Week 245, Saturday 23rd February until Friday 1st March 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 245 Saturday 23rd February until Friday 1st March 2019.

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I love sleep; it’s one of my fave activities. Normally I try to be in bed by 10 or 11 so I can watch something before turning in.  Most people are completely knackered, every morning I see so many commuter’s snoozing on the train.  That’s not something I am comfortable doing because I really don’t want to wake up resting on the shoulder of the person next to me, and then wipe all my dribble off their clothes!  Plus, I am told (by my niece and nephews) that I snore badly!  Some mornings I can make a 20 minute TV comedy last 30 to 40 minutes, because I have to keep going over the same scene again and again due to sleep wanting to overcome me.

20190228_235817.jpg 20190228_235932.jpg “I wont ever argue again.  Ok, i snore”.

Last Sunday night the adopted hamster didn’t come out until late in the evening.  Before anyone sends me a postcard wrapped around a gold brick through the living room window, I realise that Hammy’s are nocturnal!  Most evenings she loves to run up and down my arms, sit in my palm and occasionally give me a “Hamster blessing” by pooing or weeing in my hand.  I am deffo her biatch!  When we adopted her, we were instructed that wouldn’t want contact.  Everything that we were told was wrong, she loves to be around us.

20190225_224829 “The little girl and me enjoying new Alan Partridge”.

Back to the story!  The little darling spent the evening asleep in a large tube which is situated in a big plastic storage crate with sawdust, toys and other things she can burrow and hide inside.  Only occasionally popping her face out to see if we had left any treats.  It was just past my bedtime typically that she wanted to play; if I went to sleep I would feel bad because she wouldn’t get as much contact as normal.  By the time my head did hit the pillow it was well after midnight.  When I set the alarm it enthusiastically informed me that it would wake me up in exactly 7hrs time.  That’s the same amount of time spent sat at my desk!  Regularly I hear and read about a healthy work/life balance, I definitely don’t have one.  There is no scientific basis to my next comment, but I am going to type it.  Why does a night’s sleep pass so quickly (this includes going to sleep early) and I still wake up feeling as just as knackered as I did before?  When a working day of usually 7hrs shackled to the desk passes so slowly. It really should be the other way around!

20190228_210228 “If she could talk, i think shes complaining about the noise being made in the living room.  She was trying to sleep”.

I realise that only a very small percentage of people enjoy what they do.  Only I can change my life, which I know is a constant theme regularly in this ramble.  The Hamster is a start and makes my life more relaxing.  Looking after and playing with this tiny creature really makes my heart gush with love and gives me a reason to continue.  However more importantly is a good night’s sleep, even I know this is essential for good mental health.  If I have to go to bed early resulting in the Hamster not getting as much play, I’ll make it up to her another evening.

20190227_171306 “It was a genuine error, the train was packed!.  I didn’t realise i had upgraded myself”.

‘The dark raincloud hanging over me is my lack of work/life balance.  When I think back 3yrs, I was happy in Tofo Mozambique, commuting to and from work walking on the beach, visiting the market for fresh fruit and of course diving in the Indian Ocean.  If I am ever going to return and feel good about myself I must make changes now.  Though I suspect the Hamster will have to stay, but I could Skype with her.  Seriously the things that need to be worked on and changed immediately are changing my job, travelling less to and from work and of course getting lots of sleep. Oh, and plenty of rodent love.

20190228_082307 “its been unseasonably warm recently”.

And Finally……

20190225_170531 20190225_170508 “Saw this lovely old lady this week”.

In a major department store (Yes, there are a few still around) mooching round the electronic section.  A teenage girl and an older woman stopped and stood next to me.  I heard the girl say, “I really need a panini maker”.  The older women just walked away without saying anything, leaving the teenager to look at objects she desired but couldn’t afford. #firstworldproblems

20190226_171600 “Survived another week, just!”.

A little later.

Queuing up in another part of the same shop waiting to pay.  As a couple of women walked passed I heard one giggle to her friend “that’s the first time in a long while a young man has handled my knickers”.  They had just purchased new ones and the cashier was a young man.  I wonder what the man would have said if he had heard that comment.

20190226_195230.jpg “Writing this shiz, while recording something for a podcast”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 23/02/19).  “Charmed (2019)”, (S1. Ep 7 & ep 8).  “Cuckoo”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6).  “Cunk On Britain”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 03/04/18)(ep 2, TX: 10/04/18).  “Jerk”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 6)(S6, ep 1 to 6)(S7, ep 1).  “Russian Doll”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S8, ep 7 to ep 13).  “The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway”, (S3, ep 2, TX: 20/02/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 5, TX: 22/02/19).  “The Real Marigold On Tour: Argentina”, (S3, ep 2, TX: 20/02/19).  “The Real Marigold On Tour: Vietnam”, (S3, ep 3, TX: 27/02/19).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 9).  “The Walking Dead”, (S7, ep 1 to ep 16)(S8, ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Umbrella Academy”, (S1, ep 3 & ep 4).  “This Time With Alan Partridge”, (S1, ep 1, TX: 25/02/19).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 2, TX: 24/02/19).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti Social Show”, (ep 69, 24/02/19).  “Brian And Roger”, (S2, ep 1,27/02/19)(ep 2, 01/03/19).  “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 52, 25/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 5, 26/02/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 69, 28/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (28/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (22/02, 27/02, 28/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (28/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (23/02, 24/02, 01/03/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 81, 01/03/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (28/02/18).  “Strange Times”, (ep 292, 22/02/19)(ep 293, 23/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (28/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Muse”,   “Manic Street Preachers”, “The Libertines”, “Biffy Clyro”,  “Smiths”, “The Stone Roses”, The Lighting Seeds”, “Simple Minds”, “The KLF”.

