins”, (TX: 17/06/17). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S21, ep 10). “The Last Leg: Elegtion Special”, (S11, ep 4). “The Last Leg: Re-United Kingdom”, (S11, ep 5). “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 11/06/17).
This week I have mainly been listening to: “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (09/06 x2, 12/06 x2, 13/06/17 x 2). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (07/06, 09/06, 12/06, 13/06/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Offcuts)”, (07/06/17). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (08/06/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (11/06, 16/06/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 44, 13/06/17). “Strange Times”, (ep 225, 02/06/17)(ep 133, 08/09/15)(ep 132, 07/09/15). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 8, 16/06/17). “These People Podcast”, (ep 27, 10/06/17). “Morrissey”, “The Killers”, “The White Stripes”, “The Couteeners”, “Elbow”, ”Ash”, “Sophie B Hawkins”, “Christine And The Queens”, “Biffy Clyro”, “The Manic Street Preachers”.