Misfits Mid Life Crisis Adventures in ………….. Mozambique and Nelspurit South Africa.

Week 33, Saturday 31^st January to Friday 6th February 2015.

This week I have mainly been listening to….. Tegan and Sarah(Everything is Awesome), XX, Lana Del Ray, Jake Bugg, Morrissey.

And have been watching…. Weeds (Season 1, eps 1 to 10) (Season 2, eps 1 to 11), Top Gear, (Season 22, ep2)

Still reading on Kindle…… “A Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire” book 1 by George R.R. Martin.

Saturday 31^st, Woke up convinced that it was Monday, what is going on in my head. The really scary dog that reminds me of a 70s/80s British cauliflower eared boxer Alan Minter really barked at me this morning I just keep walking and didn’t look him in the eye. I then found that my phone was not in my pocket, I couldn’t face going back and facing Alan Minter again so soon. Glad I didn’t go back coz when at work what did I find in my bag, my damn phone. First thing at the shop I saw a faint rainbow over the old lagoon behind the shop; it rained on and off all morning, seeing a rainbow was a beautiful way to start a day. The dive this morning got scrubbed at the last minute; I had set up the gear and was drawing the dive site map when I got the call. Spent the rest of the morning reading, it was one of those really quiet day. Two people today commented on a ring I have, it’s a cheap M&S ring no one has ever said anything about it before, how strange. Copied some shows on to my box from Kev the new DMT, had plenty of films and TV shows but now have even more. Ended the work day in the pool with the boss’s kids and their friend and a surf board, not as easy as it sounds.

 Faint rainbow behind Liquid.

Sunday 1^st February, today felt like “ground hog day”, opened the dive centre and set up for the dive to “Mikes Cupboard” (the aborted dive from yesterday). Time went by and the customer didn’t show I tried to contact them but nothing. By 9 I decided to de-rigged everything. At 10 the customer rings they had overslept and will be straight round. They really were round straight away (they got a lift), I rushed to set everything up again. The dive at “Mikes” had lovely clear viz (until the end of the dive when the viz got reduced slightly). There were a number of Bluebottles (which are not true jelly fish), I think most of us got a sting here and there, it’s a little like a bee sting. Highlight of the dive was an Octo, great colour changing and a little bit of free swimming. Tomorrow is my day off so I wanted to get some supplies as I planned not too go out but didn’t have any money. After rushing home in a little drizzle i faced Alan Minter, I grabbed cash and rushed straight back to the market. The plastic bags you get given are so thin so I carried everything in my arms by the time I was home my hands were numb and back hurt. I passed the police station and got called over by one of the officers I have spoken to before, I said I was going to a party hence all the beer, Sprite and juice in my arms. He saying he wanted to come when off duty. I managed to get out of that situ in a hurry and rushed off. Skyped with SAZ and family in chilly Surrey.

 Alan Minter.

Monday 2^nd, my day off. I slept in until 10am what a lazy cow, but I really enjoyed it. Because I stocked up last night I knew I didn’t have to go out at all today. Standing on the balcony I could feel it was another scorching day. Watched lots of Weeds (TV Show) and had another nap in the afternoon. I have to do another visa run end of the week so have started to arrange it, I have a possible lift with someone there and back which would be great, I really don’t want to have to do the Fatty’s bus again if at all poss. I am home in 5 weeks and I will have to get work I really don’t want to be in an office (done that) or in a shop (been there) I need to look in to other things. I do have a few ideas such as signing up with a TV and film background agency, become a still life model in an art collage and I still really want to have a go at stand-up comedy. I nearly did it a couple of years ago but chickened out, now I have nothing to lose. Don’t worry prostitution is not one of the ideas, I’d have to pay the clients which is not the idea. Skyped with Mum and Hel told them of my plans they seem to think there good.

 I get bored on my own sometimes 🙂

Tuesday 3^rd, My visa run trip is all sorted for the end of the week, I have a lift there and back with Deon (who at this time I have never met). The plan is to spend a couple of days in South Africa back in Nelspruit this means I can go to the cinema again like my previous trip. Today I lead a diver round our shallow site “Clownfish” the client really looked like Ewan McGregor, his name in fact was Ewan Mcsomething I really had to do a double take. Yes I did mentioned this (its not the first time he has been told this he said). I said that he could make his millions from being Jobergs premier Ewan McGregor look-a-like, think he liked the idea. This dive was my 150^th in Tofo since June 2014, will would love to get to 200 by the time I leave I doubt I will manage it.

 It tastes better than it looks.