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Week 244, Saturday 16th until Friday 22nd February 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, North East, West, Central London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 244 Saturday 16th until Friday 22nd February 2019.

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Happy 5th Bday to Jbomb this week.

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I’m not the most sociable person, I don’t like crowds and if really honest not a big fan of actually going out. Don’t get me wrong, when I am somewhere I enjoy it. But throughout the event or evening there is an internal monologue, a countdown of how long until I can go home, get in to bed, watch or listen to something and have a snack. Generally, when I am out I feel as out of place as a goldfish in a recycled paper bag.

20190222_074843.jpg “Jbomb, wasn’t very impressed with the Bday radishes”.

I am very used to travelling home after work on the tube at 7pm. Last weekend I travelled in the opposite direction at 7pm, not something I do often. Most people seemed to be in groups dressed up for a wild night in one of the most exciting cites in the world (Not a description I use. When I look around apart from more shops going out of business, an increased number of people sleeping rough and overflowing the bins on the streets, it’s an ok city!). I sat on my own watching my tablet, trying to blend in and not be noticed. Its occasions like this that I put on my cloak of invisibility (It cost me a fortune and took hours to find inside what appeared to be an empty box).

20190216_235810 “Wrapped up on the way home after being in town”.

London was full of what appeared to be beautiful people (it probably took them hours to look that good) drinking, smoking and throwing up. Everyone seemed to be having fun (even the pavement pizza makers) in their own way. Rushing through the crowds I wished I had the power to part them so that I could pass straight through, instead of constantly dodge others standing chatting or walking in a random direction shouting to a friend behind. Resulting in continually stepping into the road trying not to be clipped by annoying pedicab, buses or black cabs.

20190220_161938 “I always enjoy seeing the river Thames”.

The reason I was on my tod in the capital was to see Rosie Jones doing stand-up at the Soho Theatre. This was my second solo visit to the venue, the last time I arrived far too early and stood in a corner of the bar awkwardly hoping that no one would notice a hot and flushed trans women feeling very out of place and wanting to go home. I didn’t, Angelos and Barry were excellent. This time I left later risking train problems and even more people on the streets coming at me from every direction. Once I collected my ticket the awkward wait in the corner of the bar (again) was for a much shorter time, but I still felt very self-conscious and shy. It’s at this point i want to mention that while travelling on the tube i panicked and ate half a huge bag of Doritos. This was because I worried that theatre security would search my bag and not allow my after-show treat into the room that the show took place. Typical, there was no bag search.

20190217_211221 “Recording The Aggy Fox and Dana Podcast”.

Part of my fear is a result of being transgendered. In the late 80s early 90s there were many incidents, several still haunt me today. Luckily in these more enlightened times it’s rare for something nasty to happen. When it does it’s usually someone staring or deliberately misgendering me, but otherwise life is ok (even as a child I usually felt out of place and awkward). There is a part of me that wanted to be a social butterfly like the party people a couple of minutes from the theatre in Old Compton Street, but my wings were clipped a long time ago. My awkwardness pushed me into having a go at being a supporting artist and trying stand-up a couple of years ago. Both I would like to do again, because I can pretend to be someone else.

20190216_204201 20190216_203651 “Enjoyable evening watching Rosie Jones, be very funny”.

Rosie Jones was very funny, a great show. What made the evening special is that she greeted each and every audience member personally with a hug, a laugh and the offer of a humbug from a bowl. Sitting in the dark laughing helped me relax because I can’t be seen. But of course, all eyes were on Rosie as she told funny and downright filthy stories. Don’t worry I will venture outside again soon. If you do see me, please ignore me so I can pretend my expensive invisibility cloak is working.

20190216_232539.jpg 20190216_224323 “Lots of people having fun here”.

And Finally……

20190216_223112 “Oops, someone caught on CCTV in a fast food establishment”.

On way back from Ariel yoga, i unclasped the uncomfortable sports bra on the train. The puppies were off the lead! in public. Ok, maybe they look more like a couple of malnourished dwarf Hamsters, but I could breathe! There was something naughty about doing this while in public.

20190217_180521 “My view looking up, while laying in the Ariel Yoga sling”.

