Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & Central London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 174 Saturday 14th until Friday 20th October 2017.
Storage really should not be for life, I have had belongings locked away for 4yr now. My eyes become slightly moist when I think about all the money that I have wasted. I have 35sq feet and not 35sq metre’s, which Is what I was have been telling people, that amount is really is enough to make anyone wake up in a cold sweat with panic. No I can confirm that it is only 35sq feet of crap that I have been paying for.
“Look who i have locked up in Storage……shall i set them free”.
When the Mid-Life Crisis started a few years ago, I packed my prized possession “which others call a pile of shiz” into the small car I used to own. With the help of my dear friend Moria (I did thank her at the time, if you were wondering) we managed to move everything I think is important to the local storage company. There was also a number of trips on my bicycle with panniers full to bursting, plus additional bags hanging off both handle bars which really was not a clever idea. Non storage shiz was either sold at booties (once again thanks to Moria for more help than I deserved) or taken to charity shops. Anything left over went to the local tip, where I found I was fascinated by the huge monster machines that are enslaved and fed on large mouthfuls of previously loved objects which were no longer wanted.
“I’d forgotten i was once a naked cover star, really i did appear on newsagents top shelf”.
In the above paragraph I appear to have fallen down a Local Government recycling rabbit hole. Let’s continue…
“So long Surrey, it’s been fun”.
During this week all my locked up goodies were moved from Surrey to East London. There still imprisoned, but it’s slightly cheaper and more importantly now located within walking distance. This mean’s I will be able to actually go through the shiz (There is comprehensive 42 page list) getting rid of stuff that I now realise really is shiz. Others maybe I can make some money from. What would be nice is to have a place I can call home where the boxes can be stored in a corner and left to gather dust while I sit and just look at them. I’m obsessed with storage, I’m a storage fan.
“I travelled in one of these vehicle this week….. But which one?”
The move took place week with the help of “Calamity” and a friend who had a van because I didn’t feel I comfortable driving something as wide as my lardy ass. It was comforting to find that traffic on the world’s biggest carpark the M25 was as bad as I remembered. Once in Surrey (due to this being a cross county trip I made sure that all my inoculations and visas were up to date) we managed to fill the van in just over an hour. It was on the way back while at “Clacket Lane Services” that the following two incidents took place, which may have resulted in a Fatwa being place on me.
“Entertainment on the Tube, made the journey a little more interesting”.
1/ My lardy ass sat on “Calamity’s” coat that was hung up in behind me in the cab by a delicate chain. We knew something was wrong when small pieces of metal flew about the cabin; my ass had pulled on the coat and strained the chain resulting in a catastrophic collapse.
“I might have had a couple of drinks this night”.
2/ “Calamity” returned with food, as a friend I thought I was being helpful by opening the door from the inside. Due to not knowing the van, the door swung a lot further than expected almost taking my friend out. She was only saved by her quick reflexes.
“Happy B’day Mum, this week”.
Coming out the other side of the “Dartford Tunnel” we made it in good time to the new storage facility. This was good as there was only just over an hour until they closed. All three of us filled wheeled barrows full of things I love and filled the new space as quickly as possible. When we finished there was a sense of satisfaction at the fact that there was just 10 minutes to spare. I couldn’t have done any of this without friends; its occasions like this that make me realise I have so much to be thankful for. Now I really need to make everything worth it, by going through the shiz.
Remember kids, storage really should not be for life….
“The sky was so much more orange, this picture doesn’t do the occasion justice”.
Now I have to mention a couple of special things I saw during the move.
Seeing a mobility scooter being driven in the middle of the road by an elderly woman who was chatting on her phone. Is that legal.
“Gratuitous munchkin Pumpkin torture”.
Laughing at white van whose number plate which looked like it said “Boob”.
“The Boob van”.
And In Other News……
“Red 2” (see last week’s blog, If this doesn’t mean anything) was spotted again by a friend passing a London Overground Station one morning.
“Trying to write this shiz, but Morrissey distracting me”.
“NEXT WEEK IS THE ANNUAL SOUTHWOLD SPECIAL, I’M EXCITED”
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Billion Dollar Deals And How They Changed Your World”, (S1, ep 1: TX 27/09/17). “Chris Packham: Asperger’s And Me”, (TX 17/10/17). “Cla’am”, (BBC)(2017). “Click”, (TX 14/10/17). “Dog Soldiers”, (2002). “George Michael: Freedom”, (TX 16/10/17). “Have I Got News For You”, (S54, ep 3). “Josh”, (S3, ep 3). “Later… With Jool’s Holland”, (S51, ep 3). “Louis Theroux: Dark States”, (S1, ep 2: TX 15/10/17). “Monsters Vs Aliens”, (2009). “Nile Rodgers: How To Make It In The Music Business”, (S1, ep 2: TX 13/10/17). “Phillip K Dicks: Electric Dreams: Real Life”, (S1, ep 5). “Red Dwarf XII”, (S12, ep 2). “Star Trek Discovery”, (S1, ep 4 & ep 5). “The Apprentice”, (S13, ep 3: TX 18/10/17). “The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles”, (S3, ep 3: TX 18/10/17). “The Apprentice: Your Fired”, (S12, ep 3: TX 18/10/17). “The Ganges With Sue Perkins”, (S1, ep 1: TX 19/10/17). “The Golden Girls”, (S4, ep 20 to ep 23). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S22, ep 2 & ep 3). “The Great British Bake Off”, (S8/S1, ep 8: TX 17/10/17). “The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice”, (S4/S1, ep 8: TX 19/10/17). “The Human Body: Secrets Of Your Life Revealed”, (S1, ep 3: TX 09/10/17). “Tomorrow’s World Live: Move To Mars”, (TX 04/10/17). “Upstart Crow”, (S2, ep 6). “W1A”, (S3, ep 5 & ep 6). “Zapped”, (S2, ep 2).
This week I have mainly been listening to: “Anarchic Audio: Punny You Should Say That”,(ep 4, 17/10/17). “Craigslost (From Dazed And Convicted)”, (Bonus ep 26/05/11)(ep 4 & ep 5, 02/06/11). “Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 14, 13/10/17)(ep 15, 20/10/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (17/10/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (13/10, 16/10, 17/10/17). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 2, 14/12/14)(ep 3, 19/12/14). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (19/10/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (14/10, 20/10/17). “NASA Silicon Valley”, (20/07, 26/07, 27/07, 03/08, 08/08, 10/08, 16/08, 17/08/16)(10/10/17)(ep 63, 12/10/17). “Quick Questions”, (ep 7, 28/08/17)(ep 8, 04/09/17)(ep 9, 11/09/17)(ep 10, 18/09/17). “St Pancras Piano”, (BBC Radio 4,TX 13/10/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (Bonus ep, 12/10/17)(ep 60, 13/10/17). “Strange Times”, (ep 237, 13/10/17). “The Adam Buxton Podcast”, (ep 53, 20/10/17). “The Bitter Sound”, (ep 4, 11/01/13). “The DHB Radio Show”, (ep 1, 07/02/11)(ep 2, 14/02/11). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (ep 14, 19/10/17). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 31, 19/10/17). “Morrissey”, “The B52’s”, “Queen”, “Crash Test Dummies”, “Beck”, ”St Vincent”, “Nile Rodgers”, “Sophie B Hawkins”, “Natalie Imbruglia”.