Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East & Central London (The NEXT Chapter).
Week 139Saturday 11thFebruary 2017 until Friday 17thFebruary 2017.
This week I restarted being a useful member of society; I’m working and paying tax. I’m back at a large shop that I worked for over Crimbo. I might not know all the names but everyone is so welcoming (including a couple of people who were a little grumpy previously). Of course the real reason everyone might be happy is that there is a new mugg to clean up spillages in isle 3. Small things give me pleasure such as hearing the grating metal on metal sound of the large scissor lift that can carry 2500 kg go up and down.
Dana “Two pairs of tights” signed in for work.
I turned up on Monday expecting to have to redo the induction day which i did in December. Too me this felt like a total waste of time but there paying me so I will sit and watch videos telling me how not to lift things, how alcohol shouldn’t be sold to dogs and knives to squirrels or something like. Once the training started the group I was amongst were hit with a bombshell, one that produced mixed emotions. The managers had realised that it was silly for us to be stuck in a boardroom on the 4th floor when we could be on the ground floor stacking shelves or cleaning up marmalade explosions. When I realised I was going to be set free with the public so quickly I suddenly wanted to spend the rest of the day watching instructional videos about angry cats wanting Deli refunds.
Moira enjoying art at the Tate.
At Crimbo I remember the shop felt chilly, partly because I was working nights and because I spent a lot of time in the freezer sections. This week I also didn’t have a uniform so I made the decision to wear two pairs of thick tights. The result of this was my legs were warm, if a little stiff due to the thickness of the material. But worse there was slippage (I’m sure this is a technical term) between the two garments, the outer pair kept trying to make their way down the inner pair. If you’re not a regular tights wearer then you won’t know how annoying it is when what you’re wearing is slowly slipping down your thighs. All throughout the rest of the shift I was having to stop and hoick the Lycra ™ over my ample ass.
Is it Art.
Being a shop drone is not well paid, in fact for my age it’s pitiful. As I have said I like the people with but it’s a tough job, standing all the time, lifting, pushing and of course answering silly questions about the size of eggs. I have come to the painful conclusion that I might have to become an office drone again sitting on my large arse all day. By doing this I could earn just over double what the shop is paying. I’ll hate doing the job, but unlike most of the others I will only be there for a short period of time. I have to tell myself to grow some balls and just get on with it.
My fave art at the Tate, found on back of the loo door.
I admit I’m only doing this to make money (actually who doesn’t work to make money, what a stupid thing to say) so I can return to that paradise by the Indian Ocean I miss so much. Being an office lackey temporarily will get me there quicker than working in the shop floor stacking shelves or cleaning spillages on the floor. Where do I apply….
Ive never been a Shakingspear fan, but this is impressive.
And now for something completely different.
I’ll have to get a pic of me upside down next time.
Last weekend MOZ and I went for our third session of Ariel yoga. I find hanging upside with my legs wrapped around parachute material a couple of feet above the ground really exciting, even exhilarating. I’m not very competitive normally, but during these sessions I WANT to be the last person upside down. I walk away feeling a foot taller with all my joints swinging loosly in the breeze, the world always feels better after my visits to Whitechapel.
In Other News…
Travelling up an escalator on the 14th February, I overheard a woman behind me telling a friend that her skirt had ridden up slightly under her coat. She said “I almost gave that man in front of me an early valentine’s surprise”.
Really enjoyed being in the company of Angelos and Barry a couple of “cockamamie sons of bitches”.
The Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching: “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”, (S3, ep 11 to 13). “Click”, (TX 11/02/17). “Funny Valentine, Bill Bailey (Love Song), Katy Wix (Jean – Pierre), Limmy (A Wee Video! For The Lassies!), Matt Berry (Wild Love), Modern Toss (Lady And The Fly), Nick Helm (Elephant), Romesh Ranganathan (Rom Com), Sara Pascoe (Music Lovers) ”. “Horizon: Truth About Meteors: A Horizon Special”, (2012/13, ep 7). “James May At The Edge Of Space”. “Not Going Out”, (S8, ep 4). “Some Like It Hot”, (1959). “Special Forces: Ultimate Hell Week”, (S2, ep 3). “Taboo”, (ep 5). “Terry Pratchatt- Back in Black”. “The Fake News Show”. “The Graham Norton Show”, (S20, ep 17). “The Grand Tour”, (S1, ep 4 & 5). “The Last Leg”, (S10, ep 3). “The Real Marigold Hotel”, (S2, ep 1). “The Sky At Night”, (ep 771). “This Country”, (ep 2). “Who Do You Think You Are: Warwick Davis”, (S13, ep 8).
This week I saw live: “Angelos & Barry: The New Power Generation”.
This week I have mainly been listening to: “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Bonus)”, (10/02, 15/02/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Highlights)”, (10/02, 13/02, 14/02, 15/02/17). “Iain Lee: TalkRADIO (Live)”, (10/02, 13/02, 14/02, 15/02, 16/02 (james maxx). “Iain Lee vs Radio Podcast”, (ep 1,13/06/15) (ep 2,14/06/15) (ep 3,16/06/15) (ep 4,18/06/15) (ep 5,19/06/15) (ep 6,22/06/15) (ep 7b & 7a,22/06/15) (ep 8,01/07/15) (ep 9,04/07/15) (ep 10,09/07/15). ”LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (16/02/17). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (11/02/17). “Scroobius Pip, Distraction Pieces”, (ep 70, 02/12/15) (ep 109, 09/08/16) (ep 112, 24/08/16) (ep 113, pt1 & pt2 31/08/16) (ep 137, 15/02/17). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 28, 10/02/17). “The Rabbit Hole”, (16/02/17). “The Scott Balcony And Iain Lee Podcast”, (ep 1, 04/01/16) (ep 2, 05/01/16). “Morrissey”, “Nirvana”, “Rag n Bone Man”, “Belinda Carlisle”, “The XX”, ”Kula Shaker”, “Stereophonics”, “Fun Loving Criminals”, “M.I.A”, “Sleeper”, “Ed Sheeran”, “Wheatus”.
Misfits Mid-Life Crisis........ 
Great blog. I think your former/current grumpy co-workers realised how much fun you are once you came back on the scene. Or it’s just prisoners happy to see another person on the ‘jailhouse wing’. The training backfire was great. what do they say don’t wish for it or you’ll get it! I myself would make a great night security guard, sitting there reading newspapers and magazines all nite and getting paid. Heaven in my eyes. As for the spillage, I hope you made your way to Aisle 3 as fast as you could as any spillage outside of there is tatamount to war crimes! YES go to the office and make more money. simple equation, same hours-more dosh! As the meerkats say, ‘Simples!’.
Nice to hear you’re excersising. I’m hoping it motivates me (isn’t that part of the purpose of a blog-self reflection?) As some character called Mung would say in a cave man flick ‘Exercise Good!.
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