And

20190217_180505 “A nice room to hang around in”.

Heard women with blue hair say to a friend, I’m really a red head you know! I love redheads, I am many things and colour blind is not one of them. She was definitely blue on top! Unless, of course she wasn’t talking about hair on her head!!!

20190222_090458.jpg “Writing this shiz speeding through Croydon”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I saw live:

“Rosie Jones: Fifteen Minutes”, (Soho Theatre, 16/02/19).

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Click”, (TX: 16/02/19).  “Garth Merenghi’s Darkplace”, (S1, ep 2).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S3, ep 4 to ep 8)(S4, ep 1 to 7).  “Our World: In The Shadow Of Chernobyl (BBC News)”, (TX: 16/02/19).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 6).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S7, ep 2 to ep 24)(S8, ep 1 to ep 6).  “The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 13/02/19).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 18, TX: 15/02/19).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 4, TX: 15/02/19).  “The Masked Singer”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 8).  “The Walking Dead”, (S6, ep 1 to ep 16).  “The Walking Dead: Robot Chicken Special”, (US TX: 08/10/17).  “The Umbrella Academy ”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).  “Top Gear”, (S26, ep 1, TX: 17/02/19).                      

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (30/01/18, 06/03/18).  “Bex & Guest (inc Davien Dent)(Flex FM 101.4)”, (19/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 4, 19/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (15/02/19 x 2).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (15/02, 18/02, 19/02, 20/02. 21/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (16/02, 22/02/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 80, 22/02/19).  “Rule Of Three”, (17/05/18).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 129, 18/02/19)(ep 130, 22/02/19).  “Strange Times”, (ep 290 & ep 291, 19/02/19).  “The Aggy Fox And Dana Podcast”, (ep 6, 21/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (22/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Def Leppard”,   “Starship”, “Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds”, “Ash”,  “Massive Attack”,  “Sleeper”.

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Week 243, Saturday 9th until Friday 15th February 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 243 Saturday 9th until Friday 15th February 2019.

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Every Friday I ring the agency that employs me to inform them of the hours worked that week. In my mind I like to think that the information is relayed to a large room full of accountants sat in rows noting down the hours of the employees into huge books with quills. The hours would then be transcribed on to individual cards with holes punched into them which are fed one card at a time into a giant computer that fills an entire room. This machine of course is powered rainbows and unicorns, as all computers are! Then magically the following week money appears in my bank account. As I stated earlier, this is how the process works in my sad excuse for a mind. Of course the reality is completely different, and so far it’s always worked perfectly. Until now!

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“7.40am looked pretty and relaxing. Pitty the est of the day didnt go as well”.
Tuesday I got a call from the agency to say that my timesheet had not been authorised. At that very moment I was already stressed because London’s “wonderful” public transport system was stopping me from reaching work. In the end it took 3hrs to travel across the capital! Once at the office I explained the issue to my manager, who shortly after invited me into a small glass walled meeting room. This was an immediate concern because people tend to only get called into those rooms when they’re going to be hauled over hot coals. I was asked how I normally submit my hours, and why didn’t I report them on the computer using a specific spreadsheet. My answer was simple, “No one’s ever mentioned this system to me before!”

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“London at night. These pics were only taken because of being tipped out of yet another tube train. But the view made things a little better”.
During the day, I got messages from the agency saying that the timesheet still needed to authorised and time was running out to be included in this week’s payroll. As well as emails from my manager saying that she was waiting to speak to another boss. I won’t lie, I wanted to pack up my bag and walk out. The river Thames is a couple of hundred metres away, there I could sit and watch Swans, Ducks and Pigeons as well as the occasional boat or canoe float past. Of course I sat at my desk and got on with the job. For the last 3 years I have rung my times in every week and never had a problem.

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“Not all information is boring”.
I find everything about work tough. Getting up before sparrow fart daily! Sitting in an office that sucks the soul out of everyone who enters! Travelling on increasingly expensive transport network that you can never guarantee will actually get you to your final destination! Everything about work causes me stress and constant anxiety.
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“One day i’ll leave the office and never return”.
Life should not be this tough (I realise compared to others, I have it easy. But it’s all relative). I suppose my existence is better than the nerdy accountant types I mentioned at the top of this ramble. At least I’m not shackled to my deck. Ok I am timed when I have a “Comfort Break”, just so you know I can rush to the loo and be back in about 2 & ½ mins. I am not sure what would happen if I had a bad tummy! When the allotted 5 mins has passed would the toilet with me sitting on it disappears behind a false wall. Would I then find myself flushed into the Thames with all the other shiz? At least then I would get to watch the birds and occasional boat or canoe pass by.

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“Feeling really ill, hoping that the train will get me home”.
If you are struggling with any kind stress there are people out there who can help.
In the UK you could speak to,
Anxiety UK: 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri, 9.30 am to 5.30 pm)
MIND: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9.00 am to 6.00 pm)
Rethink Mental Illness: 0300 5000 9278 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am to 4.00 pm)
Samaritans: 116 123 (Free 24 hrs a day), email: jo@samaritans.org.
Outside of the UK, please search the internet for local help.
Remember, “You are not alone”.