Wednesday 4^th, I started to set up most of the gear for a dive ( a huge one with 8 people), once the other guys arrived they helped. Then the skipper Pedro pointed out that the dive is tomorrow morning…. Oops, everything had to be packed away again. As I have said before the days of the week mingle and you (I) lose track. We tried to launch in the afternoon but the waves were so big probably something to do with the full moon that we had to scrub it. I lost another pair of sunglasses during the aborted attempt. It was decided that we could do the skills that Satu was going to do in the pool, I assisted Satu. My trip to South Africa has been brought forward a little so I am leaving tomorrow afternoon not early Friday morning. This evening there was a snorkel test; Zak became Liquid’s newest DM. Everyone met at Mozambeats for the normal drunken activities. As has become custom I drew the dive site that he had to brief us on, I think “Zelda Reef” went down well (I didn’t have time to get the OK from Zelda, Zak’s girlfriend, she seemed to take it well). All went well Zak got very drunk and we all laughed lots. I had a few drinks and remember being walked home by a Megafauna guy I don’t know, I don’t remember going to bed or facing Alan Minter.

Thursday 5^th , My head did hurt this morning, but I helped set up the dive a double tank. The viz at “Manta Reef” was so clear I could easily see the surface from the reef. After dropping the other divers on the surface got swept away. This meant resurfacing and everyone re-dropping, nothing big seen apart from other groups of divers. After a surface interval we went to “Praia da Rocha” only been there once before we navigated around and through huge chunks of rock with amazingly colourful reef on it. Being in the water with a hangover is not as bad as you would think. Once back at the shop I was whisked straight off to Inhambane (Thanks Cindy) to meet Deon. A really nice guy we chatted about everything life the universe and everything, only made a couple of short stops otherwise we continued on our journey. We bypassed Maputo driving down a very bumpy dirt road for a couple of hours (this was the kind of road that Top Gear would have driven on). Apart from a few people I saw 4 Owls and lots of cows. As it started to get dark I noticed lighting, as time went on the lightening got bigger and bigger and brighter the whole sky being lit us at times. Both Deon and I were going “wow”, “oh look at that”. The ribbons of hot white lighting that flashed across the sky was the most spectacular storm I have ever seen. I also noticed that the moon was full and blood red in colour just amazing. We came across a broken down truck in this storm that we towed to help jump star. We noticed a man in on the ground in the rain at first we thought he’s been hit but it turned out he was drunk (he was lifted out of the puddle by 2 woman). We were through the boarder really quickly and made Nelspruit in good time. I met Deon’s wife who said she wasn’t feeling well, within 10 minutes an ambulance was called (its not for me to say what’s wrong, but she wasn’t well). I was left in the house and was told that there 6 year old daughter Megan (who of course I have never met) was fast asleep. I was told if she woke up to tell her mummy and daddy will be back soon. I was terrified of what her reaction would be, seeing a total stranger in the middle of the night in an empty house. I really hoped she wouldn’t wake up. She did, there standing next to me was this little girl, I quickly said before she could open her mouth “Mummy and Daddy were out and will be back soon”. I got her a glass of water and helped put her back to bed. Phew that was much easier than I expected.

 Lovely Kim a duty manager at Bundu Lodge

Friday 6^th, I woke up in the middle of the night and Megan had gone from her bed, I was scared that she was looking for mummy and daddy. I looked around the house and found her with Daddy fast asleep (he had returned from the hospital). In the morning I met Deon’s friend Gys (pronounced Heys) a very funny man always telling jokes and laughing, I decided that he was my new lesbian friend (as he loves woman as much as me J). He is living in a private section of a lodge near Nelspruit, so I booked in the public side my room 98 got for 350 Rand a night (that’s £19.90) it’s a small room but that’s all I need, there’s a TV with a handful of channels and air con. Yep I have the air con ramped up to chilly. The lodge has wild animals including Zebra’s wondering around freely it looks amazing. All day Gys ferried me around collecting stuff for Liquid and Jenny from Postnet and shops, a couple of the places I have been to before. All the time Gys cracking jokes. We met up with Deon and found out that his wife is ok and was still in Hospital at that time but was expected to be realised very soon. Megan came running up to me and gave me a cuddle what a sweet girl. It was during all this fun and frolics that I left my computer in the boot of the car (so it was very safe) but the car was Deon’s wife’s and not Gys so this meant that I didn’t have access to it and couldn’t post So-Called Blog this as normal on Friday night. Spent the night in the bar with Heys and one of the managers at Bundu Kim, once she was off duty she could join us for a drink. For the second night in a row I saw someone get hurt, a woman in the bar fainted she was fine but for a moment I was really worried.

The end of week 33, I ended it in a different country, witnessed an amazing electrical storm, met lovely new people and saw wild Zebra’s, really having a great time. Due to this being posted late it’s been edited in a hurry soz if there are more mistakes than normal.