Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 180 Saturday 25th November until Friday 1st December 2017.
2017 has been a year of feeling like the new kid at school. Over the last 334 days I have had more jobs than ever, that’s the life of a temp. Years ago the phrase temp, usually meant a woman (but of course there were men) who worked traditionally in an office as a secretary for a few days, possibly weeks at a time.
“Early Crimbum fun with lovely ladies”.
In 2017 temping seems to be how most people are employed. The idea of being an actual employee of an organisation or company is becoming rarer all the time. Most people I know are temporary, there are some friends who have temping at a location for years, never gaining permanent status and as a result don’t enjoy the same benefits of their institutionalized colleagues.
“Showing my support for Iain Lee, keep him in the Jungle, #Teamiain”.
Perks that long term temps receives include knowing where the coffee machine is and how it works. Some temps even find out where the secret stash of paper towels are hidden. A temporary worker knows that they have been accepted when they are allowed to use the communal office fridge. This is the kind of domestic appliance which is cleaned possibly twice a year. Its only if a permanent member of staff complains about a smell drifting from the back of the fridge, that a cleaning rota is drawn up which will only last for a couple of months until everyone is bored.
“Travelling to work, i was being followed, the app proved it”.
As I said at the top of this ramble this has been a year of temporary work, because the jobs have lasted a number of months I did discover where the coffee machine was and how it worked. However I never I bothered to look for the secret stash of paper towels, because I never spilled anything.
“Watching M16 from the train”.
When I arrive at a new office one of the first things I do is to find the loos furthest away from the office. That’s not because I’m worried about strange smells offending others. It’s so I can stay away from the office for as long as possible without taking the mick. If the only facility is right next to the office then I have learned to wee very slowly, and spend a lot of time washing my hands a little like a surgeon. I find it’s an excellent waste of time.
“Bunnies, got to love a bunny”.
This week I started a new job doing a job I swore I would never do again, but I’m desperate for money. I’m not proud. After a couple of days I can report that the coffee machine and the sink have both been located. Neither of them I will try to use if possible. An office rota will be going round shortly after I caught a whiff from the fridge as it was opened when passing. Unfortunately I haven’t so far discovered the loos furthest from my desk, that’s on next week’s agenda. If I am still in post next spring then I’ll go on an expedition in search for the secrets stash of paper towels.
“Recording a podcast with the lovely Aggy Fox”.
One thing that made the first day easier was I discovered that the trainer was a fellow Sci-Fi geek. We were able to identify each other straight away through a series of special secret nods and winks. We spent a lot of the day chatting about obscure 70/80s film and TV progs when he was supposed to be showing me the office computer system. Maybe he will show me where the secret stash of paper towels are hidden. Information, knowledge is currency in an office.
“London looking colourful at night”.
Being a temp does make me feel like the new kid at school. I probably look like a baby deer trapped in headlights with bulging eyes as I look around trying to take in my new environments. Actually I quite like this temping lark, part of me doesn’t want to make too many friends who become overly familiar. I would rather remain anonymous, this means no one will notice me looking for the secret stash of paper towels.
“Chips and a red cup, whats not to like”.
“Ive spent a lot of time on trains this week, sorry”.
Sitting in the living room when a Magpie hit the window. Looking outside the bird was ok, but I noticed there were 5 others all in the front garden. This looked like an avian lynch mob.
“Writing this shiz, while “Kirk and Spock” distracted me”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Click”, (TX 25/11/17). “Detectorist”, (S3, ep 4). “Finding Nemo”, (2003). “For The Birds”, (2000). “Frailty”, (2001). “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 7: TX 24/11/17). “I’m A Celebrity…. Get Me Out Of Here!”, (S17, ep 7: TX 25/11/17)(ep 8: TX 26/11/17)(ep 9: TX 27/11/17)(ep 10: TX 28/11/17)(30 11: TX 29/11/17)(ep 12: TX 30/11/17)(ep 13: TX 01/12/17). “Lorraine”, (TX 29/11/17). “Mikes New Car”, (2002). “Motherland”, (S1, ep 5). “Monsters Inc”, (2001). “Robot Wars”, (S10, ep 5). “Star Trek (Original Series)”, (S2, ep 2 to 18). “The Apprentice”, (S13, ep 9: TX 29/11/17). “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 9: TX 29/11/17). “The Apprentice: Your Fired”, (S12, ep 9: TX 29/11/17). “The Golden Girls”, (S5, ep1 to ep 6). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 8). “The Last Leg”, (S12, ep 9: TX 24/11/17). “The League Of Gentlemen”, (S1, ep 4)(making: TX 04/02/00).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted)”, (ep 124, 06/02/16). “Don’t Quit Your Daycast”, (ep 8, 12/03/12). “Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 21, 01/12/17). “Iain Lee Old Bits: Adam Buxton, 05/03/16”, (24/11/17): “The Bushey Area, 19/04/16”, (27/11/17): “Ronnie Spector, 24/03/16”, (28/11/17): “The Inbetweeners, 20/04/16”, (29/11/17): “Patty Boyd, 21/07/16”, (01/12/17). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 11, 01/03/15)(ep 12, 09/03./15)(ep 74, 02/07/17)(ep 75, 11/07/17). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (30/11/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (24/11, 25/11, 01/12/17). “NASA Gravity Assist”, (ep 3, 29/11/17). “NASA In Silicon Valley”, (ep 70, 30/1/17). “Pints And Puzzles”, (S1, ep 2: 24/10/16)(S1, ep 3; 07/11/16)(S1, ep 4: 02/11/16). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 66, 24/11/17)(ep 67, 01/12/17). “Strange Times”, (ep 243, 24/11/17). “The Adam Buxton”, (ep 58 & 59, 26/11/17). “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 23, 23/11/17). “The DHB Radio Show”, (ep 7, 22/03/11)(ep 8, 28/03/11). “The Mad Scientist Podcast”, (S1, ep 1: 17/05/16)(S1, ep 2: 22/05/16). “The Nick Abott Habit”, (ep 17, 30/11/17). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 37, 30/11/17). “Young Free And Coupled”, (ep 1, 25/05/17)(ep 21, 25/11/17). “Morrissey”, “Smiths”, “Kate Bush”, “David Bowie”, “Little Miss Sunshine (OST)”, ”Elton John”, “The Psychedelic Furs”.