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“I thought this was pretty”.
And Finally……

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“Such a pretty little girl”.
I love nuts; the adopted hamster loves them as well. After putting her back for the night I noticed a stray nut on the carpet. Yes I picked it up and popped it in my cavernous black hole of a gob; my friend sitting on the sofa looked back in horror.

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“She’s in there somewhere”.
When we clean out the hamster’s cage, a handful of the nuts and food that she has nibbled or hidden in her bedding (yes she pees and poos in it) are kept and returned because they have her smell on them. The nut I picked up was one of them. Yes, I swallowed it! And can confirm there was a strange taste!

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“The start of another mad day on planet Earth”.
And
I noticed a lady combing a false eyelash on her lap. At first I thought she was stroking a small dog (one of those yappy types that’s more rodent than canine). Once I saw what she was doing I couldn’t help but keep looking.

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“Writing this Shiz. Yes the Hamster is mooching around in the background”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Better Things”, (S2, ep 6 to ep 9). “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 6). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 6). “Click”, (TX: 09/02/19). “David Bowie Finding Fame”, (TX: 09/02/19). “Diagnosis”, (2017). “Only Fools And Horses”, (S2, ep 1 to ep 8)(S3, ep 1 to 3). “Romesh Talking To Comedians”, (ep 5, TX: 20/07/18)(ep 1 to 4, ep 6, TX: 24/01/19). “Romesh Talking To Comedians: In Caffs About Growing Up”, (18/08/17). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 5). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S6, ep 3 to ep 24)(S7, ep 1). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 17, TX: 08/02/19). “The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey, (DVD Ext Edition, Pt 1)” (2012). “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 4, TX: 15/02/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 7). “The Real Marigold On Tour: Russia”, (S3, ep 1, TX: 13/02/19). “The Sky At Night”, (ep 788, TX: 10/02/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S5, ep 1 to ep 16)(S6, ep 1 to ep 7). “The Wire”, (S1, ep 1 & ep 2).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Anti Social SHow”, (ep 68.5, 09/02/19). “Brian Gittens And Friends”, (ep 51, 12/02/19). “David Tennant Does A Podcast”, (S1, ep 3, 12/02/19). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (12/02, 14/02/19 x2). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/02, 12/02, 13/02/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 103, 14/02/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (14/02/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (09/02, 15/02/19). “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 79, 15/02/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 128, 11/02/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (15/02/19). “Morrissey”, “Fleetwood Mac”, “David Bowie”, Adam And The Ants”, “Belinda Carlisle”, “Bow Wow Wow”, “Supergrass”, “Catatonia”, “Blondie”, “Simple Minds”, “Elbow”, “Natalie Imbruglia”, “The Cranberries”.

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Week 242, Saturday 2nd until Friday 8th February 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in Isle of Wight, Hampshire (Southampton), East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 242 Saturday 2nd until Friday 8th February 2019.

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This week is an Isle Of Wight Special.

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Happy bady to George.

Tuesday to Friday this week I have felt very sad, this is because last weekend I visited the Isle of Wight and had a wonderful time. The reason for my visit was because a friend who I have known for decades was having a party to celebrate his bday.

IMG-f220a7dc1fa4906f0b71dd6ad0bf48a0-V “Dancing on Ice”.

There was a little sleet and snow on the way to Southampton, but this didn’t stop me from arriving in time for an earlier ferry. The journey is quick; as soon as I sat down (after mooching around, taking pictures inside and outside and of course spending money) it was time to return to the car to disembark. During the weekend it was mentioned a couple of times that people swim the Solent for charity. It’s something to think about as the ferry is not cheap. I’m a good swimmer, but I would be concerned about keeping the car afloat!

20190202_131802 20190202_171353 “Its pretty in the morning and early evening”.

The island of course is extremely pretty; this is particularly obvious when standing on top of one of the many hills looking out over land and sea. Some fields high up still had patches of snow from the recent bad weather, which only enhanced the surround beauty in my eyes.

20190202_122724 IMG-20190203-WA0005 “Sunshine and Snow”.

When I wasn’t pestering my friends or eating them out of house and home. I spent time on my own observing the rise and fall of the river Medina. Watching seagulls, ducks and pigeons doing what they do best for far too long! In Newport harbour there are a lot of very expensive boats, a number of them out of the water propped up precariously on blocks of wood in what would have been a car park. Plus, I might have spent time looking for a chip shop! Reading back this last paragraph, i realise how strange I really am and I deffo need to get a life.

20190203_140101 20190202_105431.jpg 20190203_125624 “Potato Ships”.

