Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and Central London (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 163 Saturday 29^th July until Friday 4^th August  2017.

If you look at pictures of me you would never think of me as a runner.  For a long time I ran at the gym while watching classic Top Gear repeats.  Eventually I was doing a number of 5 to 10 km runs a week.  Occasionally I would unleashed myself onto public roads wearing hi-vis clothing hoping that drivers wouldn’t run me over thinking some wild animal was on the loose.

 This is not the face of a sprinter.

When I was in Mozziebeak I would run regularly to the petrol station and back (about 9km in total), during the run I would watch the sun rise and fall behind the palm trees while listening to Morrissey who always kept me company.  Very occasionally I would come across another runner who wasn’t a sweaty mess leaving a trail of perspiration dripping on the tarmac.  I would entertain local children who sometimes ran barefooted with me or just laugh and point as I stumbled and staggered past their homes.

  These started as just a scribble, nothing was planned.

My running career came to an end about a year ago due to concern regarding my knees.  The sounds that they made reminded me of a creaky door sound effect in a classic Hammer Horror film.  I had images of my knees buckling under my considerable bulk while pounding the pavement.

  I’ve enjoyed visiting this indie cafe before work every morning.

If I am totally honest I never really enjoyed running it was always a chore, but a satisfying one once I had finished.  This was because I saw results, I felt better about myself in mind and body, plus I lost weighed around the expanse I call my equatorial region.  Competing in 5 or 10k “Race for Life” runs and a small number of triathlons was always fun.  Coming away with a shiny medal even if I was one of the last people to drag my sad old carcass across the finishing line made me feel like I had achieved something.

  I have no idea what any of this is supposed to be.

Being middle-aged with an expanding sub-equatorial region I am finding it’s a constant battle to lose weight hoping to fend off an early death or disease.  To do this I swim a number of times a week as well as regularly go to aerial yoga.  But the real problem is I eat all the wrong shiz at the wrong time while sat on my fat arse watching my tablet.  After doing a little research while sitting on my lardy bottom, I discovered that there is a local running club.

 Calamity is full of hot air.

Looking at pictures I already know I probably won’t make friends as they all appear thin, athletic and smiley.  I am none of these things.  But I am going straps my knees restraints and visit the club.  As with anything like this I am nervous what will people think when “Jabba the Hutt’s” uglier sister arrives in shorts and trainers.  More importantly will they have a defibrillator within easy reach and is anyone trained to use it.  Something else that concerns me is I haven’t run in a while; will I be able to do more than an old person’s shuffle.

 Enjoyed seeing this Fox every afternoon relaxing beside the District line track, makes me smile.

Hopefully I will be able to stagger more than a couple of metres, and that this might become a weekly social occasion.  One really good things about the running club is it will stop me from sitting on my ever expanding behind one evening a week stuffing my face with even more tasty E number and Trans fats, emmmm but they taste so good.

 Pretty to see, but i wont be putting these in my salad for lunchtimes.

And Now For Something Completely Different…… 

 Seen at Tower Hill tube station.

I speak to so many people Monday to Friday from 8am to 4pm that by the end of the day I’m sick of hearing my own voice.  During the week, I spoke to was a Police woman.  Once the call ended I turned to my colleague and said “I liked a woman in uniform, it would be even better if she was a red head.  I like redheads”.  This was when I shut up, my mouth hanging open with nothing coming out.

  Has so much fun recording a new “These people Podcast” with penny and Lee. 

My colleague is a very pretty woman who has lovely red hair.  During this silence, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.  The windows don’t open very wide so climbing out and shinning down the drain pipe was not an option, plus it was raining and I didn’t have a coat.  As I backtracked I felt my foot plunging deeper in to my cavernous open mouth.  The situation was saved when the next call came through from an angry customer regarding a missed bin.

Note to self: Put brain into gear before speaking.

And Finally……

Quote of the week, “people keep telling me to ring www. and I can’t, i don’t understand”.

 Damn you, travel mug.  

Sipping coffee from my travel mug at work, I decided to blow instead of suck.  There is a pin prick of a hole which I think helps steam escape, it’s something I’ve never really noticed before.  Cold coffee spurted out of the hole and into my eyes.

Note to self: Suck don’t blow.

Writing this Shiz.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“60 Day’s In Jail”, (S2, ep 4).  “Being Human”, (S2, ep 6 to ep 8)(S3, ep 1 to ep 3).  “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”, (S7, ep 7 to ep 16).  “Click”, (TX: 29/07/17).  “Detectorist”, (S2, ep 5).  “Game Of Thrones”, (S6, ep 2 & ep 3).  “Hive Alive”, (ep 1, TX: 15/07/14)(ep 2, TX: 22/07/14).  “Hyper Evolution: Rise Of The Robots”, (ep 2, TX: 02/08/17).  “Orphan Black”, (S4, ep X).  “Prejudice And Pride: The People’s History Of LGBTQ Britain”, (ep 1,TX: 29/07/17).  “Queer As Art”, (TX: 29/07/17).  “Super Senses: The Secret Power Of Animals”, (ep 2, TX: 26/08/14)(ep 3, TX: 02/09/14).  “The Betrayed Girls”, (TX: 03/07/17).  “The Last Leg”, (S11, ep 11).  “Two Types: The Faces Of Britain”, (TX: 31/07/17).  “Wild Alaska Live”, (S1, ep 3).       

This week I have mainly been listening to:   “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (27/07: pt1 & pt2, 31/07, 01/08, 02/08, 03/08/17).  “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (27/07, 28/07, 31/07, 01/08, 02/08, 03/08/17).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (03/08/17).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (27/07, 04/08/17).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowmen”, (ep 49, 28/07/17).  “Strange Times”, (ep 229,28/07/17)(ep 87, 14/12/14)(ep 86, 07/12/14)(ep 85, 30/11/14)(ep 84, 24/11/14)(ep 83, 16/11/14)(ep 81, 11/11/14).  “Strange Times ExtraCrap”, (#24, 09/12/14).  “The Aggy Fox Podcast”, (ep 5, 13/03/17)(ep 16, 02/08/17).  “The Angelos And Barry Show”, (03/08/17).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 22, 03/08/17).  “These People Podcast”, (ep 33, 01/08/17).  “Morrissey”,  “David Bowie”,  “Dusty Springfield”,  “Arcade Fire”,  “Frankie Goes To Hollywood”,  ”The Communards”,  “Bronski Beat”, “New Order”, “Ladyhawke”.