George’s party (which actually was a joint one with his mother-in-law also celebrating her bday) was a lot of fun. Especially because I met a fellow Whovian! How did I know that he was a fan, I hear you ask? This was very easy because we all carry something which proves our credentials as an enthusiast. He had a small Lego ® TARDIS while I swiftly produced my DWAS membership card. Seriously it was really nice chatting with someone younger who has as much love for Doctor who as I do. We continued to chat about Science Fiction in general while others danced to the “Birdie Song” and “Black Lace”. Though I will admit to singing (or screeching along to) loudly to the classic “Chicken song” by Spitting Image (you really had to be there!). The party was a great success, everyone left very happy.

IMG-20190202-WA0004 Screenshot_20190202-114522_Gallery “This little lady is 81 years old”.

Personal highlight was traveling on the islands railway. The trains were originally used on the London Underground and built in 1938, making them the oldest trains currently in use in the UK (thank you Wikipedia). During my next visit I want to travel the entire line, its only 8 stations so won’t take long. There will still be plenty of time afterwards to stare at seagulls, ducks and pigeons as well as eat chips.

20190202_115433 20190202_112508 “what a treat to see these old work horses”.

There was a thick mist over the Solent when I was due to leave, deep down I hoped that the ferry would be cancelled. Sadly the trip to Southampton was once again quick and efficient. Tuesday to Friday this week I have suffered so badly from post travel blues. Waking up early to travel on the tube or sitting in the office has made me do a lot of rethinking and sole searching about life. I get so much enjoyment from travelling. The answer of course is not to go anywhere, so that I am not affected by this disorder. But travel is very much part of my DNA. I have threatened my friends on the island that I will return after Easter. Maybe a farmer will let me pitch a tent in a field (the weather will be better then) where I could live a basic life (with wifi of course). Seeing that amazing view each day would be very relaxing. Deep down i like the idea of living an isolated existence.

Huge thank you to George and Fiona for inviting me to their little paradise, and putting up with me all weekend.

20190203_184001 “Thank you so much”.

And Finally……

20190202_193840 20190202_211145 “Party time”.

Spoke to a man who sounded just like comedian and writer David Walliams. Re-reading this confirms that I need proper content and have to find something to do with my life.

and

20190201_134724 20190201_135055 “Row, row, row the boat”.

A women speaking unnecessarily loudly on the train asked a friend what rhubarb taste like? The person she was speaking to was in Canberra, OZ. I visited Canberra in 1990 and saw the fabulous B-52’s live on stage. Luckily I was only on the train for one stop, so I never discovered how the taste of rhubarb was described.

IMG-20190201-WA0006 20190201_134656 “I see a sign, i have to”.

If you love rhubarb, crumble and custard and want to connect with others, please email

makeyourowncrumblenoonesgoingtomakeoneforyoulardyarse.coma.UcaKe

20190204_133929.jpg “Writing this shiz on the Solent”.

My Mid Life Crisis Conts……

This week I have mainly been watching:  

“Better Things”, (S2, ep 5).  “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 5).  “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 5).  “Click”, (TX: 02/02/19).  “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them”, (2016)“Les Miserable”, (S1, ep 6).  “Mrs Brown’s Boys”, (2002).  “Only Fools And Horses”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 4).  “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 3 & ep 4).  “Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope”, (1977).  “The Big Bang Theory”, (S4, ep 9 to ep 24)(S5, ep 1 to ep 24)(S6, ep 1 to ep 2).  “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep ep 16, TX: 01/02/19).  “The Handmaids Tale”, (S2, ep 4 to ep 6).  “The Last Leg”, (S16, ep 2, TX: 01/02/19)(ep 3, TX: 08/02/19).  “The Orville”, (S2, ep 7).  “The Walking Dead”, (S4, ep 8 to ep 16).                    

This week I have mainly been listening to:  

“Anti Social Show (Hope, Instrumental 2019)”, 05/02/19).  “David Tennant Does A Podcast….”, (S1, ep 2, 05/02/19).  “Griefcast”, (ep 66, 06/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Bonus), (06/02, 07/02/19).  “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (31/01/19)(02/02, 04/02/19, 06/02 x 2, 07/02/19).  “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (07/02/18).  “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (01/02, 02/02, 08/02/19).  “NASA: Houston We Have A Podcast”, (ep 78, 08/02/19).  “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 126, 01/02/19)(ep 127, 04/02/19).  “Strange Times”, (ep 289, 01/02/19).  “The All New Angelos & Barry Podcast”, (05/02/19).  “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (08/02/19).  “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 75, 07/02/19).  “Morrissey”,  “Jade Bird”,   “INXS”,  “Howard Jones”,  “Nik Kershaw”,  “Adam And The Ants”,  “Whigfield”, “Spitting Image”, “The Proclaimers”, The Beatles”.

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Week 241, Saturday 26th January until Friday 1st February 2019

Week 241, Saturday 26th January until Friday 1st February 2019.

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This weeks ramble is being edited (yes it really is edited!) and published from the Isle of Wight, so it may look a little different due to using a different device. I am visiting for a couple of days (trying to escape the “B” word **. Only joking! That’s impossible at the moment) all will be revealed in next weeks in blog week 242 (I bet you can’t wait).
That’s the over long unplanned intro, here’s the ramble……..

I am an electronic genus!!! My friends small electronic handheld device (not that type, you mucky pups!) decided to have a fit, it wouldn’t unlock. Trying to be helpful I suggested looking up the official website. Within a couple of minutes she was having a “live text chat” with an advisor (*** who I like to think was sitting in there bedroom playing video games and probably just wearing there pants). Whose only suggestion was to take the device to a store so it can be looked at by someone very clever person who probably has no friends. Which would more than likely result in her losing everything, especially all the pictures of our adopted hamster!

Once the useless chat was over, I opened my cavernous gob and uttered the phrase “have you pressed all the buttons at the same!”. Quite where that statement came from I have no idea. My friend who was clearly frustrated did just this and suddenly as if by magic (all small electronic devices are powered by rainbows and unicorns or so I have told my niece) the screen came to life in vivid bright colours. Why didn’t the advisor suggest something so simple? I am not a conspiracy nut, but by telling someone that need to visit a support centre which will more than likely result in them spending more money, when there was such a quick fix just seems wrong.

By the way my friend was very pleased that her small devise was vibrating happily to itself again (i still don’t mean that kind of device, yes I’m looking at you Davian).

And Now For Something Completely Different……

I am not competitive; it doesn’t matter if I come first or last. When I completed in a number of triathlons (yes you read that correct, I really have done 9 of them). I wasn’t racing others I just wanted to finish with my aging knees still attached. There is however one situation where I get a tad competitive. Stepping on to a tube every morning I scan the carriage for who is likely to get off allowing my lardy arse a rest from the pull of gravity which is dragging it towards the ground faster that Usain Bolt on a good day. At each stop there’s a primeval part of my brain willing the person sitting in front to stand up and let my derriere rest on the still warm fabric of the seat (the warmth from someone’s patootie **** is something I really dislike).

One journey this week, as normal I positioned myself in such a way that when/if the person in front stood up they could walk away easily as I lower my wide load onto the seat. This particular morning a small woman managed to squeeze herself through a gap in the crowd to stand next to me. Normally as a train pulls into a station the seated person gathers up bags and belonging which is an indication that I need to be ready. This morning the train slowed and nothing. Only when the doors had fully opened did the man suddenly stand up. As he stepped aside the women next to me in one fluid movement sat on my seat. Everything happened so quickly, I was furious and wished I could produce death ray’s from my eyes. My whole being ached feeling robbed of what should have been mine.

I really am not a competitive person. But when it comes to getting a seat on the train, let the games begin! From now on I need to up my game, be sharper on my feet and ready for any last minute attacks such as the one describe above. If you’re on the District line in the morning, be afraid, be very afraid!

And Finally……

Last Sunday afternoon it raining and the temp was 10c, in the distance a couple of times I could hear an ice cream van touting for business. Times are tough i realise, but are there really enough people rushing outside to buying a 99 from the roadside in late January.

P.S……

** If you didn’t guess the “B” word is of course “Brexit”, my head wants to explode and my heart sinks every time I hear it.

*** My apologies for the stereotypical comment (I’m a geek, and suppose I’m jealous of techy homeworking geeks).

**** This would make a great name for a Star Wars planet.
My Mid-Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:

To follow…
This week I have mainly been listening to:

To follow….

 

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Week 240, Saturday 19th until Friday 25th January 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East, West & North East London and Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 240 Saturday 19th until Friday 25th January 2019.

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Happy 7th Bday to Anoodle, this week.

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Everyone thinks that bankers, businesswomen/men, the government or in some people’s minds (whispering) the Illuminati are the people in power. Wrong! The people with power can be seen walking every street (certainly in the UK) or driving around in a red van. One of them has even been entertaining children on TV since 1981. The most powerful people (in my very unscientific opinion) are post women/men. I realise that in this digital age a person sitting in their parents’ house wearing just their pants can bring an organisation to its knees or make a government look foolish. But there activities generally don’t affect every day individual lives. However people walking around in shorts (most UK post-delivery people seem to wear shorts all year round) do appear to have the power to make normal people’s lives awkward.

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“Family celebrations”.
If you have read this shiz before you know I work in a call centre talking carp to people who would rather be picking their own (or other peoples in some cases) belly button than speak to me. The organisation I work for sends out hundreds of letters every day, some are just notifications, others reminders and finally there are red frightening ones. Once the sacks of mail have left the building its anyone’s guess when the letters will arrive at its final destination. Multiple times every day people say to me “I didn’t get any letters!” or “We have never had anything from you before, except this nasty letter!”.

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“8 candles for a 7 yr old”.
Ok back to my point about post men/women. I want to stop one of these red uniformed people and ask them about the secret heavily guarded (it must be) bunker where all the letters from my department end up (there must be bunkers all over the country for other large companies and utilities, full of undelivered letters). How does the postal employee decide which letter to post and which to conceal only to end up in a bunker unread. What special training did they have to go through to make this important decision? Talking about training, in late 2017 I applied for a number of postal delivery jobs (I look good in shorts and the walking would be good exercise. Think about it, how many large postal delivery people have you seen over the years!). The test seemed so complicated for what appears (of course in reality I know there’s a lot more to it) to be a relatively easy job. It’s probably easier to apply for a position with MI5/6 than to deliver letters. When I filled in the first online application, I thought I was being clever writing all the answers and the sequence of multiple choice options. I then discovered that the questions and the pattern of answers changed with every application. Damn you HR!

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“Even i was feeling chilly during this morning”.
Seriously, i sit in the call centre day after day thinking how strange (of course i am not suggesting that all customers are lying) that selective letters sent out don’t arrive at their final location. Letters do of course get lost, some come back returned but the majority do arrive correctly. The reality is that people either don’t open them or want to open them (my dept is a scary). There’s no conspiracy involving the Post Office and its army of men and women in shorts stomping up and down the streets in all weather, dodging adults (who should know better) on scooters racing for the tube. Or risking fingers with letter boxes a lot more vicious than dogs of the 70s and 80s. They do a tough job and can’t please everyone all of the time. I still maintain that postal delivery people are the power makers slipping good and bad news into your slot daily.

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“Bright moon on the way to work”.
However I have always had my suspicion about Pat, a postman who delivers letters and parcels around the idyllic village of Greendale with his cat Jess. I bet he deliberately hides Granny Drydens bills, no wonder she’s has to give away her belongings.

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“This waterway was partly frozen when i passed”.
And Finally……

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“I had a swinging time in North East London”.
Blonde moment of the week. Arriving home in the car, MOZ suddenly said looking at the empty driveway. Where’s the car?

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“This is a lovely room to hang upside down in”.
Magic moment of the week. Early on Sunday Arriving for Ariel yoga we saw a couple of people standing waiting for very large heavy gates to be unlocked. From the way they were talking they had been waiting a few minutes. Without thinking I pushed open a smaller gate that was set inside the larger one and stepped through as if I was David Copperfield walking through the Great Wall of China to the amazement of the people waiting.

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“You can just make out the large gate that was / wasn’t closed”
Retro TV moment of the week. Met a Jonathan Higgins. I really wanted to ask if he had dogs named Zeus and Apollo.

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“Aries picture of the week. What a beauty”.
Celebrity moment of the week. Spoke to a tennis player who was British number 1 in the 90s. I think he is a TV pundit these days.

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“Writing this shiz, while watching funny geeks”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 3). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 3). “Click”, (TX: 19/01/19). “Dark Son: Hunt For A Serial Killer”, (TX: 12/01/19). “Frasier”, (S11 ep 20 to ep 24). “Laurel And Hardy: Way Out West”, (1937). “Laurel And Hardy: One Good Turn”, (1931). “Les Miserable”, (S1, ep 4). “Mary Poppins”, (1964). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 2). “Swimming With Men”, (2018). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S1, ep 7 to ep 17)(S2, ep 1 to ep 23)(S3, ep 1 to ep 5). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 14, TX: 18/01/19)(ep 15, 25/01/19). “The Inbetweeners: Fwends Reunited”, (TX: 01/01/19). “The Last leg”, (S16, ep 1, TX: 25/01/19). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 4). “The Walking Dead”, (S3, ep 1 to ep 16).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (22/01/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (18/01, 21/01/19). “In Poor Taste”, (ep 102, 23/01/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (25/01/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (19/01, 25/01/19). “Skeptoid”, (ep 659, 22/01/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 124, 21/01/19). “The All New Angelos & Barry Podcast”, (21/01/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (25/01/19). “Morrissey”, “Tindersticks”, “Portishead”, “The Cure”, “Toto”, “John Lennon”, “Mary Poppins (OST, 1964)”, “The Barenaked Ladies”, “P.J Harvey”.

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Week 239, Saturday 12th until Friday 18th January 2019.

Misfits Mid-Life Crisis Adventures in East and West London & Surrey (The NEXT Chapter).

Week 239 Saturday 12th until Friday 18th January 2019.

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12th Jan would have been my Dad’s 90th D’day.
If you ask me what gives me the greatest pleasure I would reply, the cinema. As soon as I was old enough to visit the local fleapit on my own there was no stopping me. It was from these early visits that I discovered that the best seat in the house was middle of the front row. I love everything about the whole experience, the ads (I fondly remember Aunty Beryl from the Bacardi adverts) trailers and of course the main feature. Plus I am also one of those strange people who sit all the way through the end credits, and have been doing that long before it became fashionable just in case there might be a hidden scene.

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“Thanks Mum for everything”.
Even though going to the cinema is a pleasure, it is also a cause of stress. My internal cinematic stress-o-meter has different levels of stress and frustration.

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“Posh crisps, nana and a cheap roll. The perfect work snack”.
Yellow Alert: inconsiderate rustling of wrappers. People masticating loudly on snacks! A herd of Jersey cows would make less noise than fellow patrons.
Amber Alert: late comer’s (I realise it might not be there fault) disrupting my view walking back and forth in front of the screen. Then spending time faffing around folding coats, arranging bags. Kicking the back of my seat is really annoying; the continual thudding is a distraction I don’t need while the world is being destroyed before my eyes.

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“Such a sweet little lady”.
Red Alert: This include people who deicide to ignore the film and just talk to each other. These people must have so much money that they can afford to pay the high admission price and then completely ignore the feature. Then there are the addicts, people who cannot spent a couple of hours without looking at their small electronic device to see if they are liked and loved by people they haven’t met and probably won’t ever meet!

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“Deffo a film to go and see”.
My entertainment stress level builds to a Flashing Red Alert with internal Klaxon when the above categories clash. Recently my film buddy and I have been visiting a local indie cinema, it’s a little cheaper than the big names and rough around the edges but for the price I can’t complain (i try not to touch any surface, never put my bag on the floor and wait till i get home to go to use loo). Last weekend we saw “Stan and Ollie”. Just as the BBCF black card (which states the films certificate) appeared, a women and child stumbled upon the front row. Normally the front row and rows around are empty which is why I like sitting there. During the opening credits of the film, the women fussed around the kid who was old enough to fuss himself. Throughout the movie this lady would get up, asks if the child wanted food, was he warm enough and generally be a pain. I could also hear her explaining who Stan and Ollie were during key moments. At the end while music closely associated with these comedy heroes played over the credits (which of course I enjoyed) the women sat clapping as if she was at a panto. As you would expect I did try a number of times to shoot death rays out of my eyes. Unfortunately this is a super skill that needs a lot more practice to perfect.

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7.30am on Friday“.
Even though I get a little hot and bothered and stressed, I really enjoy everything about going to the cinema i just wish I could visit more often. The dream is one day to see something on the big screen that I had written and possibly directed. If that was to happen then I would hire the cinema to myself and of course I ensure not to trigger the Yellow Alert by eating snacks in a considerate way so I don’t annoy myself and so ruin my masterpiece. I’ll dream on, and just be tolerant of others and if things get worse then run for a usher or manger. Then of course I would need the film to be rewound slightly to see the section I missed. Who’s annoying now!

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And Finally……

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“Someone had a big night out!”.
Mistakenly said. Person on the phone called the executors of an estate, the executioners.
And now, innuendo. Overheard a women in the supermarket talking about Bottom Muffins, this of course made me smile and snigger as if I was at school. A few mins later I realised that I had egg on my face when i saw what she was looking at, a packet of Bottom Muffins.
After that filth, a sad tale. Early morning at Earls Court tube, I sat down next to a mother and child, who got up and boarded there train which left straight away. As the tube sped out of the platform a man sat down and picked up a small cuddly toy, that child must have dropped.

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“Writing this shiz, while thinking of Zombies”.
My Mid Life Crisis Conts……
This week I have mainly been watching:
“Better Things”, (S1, 3 to ep 10). “Catastrophe”, (S4, ep 2). “Charmed (2019)”, (S1, ep 2). “Click”, (TX: 12/01/19). “Frasier”, (S10 ep 11 to ep 24)(S11 ep 1 to ep 19). “Les Miserable”, (S1, ep 3). “Peppa Pig”, (S2, ep 19 & ep 20). “Stan And Ollie”, (2019). “Stan Against Evil”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 8). “Star Trek: Discovery”, (S2, ep 1). “Tracey Beaker Returns”, (S3, ep 6). “The Big Bang Theory”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6). “The Graham Norton Show”, (S24, ep 13, TX: 11/01/19). “The Last Kingdom”, (S3, ep 1 & ep 2). “The Orville”, (S2, ep 3 & ep 4). “The Sky At Night”, (TX: 13/01/19). “The Walking Dead”, (S1, ep 1 to ep 6)(S2, ep 1 to ep 13). “Woolly Mammoth Secrets From The Ice”, (TX: 04/04/12).
This week I have mainly been listening to:
“Best Bad Movie Ever”, (27/03/18). “Iain Lee (Bonus)”, (14/01, 16/01, 17/01/19). “Iain Lee (Highlights)”, (11/01, 14/01, 16/01, 17/01/19). “LBC Podcast: Mystery Hour”, (17/01/18). “LBC Podcast: Nick Abbot (Whole Show)”, (12/01, 18/01/19). “Rule Of Three”, (24/05/18)(14/06/18)(18/10/18)(22/11/18). “Skeptoid”, (ep 657, 08/01/19)(ep 658, 15/01/19). “Soundtracking With Edith Bowman”, (ep 123, 14/01/19). “The Nick Abbot Habit”, (18/01/19). “The Rabbit Hole”, (ep 78, 17/01/19). “Morrissey”, “Biffy Clyro”, “The Stone Roses”, “The Pretenders”, “Bowie”, “Chris Cornell”, “The Devine Comedy”.

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